Men: how much does a woman's weight really matter?

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meddy78
meddy78 Posts: 59 Member
in Motivation and Support
I have had a recent foray into online dating, and I am currently size 14. I am confident in myself, as I feel that I am pretty attractive and accomplished regardless of my weight. However, I notice that not getting much response from men in terms of second dates at the least, or a sense of excitement if there is a second date as I do when I'm even at a size 12. My girlfriends insist that weight isn't that big a deal in and if itself... But I don't buy it. When it comes to professional, educated men, does weight truly trump all else when it comes to dating? Am I just wasting my time even putting myself out there up until I'm back to a size 6-8?
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Replies

  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,220 Member
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    If a man won't date you until you are a size 6-8 he's not worth dating. You are worth more than your size or weight. You put the price tag on yourself and don't ever think of reducing it because you aren't a certain size or weight.

    ETA: Every guy will have a different opinion on what he likes. Some prefer athletic, some like average, some want skinny, some prefer large. Just be yourself.
  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,908 Member
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    Not a man, but perhaps your confidence level is what is making the difference. I am pretty sure that most men wouldn't even notice the difference between a size 12 and a size 14 unless they were looking at the tag on your jeans.
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
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    Most first impressions (especially on dating sites) are all about looks. I mean, it's the first thing you notice about a person.

    IMO, weight tends to matter a lot.

    This is a generalization, mind you. I don't think all men would agree, but quite a majority of them probably do.

    And I don't agree with the "if he doesn't want you at your highest weight, he doesn't deserve you at your lowest weight!" that a lot of women like to throw out.

    You can't help you're attracted to and it is what it is.

    Keep trying, what's the worst that could happen? You don't get messages or someone says not interested? Good luck!
  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
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    It's not the weight! I got my husband to date me when I was at my highest weight, and I was wearing a 14! I just oozed sex appeal, or something like that. Anyway, there was something about me that he liked, and my size had nothing to do with it.
  • LolBroScience
    LolBroScience Posts: 4,537 Member
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    I couldn't tell you what a size 6, 8, 12, or 75 means nor do I care....

    What do I care about?

    You're attractive to me
    You're a good person
    You're not an idiot

    You will not find a one size fits all answer (no pun intended).

    Edited because pun is a very difficult word to spell apparently
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    I have had a recent foray into online dating, and I am currently size 14. I am confident in myself, as I feel that I am pretty attractive and accomplished regardless of my weight. However, I notice that not getting much response from men in terms of second dates at the least, or a sense of excitement if there is a second date as I do when I'm even at a size 12. My girlfriends insist that weight isn't that big a deal in and if itself... But I don't buy it. When it comes to professional, educated men, does weight truly trump all else when it comes to dating? Am I just wasting my time even putting myself out there up until I'm back to a size 6-8?

    Maybe you come across as lacking confidence because you have issues about your weight?
  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,220 Member
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    I couldn't tell you what a size 6, 8, 12, or 75 means nor do I care....

    What do I care about?

    You're attractive to me
    You're a good person
    You're not an idiot

    You will not find a one size fits all answer (no punt intended).

    Coming from a very fit and attractive guy (he's also a really good guy).
  • RllyGudTweetr
    RllyGudTweetr Posts: 2,019 Member
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    Regardless of weight, height, eye color, hair color, etc. there is someone out there who thinks you are SMOKIN' HOT. These physical qualities 'matter' more in the first 30 seconds than they do once you find out that the person in front of you is real, with actual motivations, interests, likes and dislikes. . . but given that short window where these things are really important in an adult relationship, the folks who focus too much on your weight are probably too insecure to be worth your time.
  • ew_david
    ew_david Posts: 3,473 Member
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    Not a man, but I looked at your pics and see nothing wrong with your body. Dress it up appropriately and you shouldn't have a problem. No one sees the number on your tags. Not everyone is looking for the same thing in terms of body types.

    And online dating is...interesting. Brace yourself.
  • TeachTheGirl
    TeachTheGirl Posts: 2,091 Member
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    If YOUR concern is how much a man thinks of a woman's weight, then you need to start at home.

    Raise your standards of men. Be who you want to be. Forget the rest.
  • sjebert
    sjebert Posts: 212 Member
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    To me it does not matter one bit, I am looking at the person on the inside, if the person on the inside is beautiful then the outside is twice as beautiful no matter what size they are.
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
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    ETA: Every guy will have a different opinion on what he likes. Some prefer athletic, some like average, some want skinny, some prefer large. Just be yourself.

    Agreed.
  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,220 Member
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    Maybe you can think about it in reverse. Does a man's weight or size matter? I'm sure we all have a body type we prefer or certain sizes that we aren't really attracted to, but in general I have a very large range of body types I like. That's what opens the door. After that it's more about who they are inside.
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,780 Member
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    to me, not much. if i am attracted to you, then I am - no matter what the weight. I have dated women around 100lbs, and I have dated women around 200 lbs and their weights just didn't matter because something else about them attracted me to them.

    but to some people, it does matter. Height, weight, hair, eye color, tattoos, etc. are all factors people take into consideration. And it's just about preference more so than anything else, I think.

    Reality is, when you do find a partner for life - no matter what their weight is (or hair color or height etc) - in your life time you will see that person in all kinds of different looks. some will get fat, and then get skinny again, or vice versa. some will go bald, wrinkles appear, and hair goes gray... so while physical attraction might be the spark, there needs to be good stuff in a person's mind and soul to keep that flame going after looks fade away.
  • SirJohnFalstaff
    SirJohnFalstaff Posts: 1
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    Online dating means you get chemistry last. So of course people will go with some grocery list of ideal partner.

    I'm not saying online dating is bad, but you have to be ready for a lot more "work" than real life.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
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    A lot of men are really clueless as far as size.

    The way I see it if a man is attracted to a woman, he's attracted to her. Doesn't matter the size/weight.

    I managed to gain back about 15lbs. My fiance... honestly had no idea and still says it must all be muscle.
    (I'll keep him)
  • Sigmalongshot
    Sigmalongshot Posts: 24
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    I couldn't tell you what sexy looks like.

    That's something that my friends slander me for, but I truly believe it.

    I've never actually fallen for a woman until I've gotten to know them, a gradual process. Every girlfriend - even an ex-fiancee - was the result of having known them for a long time.

    Weight doesn't matter. I've been with skinny women and curvy women. It doesn't matter. That beautiful grey mush in between your ears is what makes you sexy.
  • misterbacon1978
    misterbacon1978 Posts: 2
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    I don't care what a woman weighs, or what size she wears. If she looks good, that's all I care about. I've dated women of all sizes, heights, weights, colors.. just look good, and be attracted to me.
  • civilizedworm
    civilizedworm Posts: 796 Member
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    If she's a smoker, that's more of a deal breaker for me.
  • Dogwalkingirl
    Dogwalkingirl Posts: 320 Member
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    You have an amazing shape..I just looked at your photos. I think maybe it is just the 'click' you have been getting hasnt been there with these men you have been meeting recently. Most men of any quality are looking for a lot more then your size.

    In saying all that I have seen people on dating sites post pics of them from years ago when they were thinner....or angles they are deceiving etc. If someone would have done that to me (I have online dated in the past) I would not be upset they were larger when we met but I would feel in some way like they were sneaky or lying or not confident enough to show me their true self...which is not attractive.

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