Men: how much does a woman's weight really matter?

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On Tinder guys even messsage me saying why would they meet me because im fat. But then why would they say yes to my profile in the first place


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Attraction does matter....but....as far as the weight issue, taking a gander at your pics...you are one hot momma. Seriously, you are proportioned and gorgeous. In your case, I really don't think it's the weight unless you've had the misfortune of finding man after man only attracted to one certain willowy thin body type.

I'm really not trying to be rude here, but this is the problem with women talking for men.

The OP is gorgeous IMO, proportioned, but based off her pictures she's a larger woman. Some men would love that, but the facts are a lot of men would not. Some men just will never be attracted to larger women. It does not mean that the men who prefer a smaller woman are only attracted to a "willowy thin body type". There is a lot of variety in shape and size between a size 14 and a size 0 (though of course most of us don't think in terms of women's sizes). In my experience too many women tend to hype each other up by talking FOR men. You can't speak for a single man, much less what men in general like. We're just as varied in our attractions as women are.

Another thing with the OP is that her face is slimmer than her body. If I saw a picture of her on a dating site I would assume she was a pretty svelte woman. Perhaps one of the reasons she's having trouble landing a second date is that she appears smaller in her pictures than what some of these men expect when they see her in person. They're going on a date expecting to see this slim, gorgeous blonde and are perhaps a bit disappointed that her body doesn't match their assumptions based off her lean face.

I am curious how much a man's physique matters to you? How picky are you about the physical fitness of your prospects? Some people are really into physique and it is very important to them that their partner be also. Other people aren't quite as picky, as long as their partner isn't obese they don't mind, but often these people are a little loose with their own fitness from time to time. Then there is another kind of person who is very picky about having an extremely fit partner, yet somehow they are not nearly as fit as what they expect from their partner.

This. I met my husband online 6 years ago, and we were both fit and thin. Time moved on, and we gained weight (I gained about 35, he gained about 45), and three months ago I said, "Enough. I'm not going to be overweight anymore).

Honestly, if he'd had that extra 40 pounds when we met, I probably wouldn't have continued dating him - and he most likely would not have gone out on a second date with me. Call me shallow - don't care.

Now though, he still revs my engine, regardless of the weight. I do want him to lose weight, though, but I do not want him to lose weight for his appearance. I want him to lose it for his health. Because I love him so damned much that I don't want him to die of a heart attack or cancer or anything else. I would be lonely without him.

And he has lost weight simply because I have lost weight. Bottom line - health matters to me. Because once you fall in love with someone, REALLY fall in love, you don't want to lose them.

I have two stories about this. Number one: I had a friend a long time ago that was brutal in his critique of women and weight. These were women we'd see in bars or at work (in retail at the time). I thought he was crazy. Then one day we went to a bachelor party. Even before he was drunk every one of the "entertainers" that would come out he would act like they were the most beautiful woman in the world. I pointed out that if some of them were wearing clothes and in our store he'd be calling them names. He didn't believe me, but it was true. I remember thinking about how many women he would have found beautiful that he passed on. To me it was his loss and I felt sorry for him. The women lucked out though. Don't hide yourself out of fear. Put yourself out there and continue your journey to good health.

Number two: My brother was calling a friend of our sister fat (she wasn't there) and my sister defended her friend. She mentioned the friend's dress size (14 I think) and my brother insisted that that size was "fat". After a few minutes of arguing my brother's girlfriend, who had been silent and to whom he was madly in love, chimed in with "I'm a size 14". My brother quickly tried to climb out of the ditch he had dug. Ten years later he is married to her with two kids. The point of both stories is that some men have arbitrary ideas in their heads that will quickly go away when confronted with reality. In this case the reality is how beautiful you are.

The only thing I'd worry about is if a man is insecure he may try to sabotage you. Don't let that happen.

Attraction does matter....but....as far as the weight issue, taking a gander at your pics...you are one hot momma. Seriously, you are proportioned and gorgeous. In your case, I really don't think it's the weight unless you've had the misfortune of finding man after man only attracted to one certain willowy thin body type.

I'm really not trying to be rude here, but this is the problem with women talking for men.

The OP is gorgeous IMO, proportioned, but based off her pictures she's a larger woman. Some men would love that, but the facts are a lot of men would not. Some men just will never be attracted to larger women. It does not mean that the men who prefer a smaller woman are only attracted to a "willowy thin body type". There is a lot of variety in shape and size between a size 14 and a size 0 (though of course most of us don't think in terms of women's sizes). In my experience too many women tend to hype each other up by talking FOR men. You can't speak for a single man, much less what men in general like. We're just as varied in our attractions as women are.

Another thing with the OP is that her face is slimmer than her body. If I saw a picture of her on a dating site I would assume she was a pretty svelte woman. Perhaps one of the reasons she's having trouble landing a second date is that she appears smaller in her pictures than what some of these men expect when they see her in person. They're going on a date expecting to see this slim, gorgeous blonde and are perhaps a bit disappointed that her body doesn't match their assumptions based off her lean face.

No worries, I didn't find it rude. I wasn't trying to necessarily speak for all men, it's just in my experience I have found that most men I personally know date a range of body types from small to well proportioned women who might be considered a bit on the larger side. That's not to say that they all will date anything from a size 0 to a size 14 because that's not true at all. A lot of men do prefer women on the smaller side of things.....which from what it sounds like you agree with me on and is the basis of your reply. Some men prefer bigger women only.....the list of personal preferences goes on and on. You are right that I shouldn't speak for all men on this, especially considering she is looking for a specific type of man....professional, educated, funny etc.....but I'm assuming her body type was part of her profile. It could very well be she's attracting a lot of men who are only attracted to smaller women if she's using a face only picture. I'm making the assumption she's given an honest description of herself in her profile. Again....not trying to hype her up or try to speak for men, but she's clearly very attractive and it doesn't make much sense that she would be striking out on each and every date she goes on based on weight alone given that every man on earth is not looking for a thin woman.

On Tinder guys even messsage me saying why would they meet me because im fat. But then why would they say yes to my profile in the first place


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They are *kitten*. Seriously.

I think it's a matter of confidence, how you carry yourself, do you have a sense of humor? Can you make small talk, can you make someone feel comfortable in the first 15 min? Are you frigidity, uncomfortable in your own skin and can't even focus on the guy?

Guy like a confident woman, someone who knows what they want and isn't afraid to go after it. If you like a guy, be a little more aggressive. They want to feel wanted too...

Just my two cents.

I can tell you right off what the problem is and its not your size. The type of guy you are going after will tend to make more money then the average guy. People that make a lot of money will be very picky (about everything not just the people they date). Where I live, even a firefighter can make 2-3x as much as a teacher. My friends that make a lot are so super picky about the women they date its crazy and my broke friends are not picky at all.

Hell I am broke at the moment, if you pay for the first date I would put a ring on it( be warned it might be one I find in a cracker jack box but somehow I would make it fit my macros)

I have had a recent foray into online dating, and I am currently size 14. I am confident in myself, as I feel that I am pretty attractive and accomplished regardless of my weight. However, I notice that not getting much response from men in terms of second dates at the least, or a sense of excitement if there is a second date as I do when I'm even at a size 12. My girlfriends insist that weight isn't that big a deal in and if itself... But I don't buy it. When it comes to professional, educated men, does weight truly trump all else when it comes to dating? Am I just wasting my time even putting myself out there up until I'm back to a size 6-8?

Let me take a different approach. In my experience, judging by my current and former clients and colleagues, yes. The razor thin, yoga taking, hot housewife is a bit of a stereotype for a reason. Of course, most of the ones I know have professional degrees themselves and bring a hell of a lot more to the table than looks. But, you have to ask yourself, why is dating an educated and professional man so important to you? Would a sincere, caring, and intelligent fireman really be all that bad? One of the wisest and loving friends I have is an EMT, and he definitely has life figured out. He simply doesn't care about money. What are you bringing to the table in terms of education and career potential? My wife and I were married young, went to school together, got fat together, and got fit together. You have to find someone that fits you in ways that these online dating wish lists don't seem to drill down into. Just keep at it and keep an open mind, and don't be afraid to ask yourself the same questions that you're asking this community.

I actually dated a firefighter a few years ago. Had he been more intelligent and less of a womanizer, I might have dated him longer. He was awfully good-lookin'! So... You and your wife helped each other through college, huh? That's sweet.


Oh, and just a quick reminder... Pretty sure I said I was looking for my equal ( not better) in terms of " looks as well as character, values, and awesome sense of humor" I don't think I said anything specific about earning potential. I am a high school English teacher with a MA in English lit... Since you asked. I think having a similar lifestyle and background makes for a good relationship.

Dating sites may be the issue. On a bike ride a few years ago, one our female riders decided to keep us entertained telling us about her "crash and burn" dates. The ride lasted seven days, she still had stories to tell... (So there are a lot of frogs to kiss and tires to kick out there...)

Weight matters. But it's just one thing among a thousand.
Relax, have fun, don't even bother thinking about the second date. It's likelier to happen if you have a blast and enjoy yourself.

I have had a recent foray into online dating, and I am currently size 14. I am confident in myself, as I feel that I am pretty attractive and accomplished regardless of my weight. However, I notice that not getting much response from men in terms of second dates at the least, or a sense of excitement if there is a second date as I do when I'm even at a size 12. My girlfriends insist that weight isn't that big a deal in and if itself... But I don't buy it. When it comes to professional, educated men, does weight truly trump all else when it comes to dating? Am I just wasting my time even putting myself out there up until I'm back to a size 6-8?

Let me take a different approach. In my experience, judging by my current and former clients and colleagues, yes. The razor thin, yoga taking, hot housewife is a bit of a stereotype for a reason. Of course, most of the ones I know have professional degrees themselves and bring a hell of a lot more to the table than looks. But, you have to ask yourself, why is dating an educated and professional man so important to you? Would a sincere, caring, and intelligent fireman really be all that bad? One of the wisest and loving friends I have is an EMT, and he definitely has life figured out. He simply doesn't care about money. What are you bringing to the table in terms of education and career potential? My wife and I were married young, went to school together, got fat together, and got fit together. You have to find someone that fits you in ways that these online dating wish lists don't seem to drill down into. Just keep at it and keep an open mind, and don't be afraid to ask yourself the same questions that you're asking this community.

I actually dated a firefighter a few years ago. Had he been more intelligent and less of a womanizer, I might have dated him longer. He was awfully good-lookin'! So... You and your wife helped each other through college, huh? That's sweet.


Oh, and just a quick reminder... Pretty sure I said I was looking for my equal ( not better) in terms of " looks as well as character, values, and awesome sense of humor" I don't think I said anything specific about earning potential. I am a high school English teacher with a MA in English lit... Since you asked. I think having a similar lifestyle and background makes for a good relationship.

Dating sites may be the issue. On a bike ride a few years ago, one our female riders decided to keep us entertained telling us about her "crash and burn" dates. The ride lasted seven days, she still had stories to tell... (So there are a lot of frogs to kiss and tires to kick out there...)

Weight matters. But it's just one thing among a thousand.
Relax, have fun, don't even bother thinking about the second date. It's likelier to happen if you have a blast and enjoy yourself.

Was the ride meant to last seven days or were they such good stories you couldn't stop? The Scheherazade of cycling

It was a ride across Iowa call RAGBRAI. Lots if corn to see. :noway:
We did a lot more than just those stories, eating great food, meeting fantastic people, but that was a very fond memory and an eye opener about dating sites experience.

Oh, an above, I might have easily said weight matters no more than a thousand other things. (Do make sure your profile isn't telling a story that isn't realistic.)

Well, having at one point been almost 400 pounds I'd be a bit of a hypocrite if it mattered a whole lot. One of the greatest compliments I've ever been paid is my recent ex saying she'd never been attracted to heavy guys and so that meant that someone considered me thin!

I'll say I've dated women before who were a bit heavier than I'd thought I'd have dated just because I got to know them and they were just so gosh-darned fun to hang out with. A pleasing personality is a great aphrodisiac, in my mind. I can find something attractive about almost any woman, but personally a few extra pounds on a woman, and a few tattoos (What can I say? I like the bad girls), are a desirable trait.

Certainly a dude doesn't necessarily have to be a bad guy if he is only attracted to skinny women, I'm just saying there are guys out there who absolutely prefer a plus-sized gal.

If it's a pattern that guys aren't asking for a second date then there's something going on. It shouldn't be your weight if you're being honest in the first place, but I know the #1 complaint people have about internet dates is that people don't look like their photo, i.e. they're older and/or fatter than advertised. Many times people use old photos in their profiles not in a deliberate attempt to deceive, but because they really think they still look like that (or "close enough"). Are you using current and accurate photos for your dating profile, or are you using photos from when you were at a lower weight?

And to answer your original question, yes - weight matters. My experience has been that after about size 8 or 10 my options became much more limited. And getting older doesn't help, either.

Here's a funny article that pretty much sums it up: http://www.theonion.com/articles/few-more-items-knocked-off-list-of-desirable-trait,36412/