Boyfriend refuses to respect that I want to workout alone?

Options
12357…10

Replies

  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    Options
    So, why are you with him again?
    \

    SHE LOVES HIM. Duh
  • suziepoo1984
    suziepoo1984 Posts: 915 Member
    Options
    I love working out with my hubby..so i have got nothing for you. I am sorry!
  • FindingAmy77
    FindingAmy77 Posts: 1,266 Member
    Options
    wish my hubby would workout more with me. when he does workout with me, he is always pushing me and challenging me. I like it. but I do like my alone time too. that's the joy of earphones. sometimes we go for walks together or jogs and I put them in, there is no talking when we got work to do. the couple that plays together stays together. try asking for a compromise or just take it in stride. relationships are a lot of compromises.
  • jkal1979
    jkal1979 Posts: 1,896 Member
    Options
    Then leave. is it that hard.

    MY bad he should leave you. Ummm his choice in foods makes sense. Why eat a lot if you did not burn a lot. He is trying to help you get to your goal.

    That's what you took away from this?

    OP, are there other areas in your life where he tends to be on the controlling side?
  • Nouurann
    Nouurann Posts: 183 Member
    Options
    MY bad he should leave you. Ummm his choice in foods makes sense. Why eat a lot if you did not burn a lot. He is trying to help you get to your goal.

    I'm capable of doing that myself. I can track my own food intake as well as my own fitness goals. I don't need someone monitoring that for me. He doesn't know what else I've eaten that day, maybe I made room for it in my day?

    It still does not change the fact that there are many red flags in this one aspect of life.
    He is in the military too. That not a red flag but I know the Army personnel mindset since I work for the Army.

    What's the mindset then? I might be missing something, cause other military men I've dated have not acted this way. Besides he's fine in other aspects, just not this one.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    Options
    So, why are you with him again?
    SHE LOVES HIM. Duh

    SO OP what is the answer?
  • Nouurann
    Nouurann Posts: 183 Member
    Options
    Then leave. is it that hard.

    MY bad he should leave you. Ummm his choice in foods makes sense. Why eat a lot if you did not burn a lot. He is trying to help you get to your goal.

    That's what you took away from this?

    OP, are there other areas in your life where he tends to be on the controlling side?

    He's not controlling in other aspects although he can be intrusive if I want to spend less time with him and more time with friends, but nothing that I would deem as out of the ordinary you know?
  • rainbowyeager
    rainbowyeager Posts: 22 Member
    Options
    I know exactly how you feel! Especially when my man used to try to run on the treadmill next to me. He would ask what mile I was on and my incline etc...I always felt so pathetic when I couldn't keep up. Plus every time he would startle me with a question or shout encouragement it would throw me off and I would lose my breathing. Sometimes he would even try to motivate me by saying things like, "come on, one more mile!, or You aren't giving up that easy are you?" I finally asked him to respect that the gym was my time to escape from the day and focus on my own personal goals and he eventually got the point. I just had to explain to him that we are training for completely different reasons (he has a six pack already) and that my workouts need to be specific to my body, my strengths, and my weakness which I want to improve. I made it a point to offer other physical activities we could do together so he knew I wasn't trying to push him away. Now we swim, go on hikes, and he is teaching me tennis. These are all leisure activities where we can decide whether or not we want to compete or just enjoy each others time. I even agreed to (after much coercion) join him twice a month at his company cross-fit studio. It actually works out great because the WOD is done in stations so we are never in the same spot together, thus alleviating any anxiety or competitiveness. Are there any physical activities you may enjoy together instead of your coveted gym time?
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    Options
    MY bad he should leave you. Ummm his choice in foods makes sense. Why eat a lot if you did not burn a lot. He is trying to help you get to your goal.

    I'm capable of doing that myself. I can track my own food intake as well as my own fitness goals. I don't need someone monitoring that for me. He doesn't know what else I've eaten that day, maybe I made room for it in my day?

    It still does not change the fact that there are many red flags in this one aspect of life.
    He is in the military too. That not a red flag but I know the Army personnel mindset since I work for the Army.

    What's the mindset then? I might be missing something, cause other military men I've dated have not acted this way. Besides he's fine in other aspects, just not this one.

    if he is find in other aspects but this one STOP trying to change him. He is who is who right. It is his one flaw BTW everyone has flaws there is no perfect SO. If you cannot be with that one flaw then leave. I sure you broke up with other guys for way less than this.

    It sounds like you are annoyed but willing to accept that this is how workouts will be.
  • LAT1963
    LAT1963 Posts: 1,375 Member
    Options
    I suspect the issue here is in the title--respect.

    His behavior seems overly controlling. Maybe he thinks you're at the gym to scope out other guys, or fears they will hit on you if you are working out alone. He may think you have someone on the side at the gym.

    Suggest he go back to the Y if he can't restrain himself from bothering you when you are working out. This is probably a better solution than telling him to work at a different time, since the Y is more convenient for him anyway.

    You also need to address the underlying issue of why he's bothering you. Is it trust around guys at the gym? Is he feeling competitive, worried that 'a girl' might eventually catch up to him (some women can--I have a specific USAF MP internet friend in mind...)?
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    Options
    Then leave. is it that hard.

    MY bad he should leave you. Ummm his choice in foods makes sense. Why eat a lot if you did not burn a lot. He is trying to help you get to your goal.

    That's what you took away from this?

    OP, are there other areas in your life where he tends to be on the controlling side?

    He's not controlling in other aspects although he can be intrusive if I want to spend less time with him and more time with friends, but nothing that I would deem as out of the ordinary you know?

    I find that asking for relationship advice on the internet is out of the ordinary. *shrug* :ohwell:
  • Nouurann
    Nouurann Posts: 183 Member
    Options
    MY bad he should leave you. Ummm his choice in foods makes sense. Why eat a lot if you did not burn a lot. He is trying to help you get to your goal.

    I'm capable of doing that myself. I can track my own food intake as well as my own fitness goals. I don't need someone monitoring that for me. He doesn't know what else I've eaten that day, maybe I made room for it in my day?

    It still does not change the fact that there are many red flags in this one aspect of life.
    He is in the military too. That not a red flag but I know the Army personnel mindset since I work for the Army.

    What's the mindset then? I might be missing something, cause other military men I've dated have not acted this way. Besides he's fine in other aspects, just not this one.

    if he is find in other aspects but this one STOP trying to change him. He is who is who right. It is his one flaw BTW everyone has flaws there is no perfect SO. If you cannot be with that one flaw then leave. I sure you broke up with other guys for way less than this.

    It sounds like you are annoyed but willing to accept that this is how workouts will be.

    I'm still waiting on elaboration on the military mindset, since I consider that statement to be a bold one.
  • jkal1979
    jkal1979 Posts: 1,896 Member
    Options
    MY bad he should leave you. Ummm his choice in foods makes sense. Why eat a lot if you did not burn a lot. He is trying to help you get to your goal.

    I'm capable of doing that myself. I can track my own food intake as well as my own fitness goals. I don't need someone monitoring that for me. He doesn't know what else I've eaten that day, maybe I made room for it in my day?

    It still does not change the fact that there are many red flags in this one aspect of life.
    He is in the military too. That not a red flag but I know the Army personnel mindset since I work for the Army.

    What's the mindset then? I might be missing something, cause other military men I've dated have not acted this way. Besides he's fine in other aspects, just not this one.

    if he is find in other aspects but this one STOP trying to change him. He is who is who right. It is his one flaw BTW everyone has flaws there is no perfect SO. If you cannot be with that one flaw then leave. I sure you broke up with other guys for way less than this.

    It sounds like you are annoyed but willing to accept that this is how workouts will be.

    I'm still waiting on elaboration on the military mindset, since I consider that statement to be a bold one.

    I'm waiting on this one too.
  • MrsPong
    MrsPong Posts: 580 Member
    Options
    My husband and I used to workout together. At first I thought it would be a great thing- he's a Marine, in wonderful shape and we would spend some time together without our child. But I found him "telling" me what to do sorta of annoying since I used to go alone. Even if I went off on my own I just found I didn't push as hard if he wasn't there.
    He also found he liked working out in the morning so much better than waiting for me at night (childcare).

    So we eventually stop going together. I told him the truth, that somehow it bothered me and I didn't like to have a workout buddy. it wasn't even just him- it was anyone, my mom, sister, friend. It was just a distraction for ME, for him having someone was a push. He will still go if I asked, he will still run or do anything I asked him to do.... Be honest, otherwise he will think you don't want him around.
  • MityMax96
    MityMax96 Posts: 5,778 Member
    Options
    Not to be rude or a smartass.....

    But I don't think you will have to worry about it much longer...
    If he is smart he will put his foot down and walk away from you

    After having spent 14 yrs of my life being dictated too, and controlled.....
    I can tell you it is hell.....
    He will get sick of it.
  • Bethie_J
    Bethie_J Posts: 43 Member
    Options
    You're expecting him to cater to your wishes, and you're not willing to meet his.

    You cannot expect to change his behavior, so change your own.

    Use him being there as motivation to go harder, run faster, and give him some info that doesn't demoralize you.
  • mikedenali
    mikedenali Posts: 181 Member
    Options
    Just tell him the truth.....or just break up!
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    Options
    I notice when people enter or are in the military, whatever branch, are dating someone at the time that marriage comes out of no where. That statistics is 99% of friends and what I encounter at work.

    My friend who did that and is divorced now told me that when you enter the military you feel like you want something to come back home to.

    Any former military folks disagree with this statement?
  • erickirb
    erickirb Posts: 12,293 Member
    Options
    Just break up already!
  • maidentl
    maidentl Posts: 3,203 Member
    Options
    Not to be rude or a smartass.....

    But I don't think you will have to worry about it much longer...
    If he is smart he will put his foot down and walk away from you

    After having spent 14 yrs of my life being dictated too, and controlled.....
    I can tell you it is hell.....
    He will get sick of it.

    Wait. So his refusing to let her work out alone and telling her what to eat makes HER the one who is controlling? Is this because she has a vagina or do you have some other twisted logic to defend that conclusion?

Categories