Boyfriend refuses to respect that I want to workout alone?

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Replies

  • sarahrosheen
    sarahrosheen Posts: 82 Member
    stage 5 clinger!!
  • luzdelua
    luzdelua Posts: 88 Member
    I'm with ya - I'd kill to have my boyfriend work out with me!

    +1
  • mtruitt01
    mtruitt01 Posts: 370 Member
    Kick his *kitten*, it'll be a good workout : D
  • mtruitt01
    mtruitt01 Posts: 370 Member
    sweet baby jesus


    had a guy made this thread or if the gf said the bf/husband told her shes not allowed at the gym 96.8% of the females on here would say its because he is flirting or cheating on you and to dump him

    So true!!
    It sounds to me, as I read and reread the original post, that the guy has found motivation and is enthusiastic. I can understand the woman wanting time alone, and maybe at this point he is acting a bit clingy and puppyish, but I'd just say "Get lost, Buster, leave me alone for now. I love you!"
    --and then put in my headphones and ignore him.
    Let it go. If you two can't fix this issue you are going to have a lot of drama, which doesn't bode well for your pairing up.
  • MomTo3Lovez
    MomTo3Lovez Posts: 800 Member
    I see NOTHING Wrong with the Gym being "Your Time" and not wanting to share it with a Boyfriend or Husband -- ESPECIALLY since he has a membership somewhere else.
    :frown: If you have told him that you prefer to work out alone, and he continues to ignore that, I would say that it is an Alarming Symptom of his disrespect for you in all areas of your relationship.

    Wow.

    So her demanding him to leave a public place because she doesn't want him there isn't disrespectful? MMMKAY.


    I agree that she shouldn't demand that he leave, if it were me I would just get my stuff and go back later IF I couldn't ignore him. It would irritate me if he were to be asking me all sorts of questions as to what I did and what not and honetly I would sit him down at another time and talk to him about it and tell him why I don't feel the whole going to the gym at the same time doesn't work for me. If he doesn't respect that then there are bigger issues at hand.
  • KnM0107
    KnM0107 Posts: 355 Member
    sweet baby jesus


    had a guy made this thread or if the gf said the bf/husband told her shes not allowed at the gym 96.8% of the females on here would say its because he is flirting or cheating on you and to dump him

    So true and so sad!
  • rachelg145
    rachelg145 Posts: 185 Member
    one observation: If he's in better shape and does everything bigger and better, he's not holding you back. Good thing.
    one probable cause for the gym attendance at the same time: you look good and he doesn't want the other guys checking you out and wants them to know you are taken. Good thing unless it's getting stalker-ish.

    Be confident - sounds like you are not on the same page in your relationship if he wants to do things together that you both like doing that are healthy and you do not. There are a million people on this site who WISH their significant other would join them in working out.
  • Nouurann
    Nouurann Posts: 183 Member
    I HAVE explained this bluntly. No jokes or giggles. I've said everything in this post to him in person NUMEROUS times and he says he understands but then the next day it's like nothing happened. If I show up at the gym and he's there, I don't ask him to leave. But see that's rare because he only decides he wants to go to the gym when I'm there. He'd want to catch a movie, and I say "sure. after I'm done with the gym which will be in....." And he says "cool, ill join you!" When he had no intention of going to the gym in the first place. And when he can go to the YMCA which is five minutes from his house rather than the gym I go to which is 25 minutes from his house. I even go to the gym when he's at work without mentioning anything, and when he gets home he asks if I want to have "a gym date" which I've bluntly stated I do not enjoy. When I say I already went, he asks about my performance of the day, I wouldn't answer his questions and tell him that I don't appreciate being questioned about my fitness and he then proceeds to tell me that we should go running together, that he will even slow down for me. I've told him that him saying things like that is discouraging not encouraging and he nods and apologizes but nothing changes.

    He doesn't even have a routine. so when we do work out together, when I dont have the energy to argue with him over it. He just does everything I do, for the same of being with me. I stop my treadmill without saying a word, he does too and follows me to the mats.

    And when we do work out together, then have plans to grab food after, he would feel entitled to help me decide what to order depending on how hard I worked or how Many calories I probably burned, which I find offensive. If I want a pasta dish, he tells me that we should split it if I didn't run for too long. I tell him that's inappropriate, he apologizes, next day same thing.

    Its not a communication issue. Its a lack of respect on his part.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I HAVE explained this bluntly. No jokes or giggles. I've said everything in this post to him in person NUMEROUS times and he says he understands but then the next day it's like nothing happened. If I show up at the gym and he's there, I don't ask him to leave. But see that's rare because he only decides he wants to go to the gym when I'm there. He'd want to catch a movie, and I say "sure. after I'm done with the gym which will be in....." And he says "cool, ill join you!" When he had no intention of going to the gym in the first place. And when he can go to the YMCA which is five minutes from his house rather than the gym I go to which is 25 minutes from his house. I even go to the gym when he's at work without mentioning anything, and when he gets home he asks if I want to have "a gym date" which I've bluntly stated I do not enjoy. When I say I already went, he asks about my performance of the day, I wouldn't answer his questions and tell him that I don't appreciate being questioned about my fitness and he then proceeds to tell me that we should go running together, that he will even slow down for me. I've told him that him saying things like that is discouraging not encouraging and he nods and apologizes but nothing changes.

    He doesn't even have a routine. so when we do work out together, when I dont have the energy to argue with him over it. He just does everything I do, for the same of being with me. I stop my treadmill without saying a word, he does too and follows me to the mats.

    And when we do work out together, then have plans to grab food after, he would feel entitled to help me decide what to order depending on how hard I worked or how Many calories I probably burned, which I find offensive. If I want a pasta dish, he tells me that we should split it if I didn't run for too long. I tell him that's inappropriate, he apologizes, next day same thing.

    Its not a communication issue. Its a lack of respect on his part.
    Well, with all this in mind, I'm not sure what you think we're going to be able to tell you to do differently. Maybe just break up is the only true advice there is. If he can't respect you, then what are you doing with him?

    If someone was telling me what to eat and I hadn't asked for that advice, there would be a huge problem.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    Yeah just break up.
  • sparklefrogz
    sparklefrogz Posts: 281 Member
    And when we do work out together, then have plans to grab food after, he would feel entitled to help me decide what to order depending on how hard I worked or how Many calories I probably burned, which I find offensive. If I want a pasta dish, he tells me that we should split it if I didn't run for too long. I tell him that's inappropriate, he apologizes, next day same thing.

    So not cool. The rest of the post just makes him sound insecure and clingy, but this part...yeah...I don't react well to controlling tendencies in romantic partners...
  • BigT555
    BigT555 Posts: 2,067 Member
    I HAVE explained this bluntly. No jokes or giggles. I've said everything in this post to him in person NUMEROUS times and he says he understands but then the next day it's like nothing happened. If I show up at the gym and he's there, I don't ask him to leave. But see that's rare because he only decides he wants to go to the gym when I'm there. He'd want to catch a movie, and I say "sure. after I'm done with the gym which will be in....." And he says "cool, ill join you!" When he had no intention of going to the gym in the first place. And when he can go to the YMCA which is five minutes from his house rather than the gym I go to which is 25 minutes from his house. I even go to the gym when he's at work without mentioning anything, and when he gets home he asks if I want to have "a gym date" which I've bluntly stated I do not enjoy. When I say I already went, he asks about my performance of the day, I wouldn't answer his questions and tell him that I don't appreciate being questioned about my fitness and he then proceeds to tell me that we should go running together, that he will even slow down for me. I've told him that him saying things like that is discouraging not encouraging and he nods and apologizes but nothing changes.

    He doesn't even have a routine. so when we do work out together, when I dont have the energy to argue with him over it. He just does everything I do, for the same of being with me. I stop my treadmill without saying a word, he does too and follows me to the mats.

    And when we do work out together, then have plans to grab food after, he would feel entitled to help me decide what to order depending on how hard I worked or how Many calories I probably burned, which I find offensive. If I want a pasta dish, he tells me that we should split it if I didn't run for too long. I tell him that's inappropriate, he apologizes, next day same thing.

    Its not a communication issue. Its a lack of respect on his part.
    definitely this. talk to him about it. tell him everything you told us here. if he continues, the you have a bigger problem and really its either break up or continually have someone sabotage your health and fitness goals
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    I HAVE explained this bluntly. No jokes or giggles. I've said everything in this post to him in person NUMEROUS times and he says he understands but then the next day it's like nothing happened. If I show up at the gym and he's there, I don't ask him to leave. But see that's rare because he only decides he wants to go to the gym when I'm there. He'd want to catch a movie, and I say "sure. after I'm done with the gym which will be in....." And he says "cool, ill join you!" When he had no intention of going to the gym in the first place. And when he can go to the YMCA which is five minutes from his house rather than the gym I go to which is 25 minutes from his house. I even go to the gym when he's at work without mentioning anything, and when he gets home he asks if I want to have "a gym date" which I've bluntly stated I do not enjoy. When I say I already went, he asks about my performance of the day, I wouldn't answer his questions and tell him that I don't appreciate being questioned about my fitness and he then proceeds to tell me that we should go running together, that he will even slow down for me. I've told him that him saying things like that is discouraging not encouraging and he nods and apologizes but nothing changes.

    He doesn't even have a routine. so when we do work out together, when I dont have the energy to argue with him over it. He just does everything I do, for the same of being with me. I stop my treadmill without saying a word, he does too and follows me to the mats.

    And when we do work out together, then have plans to grab food after, he would feel entitled to help me decide what to order depending on how hard I worked or how Many calories I probably burned, which I find offensive. If I want a pasta dish, he tells me that we should split it if I didn't run for too long. I tell him that's inappropriate, he apologizes, next day same thing.

    Its not a communication issue. Its a lack of respect on his part.

    Then leave. is it that hard.

    MY bad he should leave you. Ummm his choice in foods makes sense. Why eat a lot if you did not burn a lot. He is trying to help you get to your goal.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    MY bad he should leave you. Ummm his choice in foods makes sense. Why eat a lot if you did not burn a lot. He is trying to help you get to your goal.

    What is her goal?
  • SnuggleSmacks
    SnuggleSmacks Posts: 3,731 Member
    The fact is that you can only control your own behavior, not his. You've asked and you've explained, apparently more than once, and your request is not being respected. Regardless of his reasons, your boyfriend is crossing boundaries that you've clearly set. He has been unable to articulate to you what issue or concern he might have to inspire his behavior. Now you have to decide what to do about it.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    I HAVE explained this bluntly. No jokes or giggles. I've said everything in this post to him in person NUMEROUS times
    Its not a communication issue. Its a lack of respect on his part.
    definitely this. talk to him about it. tell him everything you told us here. if he continues, the you have a bigger problem and really its either break up or continually have someone sabotage your health and fitness goals

    She claims she did so lets see, he should leave you or should leave him. Who is going to do it?
  • Nouurann
    Nouurann Posts: 183 Member
    MY bad he should leave you. Ummm his choice in foods makes sense. Why eat a lot if you did not burn a lot. He is trying to help you get to your goal.

    I'm capable of doing that myself. I can track my own food intake as well as my own fitness goals. I don't need someone monitoring that for me. He doesn't know what else I've eaten that day, maybe I made room for it in my day?
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    So, why are you with him again?
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    MY bad he should leave you. Ummm his choice in foods makes sense. Why eat a lot if you did not burn a lot. He is trying to help you get to your goal.

    I'm capable of doing that myself. I can track my own food intake as well as my own fitness goals. I don't need someone monitoring that for me. He doesn't know what else I've eaten that day, maybe I made room for it in my day?

    It still does not change the fact that there are many red flags in this one aspect of life.
    He is in the military too. That not a red flag but I know the Army personnel mindset since I work for the Army.
  • MomTo3Lovez
    MomTo3Lovez Posts: 800 Member
    Honestly I would break things off since he clearly has little to no respect for you, it's like this big red flag being waved in your face and I would take it and run because if he can't respect you with something like this then I would hate to see things when they get to be a serious thing. Good luck
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    So, why are you with him again?
    \

    SHE LOVES HIM. Duh
  • suziepoo1984
    suziepoo1984 Posts: 915 Member
    I love working out with my hubby..so i have got nothing for you. I am sorry!
  • FindingAmy77
    FindingAmy77 Posts: 1,268 Member
    wish my hubby would workout more with me. when he does workout with me, he is always pushing me and challenging me. I like it. but I do like my alone time too. that's the joy of earphones. sometimes we go for walks together or jogs and I put them in, there is no talking when we got work to do. the couple that plays together stays together. try asking for a compromise or just take it in stride. relationships are a lot of compromises.
  • jkal1979
    jkal1979 Posts: 1,896 Member
    Then leave. is it that hard.

    MY bad he should leave you. Ummm his choice in foods makes sense. Why eat a lot if you did not burn a lot. He is trying to help you get to your goal.

    That's what you took away from this?

    OP, are there other areas in your life where he tends to be on the controlling side?
  • Nouurann
    Nouurann Posts: 183 Member
    MY bad he should leave you. Ummm his choice in foods makes sense. Why eat a lot if you did not burn a lot. He is trying to help you get to your goal.

    I'm capable of doing that myself. I can track my own food intake as well as my own fitness goals. I don't need someone monitoring that for me. He doesn't know what else I've eaten that day, maybe I made room for it in my day?

    It still does not change the fact that there are many red flags in this one aspect of life.
    He is in the military too. That not a red flag but I know the Army personnel mindset since I work for the Army.

    What's the mindset then? I might be missing something, cause other military men I've dated have not acted this way. Besides he's fine in other aspects, just not this one.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    So, why are you with him again?
    SHE LOVES HIM. Duh

    SO OP what is the answer?
  • Nouurann
    Nouurann Posts: 183 Member
    Then leave. is it that hard.

    MY bad he should leave you. Ummm his choice in foods makes sense. Why eat a lot if you did not burn a lot. He is trying to help you get to your goal.

    That's what you took away from this?

    OP, are there other areas in your life where he tends to be on the controlling side?

    He's not controlling in other aspects although he can be intrusive if I want to spend less time with him and more time with friends, but nothing that I would deem as out of the ordinary you know?
  • rainbowyeager
    rainbowyeager Posts: 22 Member
    I know exactly how you feel! Especially when my man used to try to run on the treadmill next to me. He would ask what mile I was on and my incline etc...I always felt so pathetic when I couldn't keep up. Plus every time he would startle me with a question or shout encouragement it would throw me off and I would lose my breathing. Sometimes he would even try to motivate me by saying things like, "come on, one more mile!, or You aren't giving up that easy are you?" I finally asked him to respect that the gym was my time to escape from the day and focus on my own personal goals and he eventually got the point. I just had to explain to him that we are training for completely different reasons (he has a six pack already) and that my workouts need to be specific to my body, my strengths, and my weakness which I want to improve. I made it a point to offer other physical activities we could do together so he knew I wasn't trying to push him away. Now we swim, go on hikes, and he is teaching me tennis. These are all leisure activities where we can decide whether or not we want to compete or just enjoy each others time. I even agreed to (after much coercion) join him twice a month at his company cross-fit studio. It actually works out great because the WOD is done in stations so we are never in the same spot together, thus alleviating any anxiety or competitiveness. Are there any physical activities you may enjoy together instead of your coveted gym time?
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    MY bad he should leave you. Ummm his choice in foods makes sense. Why eat a lot if you did not burn a lot. He is trying to help you get to your goal.

    I'm capable of doing that myself. I can track my own food intake as well as my own fitness goals. I don't need someone monitoring that for me. He doesn't know what else I've eaten that day, maybe I made room for it in my day?

    It still does not change the fact that there are many red flags in this one aspect of life.
    He is in the military too. That not a red flag but I know the Army personnel mindset since I work for the Army.

    What's the mindset then? I might be missing something, cause other military men I've dated have not acted this way. Besides he's fine in other aspects, just not this one.

    if he is find in other aspects but this one STOP trying to change him. He is who is who right. It is his one flaw BTW everyone has flaws there is no perfect SO. If you cannot be with that one flaw then leave. I sure you broke up with other guys for way less than this.

    It sounds like you are annoyed but willing to accept that this is how workouts will be.
  • LAT1963
    LAT1963 Posts: 1,375 Member
    I suspect the issue here is in the title--respect.

    His behavior seems overly controlling. Maybe he thinks you're at the gym to scope out other guys, or fears they will hit on you if you are working out alone. He may think you have someone on the side at the gym.

    Suggest he go back to the Y if he can't restrain himself from bothering you when you are working out. This is probably a better solution than telling him to work at a different time, since the Y is more convenient for him anyway.

    You also need to address the underlying issue of why he's bothering you. Is it trust around guys at the gym? Is he feeling competitive, worried that 'a girl' might eventually catch up to him (some women can--I have a specific USAF MP internet friend in mind...)?

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