Boyfriend refuses to respect that I want to workout alone?

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Replies

  • Nouurann
    Nouurann Posts: 183 Member
    ask yourself this..."Do I want an open and honest dialogue with the guy I am going out with?" depending on your answer.. you might.. a.) Continue soliciting opinions and advice from the strange folk that inhabit the internet.. OR you might sit down with the man in your life.. offer him some assurance that YOU are not eyeballing other guys and that YOU want gym time alone to focus on you.

    so what is the answer to the question?

    If you read my second post because I didn't make it clear in my first, you would know that communication is not the problem. I've bluntly stated this. He says okay and acknowledges it then goes back to normal behavior. Again, it's not a communication problem. Its him not respecting my boundaries.
  • 4daluvof_candice
    4daluvof_candice Posts: 483 Member
    Then leave. is it that hard.

    MY bad he should leave you. Ummm his choice in foods makes sense. Why eat a lot if you did not burn a lot. He is trying to help you get to your goal.

    That's what you took away from this?

    OP, are there other areas in your life where he tends to be on the controlling side?

    He's not controlling in other aspects although he can be intrusive if I want to spend less time with him and more time with friends, but nothing that I would deem as out of the ordinary you know?

    youre right not controlling its posessive!
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    I notice when people enter or are in the military, whatever branch, are dating someone at the time that marriage comes out of no where. That statistics is 99% of friends and what I encounter at work.

    My friend who did that and is divorced now told me that when you enter the military you feel like you want something to come back home to.

    Any former military folks disagree with this statement?

    What does that have to do with her wanting to go to the gym alone?

    The question was mindset not what it has to do with being disrespect and not letting someone workout alone.

    But you made that statement, in this thread, therefore trying to make it connect? Unless you're just talking nonsense, which would explain many of your posts. I generally don't point out stupid statements like that, and let them go. But Youre just so rude and your ego is so large I wanted to point out that you're not saying anything useful, and instead just talking jibberish.

    Large ego me. LOL That is the first time i heard that.
  • MityMax96
    MityMax96 Posts: 5,778 Member
    ask yourself this..."Do I want an open and honest dialogue with the guy I am going out with?" depending on your answer.. you might.. a.) Continue soliciting opinions and advice from the strange folk that inhabit the internet.. OR you might sit down with the man in your life.. offer him some assurance that YOU are not eyeballing other guys and that YOU want gym time alone to focus on you.

    so what is the answer to the question?

    If you read my second post because I didn't make it clear in my first, you would know that communication is not the problem. I've bluntly stated this. He says okay and acknowledges it then goes back to normal behavior. Again, it's not a communication problem. Its him not respecting my boundaries.

    May be time to end it then.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    You're a woman, so I assume you talk like one. You drop hints, or kind of say it, but you don't just say it. Women have this thing they do where they think they told a guy something, but if you ask the guy, he'll have no idea what you're talking about. You never had the conversation.

    Women don't do this. Men think we do this because they don't listen to what we say.

    I am as direct as it comes. I say exactly what I want and I say exactly what is going on. My fiance does not listen. I can tell him 50 times on Friday that we have to be somewhere on Saturday at noon. On Saturday at 11 when I mention we need to get going soon, he will inevitably say, "Go where? What time do we need to be there?"
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  • George_Baileys_Ghost
    George_Baileys_Ghost Posts: 1,524 Member
    I notice when people enter or are in the military, whatever branch, are dating someone at the time that marriage comes out of no where. That statistics is 99% of friends and what I encounter at work.

    My friend who did that and is divorced now told me that when you enter the military you feel like you want something to come back home to.

    Any former military folks disagree with this statement?

    What does that have to do with her wanting to go to the gym alone?

    The question was mindset not what it has to do with being disrespect and not letting someone workout alone.

    wtaf?
    indy.gif
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  • Nouurann
    Nouurann Posts: 183 Member
    ask yourself this..."Do I want an open and honest dialogue with the guy I am going out with?" depending on your answer.. you might.. a.) Continue soliciting opinions and advice from the strange folk that inhabit the internet.. OR you might sit down with the man in your life.. offer him some assurance that YOU are not eyeballing other guys and that YOU want gym time alone to focus on you.

    so what is the answer to the question?

    If you read my second post because I didn't make it clear in my first, you would know that communication is not the problem. I've bluntly stated this. He says okay and acknowledges it then goes back to normal behavior. Again, it's not a communication problem. Its him not respecting my boundaries.

    If that is truly the issue, then this might not be the guy for you.

    Have another conversation. Ask, "Did you think I was kidding when I told you that I don't want you at the gym when I'm there?" And take it from there. If this is that big of an issue, you have to make him understand. Obviously, he's not taking you seriously. He probably thinks it's a little silly, and he kind of has a point. I would respect your request, but I would ignore it too if my gym time just happened to overlap yours. I mean, be reasonable.

    It doesn't overlap. I'm not sure how I can make that any more obvious than my two posts explaining the issue. It's the fact that he goes out of his way to go when I go, even when he had no intention of working out, and does exactly what I do without a routine or plan on his own. I'm not gonna retype it but maybe my post on page 4 or something will suffice if you haven't already read it.
  • Icandoityayme
    Icandoityayme Posts: 312 Member
    Since you have asked him repeatedly that you prefer him not to be there when you work out, and he doesn't listen, I would move on. You are trying to improve yourself and if he can't be supportive of how it works for you, I don't foresee it getting any better. I have to exercise alone as well. I don't need somebody stopping me to ask a question or chit chat or watching every move I make and inspecting every move I make. I do mine when I know he is at work. On his half days I wait until he leaves to do them which is later in the day. It's my me time, my thinking time, my time to focus. There is nothing wrong with that.
  • 4daluvof_candice
    4daluvof_candice Posts: 483 Member
    You're probably cheating on him.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    Like another poster said the whole picture cannot be seen without both sides. :laugh: but for real

    OP, if Im understanding correctly...youve only been dating 2months right?!?
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  • Nouurann
    Nouurann Posts: 183 Member
    You're probably cheating on him.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    Like another poster said the whole picture cannot be seen without both sides. :laugh: but for real

    OP, if Im understanding correctly...youve only been dating 2months right?!?

    We've Been dating a year. He joined my gym two months into the relationship
  • jkal1979
    jkal1979 Posts: 1,896 Member
    I notice when people enter or are in the military, whatever branch, are dating someone at the time that marriage comes out of no where. That statistics is 99% of friends and what I encounter at work.

    My friend who did that and is divorced now told me that when you enter the military you feel like you want something to come back home to.

    Any former military folks disagree with this statement?

    What does that have to do with her wanting to go to the gym alone?

    The question was mindset not what it has to do with being disrespect and not letting someone workout alone.

    wtaf?
    indy.gif

    Thanks. I was trying to figure out a reply, but this pretty much sums it up.
  • 4daluvof_candice
    4daluvof_candice Posts: 483 Member
    ask yourself this..."Do I want an open and honest dialogue with the guy I am going out with?" depending on your answer.. you might.. a.) Continue soliciting opinions and advice from the strange folk that inhabit the internet.. OR you might sit down with the man in your life.. offer him some assurance that YOU are not eyeballing other guys and that YOU want gym time alone to focus on you.

    so what is the answer to the question?

    If you read my second post because I didn't make it clear in my first, you would know that communication is not the problem. I've bluntly stated this. He says okay and acknowledges it then goes back to normal behavior. Again, it's not a communication problem. Its him not respecting my boundaries.

    If that is truly the issue, then this might not be the guy for you.

    Have another conversation. Ask, "Did you think I was kidding when I told you that I don't want you at the gym when I'm there?" And take it from there. If this is that big of an issue, you have to make him understand. Obviously, he's not taking you seriously. He probably thinks it's a little silly, and he kind of has a point. I would respect your request, but I would ignore it too if my gym time just happened to overlap yours. I mean, be reasonable.

    It doesn't overlap. I'm not sure how I can make that any more obvious than my two posts explaining the issue. It's the fact that he goes out of his way to go when I go, even when he had no intention of working out, and does exactly what I do without a routine or plan on his own. I'm not gonna retype it but maybe my post on page 4 or something will suffice if you haven't already read it.

    OP, seriously...it sounds like from all your post you already know what you need/want to do so.......:huh:
  • LAT1963
    LAT1963 Posts: 1,375 Member
    Part of this may be an 'introvert' vs. 'extrovert' thing.

    Extroverts get their energy from being around people and are drained by being alone.

    Introverts get their energy from being alone and find being around people draining.

    If your boyfriend is an extrovert and you are an introvert, then he may not comprehend that 'alone time' exercising is desirable. He may hate to exercise alone and can't imagine that anyone (including you) would want to.

    It may be a matter of comprehension rather than control or boundary issues.
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  • RavenLibra
    RavenLibra Posts: 1,737 Member
    THEN it points to a bigger issue for him.. and YOU should head for the door because this is just the first warning sign.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    THEN it points to a bigger issue for him.. and YOU should head for the door because this is just the first warning sign.

    Agree but hey don't listen to us and keep having your workouts suffer.
  • 4daluvof_candice
    4daluvof_candice Posts: 483 Member
    You're probably cheating on him.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    Like another poster said the whole picture cannot be seen without both sides. :laugh: but for real

    OP, if Im understanding correctly...youve only been dating 2months right?!?

    We've Been dating a year. He joined my gym two months into the relationship

    So for 10 months youve been dealing with this, and you state youve mentioned the issue to him (in a serious manner) for the past 10 months and he ignores it..hmmm okay.. How old are yall (excuse the TX accent)?
    Not to be mean(which is what I know people say when they are about to say somethign mean, lol) but, bothof you sound crazy as heck!! sorry I had to say it...:huh:
  • Nouurann
    Nouurann Posts: 183 Member
    So could someone clarify, does the OP not like working out with her b/f? The prior six pages don't really give me the answers I'm looking for.
    :laugh: :laugh:
  • LAT1963
    LAT1963 Posts: 1,375 Member
    So could someone clarify, does the OP not like working out with her b/f? The prior six pages don't really give me the answers I'm looking for.

    I am understanding it as this:

    1. The OP prefers to work out alone.
    2. The boyfriend, despite claiming he knows this, comes to the gym and follows her around during her workout, giving 'helpful advice' that interrupts what she is doing and that she finds demotivating. He does the same workouts she does but at higher intensities (being in the military and thus fit for higher level workouts), and this discourages her. He does these workouts because she does, not because he needs to do those exercises.
    3. He has not respected her request that he stay away from her when she is working out.

    OP, please correct me if I misunderstood.
  • delicious_cocktail
    delicious_cocktail Posts: 5,797 Member
    OP, seriously...it sounds like from all your post you already know what you need/want to do so.......:huh:

    But if she just says "thank you everyone" and then goes and handles her life, then the attention stops.

    Definitely cheating.
  • Nouurann
    Nouurann Posts: 183 Member
    You're probably cheating on him.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    Like another poster said the whole picture cannot be seen without both sides. :laugh: but for real

    OP, if Im understanding correctly...youve only been dating 2months right?!?

    We've Been dating a year. He joined my gym two months into the relationship

    So for 10 months youve been dealing with this, and you state youve mentioned the issue to him (in a serious manner) for the past 10 months and he ignores it..hmmm okay.. How old are yall (excuse the TX accent)?
    Not to be mean(which is what I know people say when they are about to say somethign mean, lol) but, bothof you sound crazy as heck!! sorry I had to say it...:huh:

    I'm 19, he's 23.
  • maidentl
    maidentl Posts: 3,203 Member
    You're probably cheating on him.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    Like another poster said the whole picture cannot be seen without both sides. :laugh: but for real

    OP, if Im understanding correctly...youve only been dating 2months right?!?

    We've Been dating a year. He joined my gym two months into the relationship

    Sometimes with my husband, even when I feel I have been VERY clear I have to use "serious" words to get through to him. Have you used the word "disrespectful?" That will usually stop my husband in his tracks and he'll ask me to explain how and I will. Then he'll tell me he never thought about it that way, he just thought i was being _____ (insert any of the rude words attributed to you in the thread - silly, controlling, betchy) Look at how many in this thread have brushed you off as just being "silly." It's so condescending. He's probably doing it too. But if you can't get through to him, then who's the one being silly? Why is it silly for you to want to work out alone but not silly for him to refuse to allow it?
  • 4daluvof_candice
    4daluvof_candice Posts: 483 Member
    OP, seriously...it sounds like from all your post you already know what you need/want to do so.......:huh:

    But if she just says "thank you everyone" and then goes and handles her life, then the attention stops.

    Definitely cheating.

    :drinker:
  • bciloveme2014
    bciloveme2014 Posts: 213 Member
    I'm a straight shooter. My hubby knows that my gym time is mine and he is welcome to join, but not "be with me" the time we are there. I prefer to go solo also, so I can relate to you on that.

    I vote for honesty here. Tell him the truth about how it makes you feel. Also, make sure you let him know that it's not because you don't want to spend time with him, but that gym time is your alone time. I also agree with the comment that men can't read minds.

    This ^^ 100%
  • Nouurann
    Nouurann Posts: 183 Member
    You're probably cheating on him.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    Like another poster said the whole picture cannot be seen without both sides. :laugh: but for real

    OP, if Im understanding correctly...youve only been dating 2months right?!?

    We've Been dating a year. He joined my gym two months into the relationship

    Sometimes with my husband, even when I feel I have been VERY clear I have to use "serious" words to get through to him. Have you used the word "disrespectful?" That will usually stop my husband in his tracks and he'll ask me to explain how and I will. Then he'll tell me he never thought about it that way, he just thought i was being _____ (insert any of the rude words attributed to you in the thread - silly, controlling, betchy) Look at how many in this thread have brushed you off as just being "silly." It's so condescending. He's probably doing it too. But if you can't get through to him, then who's the one being silly? Why is it silly for you to want to work out alone but not silly for him to refuse to allow it?

    Yeah I'm sure he thinks it's silly, because I don't think he would intentionally try to disrespect me. I'm just not sure how to make it any clearer. I'll try another talk, I guess. And watch my diction, emphasizing words like "disrespect" although we did already talk about boundaries.
  • MelonJMusic
    MelonJMusic Posts: 121 Member
    Heeheehee

    66.gif

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