Major Life Change

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BehindBlueEyes988
BehindBlueEyes988 Posts: 433
in Chit-Chat
Before I start, I ask people please have some decency with this. It's been rough enough on me without snarky comments.

So, I want to make this as short as possible.

For the year I've been planning a wedding. Set to be at the Biltmore Estate in Asheville, NC in October. A few weeks ago my fiance called me (his job has him travel every weekend most of the year) and he told me he wasn't happy, so on and so forth. He left me. He said after 8 years together, he wanted to see what else was out there. I didn't make him happy.

Trust me when I say, this was one of the hardest things in my life. He was the first boyfriend I ever had, I suppose only to this point, and I was blind sided. I was literally mailing our wedding invites the next day. He cheated on me before, with details I am not at all willing to say, but begged forgiveness. I forgave, and I got burned. Now I'M done.

I know I deserve better. I was faithful, always. He was not.

But damn if it doesn't suck, and doesn't hurt. It's so weird for me to be single for the first time since I was 17. Never in my adult life have I lived for myself. Now I am.

I'm moving to a new city. Getting a new job, Starting a new life.

I just wanted to share, because it makes things a little easier on me
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Replies

  • kittykat11111
    kittykat11111 Posts: 233
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    My favorite quote...If a relationship is to evolve, it must go through a series of endings. ~ Lisa Moriyama

    My last relationship ended as kind of a blindside too, but you know, it's actually the best thing that's ever happened to me. I know it's hard now, and as much as I wish I could say you'll get over him quickly, it takes time, but you're strong, and you'll meet the man of your dreams, who deserves to have you in his life. As my mother said...my ex was just helping me kill time until the right one came along!
  • dgoupil66
    dgoupil66 Posts: 17
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    My first marriage ended out of the blue just as suddenly because she didn't love me, never loved me, wasn't happy. It destroyed me BUT....it DOES get better.
  • SonicDeathMonkey80
    SonicDeathMonkey80 Posts: 4,489 Member
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    You're lucky.
  • Bostonsoul
    Bostonsoul Posts: 151 Member
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    Hey I'm really sorry what happened to you. Make a good circle of friends here, there is a lot of support and personalities on this place, you'll never grow bored. Feel free to add me. You're in a good place and about to be in a better one.
  • likitisplit
    likitisplit Posts: 9,420 Member
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    Before I start, I ask people please have some decency with this. It's been rough enough on me without snarky comments.

    So, I want to make this as short as possible.

    For the year I've been planning a wedding. Set to be at the Biltmore Estate in Asheville, NC in October. A few weeks ago my fiance called me (his job has him travel every weekend most of the year) and he told me he wasn't happy, so on and so forth. He left me. He said after 8 years together, he wanted to see what else was out there. I didn't make him happy.

    Trust me when I say, this was one of the hardest things in my life. He was the first boyfriend I ever had, I suppose only to this point, and I was blind sided. I was literally mailing our wedding invites the next day. He cheated on me before, with details I am not at all willing to say, but begged forgiveness. I forgave, and I got burned. Now I'M done.

    I know I deserve better. I was faithful, always. He was not.

    But damn if it doesn't suck, and doesn't hurt. It's so weird for me to be single for the first time since I was 17. Never in my adult life have I lived for myself. Now I am.

    I'm moving to a new city. Getting a new job, Starting a new life.

    I just wanted to share, because it makes things a little easier on me

    It happens and it hurts. Only time will help. Get yourself a fine piece of jewelry.
  • fatmanintransition
    fatmanintransition Posts: 841 Member
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    As bad as it feels, and as hard as it is, I think this is all for the best. You have a much better chance at happiness now. You're doing all the right things.
  • BehindBlueEyes988
    BehindBlueEyes988 Posts: 433
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    Thanks guys :)

    I know I'm lucky, and I know so much better is to come. But its still a hard move like you guys said.

    I will say, moving to a beach town near family is a huge help. I gave my two weeks at my current job and will be outta this town (Charlotte) next week.

    Thank God for the kindness of friends who have given me a place to stay free of charge
  • manderson27
    manderson27 Posts: 3,510 Member
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    Oh sweetie that is really tough. I do feel for you. But you will get past this and you will find there is whole new world out there. It is hard starting out again alone but the most important thing is that you can be a strong independent woman in your own right. Have some fun, meet some guys, take your time. Life is an adventure enjoy it.
  • Bostonsoul
    Bostonsoul Posts: 151 Member
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    My favorite quote...If a relationship is to evolve, it must go through a series of endings. ~ Lisa Moriyama

    My last relationship ended as kind of a blindside too, but you know, it's actually the best thing that's ever happened to me. I know it's hard now, and as much as I wish I could say you'll get over him quickly, it takes time, but you're strong, and you'll meet the man of your dreams, who deserves to have you in his life. As my mother said...my ex was just helping me kill time until the right one came along!

    Your mom is a wise woman, I love that quote.
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
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    Going through a divorce right now..... if he'd married you, it could have ended up a whole lot worse. At least he broke it off now, before you mailed the invites, before you were actually married to him, before you had kids with him....

    I never thought I'd end up being a lone parent....... but sh** happens and people don't plan for that kind of thing. People just make the best of how things turn out.

    It's a new start. You're young, you have a very good chance of meeting someone and finding out that they're actually a better match for you than your ex.
  • BehindBlueEyes988
    BehindBlueEyes988 Posts: 433
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    You guys are literally making me cry right now. I appreciate the kind words more than I can ever say.

    Everyone I know personally have just been lashing out at him. Saying mean things. And while I'm angry, he did save me so much more pain later. We had many good years, and I'll cherish them, but I will move on.

    You all are just..being so supportive of me, and you don't even know me. It means soo much to me. Thank you!
  • BehindBlueEyes988
    BehindBlueEyes988 Posts: 433
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    Going through a divorce right now..... if he'd married you, it could have ended up a whole lot worse. At least he broke it off now, before you mailed the invites, before you were actually married to him, before you had kids with him....

    I never thought I'd end up being a lone parent....... but sh** happens and people don't plan for that kind of thing. People just make the best of how things turn out.

    It's a new start. You're young, you have a very good chance of meeting someone and finding out that they're actually a better match for you than your ex.

    Thank you. That's how he explained it. He cares for me, but didn't love me. He didn't want me to put me through more pain later when he knew it wouldn't work
  • georgiaTRIs
    georgiaTRIs Posts: 231 Member
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    very lucky it happened before the wedding. He is not worth your tears and frustration. Sounds like you got it together and are moving on nicely. We are there for you
  • agousetis
    agousetis Posts: 113 Member
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    I'm certain you will be just fine, better things ahead.....my only advice, when you see his number on your cell phone, or a text from him.....just ignore it. It will save your more heartbreak down the road!!
  • BehindBlueEyes988
    BehindBlueEyes988 Posts: 433
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    very lucky it happened before the wedding. He is not worth your tears and frustration. Sounds like you got it together and are moving on nicely. We are there for you

    Thank you so much. He did that for a reason. Would have been nice before I spent $250 on invite
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
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    I just wanted to share, because it makes things a little easier on me

    It gets easier and easier, no matter where you think you might be stuck now or in the future. Through it all you can still be the AMAZING you that you are. Just remember to take the high road and forgive again. Not for him, but for yourself. Might seem impossible now, but down the road it will let you know you had the character and strength to be the person you know you should be.

    Thoughts and prayers for all the best as you move to the next exciting road in life.

    Cheers.
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
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    Oh, and your dog will love you no matter what! :)
  • SlimSharonSlim
    SlimSharonSlim Posts: 85 Member
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    Feel for you but life goes on........the first time he cheated you shouldn't have taken him back........at least you have learnt that lesson.
    You need to find someone worthy when of course your ready......don't rush into it.....it will take years not months to find someone but will be worth it........people are better on there own than with someone who just doesn't give a damn. Keep your friends and family close and don't make the same mistake again. He's a Loser......now you know!
  • BehindBlueEyes988
    BehindBlueEyes988 Posts: 433
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    Oh, and your dog will love you no matter what! :)

    My dog is my man! Little Enzo!!! But I only know of him cheating that time, and now I will not do it again. We've talked since, and I've made it very clear we are over.

    I told him then, no matter how much it hurts me, next time I'm gone. I stand by that. I. Am. Gone!
  • newdaydawning79
    newdaydawning79 Posts: 1,503 Member
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    You are absolutely gorgeous and deserve so much better than a guy who would do this. He didn't even have the balls to say it in person. Keep your head up high, you deserve the best!

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