Overeating in ED recovery.. is this normal ):
chene249
Posts: 33 Member
So.... i ate literally 3 Carman Yoghurt and Almond Museli bars (possibly 200 calories each) and two slices of white bread with 2 tablespoons of peanut butter
All fat, all sugar, all carbs..
And i feel like i could eat more.
Is this okay? I'm in slight panic mode, even though I know i would need to eat like this in order to gain the weight right up to a healthy vmi (currently 16). I'm not craving healthy protein, but just these sugary snacks that I have seriously denied myself for over a year. Is this bad?
All fat, all sugar, all carbs..
And i feel like i could eat more.
Is this okay? I'm in slight panic mode, even though I know i would need to eat like this in order to gain the weight right up to a healthy vmi (currently 16). I'm not craving healthy protein, but just these sugary snacks that I have seriously denied myself for over a year. Is this bad?
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Replies
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It is very normal, dont worry! If you've been undereating that much then it's perfectly natural to have these cravings. Once you're on a healthy BMI and your body can heal itself then everything will be fine, and you'll have a nice healthy metabolism!0
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The best thing would be for you to see a dietician. Have you? Bingeing in recovery isnt normal as claimed. Youll feel better if you have professional help.0
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I think you are going through something called reactive eating. Don't worry it is not binging, it is your bodys way of getting calories that you so desperately need. Try not to restrict any food groups, you will start to crave them less and less the more you go on eating them.0
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yes its okay that doesnt even sound that bad to me0
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Yes. It's okay.
Also, to the people being insensitive, I get it. 1000 calories isn't a lot of food to you. It may even be a meal to you. The OP doesn't need you reminding them that it is a normal amount to a person without an ED. Speaking from experience, that's the LAST thing those of us who struggle with eating disorders need. We already, often, feel less than human for not being able to eat what you consider a 'normal' amount. For you to come in and down someone for worrying about whether they're eating too much or too little when they have an eating disorder... you are NOT helping. You are doing the exact opposite of helping.
To explain it in simple terms - in the beginning of my recovery, when I ate just 600 calories in one sitting, I would be in so much (physical and psychological) pain that I would literally curl up on the floor and cry. Eating 1000 calories for someone in ED recovery is painful. But you wouldn't understand, and I hope you never have to.
OP, you will binge sometimes in recovery. Your body is trying to recover, give it time. I hope, at that BMI, you are getting help from a group of professionals. Don't be afraid to use the emergency room if your pain gets severe. It might, and you need all the help you can get. I wish you all the best in recovery. You can do this, you're strong. Just choosing recovery proves how strong you are. :flowerforyou:0 -
Are you being monitored by a physician? Do you have a support system?
Here are some links that may be helpful:
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/eating-disorders/index.shtml
http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/
http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/eating_disorders.html0 -
That's not overeating. You know the entire period you restricted?
Yeah- you've got ALL those calories to make up, PLUS the ones you still need to day, and on top of that MORE so you can actually repair the damage you've done to your body!
You should aim for 2500-3000 calories a day- at minimum- and once you start meeting these goals and your hormones and brain chemistry starts healing and leveling out, you'll feel a lot better about yourself and nourishing yourself.
Edit: One more thing to add: episodes like this are called "reactive eating". Expect it to happen quite often until your health is restored! It's a survival instinct, and good for you!0 -
I'm 17 and I've had this binging after ED too and I'm so scared! I've had quite a big binge today. I know we need it because we have a huge calorie deficit to make up but it's hard to get to terms with that and accept how our bodies our changing. Keep eating plenty and nourishing your body
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The best thing would be for you to see a dietician. Have you? Bingeing in recovery isnt normal as claimed. Youll feel better if you have professional help.
binge eating after being starved (whether self starvation or due to surviving a famine) is a normal survival response. It's what stopped our palaeolithic ancestors from starving to death - in a food shortage, when they finally got food to eat, they ate as much as they could because they didn't know how long they'd have food for before the next shortage. We're their descendents and we've inherited this survival response.
this doesn't mean it's a good thing to be in a cycle of excessive food restriction and binge eating... but when people in cycles like these understand that the binge eating is very often the direct result of eating too little, it's a step towards being able to break the cycle, and understanding why more restriction of food intake makes binge eating worse, not better.
OP: it's a survival response kicking in. Once you've regained enough body weight and are eating regular healthy meals again, it'll stop. Follow your treatment plan and speak to whoever's treating you if you're worried. If you're not receiving treatment then it's something you should look into, for both physical and mental health (in terms of recovering from eating too little, and also addressing whatever mental health issues led to this behaviour)0 -
Ah thanks for the responses guys.
It does happen often now. My body craves it and even though my ED voice says to don't eat it, I'm trying to give my body nourishment. Given that it is the early beginnings of recovery, is it okay to mainly eat A LOT of high sugary/ calorie foods? I know its very unhealthy, and iusally do stick to whole foods.. it's just lately I've been eating a lot of these foods ON TOP of my regular meals.. ==" it's very triggering and makes me very prone for relapsing sigh.
For example, today, I had tuna and mixed bean thingy, large bowl of porridge, a large salad thing (from those food courts - sumo salad - where they slick it in sauce.. not good but not too bad either)... but THATS the healthy stuff...
The unhealthy stuff (not really binge, just eating a lot throughout the day sporadically) later on was almost like:
Almond muesli bars x THREE FML (so sugary sigh)
Dark chocolate 2 squares
Probs like 2 handfuls mixed nuts and dried fruit...
3 slices of bread with A LOT of PB...
..
Idk, i guess I'm just feeling anxious. I actually don't feel like I'm full or stuffed. I KNOW it's for me to gain weight... but I still feel like I had an unhealthy day...
A stupid question then: will this affect me badly... will it make me gain weight in just one day like this? Keepin in mind my calories for the past few days have been around 2500. Today it was like 3500+ ):0 -
Don't listen to ED at all!
Don't worry about if you will gain suddenly.
You won't.
Just nourish your body.
It wasn't junk food, it was all good stuff. Peanut butter sammiches are the best!
Also, are you supposed to be counting calories in recovery? Trust me, it will be OK!
*former ana/mia/emo eater0 -
The best thing would be for you to see a dietician. Have you? Bingeing in recovery isnt normal as claimed. Youll feel better if you have professional help.
It's not "binging" when your body is literally crying out for food. If you've never recovered for, an eating disorder then you really can't possibly understand. It is EXTREMELY "normal" to "binge" when you're in the weight gain portion of recovery.0 -
The most important thing right now is that you are eating. Just focus on that and getting healthy mentally and everything will sort itself out in time.0
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Yes. It's okay.
Also, to the people being insensitive, I get it. 1000 calories isn't a lot of food to you. It may even be a meal to you. The OP doesn't need you reminding them that it is a normal amount to a person without an ED. Speaking from experience, that's the LAST thing those of us who struggle with eating disorders need. We already, often, feel less than human for not being able to eat what you consider a 'normal' amount. For you to come in and down someone for worrying about whether they're eating too much or too little when they have an eating disorder... you are NOT helping. You are doing the exact opposite of helping.
To explain it in simple terms - in the beginning of my recovery, when I ate just 600 calories in one sitting, I would be in so much (physical and psychological) pain that I would literally curl up on the floor and cry. Eating 1000 calories for someone in ED recovery is painful. But you wouldn't understand, and I hope you never have to.
OP, you will binge sometimes in recovery. Your body is trying to recover, give it time. I hope, at that BMI, you are getting help from a group of professionals. Don't be afraid to use the emergency room if your pain gets severe. It might, and you need all the help you can get. I wish you all the best in recovery. You can do this, you're strong. Just choosing recovery proves how strong you are. :flowerforyou:
And calling what she's doing "binging" is not helpful. She's not freaking binging...if you're eating in response to HUNGER you are not binging. I wish people would stop using that word.0 -
Are you being monitored by a physician? Do you have a support system?
Here are some links that may be helpful:
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/eating-disorders/index.shtml
http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/
http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/eating_disorders.html
QFT0 -
you need professional help this binging is a phase because you suddenly realised everything that is happening (anorexia) so you allow yourself to eat and can't control your hunger because you have been starved for so long if you are not on a strict ree feeding meal plan you are at risk or a heat attack and also when this binging phase happens it means you are not in recovery and something has just scared you like going into a eating disorders unit or fainting....0
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you need professional help this binging is a phase because you suddenly realised everything that is happening (anorexia) so you allow yourself to eat and can't control your hunger because you have been starved for so long if you are not on a strict ree feeding meal plan you are at risk or a heat attack and also when this binging phase happens it means you are not in recovery and something has just scared you like going into a eating disorders unit or fainting....
If I deciphered this post correctly, it really isn't true. And you don't need to scare the OP. It's not helpful.
OP should focus on her mental health and recovery. The last thing the OP needs is a strict anything. She should eat when she feels like eating and be proud of herself for letting it happen.0 -
Wanted to add my two cents here as a recovered anorexic. I boomeranged into binge disorder afterwards that lasted for years and years. It was almost more difficult to recover from that. Almost 30 years later I can still find myself suddenly in binge-mode and scarf down 10,000 calories or more in one day.
Please just monitor what you're doing carefully. If the volume of food you're eating becomes out of the norm for too long, perhaps further counseling or discussions with a professional can redirect you.
Best of luck!0 -
Wanted to add my two cents here as a recovered anorexic. I boomeranged into binge disorder afterwards that lasted for years and years. It was almost more difficult to recover from that. Almost 30 years later I can still find myself suddenly in binge-mode and scarf down 10,000 calories or more in one day.
Please just monitor what you're doing carefully. If the volume of food you're eating becomes out of the norm for too long, perhaps further counseling or discussions with a professional can redirect you.
Best of luck!
While I completely understand where you are coming from, let's not panic the OP. She ate maybe 1,000 calories. That's no where near 10,000.0 -
I just wanted to wish you all the best and know you are not alone in your struggles. WE all have a cross to bare and just by getting help you are amazing. 1 day at a time you will do better be patient and trust you are not alone in your battle.0
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none of us can determine if she is binging or reactive eating -only she can and her support group physicians.0
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you need professional help this binging is a phase because you suddenly realised everything that is happening (anorexia) so you allow yourself to eat and can't control your hunger because you have been starved for so long if you are not on a strict ree feeding meal plan you are at risk or a heat attack and also when this binging phase happens it means you are not in recovery and something has just scared you like going into a eating disorders unit or fainting....
If I deciphered this post correctly, it really isn't true. And you don't need to scare the OP. It's not helpful.
OP should focus on her mental health and recovery. The last thing the OP needs is a strict anything. She should eat when she feels like eating and be proud of herself for letting it happen.
you don't know enough about her physical + mental health0 -
Ah thanks for the responses guys.
It does happen often now. My body craves it and even though my ED voice says to don't eat it, I'm trying to give my body nourishment. Given that it is the early beginnings of recovery, is it okay to mainly eat A LOT of high sugary/ calorie foods? I know its very unhealthy, and iusally do stick to whole foods.. it's just lately I've been eating a lot of these foods ON TOP of my regular meals.. ==" it's very triggering and makes me very prone for relapsing sigh.
For example, today, I had tuna and mixed bean thingy, large bowl of porridge, a large salad thing (from those food courts - sumo salad - where they slick it in sauce.. not good but not too bad either)... but THATS the healthy stuff...
The unhealthy stuff (not really binge, just eating a lot throughout the day sporadically) later on was almost like:
Almond muesli bars x THREE FML (so sugary sigh)
Dark chocolate 2 squares
Probs like 2 handfuls mixed nuts and dried fruit...
3 slices of bread with A LOT of PB...
..
Idk, i guess I'm just feeling anxious. I actually don't feel like I'm full or stuffed. I KNOW it's for me to gain weight... but I still feel like I had an unhealthy day...
A stupid question then: will this affect me badly... will it make me gain weight in just one day like this? Keepin in mind my calories for the past few days have been around 2500. Today it was like 3500+ ):
That is all healthy stuff, OP. Try to stop thinking in terms of healthy and unhealthy foods anyway. It's part of what got you to restrictive eating in the first place.0 -
you need professional help this binging is a phase because you suddenly realised everything that is happening (anorexia) so you allow yourself to eat and can't control your hunger because you have been starved for so long if you are not on a strict ree feeding meal plan you are at risk or a heat attack and also when this binging phase happens it means you are not in recovery and something has just scared you like going into a eating disorders unit or fainting....
If I deciphered this post correctly, it really isn't true. And you don't need to scare the OP. It's not helpful.
OP should focus on her mental health and recovery. The last thing the OP needs is a strict anything. She should eat when she feels like eating and be proud of herself for letting it happen.
you don't know enough about her physical + mental health
And what did I say that is in any way a diagnosis? I have a history of ED and have successfully overcome anorexia, bulimia and laxative abuse. I stand by my advice that the OP should focus on her mental health rather than the exact amount of calories she is eating. Of course, to do this she should seek counseling for help and support. Being on a strict diet, however, is not recommended in most cases as EDs are control disorders that strict anything can trigger.
And that's not even getting into the fact that she ate around 1,000 calories of pretty healthy food that is fueling her body for recovery.0 -
Ah thanks for the responses guys.
It does happen often now. My body craves it and even though my ED voice says to don't eat it, I'm trying to give my body nourishment. Given that it is the early beginnings of recovery, is it okay to mainly eat A LOT of high sugary/ calorie foods? I know its very unhealthy, and iusally do stick to whole foods.. it's just lately I've been eating a lot of these foods ON TOP of my regular meals.. ==" it's very triggering and makes me very prone for relapsing sigh.
For example, today, I had tuna and mixed bean thingy, large bowl of porridge, a large salad thing (from those food courts - sumo salad - where they slick it in sauce.. not good but not too bad either)... but THATS the healthy stuff...
The unhealthy stuff (not really binge, just eating a lot throughout the day sporadically) later on was almost like:
Almond muesli bars x THREE FML (so sugary sigh)
Dark chocolate 2 squares
Probs like 2 handfuls mixed nuts and dried fruit...
3 slices of bread with A LOT of PB...
..
Idk, i guess I'm just feeling anxious. I actually don't feel like I'm full or stuffed. I KNOW it's for me to gain weight... but I still feel like I had an unhealthy day...
A stupid question then: will this affect me badly... will it make me gain weight in just one day like this? Keepin in mind my calories for the past few days have been around 2500. Today it was like 3500+ ):
That is all healthy stuff, OP. Try to stop thinking in terms of healthy and unhealthy foods anyway. It's part of what got you to restrictive eating in the first place.
^ And also this.0 -
Thank you for everyone's contributions - honestly this community is helping me push on forward. Recovery IS scary. It's SO scary - but one thing I find thats constructive (not gonna say it's helpful because I HATE it) is having no scales around. The number screws with my mind - and so my mum hid it. There's gym scales, but I'm just too terrified now because I KNOW i've gained... I just don't know HOW DRASTICALLY HIGH it has become....
Just to clarify, no i'm not binging or turning into having a BED.
It is very much reactive eating. I don't feel like i'm losing control or lose 'conscience' when i start gorging myself on food. I realise i tend to overeat after I've eaten a healthy meal void of good dietary fats. I'd immediately go for some fats - esp healthy fats - like peanut butter sandwiches or nuts afterwards.. I feel it is my body trying to repair itself esp when i used to only eat like 10-15grams of fat per day..
i even sleep like a baby after eating these fatty foods aha ^^
But even though I'm recognising some benefits, and KNOW i must gain weight, I'm still terrified of going forward. Like last night I overate again (again not BED - this is a serious disorder and I know I;m not in it). I ate 5 tim tams, 4 almond muesli bars (they're so sugary ): ), 2 oreos and 5 shortbread cookies). I actually did it on purpose because i was having a talk with my mum and she was so terrified and distressed for me because she could feel my hipbones, and see my veins in my arms - she looked like she was gonna cry.
I felt proud. But so fearful
But then the next day rather than restricting food, I tried to compensate with exercise... I feel that I do less of the restriction thing, which is a HUGE improvement/ change. But is exercising bad in recovery too?
The good thing is i get hungry after the exercise. But the bad thing is that when i realise i've already eaten around 1300 calories by lunch, I start to panic and feel the wave of stress, anxiety and guilt, shame, fear etc.
So even though I gorged last night and feel extremely scared about it, I'm still pushing forward:
Bowl of oatmeal with scoop of protein powder (breakfast)
GYM
1 PB sandwich w 2 slices of toast) (snack)
1 sugary museli bar (snack) -> i see these things as so bad LOL they're huge: probs with like 10grams of fat coz of the loaded nuts and shiz and HEAPS of sugar gahh
Big bowl of soba noodles with ****ake and 2 tbps peanut sauce (lunch)
Its already 1300 calories and there's still like dinner to eat... sigh. Is what i've eaten bad.Too much? How much is too much? Exercise - should I? Is what i'm doing bad ? OMGGG0 -
I do not have a history of ED...but this sounds kind of normal for me every once in a while!0
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Thank you for everyone's contributions - honestly this community is helping me push on forward. Recovery IS scary. It's SO scary - but one thing I find thats constructive (not gonna say it's helpful because I HATE it) is having no scales around. The number screws with my mind - and so my mum hid it. There's gym scales, but I'm just too terrified now because I KNOW i've gained... I just don't know HOW DRASTICALLY HIGH it has become....
Just to clarify, no i'm not binging or turning into having a BED.
It is very much reactive eating. I don't feel like i'm losing control or lose 'conscience' when i start gorging myself on food. I realise i tend to overeat after I've eaten a healthy meal void of good dietary fats. I'd immediately go for some fats - esp healthy fats - like peanut butter sandwiches or nuts afterwards.. I feel it is my body trying to repair itself esp when i used to only eat like 10-15grams of fat per day..
i even sleep like a baby after eating these fatty foods aha ^^
But even though I'm recognising some benefits, and KNOW i must gain weight, I'm still terrified of going forward. Like last night I overate again (again not BED - this is a serious disorder and I know I;m not in it). I ate 5 tim tams, 4 almond muesli bars (they're so sugary ): ), 2 oreos and 5 shortbread cookies). I actually did it on purpose because i was having a talk with my mum and she was so terrified and distressed for me because she could feel my hipbones, and see my veins in my arms - she looked like she was gonna cry.
I felt proud. But so fearful
But then the next day rather than restricting food, I tried to compensate with exercise... I feel that I do less of the restriction thing, which is a HUGE improvement/ change. But is exercising bad in recovery too?
The good thing is i get hungry after the exercise. But the bad thing is that when i realise i've already eaten around 1300 calories by lunch, I start to panic and feel the wave of stress, anxiety and guilt, shame, fear etc.
So even though I gorged last night and feel extremely scared about it, I'm still pushing forward:
Bowl of oatmeal with scoop of protein powder (breakfast)
GYM
1 PB sandwich w 2 slices of toast) (snack)
1 sugary museli bar (snack) -> i see these things as so bad LOL they're huge: probs with like 10grams of fat coz of the loaded nuts and shiz and HEAPS of sugar gahh
Big bowl of soba noodles with ****ake and 2 tbps peanut sauce (lunch)
Its already 1300 calories and there's still like dinner to eat... sigh. Is what i've eaten bad.Too much? How much is too much? Exercise - should I? Is what i'm doing bad ? OMGGG
You are doing really well. Please don't panic. Have you got a doctors diet plan or professional help?
You're in England yes?
You can get there, I know how you feel, those awful emotional waves. I've got to the point where I can net 2000 calories and feel really happy about eating everything. That means I eat all my exercise calories. I go up to 3000 some days! I maintain at 127lb and 15-18% body fat. I even love me curves and jiggle nowadays, because my weight training has made it sit nicely. I'd hate to be willowy nowadays.
I restricted badly for a long time, and never ever came close to having the body I wanted. It was slim but had no shape.
Remember that when you eat, the scales show not just body fat gain. You won't get that when you're eating at maintenance.
There's other things that go into the equation, it's a long list..... The weight of the extra food itself, in the system, the waste, the water that every part of your body holds, from the inside out, the glycogen stores in your muscles and liver, the weight of your bones and blood volume. The weight of your muscles.
My goal nowadays is to have all those things except body fat as full and heavy as possible, because that means
I can perform well in sports and build muscle
Have loads of energy to enjoy life
Have mental well being and positive outlook
Enjoy every mouthful of my food up to my maintenance level (and over when I'm bulking) no guilt.
Skin looks incredible, curves all pumped up, feel bouncy.
The list goes on.
I'm telling you this to give you hope that there's a happy way to live with food, where you can be guilt free.
Nowadays to burn body fat, which is low enough now, I go 100 calories under my maintenance level, barely noticable. I've put my body through too much in the past to abuse it any more.
From what I've read about recovery, you're supposed to be eating net 2500/3000 a day. So every time you exercise you need to eat those calories too. I'd lay off the gym for a bit and get yourself some proper support, you aren't able to do it on your own as your brain has been altered by the restricted calories. You won't think straight for a while. It's normal, don't worry, the body has amazing abilities to heal. It's the altered brain that gives you the distorted image.
Ps, top tip, avoid mirrors and looking at yourself in reflections for a bit. One day you'll be so proud of yourself you will love looking at your body. It can happen.0 -
^ thank you so much.
I'm in australia aha.
Gives me hope and just a bit of happiness to know that being bigger isn't all bad. I also want to get strong. I love the gym, working out and hopefully one day I want to lift and squat and train BIG.
But i'll be needing a healthy fit body for that. Aha. So i guess I just tend to panic at the amount/ type of food I'm eating. Im trying to get in touch with my hunger cues/ listening to my body etc. But that's just off atm.
I have professional help in the form of a psychologist.. but after the first session, i'm having doubts. She pretty much tells me everything i already know and doesn't really offer a solution to tackle my disordered thoughts. ED recovery isn't just about weight restoration but also able eliminating those ED thoughts... and seriously, i think that's going to be impossible at this rate.0 -
^ thank you so much.
I'm in australia aha.
Gives me hope and just a bit of happiness to know that being bigger isn't all bad. I also want to get strong. I love the gym, working out and hopefully one day I want to lift and squat and train BIG.
But i'll be needing a healthy fit body for that. Aha. So i guess I just tend to panic at the amount/ type of food I'm eating. Im trying to get in touch with my hunger cues/ listening to my body etc. But that's just off atm.
I have professional help in the form of a psychologist.. but after the first session, i'm having doubts. She pretty much tells me everything i already know and doesn't really offer a solution to tackle my disordered thoughts. ED recovery isn't just about weight restoration but also able eliminating those ED thoughts... and seriously, i think that's going to be impossible at this rate.
I'd give it a bit (or a lot)longer. You really also need to be in a monitored eating program with professionals that know what they are doing.
Therapy can seem simple and obvious sometimes, but it will usually work. Your hunger hormones can't be trusted, as can your thinking right now, that's why you need others around you. I wish I'd done this 20 years ago, but I'm a typical stubborn perfectionist who thinks they know best. Nope. I needed proper help to get my brain working right.
Before you get into training you need to repair your body or you'll run into all sorts of trouble. You're going to have to eat over maintenance for a while. It's going to be terrifying but there are lots of people here that have done it. It's the best thing you can do. Stop trying to create a deficit with your exercise.
Ps the hottest women on the planet in my opinion are in healthy bmi range. 19 to 25.
I prefer being 19/20 as I'm fine boned, with body fat under 20% but not much under as I don't like being too cut.0
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