Kids say the darndest things...

Alatariel75
Alatariel75 Posts: 18,346 Member
in Chit-Chat
So I was on the train the other evening, on my way home like the other hundreds of people on there, sardined in, and across from me was a little boy with his mum. On the station was a billboard promoting men's sexual health and the picture was a guy in his tighty whiteys, looking surprised, with fireworks shooting from the groin region. The following conversation ensured:

3YO: Mum, what's that man doing?
Mum (slightly uncomfortable, trying to keep voice down): I don't know honey.
3YO (at volume): Is there a party in his pants?
Mum (way more uncomfortable, quieter): It looks like it...
3YO (full volume, jumping up and down): THERE'S A PARTY IN MY PANTS, THERE'S A PARTY IN MY PANTS!!!

Hil-freakin-larious. The whole train lost it and the Mum saw the funny side.

Got me thinking about other corkers.

An old friend of mine, at age 5, was fighting with her Mum over goodness knows what. Little Miss 5 decides she's had enough and wants to tell her mum she's ugly. Now, she knows that if you don't like your nose, you get a nose job, but wanted to go a it further than that and yells at her Mum "MUM, YOU NEED A HEAD JOB!!"

Dad almost choked to death running out of the house to howl with laughter in the garage.

And me - at 3 years old, I marched up to my very imposing, stern Great Aunt Agnes, who was the terror of the household and announced "we've got a chicken called Agnes. Mummy says she's an old b!tch too!"

And don't get me started on the crackers my nephew has come out with over the years... Any others?
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Replies

  • taytaylynn3
    taytaylynn3 Posts: 601
    I nanny a few kids and the other day...

    "Taylor, there is a girl in my class who is really short, she also has pointed ears, it's weird."
    "Oh is that so Noah," I responded.
    "Don't worry she's not an elf." he said back to me with such a sure look.

    haha
  • blakedebo
    blakedebo Posts: 130 Member
    The other day my sister told my 4 year old she "needed to stop growing." My daughter, with a total straight face, responses "No, I need to keep growing so I can drink wine." Oops, lol!
  • taytaylynn3
    taytaylynn3 Posts: 601
    The other day my sister told my 4 year old she "needed to stop growing." My daughter, with a total straight face, responses "No, I need to keep growing so I can drink wine." Oops, lol!
    Haha, one of the little girls I watch talks about being able to drink in only 13 more years.
  • _Tink_
    _Tink_ Posts: 3,845 Member
    The other day my sister told my 4 year old she "needed to stop growing." My daughter, with a total straight face, responses "No, I need to keep growing so I can drink wine." Oops, lol!

    That's a smart girl....
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 18,346 Member
    Here's another: My nephew at 4 walks out of the bathroom. My mum asks if he washed his hands. He says no. Mum asks him why not and he looks her dead in the eye and says "because I didn't pee on them!"
  • navygrrl
    navygrrl Posts: 517 Member
    When my oldest started kindergarten, I was 9 months pregnant with his sister. One day after school, I asked him about his day, and he told me about the teacher's aide. He said, "She has a big belly like you, Mom, but she doesn't have a baby in her belly. She's just fat."

    This is the same child who, while waiting in line at the supermarket at age 3, announced to everyone that his truck was a girl because "it didn't have a penis."
  • roxywho42
    roxywho42 Posts: 165 Member
    My son hollered in the store "mommy, my penis needs to potty" when he was 3
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 18,346 Member
    When my oldest started kindergarten, I was 9 months pregnant with his sister. One day after school, I asked him about his day, and he told me about the teacher's aide. He said, "She has a big belly like you, Mom, but she doesn't have a baby in her belly. She's just fat."


    Haahaa I love it. My nephew was once sitting with me, very sleepy and leaning and said 'Auntie... you're fat. I don't mind though. You're softer than mum."
  • KameHameHaaaa
    KameHameHaaaa Posts: 837 Member
    My 5 year old nephew spends too much time on youtube! >_<

    The other day I heard him humming from the next room over, then quietly singing to some video he was watching. I crept up on him and listened in to hear him singing "So many ways to diiiieee. So many dumb dumb ways to diiiieee"... WTF! Lol.

    He also saw a hairless sphinx cat for the first time and decided he wanted one for his birthday so "it could take baths with him". He saw a sphinx cat in a lady gaga video and from there found out they like water/taking baths.

    When I used to babysit, the kids would always tell me their family secrets. One kid around the age of 4 told me "I saw my mom kissing Ted" "who's Ted" "my dad's friend"... a few years later I'm introduced to Ted, the new husband after she and the first one divorced!
  • dizzysmile
    dizzysmile Posts: 71 Member
    This isn't quite as funny as some of the others here, but I got a laugh out of it. I worked for a very short time as a monitor on school buses for special needs children. At one point in one of the minivan "buses," there was only one little boy, about 4 years old, in the backseat. The driver, trying to make conversation with him, asked "Where do live?" His response: "I live just off of all the way over there." while pointing in a random direction.
  • MissMCassidy
    MissMCassidy Posts: 445
    A couple weeks ago my two y/o was sitting on the couch and all of a sudden she jumps of the couch in full sprawl mode and land on the floor in a full belly flop I say what the heck she says"uh oh my wings didn't flap." lol

    About a months ago I was babysitting my six year old niece and we were at target, after we seen about 3 pregnant women Aubrey looks at me dead in the eye and says "Thea what exactly causes pregnancy it seems to be contagious?" I told her it was called baby fever. lol
  • SwashBlogger
    SwashBlogger Posts: 395 Member
    My daughter at six referring to twin boys in her class as "Isaac and No One" (Noah) and then "No One is the big-headed kid". And he was.
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  • marvybells
    marvybells Posts: 1,984 Member
    oh boy. i have a good one.....Last week I was on vacation with extended family, just chillin' on the beach, when my cousin's 6 year old looked at me and said "you look old. Are you going to die soon?".

    :laugh:
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 18,346 Member
    oh boy. i have a good one.....Last week I was on vacation with extended family, just chillin' on the beach, when my cousin's 6 year old looked at me and said "you look old. Are you going to die soon?".

    :laugh:
    yeah they don't care to tell people how they feel haha or think.

    My guy.......repeats his father too much.

    I'm a sarcastic guy......so if someone messes up or does something wrong I go......Good Job winner. ..........so all I hear now when I hit something, drop something or etc is Good Job winner.........

    I asked him the other day......hey.....where did you hear that? He looked me straight in the eye and said "Facebook"

    I had to just walk away.(mind you he turned 4 yesterday)

    LOL my nephew also picks up a lot from his sarcastic Dad... a while back his dad picked something up and my nephew (about 4 or 5) asked what it was. Dad said something silly. Nephew asked again, Dad said something else silly. Nephew asks again, gets anpther silly answer, stops dead, looks his Dad square in the eye, crosses his arms and says "I'm going to ask you one more time, smart *kitten*..."
  • harribeau2012
    harribeau2012 Posts: 644 Member
    we play a family game, which started when my boys went through the desire to ask endless blasted questions phase...you may know it, we call it "Guess who I am" and it's a sort of eye spy but you think of a person rather than spot an object.
    ANYWAY
    I asked my young son if his person was a HISTORICAL FIGURE,

    HE REALLY really thought about it, then replied..." Well..he's not THAT funny".

    Years have passed and it still makes me smile! and yes, it sounds like the dullest childhood ever :drinker:
  • amy1612
    amy1612 Posts: 1,356 Member
    I was working with a child at a science outreach event one day and a lady in a niqab walked into the room. His eyes went huge and he turned to me and said 'OH MY GOD, THERE'S A NINJA'. He was so excited, I tried to explain that it was a lady in a headscarf but he was having none of it lol.
  • sho3girl
    sho3girl Posts: 10,799 Member
    Guy I work with has his grandchildren over - they were running around - their Nan lets them misbehave but he won't which has given him the name Grumpy Granddad ... so after telling the 7 year old grandson off for the third time he sulks off to the other room, so Nan goes to talk him around to Granddad over hears him say to his Nan "you should have married someone your own age"

    (there's just over a year between them)
  • bluestarlight19
    bluestarlight19 Posts: 419 Member
    My husband and I were replacing parts of a fence and my 2 girls were outside. The younger one got tired so daddy brought her in for a nap. A short while later, my 3 year old wanted to go in too. So I said "ok, I was to make some lunch too." She said," yea, I want lunch 3".

    Yesterday picking her up from daycare she started telling me about her day," And I got a time out because I hit catherine (her sis)" She said it so proudly. I looked up at the daycare teacher and she said yea she had been particularly aggressive with her sister that day.

    My nephew had a great one, when he was about 3 or 4 he was shopping with his mom and an old lady with an eye patch, walking with a limp and a can came in. He grabbed his mom's arm and yelled and pointed "LOOK MOM! A PIRATE"!! My sis said she was so embarrassed she just booked it 2 aisles over.
  • kshadows
    kshadows Posts: 1,315 Member
    When we were kids, my grandfather used to say "Oh, God bless America!" when he was frustrated, instead of other, more child-inappropriate phrases. One night, while spending the night at my grandparents', my 4 year old brother was saying his prayers before bedtime with grandma. He finished up and my grandma prompted him "And God bless...." and he lit up and said "AMERICA!"
  • kshadows
    kshadows Posts: 1,315 Member
    My favorite story is my father's. He had an aunt who had 4 boys. When they were all between 12 and 18, she got pregnant (unplanned) and had a daughter. At 4 years old, she got her tricycle stuck in the corner of the basement where she was riding it... Dad says she got off, looked at her brothers, and said "How the hell do you get this son ofa***** outta here?"

    The effect of having 4 teenaged brothers!
  • Beckboo0912
    Beckboo0912 Posts: 447 Member
    Last week, I was taking my uncle to get some teeth out, they were knicking him out. So we were driving amd my 3yo sonpipes uo5, Uncle David I'm gonna miss you when the dentist knocks you off. I died! This is also the same boy who when asked why he pees outside said because the birds drink it...Uncle Cory said so!
  • ink_b1tch
    ink_b1tch Posts: 101
    I was telling my 13 year old how to get to her dads, she looks me dead in the eye and says "I dont speak map". I lost it.
  • amethyst7986
    amethyst7986 Posts: 223 Member
    This isn't quite as funny as some of the others here, but I got a laugh out of it. I worked for a very short time as a monitor on school buses for special needs children. At one point in one of the minivan "buses," there was only one little boy, about 4 years old, in the backseat. The driver, trying to make conversation with him, asked "Where do live?" His response: "I live just off of all the way over there." while pointing in a random direction.

    Sounds like my nephew, I asked what park he went to and he just kinda waved and said "that one over there" So I started naming parks and he looks at me and says "uh I'm not a map Tia!" yeah he's 5...lol
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  • ink_b1tch
    ink_b1tch Posts: 101
    I was telling my 13 year old how to get to her dads, she looks me dead in the eye and says "I dont speak map". I lost it.

    I guess I should add she speaks 4 other languages besides english! That makes it a bit funnier.
  • Snip8241
    Snip8241 Posts: 767 Member
    My neighbors five year old came home from school one day and told her mom the teacher got sick and had to leave school. Her mom asked what happened to her.

    The five year old shrugged and said....I don't know....I think she had a spaz attack.
  • jasonmh630
    jasonmh630 Posts: 2,850 Member
    When I was 3-4, my parents took me to the zoo for the first time... Mom said when we walked through the front gate, we saw a couple with their child and that the couple had dwarfism. She said I looked at them, then looked at her, then looked at them again, then looked BACK at here and started jumping up and down yelling, "Look, it's a little mommy and a little daddy!"... She said she snickered and that the couple heard me. The father was rolling with laughter, but the mother gave that "I'm gonna kill that little p**ck" death stare.
  • amy1612
    amy1612 Posts: 1,356 Member
    I was telling my 13 year old how to get to her dads, she looks me dead in the eye and says "I dont speak map". I lost it.

    Bahahaha, this reminds me of a non-child related 'darnedest thing'.
    In Prague with my partner and he asks the woman in tourist info for a map, she replied 'English?' and so he slowly repeated 'maaaaaap' at her. I was like, 'yes, an english map please'. Never let him live it down.
  • The_Aly_Wei
    The_Aly_Wei Posts: 844 Member
    1) I was eating lunch with my friend's kiddo and her mom just got done complimenting me on being "skinny". The little girl equates skinny with no "junk food". So, when I get a plate of dessert she slaps it out of my hand to tell me "don't eat cake, pig!".

    2) Same little girl in the grocery store with me throwing a fit at me because I told her "no" to something. Her reaction was to scream "F*** you, mommy!" My reply? "I'm not your mom".

    3) My cousin's kid has had a crush on me since basically his infancy. He is now 6 with a wrestling obsession. His mom and I were kidding around and he said that he wanted to see us wrestle. He made sure to set the wardrobe requirements: "Mom, you can wear a bathing suit. Issa, you can be naked." Gee. Thanks.

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