Kids say the darndest things...

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  • kshadows
    kshadows Posts: 1,315 Member
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    My favorite story is my father's. He had an aunt who had 4 boys. When they were all between 12 and 18, she got pregnant (unplanned) and had a daughter. At 4 years old, she got her tricycle stuck in the corner of the basement where she was riding it... Dad says she got off, looked at her brothers, and said "How the hell do you get this son ofa***** outta here?"

    The effect of having 4 teenaged brothers!
  • Beckboo0912
    Beckboo0912 Posts: 447 Member
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    Last week, I was taking my uncle to get some teeth out, they were knicking him out. So we were driving amd my 3yo sonpipes uo5, Uncle David I'm gonna miss you when the dentist knocks you off. I died! This is also the same boy who when asked why he pees outside said because the birds drink it...Uncle Cory said so!
  • ink_b1tch
    ink_b1tch Posts: 101
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    I was telling my 13 year old how to get to her dads, she looks me dead in the eye and says "I dont speak map". I lost it.
  • amethyst7986
    amethyst7986 Posts: 223 Member
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    This isn't quite as funny as some of the others here, but I got a laugh out of it. I worked for a very short time as a monitor on school buses for special needs children. At one point in one of the minivan "buses," there was only one little boy, about 4 years old, in the backseat. The driver, trying to make conversation with him, asked "Where do live?" His response: "I live just off of all the way over there." while pointing in a random direction.

    Sounds like my nephew, I asked what park he went to and he just kinda waved and said "that one over there" So I started naming parks and he looks at me and says "uh I'm not a map Tia!" yeah he's 5...lol
  • ink_b1tch
    ink_b1tch Posts: 101
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    I was telling my 13 year old how to get to her dads, she looks me dead in the eye and says "I dont speak map". I lost it.

    I guess I should add she speaks 4 other languages besides english! That makes it a bit funnier.
  • Snip8241
    Snip8241 Posts: 767 Member
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    My neighbors five year old came home from school one day and told her mom the teacher got sick and had to leave school. Her mom asked what happened to her.

    The five year old shrugged and said....I don't know....I think she had a spaz attack.
  • jasonmh630
    jasonmh630 Posts: 2,850 Member
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    When I was 3-4, my parents took me to the zoo for the first time... Mom said when we walked through the front gate, we saw a couple with their child and that the couple had dwarfism. She said I looked at them, then looked at her, then looked at them again, then looked BACK at here and started jumping up and down yelling, "Look, it's a little mommy and a little daddy!"... She said she snickered and that the couple heard me. The father was rolling with laughter, but the mother gave that "I'm gonna kill that little p**ck" death stare.
  • amy1612
    amy1612 Posts: 1,356 Member
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    I was telling my 13 year old how to get to her dads, she looks me dead in the eye and says "I dont speak map". I lost it.

    Bahahaha, this reminds me of a non-child related 'darnedest thing'.
    In Prague with my partner and he asks the woman in tourist info for a map, she replied 'English?' and so he slowly repeated 'maaaaaap' at her. I was like, 'yes, an english map please'. Never let him live it down.
  • The_Aly_Wei
    The_Aly_Wei Posts: 844 Member
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    1) I was eating lunch with my friend's kiddo and her mom just got done complimenting me on being "skinny". The little girl equates skinny with no "junk food". So, when I get a plate of dessert she slaps it out of my hand to tell me "don't eat cake, pig!".

    2) Same little girl in the grocery store with me throwing a fit at me because I told her "no" to something. Her reaction was to scream "F*** you, mommy!" My reply? "I'm not your mom".

    3) My cousin's kid has had a crush on me since basically his infancy. He is now 6 with a wrestling obsession. His mom and I were kidding around and he said that he wanted to see us wrestle. He made sure to set the wardrobe requirements: "Mom, you can wear a bathing suit. Issa, you can be naked." Gee. Thanks.
  • shannishan05
    shannishan05 Posts: 119 Member
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    One day there was a homeless man standing near the stoplight we were at. He was holding a sign...

    Daughter: "What's his sign say?"
    Me: "I don't know...Why don't you sound it out."
    Daughter: (She sounds out each letter...mumbling to herself) "Need help. I'm a Vet," she said with so much pride. "Is that it?"
    Me: "Yep! You got it."
    Daughter: " Mmmm Hmmm...Well, you know he's lying cause don't have no dog or cats!"

    I fell out laughing!!!!!! Hilarious!!
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,780 Member
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    My 3 year old son

    Last night:
    "Oh no! I have a boo boo on my leg! OOOOOOOH it hurrrtsssss... oh. (licks leg). Nope. Just chocolate."

    While watching TV
    Him: Lemonade Anytime minutes?
    Me: what? no. UNLIMITED anytime minutes
    Him: LEMONADE!!

    Alphabet practice
    "A is for apple. B is for blue. C is for constellation..."

    To his mom on mother's day
    "Thank you for my heart, mom."

    Wanting to play basketball
    "Do you want to do some basketball hooping?"
  • amethyst7986
    amethyst7986 Posts: 223 Member
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    One day my nephew (5yrs), myself and my daughter (12 yrs) were on our way to my moms house for dinner. It was getting ready to rain and my car needed a good wash so I told my nephew "when we get to grandma's get the towel and wash my car, then grab some soap and we could all take a bath outside in the rain"

    an hour or so later we were sitting down eating dinner and he screamed out "oh my God Tia go get naked...its raining!"

    My sister in law was mortified, she had no clue that I jokingly told him we took baths in the rain!
  • amethyst7986
    amethyst7986 Posts: 223 Member
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    This happened last night.....we were sitting in the kitchen talking (me, my mom and my daughter). My mom was making a cup of tea for herself and when she went to pull the tea bag out of her and into the trash can the string broke and it fell on her hand. Out of nowhere my daughter who is 13 yrs old says "ha ha grandma got tea bagged!"

    I tried not to laugh but it was so funny....the look on my moms face was truly priceless! And my daughter was like "I don't get it"
  • decblessings
    decblessings Posts: 113 Member
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    We really don't swear or use words we wouldn't want our kids to use in front of them, so my husband was really caught off guard the other day... He and my son rode bikes to the store and my husband decided to get a big 24 pack of bottled water. As they got back to their bikes my 6 year old looks at the water and then his dad and says, "How the hell are we gonna get all this home?"

    Also, my just-turned-3 year old thinks it's hilarious to pretend my boobs are snowballs. When I'm carrying her she will pretend to grab them off my chest and throw them at people yelling "Throw a snowball at you!"
  • jodynolte
    jodynolte Posts: 243 Member
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    When my son was 3, we were getting ready to leave for work/daycare in the morning and he noticed a bug on our car when we went to get in. He leaned over, looked very closely at the bug and with the most sincere voice, said "hold on tight, bug!" :ohwell:
  • nerdymathgrrl
    nerdymathgrrl Posts: 270 Member
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    These are hilarious! I have 2 pretty good ones:

    1) On a road trip when I was about 6, someone cut my dad off, and he called the guy an SOB. I thought about it for a second, and asked my dad if, since I was a girl, that made me a DOB. My dad laughed hysterically and said yes, while my mom swatted at him from the passenger seat.

    2) When my daughter was about 4 or 5, I took her to Walgreens to get Sudafed (the kind behind the counter). When the pharmacist asked how he could help me, she loudly piped up with "My mommy wants to buy some drugs!" My mistake for calling it a drugstore! The fact that people use the stuff to make meth did not help....
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,841 Member
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    My son was around probably around 3 or 4 years old and we were out at Red Lobster having dinner. There was a wonderful group of older ladies at a table next to use and they were all dressed up, looking like a church group or the like. The ladies were laughing and having a wonderful time, and as we got up to leave my son walks over to one lady and proudly announces VERY loudly..."men have a penis and women have vaginas." I could feel my face get a bit flush, but without missing a beat this older lady just gets a big smile and says, well thank you honey, I had almost forgot about that," and all the ladies just started chatting and laughing about it.
  • skippygirlsmom
    skippygirlsmom Posts: 4,433 Member
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    When my daughter was like 2 we were in Disney in the bathroom and of course she was in the stall with me. I went to the bathroom and she started to yell really loud "Momma you went poopy in the potty and didn't get any in your underwear, I'm SSSOOO proud of you!". All I could hear was laughter, I guess there was a lot of Mom's thinking "been there". I stayed in the stall until I thought everyone who heard had left. :blushing:
  • skippygirlsmom
    skippygirlsmom Posts: 4,433 Member
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    we play a family game, which started when my boys went through the desire to ask endless blasted questions phase...you may know it, we call it "Guess who I am" and it's a sort of eye spy but you think of a person rather than spot an object.
    ANYWAY
    I asked my young son if his person was a HISTORICAL FIGURE,

    HE REALLY really thought about it, then replied..." Well..he's not THAT funny".

    Years have passed and it still makes me smile! and yes, it sounds like the dullest childhood ever :drinker:

    this one took me a minute - too funny

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