The "you just fine the way you are" Talk

The proper response would be, "Thank you, I'm glad you think so. Hopefully you'll still think I'm fine the way I am when I get to the point where *I* think I'm fine the way I am too."

I have had this...back when I was 250lbs at 5'7. I basically just do not respond or try to take it as a compliment, because that is why people say it MOST OF THE TIME. They say it to be nice.

You do not need to justify your health and fitness to anyone.

Partners and spouses tend to get the short end of the stick where weight discussions are concerned. They seem to be hesitant to say anything for fear of hurting feelings, creating doubts etc. I would say that as long as your boyfriend is not trying to fight with you or completely sabotage your efforts, just roll with it. He may not want to make you feel insecure as us saying something about ourselves is different than someone we care about saying it to us.

Epic first post!

Yes.

I can understand where it comes from. As another poster said, the fear of hurting someone's feelings is there. However, sometimes lying can hurt just as bad. And I say this from experience. I got the "You're just fine..." and then (my personal favorite) "You're not that fat". And they always say 'that'. Always. Which is a fancy way of saying "You're fat, but I'm afraid of hurting your feelings. So, you're not that fat." I wish we, as a society, would stop tip toeing around the truth. If someone is fat, they're fat. If someone is skinny, they're skinny. If someone needs to lose five lbs, there's nothing wrong with agreeing and motivating them to do so - as long as you're not saying these things to be a complete jerk.

The best thing I can say, is tell them you're not doing this to look good. You're doing this for your health.

So... in my own personal commitment to MYSELF I'll have you. to loose weight in telling my current boyfriend that I'm actually trying to loose weight. I've been met each time with the your just fine the way you are talk.

Has anyone else who feels they want to lose weight for them selves in a non-dangerous way been met with this?

And if you have what the best way to tell them that you don't currently feel comfortable in your own body?

My husband is the same way. He always says "well i think you are fine". I just tell him but IM not happy with me. Just tell you you want to be comfortable in your own skin. You have to be happy with yourself

Personally, I wouldn't voice it.

If we say we're going to do something, our brains makes us feel like we accomplished something when we haven't really done *kitten*.

Some people must follow through when they voice something. It seems like most people would rather just talk the talk, though.

You should watch the secret. You will probably like it. There is value in keeping one's intentions to oneself. There is something more precious and condensed about the intent. Something motivating. It feels like when you state it, it gets spent a little and watered down. Using very bad analogies here but it's a thing.

An example. A friend of mine had trouble with relationships. SOME of them were pretty decent guys. SO on the next decent guy she found I asked her to hold onto it, and him and keep it to herself for awhile. Like a secret. Like to give herself and him time to nurture the relationship between the two of them before introducing to each others friends and family and open it up to scrutiny/opinions. This seemed to work. The last time I talked to her we were both arguing with each other about who no longer had time for whom due to being in a full fledged serious relationship and turning our life completely over to a man who had been deserving of us for months. I went on to marry mine, and that's the last I heard of her, they were engaged and under way was a tour of a different California mission each weekend plan.

I think sometimes we announce our plans too soon and let people take the rug out from under us with their concerns/advice.

The proper response would be, "Thank you, I'm glad you think so. Hopefully you'll still think I'm fine the way I am when I get to the point where *I* think I'm fine the way I am too."

Exactly this and I wouldn't talk about it anymore. Also be prepared for more indifference rather than support. You might be giddy to be down and size and your boyfriend may not care a bit. Don't let that get you down, you have your MFP peeps for support and you need to do what you need to do to be happy with yourself. Best of luck!

Everywhere i turned i got.. you look fine, youve lost weight..have you been trying too?

Theyre all just being polite , didnt want to hurt my feelings or really didnt give a damn

it about you

Personally, I wouldn't voice it.

If we say we're going to do something, our brains makes us feel like we accomplished something when we haven't really done *kitten*.

Some people must follow through when they voice something. It seems like most people would rather just talk the talk, though.

You should watch the secret. You will probably like it. There is value in keeping one's intentions to oneself. There is something more precious and condensed about the intent. Something motivating. It feels like when you state it, it gets spent a little and watered down. Using very bad analogies here but it's a thing.

An example. A friend of mine had trouble with relationships. SOME of them were pretty decent guys. SO on the next decent guy she found I asked her to hold onto it, and him and keep it to herself for awhile. Like a secret. Like to give herself and him time to nurture the relationship between the two of them before introducing to each others friends and family and open it up to scrutiny/opinions. This seemed to work. The last time I talked to her we were both arguing with each other about who no longer had time for whom due to being in a full fledged serious relationship and turning our life completely over to a man who had been deserving of us for months. I went on to marry mine, and that's the last I heard of her, they were engaged and under way was a tour of a different California mission each weekend plan.

I think sometimes we announce our plans too soon and let people take the rug out from under us with their concerns/advice.

Enticing grabber and good post!

My doctor didn't say that I was fine just the way I was. He said I needed to lose fifty pounds if I didn't want to end up having a heart attack or stroke.