I lost my father today.

2

Replies

  • margannmks
    margannmks Posts: 424 Member
    Im so sorry . Eat,drink, cry ,scream whatever you need to do for you. As someone told me after i lost somone i loved dearly " the hole in your heart will never go away,but i promise you it will get smaller"
  • coopieclan
    coopieclan Posts: 20 Member
    I am so sorry for your loss.

    I'm so sorry you didn't see your Dad but you did get to tell him your feelings and give him what he needed for him to pass in peace. You got the chance to tell him what you needed to say. You gave him your love!

    You will probably never know why his family never notified you about how critical he was. But closure comes in different ways. Your phone call was wonderful and needed for both of you.

    Remember the times when you were his little princess. Those were precious times and deserve remembering. Don't dwell on the negative because you did nothing wrong. I'm sure he never meant to hurt you and that he missed you too. People are strange about their feelings. Sometimes for whatever reason we spend so much time apart it can become too hard to reconnect. That doesn't mean he never thought of you. I'm sure you were always in his heart.

    Rest and be in peace knowing you did all you could to relay your love to him.

    Be sad for your loss and let others console you but remember you are strong. Time heals all wounds.

    God bless you and your family during this very sad time.
  • marricurt
    marricurt Posts: 47 Member
    Oh sweetheart.... Words fail me. Know that you are loved and that you have people all over the world thinking of you and your family right now. May you find some comfort and peace with your husband, son and your family. We are thinking of you. X
  • allaboutthecake
    allaboutthecake Posts: 1,535 Member
    So sorry for your loss. Professionals believe that hearing is the last of the 5-senses to remain while one is dying. Please take comfort knowing that your father probably really DID hear the words you said and with that, he was able to let go of his earthly hold. Men are a proud people and more than likely he waited for everyone to leave so he could go quietly. Hearing your words were probably his "bucket list" and with that he was able to let go.
    God bless you sweetie. :heart:
  • kgeyser
    kgeyser Posts: 22,505 Member
    I am so sorry.
  • skippygirlsmom
    skippygirlsmom Posts: 4,433 Member
    I'm so sorry - you are in my prayers.
  • perseverance14
    perseverance14 Posts: 1,364 Member
    I am so sorry for your loss...it is hard not to be there, I understand what that feels like, but I do believe he heard you, and would want you to carry on an be happy, take care of your family and his grandson.

    Take time to grieve and forget about diet for now.
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
    I'm sorry for your heartbreaking loss.
  • _HeartsOnFire_
    _HeartsOnFire_ Posts: 5,304 Member
    I'm so sorry for your loss.

    Sending you love and hugs.

    Heart.gif

    I'm sure he heard you and he knew you loved him. He knows your heart will always be with him and his with you.
  • rollng_thundr
    rollng_thundr Posts: 634 Member
    There is no time limit or rules governing the grieving process, take all the time you need.

    I am on the other end of the situation you described. Fortunately, I am able to keep my wits about me. I have never bad-mouthed my daughter's mom and even been supportive. I have always taught her to respect her mom, even though they have a really contentious relationship. But that still hasn't brought us as close as I'd like. It makes me sad.

    Reading your story has inspired me to keep trying, no matter the cost. That while all forces I face are fighting against me, the effort is worth it for my daughter.

    I know there's not one word I can say to you that can ease the pain and feeling of emptiness you are experiencing.

    But know this, your words may keep me from a similar fate...

    Find peace. God bless you.
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,783 Member
    I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time.
  • wonderwoman234
    wonderwoman234 Posts: 551 Member
    Sending blessings and prayers your way during this very difficult time. :smile: :flowerforyou:
  • sun_fish
    sun_fish Posts: 864 Member
    It is difficult to express sympathy at a time like this. Not only have you lost your father, you have lost any hope of having a better relationship with him. I am truly sorry and you have my sympathy and deepest condolences.
  • JG762
    JG762 Posts: 571 Member
    He didn't die alone, you were with him in his heart.
  • Onepurpose
    Onepurpose Posts: 4 Member
    Deeply sorry for your loss.....I believe that your Father heard your words....may he rest in peace. Take very good care of yourself.
  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
    this makes me want to cry. I have had such difficulties with my parents, a love/hate thing. They were so neglectful of me. My Dad is also dying, he is in a facility. I am sure your Dad heard you, he went so quickly, sounds like he felt peace after talking with you.
    I tell you family stuff is difficult, especially some families. Your father made it so difficult accusing you of your grandmothers inheritance stuff. Divorce stuff is so painful. My parents were best buddies with my Xhusband who was so mean to me, he was just like them. You love your parents though, you have a bond even though they are so flawed.

    A lot of us have a difficult situation with our parents, and we just do the best we can. I just wrote a post today talking about that. I hope you get your peace back soon and don't be hard on yourself, it is difficult.
  • blakedebo
    blakedebo Posts: 130 Member
    I am so sorry for your loss :heart:
  • CariJean64
    CariJean64 Posts: 297 Member
    I'm so very sorry for your loss.

    Please remember that your Heavenly Father is with you now and longs to comfort you. I hope you let Him. I've lost both my parents now and it's so incredibly painful... but the pain does ease with time.

    {{hugs}}
  • roxazaloah
    roxazaloah Posts: 28
    I lost my mother last year. I had a similar experience as yours, where we had no communication. Ours was a very volitile mother-daughter relationship, to where I had to choose between being loyal to her and being essentially her proverbial punching bag, and my happiness and freedom. I chose the latter. Our conversations also became less frequent after I moved about 1000 miles away, from FL to MN. I think the last time I spoke to her was probably Mother's day of 2012. She passed away Feb. of 2013. It was sudden and without warning, but she had been diagnosed with colon cancer since 2007, and went into remission without any treatment on her own. I guess it did her in over time.

    Don't be afraid to reach out and talk to people. If you think any way like I do, you might not want to talk about your feelings to multiple people or for very long. It leads to some intense depression, and you might have things that trigger bad feelings or overwhelming emotions that you don't want to deal with. But like me, I know you can do it. I don't even know you or your life, but I can empathize and tell you that you're not alone. After a year, I'm STILL dealing with feeling like the lowest piece of garbage because I never had a chance to make things right; but then again, neither did my mother. We all live on borrowed time and we all believe that we can mend severed ties or hurting wounds at any time, because we'll live forever. That's what we all want deep down I think, is to have unlimited time. And we're all terribly wounded and our dreams are shattered any time we face the loss of a loved one or a close one.

    It's not fair. Why me?

    But, you'll get through this. You will see yourself through, and it will take time. It won't be an overnight process and it's OK TO CRY AND BE EMOTIONAL. It's okay to just totally randomly lose your **** at the drop of a hat.

    I came across this when I first saw the forums postings, and I felt like I should respond. Maybe these words will help you if you feel like, later or even now, that you're stuck in some sort of rut, and you just don't know why, because 'x amount of time has passed since I lost x person'. It doesn't matter how much time has passed. Live your life to the fullest, take time getting out of your rut, and make sure you tell your loved ones you love them every day. It's been hard for me to come to terms with my own loss, but I'm slowly starting to believe in myself again. There is a silver lining to every nasty looking cloud, and there is a purpose in everything. It will become easier to see with time.

    I'm so sorry for the loss of your father. Even though you may not think he could hear you, I'm sure somewhere underneath all the medications and sedatives, he was in there, listening to you, and understanding, and wishing he could respond. I know he's proud of the woman you are and of all your accomplishments, great and small. Life just... deals us terrible hands sometimes, and I truly am sorry that it ended up like this for you. Please have comfort that you could at least talk to him one last time before he passed. If you believe in the afterlife, I'm sure he's seeing that you're hurting and wishing he could comfort his little girl, despite all that transpired while he was alive.
  • tinwaleet
    tinwaleet Posts: 16 Member
    I am so sorry for your loss. Just wanted to tell you that your father was not alone, hearing your voice was a wonderful gift you gave him. I am sure it allowed him to go in peace and that is really nice and generous of you considering your relationship at the time. When the pain ease I am sure you will see that your call meant that you were with him and he was not alone. Being present is not physical presence it about thinking and truly caring for someone and you cared. I hope your pain ease soon.
  • BrienJD
    BrienJD Posts: 541 Member
    My sincere condolences on your loss.
  • sarmination
    sarmination Posts: 3
    You are in my prayers. Remember the beautiful moments you spent together. Memories last forever.
  • dfurton83
    dfurton83 Posts: 36 Member
    I'm so sorry for your loss, I was close to losing my dad a few times over the last 15 years and I can't imagine what you are feeling. Thank you for sharing your story, even if you just shared to vent you may have helped someone in the same situation. I'm sure he heard you and was comforted that you called and told him about you and what you had accomplished. He was alone but sometimes it seems that is for the best. Five years ago my grandpa was very ill with colon cancer, he was in a comatose state, a few days before Christmas after my grandma said goodnight she went to bed and my grandpa silently passed away, as if he was waiting to be alone. Take comfort knowing that you were able to say goodbye and that you were able to tell him you loved him.

    And don't beat yourself up for eating and drinking, you will get back on track.
  • AnthonyThrashD
    AnthonyThrashD Posts: 306 Member
    Sorry for your loss.
  • newdaydawning79
    newdaydawning79 Posts: 1,503 Member
    My heart hurts for you right now. Please know that although we don't know each other, I am thinking about you and wishing you only the best as you move forward and grieve your father. :heart:
  • hooligansailor
    hooligansailor Posts: 4
    So VERY sorry for your loss. May God walk with you through your grief. This post hit home with me because my father and I have a rough relationship. He is in Florida and I am in Washington state...perhaps it is time to try to bridge the gaps between us. I will be praying for you.
  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
    yes, take care of yourself. Some things just could not be fixed and we just deal the best we can. No wonder we turned to overeating. But don't do it. You didn't ask for all this crap. Enjoy your family and the good things in your life, maybe even take a trip. I have been sitting here crying reading this, we have mixed up families and gosh I wish it was different but it is what it is and we have to go on.You are so young, gosh I am 60 and my parents have fought their whole lives and you have to distance yourself some not to be in a strait jacket. Please don't be hard on yourself. Most people would have run away but you made many efforts, give yourself credit.
  • ImaHazelnut
    ImaHazelnut Posts: 7
    Two years ago, my sister was in the hospital on life support until we finally had to make the decision to turn the machines off. I tell you this for this reason: her Respiratory Therapist and every nurse that came in her room told us she could hear everything we said even though it didn't appear that way and they encouraged us to talk to her. I truly believe your father heard every word you said to him on the phone! I hope that helps you.

    Everyone grieves differently. Allow yourself to really feel your feelings and do whatever it is you need to do (that is healthy for you and your family) to work through them - find a support group, keep a journal, tell your husband and friends what you need from them to help you through this.

    I pray that you can eventually forgive your father and yourself for all of the negative things that happened over the years and hold on to the good times. You know you love your father and I am sure he knew it too.
  • ginakiki
    ginakiki Posts: 226 Member
    I am so sorry for your loss... you will be in my prayers feel better take care xo
  • michellemarcotteartist
    michellemarcotteartist Posts: 11 Member
    So sorry for you, for your father's death and for the additional grief you are feeling because of the long-term relationship problems. I agree with the others who have advised you to see professional care and advice to help you deal with this and move on without the hooks of excessive eating or alcohol. You have a son and a husband and a life to take care of.

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