I lost my father today.

When I die I'm hoping people will throw a party to celebrate my life - it's been a pretty good one so far. I wouldn't want them to be overly depressed or sad and I suspect that many people would feel the same way about their own death. Sure, there will inevitably be some sad times, but I would ask, "Did your dad have a good life?" If the answer is yes - celebrate that! Did he at least have some good moments? Celebrate those! There's plenty of time for mourning the death of loved ones - it doesn't have to consume us. Leave some room for reflecting on, smiling and even laughing at the great moments you shared.

I'm sorry. God bless and keep you. Prayers to you and yours.

Sorry for your loss. I pray that God will give you comfort in this hard time. I am blessed to still have all my parents so I won't pretend that I know what you are going through. I know it hurts to even try to imagine. I will be praying for you and your family and you need to lean on your friends and family and let them help you through this. God Bless!

May God bless you and your family during this time -- hold onto your memories, they are yours forever. I truly believe he heard your words, and he was not really alone. Big hugs to you.

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss! I have a similar non-relationship with my mother, only I was raised by her. Like you, I tried many times over the years to maintain a relationship, but she has made it impossible. She never called to let me know that her only brother died, and didn't let me know when my grandfather died, either. When I called to console her over the loss of her brother, we got into a huge argument, and she accused me of only calling because I want her money. That was about 2 years ago, and I vowed never to call her again. I did, however, call my sister after the death of our grandfather, and tell her how disappointed I was in her (my sister) for not calling me. She still has a relationship with our mother, and was probably doing her bidding. I haven't talked to her since Grandpa died.

I know it's much easier said than done, but please try not to beat yourself up. I did for many years, and would reach out again and again, only to get kicked in the teeth for my efforts. Relationships are a two-way street. You know in your heart how much you loved your father, and I'm sure he did, too. You made efforts to draw close to him, and it didn't pan out the way you'd hoped; that's not all your fault.

Please don't forget to take care of yourself....you are in my thoughts.

I read your story and remembered a nurse who helped me through a very rough night. I have a very attentive family but they were all at home and asleep and she literally sat with me and brought other nurses in to ice me down and waited until my fever broke and I managed to fall asleep...................and it was hours. Thinking of your dad being alone like that I would suggest you pay that experience forward and help your future patients through their rough nights. Do it for your dad.

Don't feel guilty, it was his behavior that caused the rift. Give yourself some credit for having a happy and healthy life and pass those lessons on.

100%

Thinking of you lemonsnowdrop :flowerforyou:

Grief is very difficult and I understand the mixed feelings this must throw up following your difficult relationship with him.

Take care of yourself. :flowerforyou:

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that you can find it in your heart to be able to forgive yourself and not beat yourself up for not being psychic. You had no idea that he was going to pass, much less like this.

I have been there with divorced parents and bringing their children into the stupidity/baggage of THEIR relationship. The only thing that you can learn from this is what NOT to do with your own children. I am glad that you have been able to carry on with your life, find a man who loves you, and have a son that you cherish. Parents do NOT realize that when they drag their children into their baggage, they essentially tie their hands as to how to be decent adults in relationships and tend to think of themselves less than human as a result.

Do not be bitter....bitterness is akin to wishing death on someone else and then taking the poison into your own body. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. You got out of a toxic environment. Relationships go both ways. Don't beat yourself up for someone else's behavior.

Know that I am praying for you. YOU CAN DO THIS. YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS. Please take care of you and yours.

Hi, Lemon! Sorry to hear about your dad. I think he did hear what you had to say (although I do wish those who were there had told you sooner).

Take the time you need to grieve, and be good to yourself. Remember that you are not responsible for any crazymaking your parents pulled. You tried to keep the line of communication open, only to be blamed for something you didn't do--so you took the prudent path and stepped back.

Oh honey, I'm so sorry. What a beautiful thing to have the nurse hold the phone to his ear. You are a brave and strong person. Thank you for sharing your story and your grief.

I know you don't know me, but my heart is with you at this difficult time.

There are no words to take away the pain. I believe they can hear you. My father passed away a year ago. He was on hospice. We had his mother in Minnesota talk to him. I held the phone to his ear and though he could not talk I believe he heard her. Please take the time to grieve and take care of yourself. God bless. I will keep you and your father in my prayers.

I have a similarly-distant relationship with my father and his rapidly deteriorating health is making me wonder whether I want to address any of the issues between us that have plagued me for years. If nothing else, your story has motivated me to give this some serious thought, as he will not be on this earth forever.
My thoughts are with you. Surround yourself with people who love you and who will let you cry or laugh or rave, as needed. Take care of yourself and forgive yourself for any food-lapses. You will get through this and get back to your goals when you are ready. Take your time to grieve.

I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot even imagine what you are going through. You will certainly be in my thoughts and prayers. I am glad that you were able to at least get some small semblance of closure with the phone call. I would like to think that he sensed your presence on some level. Please take care.

My sincerest sympathies. I encourage you to continue to speak to your father and write him letters or start a journal expressing joys, pains, turmoils, regrets, triumphs, etc...know that he hears you.

Don't let your regrets about your relationship fester. Instead, make an effort to build positive relationships and contact those you love and like at least annually. Even if it is just a Christmas card or your son's school picture, make an effort to remain in their lives. Learn to let go of bad experiences while you grow and learn from all experiences. God Bless!