Patience is NOT my strong suit

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Jened13
Jened13 Posts: 29 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I am coming to realize that one of the biggest battles that I will have during this process will be PATIENCE. I got on the scale again today. I couldn’t stop myself. The number has gone down since the original weigh in…that is great…right?? Somehow I found a way to be upset at the fact that it wasn’t low enough. In the past when I have ‘dieted’, I have went to extremes. No carbs, No sugars, No meat, No Dairy, etc. Because of my size, I would lose 15-30 pounds in a matter of weeks. I have lost 60 pounds in 2 months in the past. I am trying to do this the healthy way this go around. A lifestyle that isn’t over the top restrictive. With that, comes the fact that I may have to come to terms with the 2lbs a week mentality. That is what I have programmed into myfitnesspal (use name Jened13). By all standards that is a healthy weight loss each week. I can say that all day, but reality is that I want some significant weight loss up front. I NEED it to keep me motivated. That is not what is happening, so I feel a bit deflated…that is NEVER good.

People have been making comments about how I look different and that I look thinner….I don’t really believe them. I think that it is encouraging statements to make, but 9 pounds on a 300+ pound person is not easy to see come off. Generally it’s about the 30 pound marker that someone will say, “You are lookin good!” In those situations I tend to start feeling better about myself and wear some cute clothes, fluff the hair and do extra special makeup….I feel accomplished and proud…then I fall off the wagon because I have done such a good job I can ‘treat’ myself over and over and over. 9 pounds though…..not feeling that accomplished and I don’t notice any difference in my clothes.

I wish I had a concept of what SHOULD be realistic for someone my size. I am working out at least 5 days a week, and I have only went over my recommended calories 1 time in the last 3 weeks. Why isn’t the initial ‘water weight’ or ‘shock to the system’ weight coming off? Why can’t I be happy with any weight loss at all…that’s going in the right direction. After thinking about the GOAL of this weight loss (blog post Defining the “What” of my Journey), I determined that I would love to see a size 8 or 160 pounds. I saw this article once with Tyra Banks and she is 5’10 and 160 pounds and I think looks great. She doesn’t have my body shape at all….but if a Super Model can get away with 160 at close to my height….I think I would be good with that. As of the beginning of the journey that is 144 pounds and all together 206 pounds from my heaviest. So at a rate of 2 pounds a week it will take 72 weeks (close to 17 months) to get to that goal….so Novemberish of 2016. That’s not so bad…Rockin a size 8 by Thanksgiving of next year theoretically. That seems like a lifetime away though. This is where the mental side of things really plays a role on my overall success.

How can I get myself to be okay with moderate weight loss gradually? I/WE as a culture are run by INSTANT GRATIFICATION. We like fast meals, fast cars, fast internet speeds. We are hooked to our smartphones that we don’t know how we would live without before because we have EVERYTHING at our fingertips. No longer do we have the days of pulling out a paper map and finding a route to take. The adventure is lost because mapquest is just telling you where to go as you drive along listening to Pandora, because we don’t buy CD’s anymore….it’s to much of a pain and you can organize it all in your phone. We spend millions of dollars a year on the next ‘lose 30 pounds in 30 days’ infomercial. I know that at the end of the day this is the better route for me to go. I A) hopefully won’t get to saggy of skin from the weight loss (IT IS SUCH A FEAR) because my body will be adjusting to the gradual loss and cross my fingers I still have some elasticity in my skin at my SPRY 34. B) It is a REAL COMMITMENT to my health…long term. I won’t have to live in a restrictive state and then lose my weight and revert. With this, I learn how to eat appropriately and don’t feel restricted by the ‘extreme’ diet. I just continue to maintain the healthy lifestyle long after 160 pounds and/or size 8.

How can I keep myself motivated to continue? I feel inspired and responsible with this blog….which is wonderful, but even with that I have days like today that I feel as though I am not doing good. I knock myself down. I just want it all to be enough. I want to be successful so badly. I DO NOT WANT TO BE A FAT MOM!!!! I want my daughter to know me as healthy and fun. I don’t want her to worry for my health, and I don’t want her to have to struggle with weight issues following in suit with the way that I was living my life. You would think that would be motivation enough…yet I am letting actual weight loss get in the way!!!! I am frustrated with myself now. I want to celebrate the losses. I sill have another 9 days until the BIG MONTHLY WEIGH IN WITH MEASUREMENTS AND PICS (Yikes). If I was losing 2 lbs a week per myfitnesspal, I would be at 10 pounds at that time…..so that is what I am going to mentally prepare for, and if I get lucky enough that it is over, I will take that as an additional win. I may be faking it, but FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT…to size 8 and 160 lbs :)

Do you have any suggestions on ways to stay motivated and not be bogged down with the WEIGHT of it all…pun intended?
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Replies

  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,741 Member
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    I am not sure if this will be helpful for you, but for me it really helped to think in terms of "2 lb X 52 weeks = 104 lb in one year". Although I did 1.5 lb for the beginning of my time here and now have gone to 1 lb per week. The only time I let it get me down is if I didn't average out to 1.5 lb per week, and that was rare up until the end of the first year by which time I'd lost around 70 lb. I understand you're looking for a faster "payoff" but 100 lb in a year is pretty awesome...even 50 lb in a year is pretty awesome if you think of it like "3 years = 150 lb"
  • StaciMarie1974
    StaciMarie1974 Posts: 4,138 Member
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    Try thinking short term. Think in 5 pound increments. If you're 300 now, look forward to 295 and soon when you're there: look ahead to 290 and so on.

    As to people's comments: they probably DO see something in you. Living a healthier lifestyle has more benefits than just weight loss. Your skin/hair may look healthier, you may have more confidence & energy, etc.

    As to not believing it - its hard to kick that one. Even when you've made major progress and mostly come to terms with it, you'll have moments of self-doubt. So perhaps keep something on hand to remind yourself. Like maybe as you get into smaller clothes, keep one pair of jeans on hand so you can SEE the difference anytime you need a solid piece of proof.
  • WBB55
    WBB55 Posts: 4,131 Member
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    Real talk:

    This journey of 150 lbs is probably going to take at least a year and a half. And that's just how it is. Some weeks you're even gonna gain. Some weeks you'll stall. How will you feel those weeks?

    I think you need to find something else as a motivator in addition to numbers on a scale defining your "success" or "lack of success." That could be any other motivation. Running a 5K. Eating under your calorie goal for 21 days in a row. Crossing your legs. Bench pressing 150 lbs. So called Non-Scale Victories (NSV). Heck, just meeting my iron and calcium target for the week is a NSV for me.
  • WalkingAlong
    WalkingAlong Posts: 4,926 Member
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    I wish I had a concept of what SHOULD be realistic for someone my size.
    It helps me to remember I really don't DIRECTLY control my weight. I can manage my inputs is all. So try to remove the factor of the scale being your report card. If you do your best at the inputs (the eating, tracking and activity), the scale will follow eventually.

    Make your goals be what you directly control. E.g., "I will meet my calorie goals and my activity goals for X days straight." Not, "I will lose X lbs/week."

    And definitely forget that past, fast weight loss. It's not going to happen again and will only frustrate you if you compare the speed to last time or someone else's diet or some norm like '2 lbs. a week'.

    Remind yourself too that your hurry to be done is sort of a bad sign, because it's probably a rush to go back to unmonitored eating, which you may not ever want to do again, entirely. If your rush is for health, you'll be healthier even 10 lbs. from now. You don't have to hit goal to enjoy improved health.

    Good luck!
  • levitateme
    levitateme Posts: 999 Member
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    I don't really understand this attitude, and it's pretty common. "I'm not losing weight fast enough." Most people who feel this way are teetering on the edge of giving up.

    What's the alternative to losing weight "too slowly?" Gaining OR maintaining weight as an obese/overweight person? Depending on your size, this means eating a lot of calories. Why not eat a little less than your TDEE and lose weight slowly, in a sustainable way?
  • xoxsahara
    xoxsahara Posts: 58 Member
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    I also have those moments, when I step on the scale and get frustrated (because I've lost and gained weight a couple of times) or when I look in the mirror and wish that I had more visible progress even though I know my clothes are looser, HOWEVER, I do think it helps me to look at things in 5 pound increments as opposed to the full weight I need to lose! That way, I can handle things better. I actually saw someone's post on Tumblr where every 5 pounds she treated herself to something nice. An at home spa, a hike with friends, a day at the pool, and I thought that was a cute idea!
  • shabaity
    shabaity Posts: 792 Member
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    With the exercise 5 days a week your probably retaining the water weight so that scale is probably giving you something fairly accurate much more honest than say the 10+ that some people shed in water weight or the 40 I lost in 2 months few years back. It was not healthy I do not recommend it lord I was torn up. That being said forget the scale for a few days and get other goals added in like going further in your work out etc.
  • shabaity
    shabaity Posts: 792 Member
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    I also have those moments, when I step on the scale and get frustrated (because I've lost and gained weight a couple of times) or when I look in the mirror and wish that I had more visible progress even though I know my clothes are looser, HOWEVER, I do think it helps me to look at things in 5 pound increments as opposed to the full weight I need to lose! That way, I can handle things better. I actually saw someone's post on Tumblr where every 5 pounds she treated herself to something nice. An at home spa, a hike with friends, a day at the pool, and I thought that was a cute idea!

    Hmm I like this idea I can't afford to get my nails done this week but I can afford a new bottle of nail polish, an emory board, and a buffer. I'll save the expensive mani-pedi for the 20 lb mark.
  • leggup
    leggup Posts: 2,942 Member
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    First off, you're setting yourself up for failure by thinking that you will be at your goal weight by November 2016. As you get closer and closer to your goal weight, you will have to lower your goal from 2lbs lost per week to 1.5, to 1, to .5 lbs lost per week. It's a way of transitioning into maintenance and can help combat the loose skin that happens when you drop a ton of weight super fast.

    One thing that you can do to help yourself stay motivated is to plan out your next 3 goals. So, if you weigh 300 lbs today, your next goal could be to weigh 290 lbs by September 15th. It's a manageable goal (less than 2 lbs per week). Then your next goal could be 275 by December 1st. Additionally, start taking your measurements on the first of each month. I recommend tracking neck, waist, hips, thighs (all at the thickest point). Focus on the changes, not the destination.

    As for treating yourself, come up with some non-food rewards. You could do something like, "for every goal I meet, I get a mani pedi at a fancy salon" or a facial, or you put $20 aside for a beach trip, or a massage, or a new pair of shoes. Whatever is motivating to you. You have to break the cycle of food rewards. Food is for nourishment. Sometimes, food is for fun. Food is NEVER "Well, I was good, I deserve this."
  • bajoyba
    bajoyba Posts: 1,153 Member
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    Real talk:

    This journey of 150 lbs is probably going to take at least a year and a half. And that's just how it is. Some weeks you're even gonna gain. Some weeks you'll stall. How will you feel those weeks?

    I think you need to find something else as a motivator in addition to numbers on a scale defining your "success" or "lack of success." That could be any other motivation. Running a 5K. Eating under your calorie goal for 21 days in a row. Crossing your legs. Bench pressing 150 lbs. So called Non-Scale Victories (NSV). Heck, just meeting my iron and calcium target for the week is a NSV for me.

    I agree. I honestly think what helped me stick with it was that I didn't really have a solid end goal. I didn't know what weight or size I wanted to end up at, because I'd never been a healthy weight as an adult.

    What I knew I DID want was to feel better. I wanted my knees to stop hurting. I wanted to be able to ride my bike down the street without getting winded. I wanted to be able to do a push-up and run a mile, because those are things I'd never done before. Now that I'm close to my current "goal weight", I realize that even though I will reach a weight and size that I'm happy with, I will never be done, because there are too many things I want to do and too many things I want to be better at.

    Scale weight and clothing size are good indicators that you're heading in the right direction, but they are certainly not the ONLY indicators of success, and you shouldn't let them determine how you feel about yourself. While you're working on losing weight, set some other goals and work toward meeting them. Think about the things you want to accomplish with your goal body and make them happen. :smile:
  • TAsunder
    TAsunder Posts: 423 Member
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    It's been three years for me and I'm still chasing my goal weight. I would not set a deadline for your goal weight for yourself. 2 lbs/week will be hard to maintain as you lose more and more.
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
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    I wish I had a concept of what SHOULD be realistic for someone my size.
    It helps me to remember I really don't DIRECTLY control my weight. I can manage my inputs is all. So try to remove the factor of the scale being your report card. If you do your best at the inputs (the eating, tracking and activity), the scale will follow eventually.

    This has been my biggest lesson.

    Also, weight loss is not linear and does take patience.

    Jen, I have also loved that yo-yo dieting life of losing weight really quickly only to reward myself with food and gain some or all of it back. Between May 2013 and about March 2014, I lost 44 pounds. I've been pretty much maintaining for the last several months, the longest I have ever maintained in my life. I have only been able to do all this since changing my relationship with food. No longer do I categorize food as good and/or bad. Food is food, I simply choose what is good (everything I am not intolerant or allergic to) and is bad (all foods I simply don't like, or which I am intolerant or allergic to).

    How's your relationship with food?
  • Ninkyou
    Ninkyou Posts: 6,666 Member
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    Get rid of any notion of instant gratification.... cause there is none in weight loss.

    Set fitness and other milestone goals, instead of just weight. Things like, walking 1 mile, walking 2 miles, swimming for a full 20 mins without stopping, jogging for 3 minutes without stopping, etc. Other things can be dropping pants/dress/shirt sizes. It's not all about the numbers on the scale.

    Find activities that truly hold your interest and that you enjoy. Things that won't even feel like you're exercising. Before you know it, you'll be exactly where you want to be, wherever that is.
  • fvtfan
    fvtfan Posts: 126 Member
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    I had to come to terms with the fact that I do NOT lose weight every week, it comes in spurts, so when I have a week where the scale has gone up but I have done everything I can do to control it I had to just let it go. The scale is only a number that YOU see, nobody else. It is very difficult to not let it get you down, but just keep doing the right things and eventually the scale will have to show the effort.

    Take your measurements - and do it regularly, I have dropped several inches and no pounds quite a few times and really - isn't it the inches that matter?

    I have not lost anything since mid-July - I am extremely frustrated but I just keep plugging along, I know if I just give up I will never hit my goals.
  • WBB55
    WBB55 Posts: 4,131 Member
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    Another thing is body fat%. Figure out your body fat. Buy a scale that has body fat% estimates built into it (usually with metal plates on the scale that do an electrical impulse thing). That's another number that can go "down" while the scale weight stays the same. Set a target of 25% body fat, or something. But along the way, you can celebrate every 1% decrease in body fat along the way.

    Take measurements. In the past 3 weeks, I lost an inch off my thighs. Now THAT's something to celebrate, even if the scale isn't really budging.
  • bergpa
    bergpa Posts: 148 Member
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    I really believe one of the keys is not overthinking this. Eat at a deficit, exercise some and then go live your life. Make time to do things you enjoy and be with people you like. Over time the weight will come off.

    I am a person who used to dwell on things so I know that I have to manage my thoughts. If I spent a lot of time thinking about things like my current weight, getting weighed or the state or my abs, I would be frustrated and feel like a failure. So instead I keep busy and try hard to focus my attention on other things and other people. When my thoughts do turn inward, I remind myself of things I am doing right and the progress that I am making.
  • xoxsahara
    xoxsahara Posts: 58 Member
    Options
    I also have those moments, when I step on the scale and get frustrated (because I've lost and gained weight a couple of times) or when I look in the mirror and wish that I had more visible progress even though I know my clothes are looser, HOWEVER, I do think it helps me to look at things in 5 pound increments as opposed to the full weight I need to lose! That way, I can handle things better. I actually saw someone's post on Tumblr where every 5 pounds she treated herself to something nice. An at home spa, a hike with friends, a day at the pool, and I thought that was a cute idea!

    Hmm I like this idea I can't afford to get my nails done this week but I can afford a new bottle of nail polish, an emory board, and a buffer. I'll save the expensive mani-pedi for the 20 lb mark.

    Exactly :) I have "big plans" for bigger weight loss milestones, like coloring my hair when I lose 20 pounds and a huge shopping trip when I lose 30/35 but until then it would be nice to get a few other things going
  • AliceDark
    AliceDark Posts: 3,886 Member
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    So, you're trying a different method and want different long-term results, but you're expecting the same short-term results you have always gotten? That doesn't make any sense. If your previous method yielded the long-term results you want, you wouldn't be here. You told us that the crash diets that give you big, immediate losses don't give you the sustainable long-term losses you want. You can either do what you've always done and get the results that you've gotten in the past, both good and bad, or you can try something different and be okay with getting different results.
  • dialdavidtk
    dialdavidtk Posts: 4 Member
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    1) You need to do it healthy for your kid...and for yourself
    2) People are commenting that you're losing weight. Why would they lie? I know I've lost a little but I've gotten no feedback from anyone. It's ok...I'm doing this for ME....but a little feedback from the right people would be soooo nice.

    for some reason this reminds me of quote Brian Eno once said: "Landscaping is like slow motion sculpting"...dieting is too.



    dtk
  • jms1739
    jms1739 Posts: 80 Member
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    Keep taking each day at a time. For me I can't focus long term. I have not set a date to get to my goal, when it happens it happens. I used to be controlled by the scale, but a loss is a loss no matter how big or how small. Everyone that has commented here has great advice and has give some very supportive feedback. Go rack up some miles on your fit bit, and set a goal for yourself to walk so many miles, and keep that promise, Then keep your meals in check and you will still see a benefit. You will be getting healthy from the exercise, and good food, as well as losing inches, and by doing this that number will drop.

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