Feeling discouraged

queenbrc
queenbrc Posts: 29 Member
in Motivation and Support
I don't know why I even allowed this to hurt me. After all, I have lived with this man for 6 years. I know how much of a rude insensitive *kitten* he can be.

Its bad enough that he wakes me up at 3am, knowing that is the first day of school and I have to wake up with the kids. So he sends me to Walmart for bread, tortillas and sprite (like he's a pregnant *****).

So as I'm strolling through Walmart he sends me several texts of several other items to pick up. So being that I'm all over the store for him I decided to pick up a few things for the kids to eat in the mornings before school. Then I thought about how I am on vacation this week and I am sincerely trying to eat better. So I pick up a few things for myself: spring mix lettuce, cucumbers, celery, tomatoes, bell peppers, croutons and lite salad dressing.

So I get home and when he sees all the groceries he goes off on me. He calls me hungry, says I'm always hungry. When I say I'm not even hungry right now, he looks me up and down in disgust and says "you don't have to say it, it shows for itself. He proceeds to call me selfish because " all of the food is for me, and not the kids" I'm thinking "wow. Wtf??!! All I got for myself is some *kitten* for a salad (and a 2liter sprite zero). He calls me hungry hippo, whale and several other kindergarten names. He continues talking shyt about how fat I am and how I only wasted my money when I bought my elliptical machine. Normally when he does thus to me it a trigger that sets off a binge cycle. This time I felt different. I don't even want to eat. I know that's crazy. I know he is just a ***** and the things he says aren't necessarily true. Its horrible because he knows what hurts me and he uses these things to hurt me. I know I will prove him wrong, and not for him, but because I have already made the decision to change and I'm not going to feel guilty for putting cheese on my salad like he wants me to.

I know it doesn't really matter, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. I want to cry but I can't. I feel, very discouraged right now. I want to slap myself for allowing his negative behavior to cause such an impact in the way I see myself, and treat myself. I just feel very alone. He us my only " friend" (some friend, huh?) So I really have no one but mfp to talk to. Thanks for reading.

Good night
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Replies

  • boxfish100
    boxfish100 Posts: 172 Member
    Hugs to you - it is always a good thing when you make healthy choices that make you stronger and more fit. Stay strong.
  • taliasometimes
    taliasometimes Posts: 301 Member
    your man needs a slap.
    don't listen to it, there's so many of us in the same boat - you always have someone to talk to here.

    plough through, dont take that crap. you need to TELL him x
  • A185945
    A185945 Posts: 16 Member
    You need a good support structure, not someone who is going to rip you apart at a moment's notice. If I were you, I would keep a "Self Motivation" Journal, and record all the good things you have been able to achieve on a daily basis. Whenever you've been exposed to any negativity around you, open the journal and read your entries. It seems to work for a few people I know.
  • Therealobi1
    Therealobi1 Posts: 3,262 Member
    blimey you have written so many reasons there why you should be motivated to carry it on. He may or may not mean it but its not very pleasant thing to say to someone who is your friend. Dont discuss anything else with him about your journey just friend us and let it out here. SOmetimes people use your weaknesses against you and that is one of my bug bears. You can bloody do it. xxx
  • Therealobi1
    Therealobi1 Posts: 3,262 Member
    p.s make sure you eat, even if you dont feel like it. x
  • TMM211073
    TMM211073 Posts: 153 Member
    That is so mean, to be honest I'd not put up with it, I'd be gone..... But that's just me - I've been through all of that with my ex husband, hence the reason why he's the ex....

    Good on you for buying some healthy stuff, don't let negative people drag you down, just smile and think to yourself that every verbal attack is helping you to grow a thicker skin, that way, the thicker your skin, the tougher you become and you'll get to a point where words like that no longer hurt you, they just make you more determined and stronger....

    Good luck xXx
  • ElkeKNJ
    ElkeKNJ Posts: 207 Member
    Waw, that's harsh. Off course you know he is being childish, but still these episodes are not doing your self-esteem any good.

    You are doing just fine. Obviously you are too good of a woman, going shopping at night for him?
    And you are on a good path to a healthier you: eating your salads, and using your elliptical trainer.
    Please don't let this push you off the wagon again.
    Picture yourself a few months from now, a happier, healthier you, more confident, and hopefully a few real-life friends richer.
  • jetlag
    jetlag Posts: 800 Member
    You do know that you deserve better, right? I mean, truly, you deserve to supported and nurtured, no matter what he says.
  • tiptoethruthetulips
    tiptoethruthetulips Posts: 3,371 Member
    Some assertive training wouldn't go astray for you OP...it will help deal with him...but no one deserves such treatment, if he is not prepared to change his attitude you need to determine if you are able to tolerate it (knowing that it is likely to get worse).

    You don't want your children to be exposed to such attitude and behaviour, they live what they see. Seriously consider your options.
  • aguycalledsteve
    aguycalledsteve Posts: 15
    This guy is making you miserable.
  • keykey48
    keykey48 Posts: 51 Member
    wow, it made me so sad to read your post. No one should treat you like that, especially when you are going out of your way to do what they ask. A partner is someone who supports you, is your teammate and your cheerleader. that's what you deserve. don't let him get you down. he may be threatened by your success at changing your lifestyle and consciously or subconsciously sabotaging you. stand up for your self all you can and keep doing what's best for you and your kids. maybe reach out to some of the other moms once school gets going and see if you can make some friends and build a local support network. in the meantime, keep reaching out to your MFP friends, that's what we're here for.

    hope the rest of your day goes better!
  • bdenitto
    bdenitto Posts: 210 Member
    He doesn't sound like a good friend. Keep making healthy choices. Remind yourself each day that you and your kids need a happy and healthy mom.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    So why are you still with him? What kind of example are you showing your kids by putting up with an a-hole like that?
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,151 Member
    A slap my *kitten*, he needs a conch in the head with a frying pan!
    OMG Honey you need to get rid of him! This is no way for your children to grow up!
    I wish the best for you
  • queenbrc
    queenbrc Posts: 29 Member
    Thanks to everyone for the encouraging words.

    And yes, I do know that he is not good for me.

    It has been years since we were actually "in a relationship" with each other, we've just been living together. At the moment I'm stuck because we are both on the lease here. I cannot make him leave and I am in no way capable of pulling off a move right ght now. So I have until...next May to figure it out for me and the kids.

    So for now I'm just trying to stay away from him as much as possible and not listen to the rude comments.

    But thank, a lot of these posts actually did make me feel much better.
  • likewhoa712
    likewhoa712 Posts: 95 Member
    SUCCESS IS THE BIGGEST REVENGE!!!! Use his mean, hurtful words as motivation for you.... Enjoy your salad, sounds delish :heart:
  • Dnarules
    Dnarules Posts: 2,081 Member
    I am having a hard time understanding why you would allow anyone to wake you up at 3 a.m., and then send you to Walmart.
  • Xiaolongbao
    Xiaolongbao Posts: 854 Member
    Wow. No-one has a right to talk to you like that. Are they his kids? If not what on earth can possibly be inducing you to put up with this? Why are you doing his shopping for him? Why are you even opening his texts? (Please note that if they are his kids it in no-way excuses him treating you like a servant or being so childish and rude it's just that I understand it's not so simple to just break with someone when you have kids together).
  • AsiasMommy
    AsiasMommy Posts: 64 Member
    Wow, I'm sorry you are going thru this friend. A relationship should invigorate you not stress you out, I'm learning about the signs of a good relationship myself because after years of being with a negative person, I forgot how it's supposed to normally be....
  • andythecurefan
    andythecurefan Posts: 43 Member
    I can't believe you put up with that. I know there's kids involved so it's not like you just want to walk out the door, but he's being very abusive and that isn't right.

    First off, who goes to the market at 3am? Really? If anyone was hungry, it sounds like he was. Tell him to go get things in the middle of the morning. Given that you're on vacation, I'm sure you could have done the market at a reasonable hour and based on what you've bought, it doesn't sound like you got a lot.

    Is he pudgy himself? Why is he so insensitive towards your goals of being healthier and losing weight? Really, consider all these things and just be with your children if they make you happier. I'm sorry you have a jerk like that as your husband.
  • ValGogo
    ValGogo Posts: 2,168 Member
    you're on the precipice of change. that's why you don't feel like bingeing. that's your inner strength and resolution kicking in. Keep up your chin and don't let him get you down anymore.

    Keep posting and keep eating salad and keep up the good work. get on your machine and elliptic away from him.
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,783 Member
    I didn't read past "woke me up at 3AM to go to Walmart". I knew it was only gonna get worse.

    EAT: Just read this response
    It has been years since we were actually "in a relationship" with each other, we've just been living together. At the moment I'm stuck because we are both on the lease here. I cannot make him leave and I am in no way capable of pulling off a move right ght now. So I have until...next May to figure it out for me and the kids.

    So for now I'm just trying to stay away from him as much as possible and not listen to the rude comments.

    If there is no relationship, why are you going to Walmart at 3:00AM because HE wants groceries??
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  • amberj32
    amberj32 Posts: 663 Member
    I am having a hard time understanding why you would allow anyone to wake you up at 3 a.m., and then send you to Walmart.

    ^^Exactly!!! That's some Bull****!
    Do whatever you can to get you and your kids out of there!
  • emdeesea
    emdeesea Posts: 1,823 Member
    These are all the classic signs of an abusive relationship. He wakes you up, orders you around, insults you, calls you names, and belittles you.

    Hmf. These are not good lessons for your kids. If you can do anywhere, you should, for your own self-respect and for the respect of those kids who watch and hear everything, even if you think they don't.
  • ELLager
    ELLager Posts: 5
    Wow look at all these encouraging women who are behind you and believe you can over come this! Even just opening up to others can really help your confidence and motivation. One thing that will get me going is to go on Pinterest and scroll through the Health and fitness section...tons of ideas! Just take each day at a time and you can add me as a friend if you'd like and we can chat about our good ideas that worked with weight loss and our bad...like beer :)
  • kessler4130
    kessler4130 Posts: 150 Member
    How can you all simply acknowledge what is happening here with comments like oh keep up the good work, stay strong, blah blah blah. I rarely post on these forums, but reading this ..... This person is being verbally and mentally assaulted while trying to better them self ...... You all should be ashamed, she needs to walk out the door, not obediently go to walmart at 3am to get food for someone, I get up at 3am for the gym, but if I did not and someone woke me up at 3am for something.... the godamn house better be on fire, or a cat better be stuck in a tree, or jesus better be standing in the living room interviewing for the position of head angel. This thread makes me want to throw my computer across the room, just knowing that someone who treats another human being like that is allowed to exist and breath my air is frustrating.
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,783 Member
    How can you all simply acknowledge what is happening here with comments like oh keep up the good work, stay strong, blah blah blah. I rarely post on these forums, but reading this ..... This person is being verbally and mentally assaulted while trying to better them self ...... You all should be ashamed, she needs to walk out the door, not obediently go to walmart at 3am to get food for someone, I get up at 3am for the gym, but if I did not and someone woke me up at 3am for something.... the godamn house better be on fire, or a cat better be stuck in a tree, or jesus better be standing in the living room interviewing for the position of head angel. This thread makes me want to throw my computer across the room, just knowing that someone who treats another human being like that is allowed to exist and breath my air is frustrating.

    huh??? ashamed of doing what??? What would you have us do???
  • calibriintx
    calibriintx Posts: 1,741 Member
    I'm sorry that you feel trapped in an abusive relationship. I know you said you're trapped in a lease, but there's no good reason to stay in an abusive relationship. Any excuse to stay is just that. An excuse. Beg and cry to the leasing office, talk to friends and family, seek out support groups. There are people out there who can help you and your kids get out. You have to believe that you deserve better than to spend another minute in that environment, and you have to show your kids that no one deserves to be treated that way. Stop making excuses, stop sharing his bed, and make plans to get out now. Good luck to you.
  • healthygreek
    healthygreek Posts: 2,137 Member
    How can you all simply acknowledge what is happening here with comments like oh keep up the good work, stay strong, blah blah blah. I rarely post on these forums, but reading this ..... This person is being verbally and mentally assaulted while trying to better them self ...... You all should be ashamed, she needs to walk out the door, not obediently go to walmart at 3am to get food for someone, I get up at 3am for the gym, but if I did not and someone woke me up at 3am for something.... the godamn house better be on fire, or a cat better be stuck in a tree, or jesus better be standing in the living room interviewing for the position of head angel. This thread makes me want to throw my computer across the room, just knowing that someone who treats another human being like that is allowed to exist and breath my air is frustrating.
    The very warm and supportive posters should be ashamed????!!!!?????
    You feel like throwing your computer across the room???!!!???
    You don't sound like such a prize either.

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