Wedding woes-more etiquette questions

It is your day, schedule it when it is convenient for you not her

If she can't be there, OH Well

Nope. Showers are not thrown by the bride or her family. They are a party thrown FOR her by her friends or the groom's family. This is her MIL's day.

It depends on whether or not his mom will be offended by you refusing it. I do agree that this should be about you and what you want, but keep in mind that you will have to deal with your mother in law from here on out. One thing you can do is make the gifts specific so that you at least get exactly what you want out of it. When I threw my best friend a baby shower, she requested that people only give diapers and bottles of wine as gifts-both things she would need a lot of after the baby was born. I thought it was a pretty cool idea!

You can also make a suggestion about what you want to receive from the guests at the wedding. For example, ask everyone to bring their favorite recipe and picture of them with you and/or the groom and say that they should bring no other gifts. That way, they will give you something that is much more sentimental than a $100 place setting of China you'll never use and it will cost hardly anything. You could even offer to compile the recipes and send everyone a copy. Or find a way to make a game out of compiling the pictures.

One other option - make it an event that doesn't require gifts but allows some bonding time. Have it at an art studio that will allow everyone to paint a picture (like this http://www.artplusstudio.com/private-parties.html). Don't accept gifts, just say you want everyone to spend time together and get something out of the shower. It's way more fun than shower games (which are the worst) and allows you to have the party without asking people to spend money on you.

You think you're having problems now ?????

Just wait :laugh:

Lots of reasonable suggestions here ...... don't be a doormat ..... and good luck :drinker:

You sound a little anti-social. Not a bad thing. Just an "it is what it is" thing. If that's the case though why have a wedding, a huge social event, at all? Just elope. If the answer is your fiance wanted a big wedding then just suck this one last thing up and do the guy a solid. Do one last social thing and get a few gifts in the process. Hopefully he does things for you he doesn't want to do occasionally. If on the other than the huge social event that is your wedding is something you wanted too I say still suck it up. You got people to buy in to your wedding. Now they're invested. Let them have some fun throwing this shower thing.

I actually agree with this advice.

Generally speaking, it seems like you're expected to be "all in" or "all out" when having a wedding these days. By that I mean, ALL IN = somewhat traditional wedding, bachelorette party, bridal shower, all of that stuff including all of the gifts and how obnoxious it all gets. Or...ALL OUT = eloping, no parties and fuss, very few gifts.

I've done both. All in for my first wedding (2002) and all out when I married my current husband (2013). I prefer the latter, for many reasons. BUT there is something to be said for the whole shebang of the "all in" wedding...and honestly it WAS kind of nice getting loads of presents ;-)

I am just going to address the etiquette. It is of course up to you how you wish to proceed if you should desire to break etiquette.

It is VERY BAD etiquette for a bride and groom to ever through their own bridal shower or bachelor / bachelorette party. You should NOT host your own. That being said, I know you may not like the fuss, but if you mother-in-law/ bridesmaid's throw you a party, it is bad etiquette to fight them on it or to not attend. If you feel close with your mother-in-law, perhaps suggest a co-ed bbq or something more informal, but you should still be in attendance.

And don't worry about people spending too much money on your gifts. People spend exactly how much they want to on weddings. Most people who are attending the wedding will either buy a small thing for the bridal shower or not worry about it and put it into the wedding gift. Otherwise, they won't attend.

You're not supposed to be planning your own bridal shower - your MOH or Mother of the Bride or Mother of the Groom should host it and organize it all.

I like bridal showers and I am happy I had one. We got a lot of useful stuff and everyone enjoyed meeting each other before the wedding.

I just got married a month ago - my 2nd, his 1st. So, I was very much against the idea of having a shower when we're adults, we already have everything we need, and I knew people would give gifts at the wedding.

I ended up having 4 (yes - 4!) showers because people INSISTED. They seriously did not understand why in the world we didn't want a shower. So, I figured, if they really want to throw a shower, let them.

1) His sisters hosted one for his side of the family. He was there, so were uncles, brothers, it was in the backyard, some snacks, a cake, no big deal but fun and relaxing. We did play one or two games.
2) My close friends who were also invited to the wedding took me to dinner. Hubs made an appearance and helped bring gifts home.
3) My co-workers, none of whom were invited to the wedding, took us both to lunch and again, lots of gifts.
4) His co-workers, some of whom were invited, threw us a very nice lunch shower in a conference room at his office.

We ended up also having a second wedding celebration because much of his family wasn't able to travel to Chicago - so we had a backyard party where they live. Very low-key and casual.

So, basically what I'm saying is, let them throw you a shower if they really want to. I didn't ask for any of these, but people just really wanted to celebrate us and it started to feel like we were being party poopers by initially declining. You should definitely not host your own shower though, so if your bridesmaids are abiding by your wishes, and his mom isn't offering to host, then you're off the hook.

Trying to schedule a bridal shower and running into issues. Thought what the heck, I'd get some opinions.

First off. I DON'T want a flipping Bridal shower. Enough about this whole event is "about me" I hate a fuss.
My fiance wants "presents" so he and his mother think I ought to have one.

it is about you, but thats why you shouldnt have one, not why you should. why do something that you dont want to do for your own wedding? doesnt make sense to me. if your fiance wants gifts then maybe he should have a groom shower

+1