how to deal with sister's body/food comments?

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Lesleycali
Lesleycali Posts: 236 Member
in Motivation and Support
My sister is amazing but I wonder sometimes if she has body image issues...which she loves to project on me. She is coming to visit me for over 2 weeks, and honestly I get tired of her comments. All the females from my mom's side are little, including me and my sister. She was more athletic growing up, where I was a bit softer. But still, we are small ladies and are within 5 lbs of the same size.

When she visits she always makes comments like "oh I went through your closet to borrow some pants but they were falling off me." or "Lesley, you have a nice figure for a larger curvier girl." (I weigh 100 pounds, I don't think that can be considered larger!!!) She always comments about other people's sizes, too, relatives, friends, strangers it is so exhausting.

But the real question is how do I deal with food when she visits? I cook a lot, and by most people's standards eat very well/ whole food/ lots of lean protein, veggies and fruits.. Whenever she visits she will make comments about the food I make and how rich it is, or how heavy it is and she asks how can I eat like that. This is when I serve roasted carrots and chicken, or pasta with broccoli, or a salad with grilled meat, you know fairly normal things. I'll make veggie salads and lighter things, too, but she she finds something to complain about then, the dressing is too creamy, I didn't buy lofat cheese etc...when I ask if I should buy her groceries to keep in my house she always insists no.

There are a bunch of other relatives visiting this time too, who are all easy/ appreciate my cooking efforts, but I find my sister's needs tiring, especially when coupled with comments about how big my butt is.
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Replies

  • DeguelloTex
    DeguelloTex Posts: 6,658 Member
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    "You're being rude.

    Stay out of my closet.

    Eat what I cooked, without comment, or make your own."
  • MsBetteDavis
    MsBetteDavis Posts: 118 Member
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    It definitely sounds to me like she could be projecting her own body images on you, or, because she's your sister she might feel like she's in some sort of competition. With siblings of the same gender, I find that a lot of the time if one sibling feels that the other has the upper hand in one manner, then want it in another. So maybe if you have a better paying job, etc., she feels like 'oh well, at least I have the better body,' you know? And that's obviously an immature and petty thought, but I've found that very common between siblings.

    But regardless, if she's your sister why don't you just tell her that her complaining about your body and the food you make is something that hurts you? Have you outright said that before? It would definitely be worth a shot.

    Is she underweight for her height? If she's not, unless I got actually concerned for her health I think I'd back off from suggesting to her that she has body image issues. People can be incredibly sensitive about that and it can sometimes make matters worse.
  • Lesleycali
    Lesleycali Posts: 236 Member
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    One of my biggest challenges in life is speaking up and communicating directly. It is true, I need to just say that I don't want to hear any comments about my (or other people's) bodies. The cooking thing seems harder though. I don't know how to say to her if you don't like it you don't have to eat it without sounding aggressive or mean.
  • k1ttyk1tty
    k1ttyk1tty Posts: 86 Member
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    "You're being rude.

    Stay out of my closet.

    Eat what I cooked, without comment, or make your own."

    Seriously, this. You're a grown up now you really don't have to deal with someone coming over to your house and being a picky child about everything. Your cooking isn't the problem, it's your sister. She really just sounds like she needs to get told off. So do it.
  • McCluskey1128
    McCluskey1128 Posts: 88 Member
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    She's being aggressive and mean! There is a way to be blunt without being a total jerk about it. You can always do the "bite the bullet" tactic and just say "look, it's irritating to me when you comment on my body/food/clothes. Let's talk about what's really going on because I know you have more to care about in life than what I or other people look like and eat like". That'll shut her up pretty quickly.

    But good luck. Family can be such a trip some times.
  • redromad275
    redromad275 Posts: 884 Member
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    One of my biggest challenges in life is speaking up and communicating directly. It is true, I need to just say that I don't want to hear any comments about my (or other people's) bodies. The cooking thing seems harder though. I don't know how to say to her if you don't like it you don't have to eat it without sounding aggressive or mean.

    Life is to short to beat around the bush and be miserable because of someone else. You do what you do for you. If your sister is a guest in your house, then she has two choices. Eat what you make or go somewhere else. There are nice ways to tell her. You choose how but do it. And stay out of your closet.
  • mathjulz
    mathjulz Posts: 5,514 Member
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    Ignore as much as you can. Have some canned responses that you don't have to think about, and say them as sweetly as possible. Maybe try:

    "I happen to know my body is perfectly healthy, thanks."

    "You don't have to eat what I cooked. You're welcome to go get your own food."

    "Well, maybe it's a good thing my clothes don't fit you, since you didn't have permission to wear them anyway."

    And, really, the big thing - she's a guest in your house. If she complains about the food, or crosses other boundaries, you don't have to put her up. When she starts getting mouthy about your weight or food or whatever, let her know where there are some inexpensive motels in your town. Maybe she'll get the hint :wink:
  • klkarlen
    klkarlen Posts: 4,366 Member
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    She sounds rather insecure to me, sorry that I don't have any real advice. Folks with self esteem issues seem to really exhibit this sort of judgmental behavior.

    And it is harder to tolerate/understand this from a family member for whatever reason.
  • greentart
    greentart Posts: 411 Member
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    I say have a talk with your sister. Let her know that her comments are hurtful, even if she doesn't mean them that way. If she made a comment about you being a 'heavier' girl, I'd laugh and say sarcastically "Because we ALLLL know that 100 is SOOO heavy." And then roll my eyes and walk away.

    Honestly, if it was my sister, I'd simply tell her to stop being such a d1ck and to shut her face hole.
  • BZAH10
    BZAH10 Posts: 5,710 Member
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    One of my biggest challenges in life is speaking up and communicating directly. It is true, I need to just say that I don't want to hear any comments about my (or other people's) bodies. The cooking thing seems harder though. I don't know how to say to her if you don't like it you don't have to eat it without sounding aggressive or mean.

    Re cooking - be proactive and beat her to the punch. When you're preparing dinner / lunch / whatever, tell her what you're making but that she's certainly free to bring and prepare her own food. Period. No mention about how healthy your meals are or aren't. (Sounds like they are.)

    When she makes comments about your or other people's bodies DO NOT RESPOND. Promptly ignore and change the subject. She can't talk about it if no one is available to converse with. Sorry - that sounds really exhausting. You need to shut her down!
  • AnthonyThrashD
    AnthonyThrashD Posts: 306
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    Kill with kindness. When she says your butt is big, agree with her. Tell her how you've noticed how her butt has stayed perfect, and you're ashamed that your butt won't fit into your favorite pants anymore. Look pathetic and ask for a hug.

    When she complains about the rich heavy food, agree with her. Tell her you're clueless in the kitchen, and you've always been envious of her cooking skills, and tomorrow if she doesn't mind, you'd like her help cooking.

    Lying is bad, I know :( but, aren't you curious what her next move would be? I know I am!
    best of luck
  • wordyroo
    wordyroo Posts: 98 Member
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    "Would you like to make dinner tomorrow?"

    "Wow, you're really rude."

    "Here's a number to a hotel..."
  • Fentyman
    Fentyman Posts: 58 Member
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    It's your sister... punch her in the throat and tell her to shutup! That's what I do to my siblings. jk
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,326 Member
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    "You're being rude.

    Stay out of my closet.

    Eat what I cooked, without comment, or make your own."

    this.

    just be honest and direct and tell her her comments are unappreciated. you dont even need to explain why, that's one of the perks of being an adult :wink:
  • vulcanator5000
    vulcanator5000 Posts: 7
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    I'd be interested with help of some sort too. My brother, who is quite thin, says similar things, but it a cruder manner. I live at home with him (I'm still in high school), so I can't really get away from it. He calls me things like "that fat b****" or "worthless fatty." I try not to let it get to me, but it really hurts. One of the reasons I joined mfp was to become fit so no one ever talked to me like that again, but progress is slow and this isn't going away.
  • Legs_McGee
    Legs_McGee Posts: 845 Member
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    It's your sister... punch her in the throat and tell her to shutup! That's what I do to my siblings. jk


    +1. And your sister doesn't sound all that amazing.
  • Lesleycali
    Lesleycali Posts: 236 Member
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    Kill with kindness. When she says your butt is big, agree with her. Tell her how you've noticed how her butt has stayed perfect, and you're ashamed that your butt won't fit into your favorite pants anymore. Look pathetic and ask for a hug.

    When she complains about the rich heavy food, agree with her. Tell her you're clueless in the kitchen, and you've always been envious of her cooking skills, and tomorrow if she doesn't mind, you'd like her help cooking.

    Lying is bad, I know :( but, aren't you curious what her next move would be? I know I am!
    best of luck


    LOVE IT!!!!!!! Anthony I'll make sure to keep you posted :devil:
  • delicious_cocktail
    delicious_cocktail Posts: 5,797 Member
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    I can help.
    I propose we do something along the lines of Dangerous Liaisons / Cruel Intentions.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
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    "You're being rude.

    Stay out of my closet.

    Eat what I cooked, without comment, or make your own."

    this.

    seriously.
    I have found being rather direct helps- it might make it uncomfortable- but there has to be a time when you just say "look- I love that you come visit- but you're comments are not helpful- it's rude and completely unnecessary and I don't appreciate it- and if you don't have anything nice to say- don't say anything at all"

    stand up for your house and your self.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
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    She's being aggressive and mean! There is a way to be blunt without being a total jerk about it. You can always do the "bite the bullet" tactic and just say "look, it's irritating to me when you comment on my body/food/clothes. Let's talk about what's really going on because I know you have more to care about in life than what I or other people look like and eat like". That'll shut her up pretty quickly.

    I like this. I especially like this after realizing the OP is my own age, not a teen or young 22 yr old. Women in their 30's should at least have a handle on this kind of stuff IMO! (talking about the sister, not OP)

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