Shallow--me? seriously?

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Replies

  • sudmom
    sudmom Posts: 202 Member
    I have been with the same man for more 30 years and I was attracted to him the minute we first met and have been every single day since. I say listen to yourself-don't settle.
  • 4daluvof_candice
    4daluvof_candice Posts: 483 Member
    So... I had an old friend on FB that wanted to go out with me. He had changed A LOT, and I honestly didn't find him physically attractive anymore (we had a very brief romantic history). I decided to go out with him anyway just for the sake of nostalgia. I figured we could just keep it platonic.

    Well, guess what?

    Just because he had changed physically, didn't mean that his personality had, and I found myself to be crazy attracted to him. Within months of seeing him, I was madly in love. Check out my profile pic! I'm a happy woman, and I'm glad that I didn't let my initial instincts about his appearance interfere with an opportunity to fall in love.

    Beautiful :heart:
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    Physical appearance tells a lot about you. whether you take care of yourself tells people how you will take care of them. in a relationship that starts off in a blind/I don't know you yet setting, yes, being physically attracted to someone is important. In the "old world" of dating where you got to know someone as friends because you grew up with them or worked with them for a long time, you fell in love with who they are. Now days you look before you date and make judgements before you leap.

    at my age, I can tell a lot about who you are by looking at you, your smile, your eyes, how you carry yourself, and how you present yourself. after I get to know your mind, I decide if I want to get to know you better or not.

    Shallow is not always what people think it is. someone would call me shallow too if they saw who I declined as friends or potential date or what ever… we all have our reasons for how we behave.

    Mmhmm, yeah, I agree with this.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    So... I had an old friend on FB that wanted to go out with me. He had changed A LOT, and I honestly didn't find him physically attractive anymore (we had a very brief romantic history). I decided to go out with him anyway just for the sake of nostalgia. I figured we could just keep it platonic.

    Well, guess what?

    Just because he had changed physically, didn't mean that his personality had, and I found myself to be crazy attracted to him. Within months of seeing him, I was madly in love. Check out my profile pic! I'm a happy woman, and I'm glad that I didn't let my initial instincts about his appearance interfere with an opportunity to fall in love.

    Yay!! ♡♡
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I have been with the same man for more 30 years and I was attracted to him the minute we first met and have been every single day since. I say listen to yourself-don't settle.
    But I assume that was in person and not on a computer screen. It's a completely different experience.
  • boredlimodriver
    boredlimodriver Posts: 264 Member
    Should have punched her in the face
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    ...

    Do you really need internet validation of your dating methods?
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,010 Member
    I thought this was going to be about something else and I was going to suggest a tape measure......as it is I think you are correct.....Why bother going out of there is not an initial attraction.
  • Unknown
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  • salembambi
    salembambi Posts: 5,585 Member
    not shallow

    friend is clearly a hater
  • royaldrea
    royaldrea Posts: 259 Member
    I don't think you're shallow for thinking that sexual attraction is important in a relationship, because I feel the same way. However, if you are solely attracted to someone based on their physical features, (not saying you do) and disregard other aspects of attraction like chemistry and otherwise getting along, I would think you're shallow and maybe don't have a deep understanding of what sexual attraction should be. Chemistry and attraction should be based on more than just looks to mean anything, in my opinion.

    That said, you may be missing out on a good time by refusing internet guy who may just not be your type, so I'd possibly rethink your initial decision - but if he is so unattractive to you that you really can't see yourself looking past it, then I'd say you should go with your gut and be with someone who you don't have to talk yourself into kissing.
  • No_Finish_Line
    No_Finish_Line Posts: 3,661 Member
    if you find someone to be down right ugly then there is probably no hope. i've fallen in love with at least one girl that i really didn't think much of physically in the past though.

    but, personally i think looks are the only thing you can go by online. if you ever check out 'advice' articles on how to create an online dating profile, they essentially tell you to lie or at least to put the best spin you can on everything.

    even if everyone was being perfectly honest, don't really see how a dating sight can tell you if your a match or not... with the possible exception of eharmony. i mean, just liking similair things doesn't mean much if you ask me.
  • jasonmh630
    jasonmh630 Posts: 2,850 Member
    Shallow? I think not..eHarmony basis it on interests (those pesky 29 dimensions of compatibility) ..

    Just because you have things in common doesn't make you like each other - that just means you could be friends..

    So the deciding factor of whether or not someone is just a friend or a date is whether or not you're physically attracted to them? This is false. Attraction is a multi-faceted entity.
    The difference between a friend and a significant other is whether you want to have sex with that person. So, yeah, physical attraction kind of is the deciding factor.

    There are men who I think are attractive but I'm not attracted TO them.

    Don't get me wrong, I think it's important. It's just not the majority of my decision to date someone.
    So you would have a romantic relationship with a woman you didn't find physically attractive?

    No one's saying it's the only thing that matters, but it IS the difference between making a friend and wanting to date a person.

    To be fair, though, physical attractiveness is completely subjective to the individual. I may be slightly attracted to the person physically by initial contact, but getting to know that person may change that opinion in EITHER direction.
  • No_Finish_Line
    No_Finish_Line Posts: 3,661 Member
    in the end i suppose you're only going to be happy with what you want... so shallow or not, who really cares if your happy
  • CindyMarcuzAdams
    CindyMarcuzAdams Posts: 4,007 Member
    Honey, looks don't mean squat if they can make you laugh and engage you in some stimulating conversation because we all get old.
    Looks mean a lot but as corny as it sounds it whats on the inside that really counts. Someone may be totally gorgeous and be ugly at the same time. Give people a chance before you decide. Just my opinion...
  • No_Finish_Line
    No_Finish_Line Posts: 3,661 Member
    Shallow? I think not..eHarmony basis it on interests (those pesky 29 dimensions of compatibility) ..

    Just because you have things in common doesn't make you like each other - that just means you could be friends..

    So the deciding factor of whether or not someone is just a friend or a date is whether or not you're physically attracted to them? This is false. Attraction is a multi-faceted entity.
    The difference between a friend and a significant other is whether you want to have sex with that person. So, yeah, physical attraction kind of is the deciding factor.

    There are men who I think are attractive but I'm not attracted TO them.


    maybe it just comes with being old, but i've discovered that there are many ways that a woman could sexually excite me outside of what she looks like.

    still, the less physically attracted i am to them the less likely it is to happen.

    from some of the female responses, it almost seems like women have a definetive cut off line where a man simply is not attractive enough. for me its more of a spectrum, if this or that is in place, i can still be very into someone that isn't so easy on the eyes
  • Veil5577
    Veil5577 Posts: 868 Member
    When it comes to online dating, the first thing you see is the pic. That's a little different from meeting someone at work, getting to know them, liking them as a person and then falling in love.

    I don't think it's shallow, I've been on dating sites and if a guy's looks don't strike me, I'm not going to go for him. But I've met guys in person that at first I was not physically attracted to and ended up in love with them... I married one. Sadly, we got divorced..
  • funforsports
    funforsports Posts: 2,656 Member
    I really can't answer, I'm too shallow.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Shallow? I think not..eHarmony basis it on interests (those pesky 29 dimensions of compatibility) ..

    Just because you have things in common doesn't make you like each other - that just means you could be friends..

    So the deciding factor of whether or not someone is just a friend or a date is whether or not you're physically attracted to them? This is false. Attraction is a multi-faceted entity.
    The difference between a friend and a significant other is whether you want to have sex with that person. So, yeah, physical attraction kind of is the deciding factor.

    There are men who I think are attractive but I'm not attracted TO them.


    maybe it just comes with being old, but i've discovered that there are many ways that a woman could sexually excite me outside of what she looks like.

    still, the less physically attracted i am to them the less likely it is to happen.

    from some of the female responses, it almost seems like women have a definetive cut off line where a man simply is not attractive enough. for me its more of a spectrum, if this or that is in place, i can still be very into someone that isn't so easy on the eyes
    I don't think you understand what's being said. Physical attraction (in the real world, not online where you only have a photo) is of course more than just what a person looks like on the surface. But regardless, you have to have an attraction to the person in order for it to be a romantic relationship. It may be how the woman holds herself or how she talks or any number of subtle things beyond looks, but if there's no physical pull, there will not be a relationship. That would be weird and silly.
  • Joanne_happygramma
    Joanne_happygramma Posts: 207 Member
    Bottom line your life you run it the way you want none of her business.

    That said I have to admit if I had allowed myself just to leave it at the outer package I probably wouldn't be married to my sweet man today. I remember watching this tall well built man with red t-shirt, white shorts, black socks and shoes :noway: wild drive through hair cut and funky blue glasses walk towards me on our first meet. My first impression was :ohwell: Thank goodness I went through with the coffee date -- it's been 10 wonderful years. But that was just me, my poor sweetie had been tossed aside by many many woman because he was the dreaded "n" word....nice.

    Thanks goodness he didn't mind an overweight almost 50 year old woman too. :heart:

    Oh and he is NOT allowed to wear black socks unless he has long black pants on with black shoes :wink:
  • nitrogen_widget
    nitrogen_widget Posts: 92 Member
    OP, you're gonna have a hard time finding a man your age who is in as good as shape as you.
    Date younger. :)

    The women I see on the sites who are over 40 that seem irate over men they don't consider attractive contacting them (and complain about it on their profile) are shallow.
  • No_Finish_Line
    No_Finish_Line Posts: 3,661 Member
    Shallow? I think not..eHarmony basis it on interests (those pesky 29 dimensions of compatibility) ..

    Just because you have things in common doesn't make you like each other - that just means you could be friends..

    So the deciding factor of whether or not someone is just a friend or a date is whether or not you're physically attracted to them? This is false. Attraction is a multi-faceted entity.
    The difference between a friend and a significant other is whether you want to have sex with that person. So, yeah, physical attraction kind of is the deciding factor.

    There are men who I think are attractive but I'm not attracted TO them.


    maybe it just comes with being old, but i've discovered that there are many ways that a woman could sexually excite me outside of what she looks like.

    still, the less physically attracted i am to them the less likely it is to happen.

    from some of the female responses, it almost seems like women have a definetive cut off line where a man simply is not attractive enough. for me its more of a spectrum, if this or that is in place, i can still be very into someone that isn't so easy on the eyes
    I don't think you understand what's being said. Physical attraction (in the real world, not online where you only have a photo) is of course more than just what a person looks like on the surface. But regardless, you have to have an attraction to the person in order for it to be a romantic relationship. It may be how the woman holds herself or how she talks or any number of subtle things beyond looks, but if there's no physical pull, there will not be a relationship. That would be weird and silly.

    thats nice but the OP was about a dating site so thats what i responded to
  • sugarkissprincess
    sugarkissprincess Posts: 2,595 Member
    Just here for the entertainment

    ~sits back and grabs the popcorn~
  • lessbounce
    lessbounce Posts: 250 Member
    I've never been on line dating but if I'd have seen a photo of my husband no way would I have gone for him.(add to that our profiles wouldn't have match either). Yet we have had 12 good years and look forward to many more. I think you should try one date and see if there is any chemistry in person.
  • Autk79
    Autk79 Posts: 286 Member
    Most of the relationships Ive been in, I was friends with or met thru someone and eventually fell for them. I wouldnt say that any of them except maybe one would be someone I would pick out of a room of guys if that was my choice. BUT when your on a dating website that is all you really have to go with, so no I dont think you are shallow. But hopefully your not being too picky because most guys I would pick off just looks end up being total douche bags...I believe you need to be attracted to them but I also think personality is way more important.

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