Gains, the bad kind....

So I am in the military. As a matter of fact I came to this site and started my big weight drop off about two years ago and it was an amazing journey. From 330+ pounds to 220 as a final weigh in after basic training. All doing this at the age of 40 now. I spent my year training, worked hard, lost 105 pounds to get in the Navy last year. Accomplished my goals but basic was not what I thought and I over trained. Which is fine, but if any of you have experienced your tech training after basic, a lot of it is spent sitting around. My job was heavy tech training, and I spent 9 months, plus some on Government shut down, sitting around plus weather restrictions (stationed in the Midwest and this past winter was -50), plus the terrible nutrition, so the weight came back. Start to creep back. Not a lot at first, 5 pounds here, then ten. I seemed to have arrested the fall. Then I failed a basic measurement standard to be kept within. So I was placed in FEP, a sort of targeted work out session.

It helped and I maintained right around 235. I could live with 15 pounds. But now that I have come home, waiting for my next deployment, I injured myself because they're version of workouts was not proper and even as I told them we should not do things a certain way and it would make people prone to injury, you cannot really say no. So now my left shoulder and right foot and knee are hurting a lot. It has prevented me from working out as hard as I used to. Running, weight lifting and everything else. Now I am guessing where I am at. Near the 250 mark. I hate it. I hate myself for it happening. I cannot find my motivation to doing what I used to do. So if I walk my knee and foot act up, if I lift even light weights my tendon hurts in my shoulder.

It is a very frustrating place to be, and yes I know you can lose weight by dieting, however, when you just eat and do not move you still put on weight. I have been at this long enough to know that the scales do not balance for each person as our individual body chemistry's work differently. I have never been one to truly blog openly about my life. To share things with those I do not know, but somehow I feel that I am not alone here and I am looking others this has happened too. And maybe rediscover my desire for working out again even at a slow pace and pushing forward to getting back to a healthier me. It sucks. All that pride I had in feeling better, looking better, has dropped. Do not get me wrong, I still lost a lot of weight, just hate myself for letting 30 pounds come back. Maybe tis post, this vent, this release here will allow me to find it again, god knows I have tried everything else......