I'm jealous of a friend that I inspired.

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Replies

  • jenn26point2
    jenn26point2 Posts: 429 Member
    The problem isn't the guy and his success. The problem is you and your lack of success. It's no different than being jealous of a friend who got a new car while you're still driving around on your moped - it's not THEIR fault you're getting passed like you're standing still - it's YOURS. Instead of being jealous of the friend with the new car, why don't you work harder on yourself to get where you want to be. Stop comparing yourself to him. YOU aren't HIM. Being jealous of him is asinine and counterproductive. You can either wallow in self-pity and keep giving him the stink eye, or you can get off your duff and make the results you want to see. Simple as that. His ability to control his behaviors and exhibit discipline is no reason to be jealous - he's just better at it than you are. Channel that competitive nature into striving to have more self control and discipline than him if you must...

    In other words, suck it up and drive on.

    I forgot this: :flowerforyou:

    :wink:
  • jenn26point2
    jenn26point2 Posts: 429 Member
    Yeah, I really need to refocus. Harder done then said!

    It is. I agree. What I do is find a way to challenge myself. Personally, my downfall is diet. I have a terrible sweet tooth and it screams for more and more sugar every day. So, I focus on that challenge for myself instead of what my friends are or aren't doing. I have a ton of friends who can drop weight like you'd never believe and I used to get equally as jealous. I turned it around by finding a way to challenge myself. Either in the gym or in the kitchen. Either one will help me focus on what *I* am doing, rather than what my friend has accomplished. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but it usually works more often than not. Good luck.
  • Cre8veLifeR
    Cre8veLifeR Posts: 1,062 Member
    I admire your honesty - especially around here!!

    Your feelings are totally normal as far as the ego is concerned. What do we love to more than beat ourselves up?!?

    Maybe instead of feeling jealous you can feel proud that YOU inspired someone to change! And now you can let him inspire you! Ask yourself what the reasons are that you didn't follow through? You totally need to redirect your thoughts from negative to positive. You want to redirect your thoughts? Write them down and be honest with yourself. What positive things are you gaining in thinking this way? Is it an excuse? Is it insecurity? Is it an inferiority complex that leads to self-destructive behavior?

    Remember this: Comparison to others leads to misery. And I bet if you asked him he admires you and doesn't see what you see at all. Perception is a funny thing. Wanting things to be different than they actually are, without the motivation and actions to change them, is the root of ALL unhappiness and will only keep you stuck in depression (anger turned inward).

    As my mom would say: *kitten* or get off the pot.
  • iplayoutside19
    iplayoutside19 Posts: 2,304 Member
    I'd never say something mean to the guy. He really is a good guy, his change has been remarkable.

    I don't beleive this. My closest freinds and I talk the nastiest smack to each other...in an endearing sort of way. ; )

    And I've been in your shoes before. You just have to use it to motivate yourself. You have to be strong so you can pull others along with you. Be a leader even if you didn't ask for it, punk.
  • Cali_Chica
    Cali_Chica Posts: 895 Member
    Aw, we've all been there to some degree. It's human nature. You need to refocus your energy and get back on the wagon. Once you start working out and feeling happy about yourself again, you likely will be able to feel happy for your friend again.

    I commend you for your self-awareness :flowerforyou:
  • d2footballJRC
    d2footballJRC Posts: 2,684 Member
    I'd never say something mean to the guy. He really is a good guy, his change has been remarkable.

    I don't beleive this. My closest freinds and I talk the nastiest smack to each other...in an endearing sort of way. ; )

    And I've been in your shoes before. You just have to use it to motivate yourself. You have to be strong so you can pull others along with you. Be a leader even if you didn't ask for it, punk.

    True, but that is only when we play basketball and I tell him he can't read well. ;-)
  • d2footballJRC
    d2footballJRC Posts: 2,684 Member
    Aw, we've all been there to some degree. It's human nature. You need to refocus your energy and get back on the wagon. Once you start working out and feeling happy about yourself again, you likely will be able to feel happy for your friend again.

    I commend you for your self-awareness :flowerforyou:

    Most likely true. I'm not usually the jealous type. I am just going to get back on the wagon.
  • Ferrous_Female_Dog
    Ferrous_Female_Dog Posts: 221 Member
    Did you get over it?
  • Keepcalmanddontblink
    Keepcalmanddontblink Posts: 718 Member
    Buy him a beer, congratulate him on all his success, and suck it up. Its totally normal to feel jealous. Just use it to refocus on your own goals, and stop the backslide into old bad habits before any real damage is done.

    ETA, congratulations on your own success, and for making such a major impact on someone else! :)
  • MisterZ33
    MisterZ33 Posts: 567 Member
    bro, what are you so insecure about?

    by all accounts you have done well for yourself.

    why can you not be happy for your friend and use his success as further motivation - you know, like he did when he saw your success...

    btw, you should probably stop refering to this person as your friend. he obviously isn't if you wish ill will upon him.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    I have been on the other end of this.

    A friend inspired me to get off my butt and do something about my weight. Now she is slipping back down the weight gain slope and is so jealous. I try to say things to inspire her and I invite her to workout with me. She says mean and hurtful things to me but I know that it is jealously and I won't let it effect me and my determination.

    Same here. My friend hasn't been mean or hurtful, but I know she resents my dedication. Last summer she was going from size 14 to 12, and I was going from 22 to 20. Now I'm 10/12 and so is she...and I'm 5 inches taller than she is. It ticks her off. Especially when I eat a donut in front of her (she doesn't track calories but believes gluten free, low carb is a lifestyle that will make her skinny)
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    Can you like Tanya Harding him?

    I'd be lying if I didn't say I wished he would injure himself. He's still a friend, I know this is my issue to overcome.

    This is going to sound kind of harsh. But this seems rather sadistic that you wish harm on another successful human for no other reason than they worked hard and accomplished a goal, even worse to wish it on a "friend". Sorry, if I were that person and ran across this thread, "friend" is not a word I would use to describe you.

    Not harsh in the least. Trust me I've dolled out tough love on these boards over the years. I posted it as this isn't normal for me. It's hard to describe, I am happy for him yet same time something inside me is jealous. Just weird. I don't get why he makes me jealous so much. I do think the facebook posts is really what gets to me. I hate seeing them every day, maybe it's my own guilt slapping me in the face. Hell if I know.

    you're jealous and you're coping with feeling bad for yourself and that you've slacked.

    it happens.

    I get jealous of a girl in my dance class- it's MY issue to work through- and the reality is suck it up butter cup- we aren't all made equal- and you just have to focus on YOU and move forward- that's the only way you can deal with it- focus on your goals and move forward.

    Everyone deals with it at some point.
  • liekewheeless
    liekewheeless Posts: 416 Member
    Use your competitive nature and get back in there!

    I think you're just being honest with your self to recognize your jealousy.
    Now let him inspire you and get to it!
  • Alidecker
    Alidecker Posts: 1,262 Member
    Not sure where to put this... Anyways... I'm jealous of a guy I inspired to lose weight.

    A friend of mine 2 years ago saw me lose over 100lbs of weight, I was running 5k's and 10k's. He told me that it inspired him to take up a weight loss competition for a fitness magazine. He did awesome, he actually won his division and he in turn decided to change his focus on life and lost over 140 lbs in 10 months and is now trying to become a trainer. Now seeing how I bounced back into some bad habits I'm incredibly jealous of him.

    I almost despise him for it and I know I shouldn't. He's a great guy and I really helped nudge him into making a better choice, sadly I didn't keep making those choices for myself.

    Maybe you should be proud of the fact that it was you inspiring him in the first place that made him so successful? A teacher is never so proud as when the student surpasses him; it means he did a great job.

    This is how I have looked at it, when someone tells me I inspired them, it makes me proud. That is my favorite compliment. At the same time, I understand the jealousy. Just get back on track.
  • mike_ny
    mike_ny Posts: 351 Member
    So, back when he was jealous of your success, that was OK, but now the shoe is on the other foot.

    Get back in the game. He may leapfrog you again, but those are the kind of friends we all need to keep us pushing to break through the next level.
  • jferg70
    jferg70 Posts: 147 Member
    I'm sorry if this sounds insensitive, but you need to suck it up. This whole thing is childish and sounds like something that would be an issue for a 12 year old, not a 32 year old. Grow up and do your own thing...quit blaming others and making excuses.
  • lmarshel
    lmarshel Posts: 674 Member
    Once I helped a friend to accomplish a goal when she was struggling. Then she made her goal and I did not. I was so jealous and felt like I shouldn't have helped her out. It was as if she took my spot.

    But that was 7th grade cheerleader tryouts. This is adult life. Be an adult!
  • YF92
    YF92 Posts: 2,893 Member
    You need to get ahold of yourself.
    Use what he did as motivation to work harder & catch up to him.

    Change that mindset.
  • pattycakes80
    pattycakes80 Posts: 118 Member
    people are going to tell you that jealousy is unbecoming and quite toxic.

    they are right.

    but it is an emotion and shoving away emotions only leads to further issues down the road. accept the jealousy, examine the sting beneath the jealousy. unless you are truly ill, you do not wish harm on this person, you wish to better yourself.

    luckily, you can do it. just start slow and work hard. remember, YOU inspired HIM for a reason. maybe it is his turn to inspire you. give back what you take, man.

    you got this.

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