Telling your significant other that they are gaining weight

Chibukalu908
Chibukalu908 Posts: 212
in Chit-Chat
Would you tell your boyfriend or girlfriend that they are gaining weight? I would if I was in that situation as I work hard to stay in shape. If its few pounds then no big deal but if they start gaining and still not making effort to loose weight then I would .anyone ever been in the situation
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Replies

  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 18,242 Member
    I go by the theory that if you need to ask the internet for relationship advice, you're doing it wrong anyway, so tell them what you like.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,992 Member
    Nope. It's a personal thing for each individual to deal with themselves. If they want to hear it, they'll ask.

    A.C.E. Certified Group Fitness and Personal Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • SideSteel
    SideSteel Posts: 11,068 Member
    I go by the theory that if you need to ask the internet for relationship advice, you're doing it wrong anyway, so tell them what you like.

    LOL
  • feedmedonuts
    feedmedonuts Posts: 241 Member
    Nope. It's a personal thing for each individual to deal with themselves. If they want to hear it, they'll ask.

    Basically. Most people who have gained weight already know that and don't need someone telling them to see that. I'd encourage my S.O to be healthier with me, such as cooking healthy meals for us both and doing something active and fun together-hiking/biking/etc.....but I would not just tell him you've gained weight. Then again he acknowledges he has and has expressed a desire to change it. I've acknowledged my own too and am working on it and I certainly appreciate he doesn't feel the need to tell me something I already know and feel insecure about.
  • MagnumBurrito
    MagnumBurrito Posts: 1,070 Member
    Just stay in shape yourself and they'll usually get on board.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    I go by the theory that if you need to ask the internet for relationship advice, you're doing it wrong anyway, so tell them what you like.

    :laugh:
  • cuckoo_jenibeth
    cuckoo_jenibeth Posts: 1,434 Member
    I am married to an intelligent man....I am pretty sure he is aware of his weight & his body, as they are his! As are the decisions he makes about his weight & his body.
  • besaro
    besaro Posts: 1,858 Member
    nope
  • Luv2eatSweets
    Luv2eatSweets Posts: 221 Member
    I guess my feeling would be that, I love that person, no matter what there physical appearance is. Some healthy food suggestions would not be out of line, especially if it is for their well being. Wording is everything.
  • kaseyr1505
    kaseyr1505 Posts: 624 Member
    I would tell my husband if he started gaining weight, and I could tell he wasn't at his peak. I would want him to do the same for me. If he just gained some weight, but didn't seem impacted by it, I wouldn't say anything.

    I don't think it has to be tactless, I wouldn't sit him down and say "Hey lard-o. Don't you think you've had enough donuts for the night?" more like "Baby, I have noticed that you have had less energy lately. I started noticing it after you gained a bit of weight. Hey, we're both getting older- it happens! If you're happy with yourself, then I am happy. But, if you aren't then I want to help you make the changes that you want to make to become happier with yourself."
  • SandraJN
    SandraJN Posts: 305 Member
    My husband has developed a pot belly, I do the cooking so I don't need to say anything. I simply have to start serving him less, as neither of us eats outside of meals. He's eating too much because I make it and he will eat it.
  • stephanieluvspb
    stephanieluvspb Posts: 997 Member
    I have never not known I was overweight, and I really never needed anyone to remind me. I'm sure your significant other is smart enough to know he is gaining weight, so why tell him/her?
  • baconslave
    baconslave Posts: 7,018 Member
    Yeah...ummm...don't tell them. They know. Just make sure you guys have healthy meals. Maybe invite them to join you in physical activities. Harping on it or bringing it up will just hurt your relationship Your partner isn't going to do anything unless they are ready and want to.
  • laserturkey
    laserturkey Posts: 1,680 Member
    Telling them would be rude and hurtful to the relationship. They already know what is going on in their own body. Telling them is treating them like they are stupid.
  • _SantaClause
    _SantaClause Posts: 335 Member
    Would you tell your boyfriend or girlfriend that they are gaining weight? I would if I was in that situation as I work hard to stay in shape. If its few pounds then no big deal but if they start gaining and still not making effort to loose weight then I would .anyone ever been in the situation

    Can I point out your spelling errors?
  • FoxyLifter
    FoxyLifter Posts: 965 Member
    Just stay in shape yourself and they'll usually get on board.

    This. Ever since I've been vocal about my MFP plans (e.g. him: "Want to go to Taco Bell for dinner?", me: "Yes, I have enough calories to get my usual", etc) slowly, but surely he has been making small steps in the right direction (he's not counting calories, but he's making better decisions and has lost some weight) . It doesn't have to be the only thing you talk about, but just slip it into conversation once in a while.
  • riirii93_
    riirii93_ Posts: 475 Member
    If my bf gains weight it's probably my fault for feeding him too much anyway, I would just start cooking healthier food for him lol.
  • Tigg_er
    Tigg_er Posts: 22,001 Member
    Hell no , I ain't about to get the crap beat out of me . :laugh: :laugh:
  • sugafreak
    sugafreak Posts: 53 Member
    Nope and in the words of Tigg_er - I would beat the crap out of him if he dared tell me I was gaining weight. :bigsmile:
  • suremeansyes
    suremeansyes Posts: 962 Member
    Nope. If she asked me for help, I'd help her, but I wouldn't be pointing out gained weight. Like an adult needs someone to point it out.
  • Tigg_er
    Tigg_er Posts: 22,001 Member
    Nope and in the words of Tigg_er - I would beat the crap out of him if he dared tell me I was gaining weight. :bigsmile:

    Yep mums the word ! :drinker: Life's a tad easier that way .
  • cuckoo_jenibeth
    cuckoo_jenibeth Posts: 1,434 Member
    My husband roots for me because he knows that I want this for me. It is not what he wants for himself; he actually told me that he is ready to just get old & fat. And, he has made good on his word thus far!
  • DenDweller
    DenDweller Posts: 1,438 Member
    Avoiding difficult conversations, whether on the giving or receiving end, is not emotionally mature.

    If you our your significant other has concerns about one or the other's weight, you should definitely speak about it. You should approach the subject carefully, because it's gonna hurt even if you're as gentle as you can be. But, you need to know how each other feels about the subject.

    If you or your S.O. is badgering the other partner, well that's different. No good.
  • bugaboo_sue
    bugaboo_sue Posts: 552 Member
    My husband and I have already made a pact that if either one of us thought the other was getting fat that we'd open our mouths and say so.

    I disagree with those who say that the person obviously knows it and doesn't need to be told because that's not always true. People get complacent and happy in their relationships and the fact is that they don't always realize that they're gaining weight because their happy. They also don't realize that it might possibly bother their SO because they're husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend is too afraid to say anything because they don't want to hurt the other persons feelings. So the person who's gaining continues on their happy gain because they figure that since their SO hasn't said anything then they're fine with it so who cares.

    There's nothing wrong with saying "Babe, don't you think you should put the cheetos down and maybe have a salad

    ETA: For all of those who say "mums the word" or "no way! I don't want to deal with that!" What do you do when there is a serious conflict that needs to be hashed out? Bury your head in the sand and hope it goes away?
  • KiriLilianne1
    KiriLilianne1 Posts: 1 Member
    I did and I wasn't so nice about it either. I have been trying hard since the last week of July as we both need to lose weight but to this day has done very little to change despite me trying to give encouragement. I guess I lost my cool! and I regret that but I am really enjoying taking exercise and the few sacrifices that I have recently made. I can't see why anyone doesn't want to step up and do the same.
  • imaginaryplant
    imaginaryplant Posts: 93 Member
    I would NEVER be so rude and cruel to tell my husband anything like that, as he never once said anything to me when I gained some weight. I love him thin, chunky...whatever...he's still my best friend, my soul mate and a sexy beast no matter what he weighs. I am attracted to him on the deepest level that there is. It's the same as asking if you'd stay with someone if they became disfigured...answer is yes. I will always be with him.
  • Tigg_er
    Tigg_er Posts: 22,001 Member
    My husband and I have already made a pact that if either one of us thought the other was getting fat that we'd open our mouths and say so.

    I disagree with those who say that the person obviously knows it and doesn't need to be told because that's not always true. People get complacent and happy in their relationships and the fact is that they don't always realize that they're gaining weight because their happy. They also don't realize that it might possibly bother their SO because they're husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend is too afraid to say anything because they don't want to hurt the other persons feelings. So the person who's gaining continues on their happy gain because they figure that since their SO hasn't said anything then they're fine with it so who cares.

    There's nothing wrong with saying "Babe, don't you think you should put the cheetos down and maybe have a salad

    ETA: For all of those who say "mums the word" or "no way! I don't want to deal with that!" What do you do when there is a serious conflict that needs to be hashed out? Bury your head in the sand and hope it goes away?

    No, I luv sleeping on the couch . That's usually why I add a smiley to some of my sarcastic remarks so they are taken that way. Sorry you missed it.
  • ValerieMartini2Olives
    ValerieMartini2Olives Posts: 3,024 Member
    I had to do it a few weeks ago. I said we need to talk and told him that his weight gain is noticeable. He stepped on the scale the next morning and realized he gained 70 pounds in a year.

    You don't have to be a rude jerk about it. Tell your partner in a non-attacking way.
  • F00LofaT00K
    F00LofaT00K Posts: 688 Member
    My boyfriend has gained weight (15lbs?) since we got together 3 years ago but he maintains at this point. He brought up his weight gain. He's aware of it. I'm sure MOST people are aware that they've gained weight once the clothes start fitting snugly. I would only talk to him about it if it he continued to gain weight to an extent that it made me concerned for his health or if he was constantly complaining about his weight gain. It wouldn't be about looks, it would be about his well-being. I see nothing wrong with sitting down a person (that you care about and are close to) and speaking to them about your concern for their health/offering to help them lose weight if they want. If they don't want to change their lifestyle or they aren't concerned with their health, there's not much more you can do, in my opinion. It's not up to me to change people.

    ETA:: Personally, if I gained a noticeable amount of weight, I would want my boyfriend to let me know in a polite way. I see nothing wrong with returning the favor.
  • notamoment
    notamoment Posts: 190 Member
    I go by the theory that if you need to ask the internet for relationship advice, you're doing it wrong anyway, so tell them what you like.

    :laugh:

    Haha yikes! I do not think i would tell my significant other unless they specifically ask me. I however would want them to tell me, but i make it clear i want to know.

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