Telling your significant other that they are gaining weight

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  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
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    I would NEVER be so rude and cruel to tell my husband anything like that, as he never once said anything to me when I gained some weight. I love him thin, chunky...whatever...he's still my best friend, my soul mate and a sexy beast no matter what he weighs. I am attracted to him on the deepest level that there is. It's the same as asking if you'd stay with someone if they became disfigured...answer is yes. I will always be with him.

    This is sweet and BS at the same time.
  • Nikoruo
    Nikoruo Posts: 771 Member
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    Hmmmm if it was a significant amount and I thought that they were getting in the unhealthy range. However, before then i'd just help by preparing him healthy foods :)
  • sugafreak
    sugafreak Posts: 53 Member
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    Often you get the opposite result. My mother tells my father he needs to lose weight and stop smoking, she stopped smoking a few years back, he tells her to leave him alone as it is his choice to eat what he eats and smoke.

    My husband has gained the pounds over the years, as have I. I have lost most of them with 5:2 (just over a stone to go) where he has no interest in losing weight. We are both happy in our relationship and love each other fat or thin, we have never told the other that they are gaining weight or tried to be 'helpful', not because we are afraid to broach the subject but because we are adults and make our own choices and let's be honest we don't need someone to point out the obvious.

    True happiness comes from accepting people as they are and not how you think they should be!
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
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    If it started to affect his day-to-day life and he didn't seem to notice, then I might speak up, especially as, at that point, it would probably start to affect me, too.
  • GoldenBear23
    GoldenBear23 Posts: 6
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    Just stay in shape yourself and they'll usually get on board.


    This is how I would want my boyfriend to "say it." Saying it without actually saying it.
  • lisalsd1
    lisalsd1 Posts: 1,521 Member
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    It depends on whether your SO is a man or a woman.

    I told my husband he had "saggy old man butt." He started squatting. He no longer has "saggy old man butt."
  • suremeansyes
    suremeansyes Posts: 962 Member
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    Avoiding difficult conversations, whether on the giving or receiving end, is not emotionally mature.

    If you our your significant other has concerns about one or the other's weight, you should definitely speak about it. You should approach the subject carefully, because it's gonna hurt even if you're as gentle as you can be. But, you need to know how each other feels about the subject.

    If you or your S.O. is badgering the other partner, well that's different. No good.

    I've talked to her about more difficult things than weight. It's not really a big deal honestly. She's a grown woman.
  • Deipneus
    Deipneus Posts: 1,862 Member
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    Would you tell your boyfriend or girlfriend that they are gaining weight? I would if I was in that situation as I work hard to stay in shape. If its few pounds then no big deal but if they start gaining and still not making effort to loose weight then I would .anyone ever been in the situation
    Absolutely. I see no reason to pass up a perfectly good opportunity to be cruelly frank. Then I follow it up with a hearty laugh and exclaim: "I can't help it, I'm just too honest!"
  • AndyRogan
    AndyRogan Posts: 195 Member
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    I told my wife she was putting on too much weight, and that if she kept gaining I'd not find her attractive.

    It scared her into joining MFP and trying to lose it.
    She's down 14lb now
  • DenDweller
    DenDweller Posts: 1,438 Member
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    I've talked to her about more difficult things than weight. It's not really a big deal honestly. She's a grown woman.

    I agree. If it's not a big deal to you, then it's by definition not really a thing that needs to be discussed.

    My point though, is if it is, avoiding the conversation isn't the best way to handle it.
  • suremeansyes
    suremeansyes Posts: 962 Member
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    I agree. If it's not a big deal to you, then it's by definition not really a thing that needs to be discussed.

    My point though, is if it is, avoiding the conversation isn't the best way to handle it.

    True. I agree with you.
  • ilfaith
    ilfaith Posts: 16,770 Member
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    Just stay in shape yourself and they'll usually get on board.

    If this were the case it would make things much easier.

    My husband is obese. He is well aware of this fact, and from time to time makes half-hearted attempts at losing wight. He was a bit overweight when we met, but has gotten heavier over the time we have been together. While I do try to make healthy meals at home for our family, he is on the road for work, and eating restaurant meals, close to 50% of the time.

    I have brought of the subject of his weight from time to time...strictly in the context of his health and wanting hi to be around for his family. But the truth is, I am not as attracted to him at his current weight. I still love him, but I find his body less appealing at this size.

    His parents, who are both overweight themselves) give him a much harder time about his weight than I do.
  • sugafreak
    sugafreak Posts: 53 Member
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    I told my wife she was putting on too much weight, and that if she kept gaining I'd not find her attractive.

    It scared her into joining MFP and trying to lose it.
    She's down 14lb now

    Frankly if my husband said that to me it would not 'scare' me to lose the weight but it would certainly make me lose weight. Then I would aim his backside out the door. I would not live with a man knowing his love was conditional on how I looked.
  • suremeansyes
    suremeansyes Posts: 962 Member
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    I told my wife she was putting on too much weight, and that if she kept gaining I'd not find her attractive.

    It scared her into joining MFP and trying to lose it.
    She's down 14lb now

    Adorable.
  • amyk0202
    amyk0202 Posts: 667 Member
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    I would NEVER be so rude and cruel to tell my husband anything like that, as he never once said anything to me when I gained some weight. I love him thin, chunky...whatever...he's still my best friend, my soul mate and a sexy beast no matter what he weighs. I am attracted to him on the deepest level that there is. It's the same as asking if you'd stay with someone if they became disfigured...answer is yes. I will always be with him.

    Agree 100%. My husband is a grown, well educated man. We've been together almost 22 years. We have both gone through gaining & losing weight through the years. I know when I have gained & it would hurt my feelings if he pointed it out. He knows his own body & knows when he is gaining. He knows what is healthy & what's not. He doesn't need me to point his weight out to him. I am not his mother. I don't see the need to hurt his feelings by pointing out the obvious or by suggesting he not eat something. I love him however he is.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    I told my wife she was putting on too much weight, and that if she kept gaining I'd not find her attractive.

    It scared her into joining MFP and trying to lose it.
    She's down 14lb now

    Aren't you a peach.
  • IamMCM
    IamMCM Posts: 122
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    We're pretty blunt with each other in my marriage, so I would do it and have done so. Normally we can discuss anything, although my husband can get defensive about his weight. If he's the one telling me, I just accept it because hey, if it's true. I can't deny the fact, and it's nice that we care about each other's health (that's typically our motivation, especially now that we're both getting older).
  • kenc1971
    kenc1971 Posts: 107 Member
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    In B4 "Just break up."
  • rocabrera2013
    rocabrera2013 Posts: 8
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    true!
  • Chibukalu908
    Chibukalu908 Posts: 212
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    My husband and I have already made a pact that if either one of us thought the other was getting fat that we'd open our mouths and say so.

    I disagree with those who say that the person obviously knows it and doesn't need to be told because that's not always true. People get complacent and happy in their relationships and the fact is that they don't always realize that they're gaining weight because their happy. They also don't realize that it might possibly bother their SO because they're husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend is too afraid to say anything because they don't want to hurt the other persons feelings. So the person who's gaining continues on their happy gain because they figure that since their SO hasn't said anything then they're fine with it so who cares.

    There's nothing wrong with saying "Babe, don't you think you should put the cheetos down and maybe have a salad

    ETA: For all of those who say "mums the word" or "no way! I don't want to deal with that!" What do you do when there is a serious conflict that needs to be hashed out? Bury your head in the sand and hope it goes away?

    I agree.When I started gaining weight myself I didn't realize it because I was in denial until I gained a good 20 lbs when my clothes started getting tight etc

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