Telling your significant other that they are gaining weight

we're very open and honest in our marriage so when my husband had ended up gaining a bunch of weight I flat out told him he was a fatass and so was I. It was due to my CONSTANT pushing him to be better that he lost the weight has got in shape and at 37 years old is in the best shape of his life. His depression has all but gone away, his knees no longer hurt and he almost shines now. If I had just kept quiet and felt it was a "personal choice" then he would probably have gained more weight and been on medication by now. I think MORE people should speak up, not just spouses but family members too. I've also lost over 60 pounds and he is there with me every step of the way.

Oh and I'm sure someone will call me a control freak but you need to understand my husband told me to do this. He lacked and will power in the beginning and had to learn it so me telling him "maybe you don't need that third sandwich" or "only 1 serving of ice cream" is really helpful. Maybe that doesn't work for everyone but it works for us.

The best advice I can give anyone on marriage is talk to your partner, even if it might be silly talk about, don't be afraid to share your hopes and goals.

I would let them know by mooing whenever we engaged in coitus.

I would NEVER be so rude and cruel to tell my husband anything like that, as he never once said anything to me when I gained some weight. I love him thin, chunky...whatever...he's still my best friend, my soul mate and a sexy beast no matter what he weighs. I am attracted to him on the deepest level that there is. It's the same as asking if you'd stay with someone if they became disfigured...answer is yes. I will always be with him.

I disagree that it's rude and cruel to discuss the weight of somebody you care about. It has nothing to do with sexiness or appearance, it's about health. I love my boyfriend to pieces and if he was fat, I wouldn't love him any less, but I would be concerned for his health due to the health problems that run in his family (they're exacerbated by obesity). I feel that expressing your concerns in a polite fashion is anything but cruel. Pretending that I haven't noticed the person's changing body would make me feel like my relationship wasn't an open and honest one. I don't see how explaining your concern for their weight gain is ANYTHING like leaving somebody because they became disfigured.

Yeah, I had an ex who decided to inform me I'd gained weight via grabbing a love handle & stating "whose packing on the lbs?". Needless to say it didn't end well for him.

Sit them down and let them know that they have been gaining weight and they may not be aware. Then suggest that you both make a plan together because you realize that you need it too.

I would NEVER be so rude and cruel to tell my husband anything like that, as he never once said anything to me when I gained some weight. I love him thin, chunky...whatever...he's still my best friend, my soul mate and a sexy beast no matter what he weighs. I am attracted to him on the deepest level that there is. It's the same as asking if you'd stay with someone if they became disfigured...answer is yes. I will always be with him.

This is sweet and BS at the same time.

Often you get the opposite result. My mother tells my father he needs to lose weight and stop smoking, she stopped smoking a few years back, he tells her to leave him alone as it is his choice to eat what he eats and smoke.

My husband has gained the pounds over the years, as have I. I have lost most of them with 5:2 (just over a stone to go) where he has no interest in losing weight. We are both happy in our relationship and love each other fat or thin, we have never told the other that they are gaining weight or tried to be 'helpful', not because we are afraid to broach the subject but because we are adults and make our own choices and let's be honest we don't need someone to point out the obvious.

True happiness comes from accepting people as they are and not how you think they should be!

Just stay in shape yourself and they'll usually get on board.

This is how I would want my boyfriend to "say it." Saying it without actually saying it.

Avoiding difficult conversations, whether on the giving or receiving end, is not emotionally mature.

If you our your significant other has concerns about one or the other's weight, you should definitely speak about it. You should approach the subject carefully, because it's gonna hurt even if you're as gentle as you can be. But, you need to know how each other feels about the subject.

If you or your S.O. is badgering the other partner, well that's different. No good.

I've talked to her about more difficult things than weight. It's not really a big deal honestly. She's a grown woman.

I told my wife she was putting on too much weight, and that if she kept gaining I'd not find her attractive.

It scared her into joining MFP and trying to lose it.
She's down 14lb now

I agree. If it's not a big deal to you, then it's by definition not really a thing that needs to be discussed.

My point though, is if it is, avoiding the conversation isn't the best way to handle it.

True. I agree with you.

I told my wife she was putting on too much weight, and that if she kept gaining I'd not find her attractive.

It scared her into joining MFP and trying to lose it.
She's down 14lb now

Frankly if my husband said that to me it would not 'scare' me to lose the weight but it would certainly make me lose weight. Then I would aim his backside out the door. I would not live with a man knowing his love was conditional on how I looked.

I would NEVER be so rude and cruel to tell my husband anything like that, as he never once said anything to me when I gained some weight. I love him thin, chunky...whatever...he's still my best friend, my soul mate and a sexy beast no matter what he weighs. I am attracted to him on the deepest level that there is. It's the same as asking if you'd stay with someone if they became disfigured...answer is yes. I will always be with him.

Agree 100%. My husband is a grown, well educated man. We've been together almost 22 years. We have both gone through gaining & losing weight through the years. I know when I have gained & it would hurt my feelings if he pointed it out. He knows his own body & knows when he is gaining. He knows what is healthy & what's not. He doesn't need me to point his weight out to him. I am not his mother. I don't see the need to hurt his feelings by pointing out the obvious or by suggesting he not eat something. I love him however he is.

We're pretty blunt with each other in my marriage, so I would do it and have done so. Normally we can discuss anything, although my husband can get defensive about his weight. If he's the one telling me, I just accept it because hey, if it's true. I can't deny the fact, and it's nice that we care about each other's health (that's typically our motivation, especially now that we're both getting older).

true!