Why does silence hurt

Chibukalu908
Chibukalu908 Posts: 212
in Chit-Chat
I had a fall out with this person so since a week has passed, I thought maybe they have cooled off so I tried contacting this person several times asking how they are and I still care etc but all i get is complete silence or it goes upon deaf ears. I would rather hear ``leave alone I don't want to talk to you `` than deafening silence. Its obvious this person doesn't want to talk to me so I wont bother them anymore why does it hurt to hear nothing back? :cry:
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Replies

  • Jen800
    Jen800 Posts: 548 Member
    Because you feel rejected, and that you can't get your feelings across because nobody is willing to listen.

    My advice would be to either keep contacting them trying to make amends, or cut all contact for a period of time. Don't do anything in the middle.
  • prettigirl01
    prettigirl01 Posts: 548 Member
    if they wanted to talk to you they would have done so by now. I wouldn't bother them anymore as it seems to be a waste of your time. when someone does that to me and I really feel like I need to be heard I write in my journal. its not the same as telling the person whats on your mind but it allows you to let go in a way. coming here to talk helps too
  • sentaruu
    sentaruu Posts: 2,206 Member
    Leave them be. You have tried contacting them and they obviously are too childish to respond.
  • Briargrey
    Briargrey Posts: 498 Member
    I suggest one more contact - a quick email saying you are going to leave the ball in their court, won't try again, but that you sincerely do hope they reach out. And leave it at that and don't worry.
  • doctorregenerated
    doctorregenerated Posts: 188 Member
    Passive Aggressive behavior. Ugh. I'd have no time for that. Yes, yes, yes. They are hurt. We get it. Now talk about it or deal with it like a friggin grown up.
    They are using silence as a weapon to hurt you as much as they were hurt. Its obviously working.
    Call them on it, and let them know you still care about them and will be around if they want to talk. Then leave them to stew in their self pity, because that's apparently what they'd like to do right now.
  • SonicDeathMonkey80
    SonicDeathMonkey80 Posts: 4,489 Member
    Take the day off work and be waiting on their front porch?
  • sarahc001
    sarahc001 Posts: 477 Member
    Take the day off work and be waiting on their front porch?

    I was going to suggest breaking into their house and waiting in the living room, but the front porch is probably sufficient. Or you could just move on.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    :huh:
  • SonicDeathMonkey80
    SonicDeathMonkey80 Posts: 4,489 Member
    Take the day off work and be waiting on their front porch?

    I was going to suggest breaking into their house and waiting in the living room, but the front porch is probably sufficient. Or you could just move on.

    Moving on just isn't an option sometimes.
  • BetterKimmer
    BetterKimmer Posts: 178 Member
    I wonder what the falling out was over. I don't need to really know, but you haven't mentioned if you knocked over and broke their favorite vase or you had sex with their significant other. That can make a difference.
  • elenathegreat
    elenathegreat Posts: 3,988 Member
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  • Chibukalu908
    Chibukalu908 Posts: 212
    I wonder what the falling out was over. I don't need to really know, but you haven't mentioned if you knocked over and broke their favorite vase or you had sex with their significant other. That can make a difference.

    It wasn't anything that big.It was something minor and I accused them of bull*****ting me and I got angry at them. Now I am trying to make amends but they wont respond to me
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    Passive Aggressive behavior. Ugh. I'd have no time for that. Yes, yes, yes. They are hurt. We get it. Now talk about it or deal with it like a friggin grown up.
    They are using silence as a weapon to hurt you as much as they were hurt. Its obviously working.
    Call them on it, and let them know you still care about them and will be around if they want to talk. Then leave them to stew in their self pity, because that's apparently what they'd like to do right now.

    You don't really know enough to come to this conclusion.
  • YF92
    YF92 Posts: 2,893 Member
    Cut contact, then make contact after a week or so.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    Just give the person space. Go do something to occupy yourself while you wait for them to be ready.
  • tristan299
    tristan299 Posts: 2,537 Member
    I had a fall out with this person so since a week has passed, I thought maybe they have cooled off so I tried contacting this person several times asking how they are and I still care etc but all i get is complete silence or it goes upon deaf ears. I would rather hear ``leave alone I don't want to talk to you `` than deafening silence. Its obvious this person doesn't want to talk to me so I wont bother them anymore why does it hurt to hear nothing back? :cry:

    Because you give a sh1t and it hurts that you think they don't. That you think what they said to you during your happy days talking to them means absolutely nothing anymore.

    Funny how some people can turn feelings on and off like a water tap. I have had the exact same thing happen to me on Friday. I would rather hear ffeck off muppet than nothing.

    Hope it works out for you.

    Take it easy
  • tristan299
    tristan299 Posts: 2,537 Member
    I wonder what the falling out was over. I don't need to really know, but you haven't mentioned if you knocked over and broke their favorite vase or you had sex with their significant other. That can make a difference.

    It wasn't anything that big.It was something minor and I accused them of bull*****ting me and I got angry at them. Now I am trying to make amends but they wont respond to me

    it could have been worse, I add 2 people to my friends list to take it to a massive 3 friends. lol. Know something though, I would delete them If I knew I could have the friendship I lost with the 1 friend I had. Would we ever meet in RL? I very much doubt it but hey, I don't care. She was/is a very nice person though.
  • Chibukalu908
    Chibukalu908 Posts: 212
    Just give the person space. Go do something to occupy yourself while you wait for them to be ready.

    sounds good:smile:
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    Just give the person space. Go do something to occupy yourself while you wait for them to be ready.

    sounds good:smile:

    I know it's difficult. But, that's what they probably need.
  • Chibukalu908
    Chibukalu908 Posts: 212
    I wonder what the falling out was over. I don't need to really know, but you haven't mentioned if you knocked over and broke their favorite vase or you had sex with their significant other. That can make a difference.

    It wasn't anything that big.It was something minor and I accused them of bull*****ting me and I got angry at them. Now I am trying to make amends but they wont respond to me

    it could have been worse, I add 2 people to my friends list to take it to a massive 3 friends. lol. Know something though, I would delete them If I knew I could have the friendship I lost with the 1 friend I had. Would we ever meet in RL? I very much doubt it but hey, I don't care. She was/is a very nice person though.

    :huh:
  • moijo75
    moijo75 Posts: 11
    silence hurts because you need to clear the air, you feel guilty in some way and need closure.

    If they haven't responded, leave it be and move on with your life.
  • 777Gemma888
    777Gemma888 Posts: 9,578 Member
    Just give the person space. Go do something to occupy yourself while you wait for them to be ready.

    What Binary said ^
  • BetterKimmer
    BetterKimmer Posts: 178 Member
    I wonder what the falling out was over. I don't need to really know, but you haven't mentioned if you knocked over and broke their favorite vase or you had sex with their significant other. That can make a difference.

    It wasn't anything that big.It was something minor and I accused them of bull*****ting me and I got angry at them. Now I am trying to make amends but they wont respond to me

    Now I'm thinking, were they bull*****ing you, for real? If so, do you want to be bull****ed? If they weren't give it a minute and try again later with as much apology infused language as possible. If they are bull*****ing, maybe you need a new friend.

    Or stalk. Stalking is fun.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    I suggest one more contact - a quick email saying you are going to leave the ball in their court, won't try again, but that you sincerely do hope they reach out. And leave it at that and don't worry.

    I agree.

    A lot of people think the other person is childish or passive aggressive...but considering you were vague about the situation, there's no way to guess. Maybe you're harassing them at this point when they just wish to be left alone. I had someone constantly trying to assert himself back into my life (after we had a major falling out) with texts and phone calls when I made it clear I no longer wanted to be in contact. That's not me being an *kitten*. That's him being a creep.
  • cicisiam
    cicisiam Posts: 491 Member
    Write a letter and get on with your life. Or don't and still get on with your life. Silence is a person's way to heal or end the relationship. Take the obvious hint. Give them their space, and stop letting yourself revolve around one person. There is a whole world out there willing to interact with you.
  • Tanie98
    Tanie98 Posts: 675 Member
    because silence shows a great sign of indifference
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,329 Member
    there's some obvious details missing.

    my impression though is that both babies in this situation need to be burped and diapers changed
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  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    there's some obvious details missing.

    my impression though is that both babies in this situation need to be burped and diapers changed

    Yes.
    Also, has anyone said it yet?






    Just break up

    I think the other person did... OP didn't get the memo. :laugh:
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