It's official...I'm a liar :(

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adrienne454
adrienne454 Posts: 18
in Motivation and Support
I think that's the thing Im looking forward to the most about this whole weight loss thing- losing my shame. I HATE that I can not admit to my boyfriend or family how much I truly weight. I'm lucky in that I wear my weight very well ( as if there's such a thing...) so I don't look like I'm over 300 pounds, but... I am. I work out as though I am 207 too, we walk and jog 6 miles a day 4 days a week. But I am... I was 320 when I started this journey 45 or so days ago.. and now that I'm 307 I want to talk about it, but I don't. I lie. I tell him I'm 207. What a terrible person I am!!! I want him to be equally as proud..

I had a baby 6 months ago, and I made sure to have it put in my file that my weight is NOT to be discussed when he is in the room. Oh lord, living in secrecy is ridiculous. It's stressful, and I want to SHARE my journey with him, not lie to him and create a false journey but- I can't do it. No matter how badly I want to, I. cant. do. it. I think oh gosh, it's definitely too late now that I've lied for a year about my weight. Surely he'll never forgive me... And then the other half of me says I know he'd understand because i'm OVER 300 pounds... he'll definitely understand the shame and embarrassment that goes hand in hand with such a weight. But, ultimately I just let it go...lying every day that I step on the scale. It makes me feel like a p.o.s. though, because he is super amazing.

Obviously he is the only one I lie to about such things. My dr knows how much I weight, and I weigh myself everyday- so I'm not living in a fantasy world. Im just ashamed. Super amounts of ashamed.

I guess being able to speak honestly about such things is one of my huge motivations.
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Replies

  • heidispideymfp
    heidispideymfp Posts: 179 Member
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    I have never told my husband what my weight is either . I was always ( and am still) ashamed to let him know.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
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    something tells me he already knows.

    5-10 pounds is one thing.

    But 100 pounds is something else.

    Think about how bad you feel now- and how much better you feel after you just come clean.
  • rogerOb1
    rogerOb1 Posts: 318 Member
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    Yeah....he kinda knows already.....

    If hes interested in your health/fitness journey, share it with him.
  • bukowski_shine
    bukowski_shine Posts: 70 Member
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    100 Lbs :sick:
  • ebyrnes66
    ebyrnes66 Posts: 15 Member
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    I'm sorry if this comes off as harsh because I don't intend this in a mean way at all, but don't you think he probably knows you're not really 207? I know you say you wear the weight well, but 100lbs is a big difference for somebody to not pick up on, and somebody who's 200lbs looks dramatically different from somebody who's 300lbs. Like, maybe he doesn't realize exactly what the difference is between your weight and the weight you're telling him, but I doubt he doesn't realize you're not telling the truth.

    I think the bigger picture is that he probably doesn't care what the real number you weigh is, and you shouldn't really beat yourself up about not being truthful. Women have been lying about their weights one way or another since the dawn of time, so it's not like this is uncommon or especially terrible. If you feel like you have to, maybe just bring up the topic with him and mention you didn't want people to know how much you actually weigh. Otherwise, I think weight is a private matter between you and your scale. If you don't want people to know how much you weigh, don't feel like you're obligated to tell them! Be happy with the progress you've made so far, and let the results show without feeling like you have to justify it with a number to people :)
  • shadowofender
    shadowofender Posts: 786 Member
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    There's no way he doesn't have an idea, 100lbs is HUGE and you're kidding yourself if you think no one realizes. I thought because I was six feet tall I could get away with fudging it a bit when I was 307 but I realized admitting it out loud to the people who support me has only been a help. I told my bf how much I was and it didn't phase him at all because why would the number matter? He sees what you look like, it's not like knowing the number is going to make him look at you differently.
  • BigT555
    BigT555 Posts: 2,067 Member
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    something tells me he already knows.

    5-10 pounds is one thing.

    But 100 pounds is something else.

    Think about how bad you feel now- and how much better you feel after you just come clean.
    i was thinking the same. just tell him. he wont care, i can almost guarantee it, especially if you're actively trying to change
  • Daiako
    Daiako Posts: 12,545 Member
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    He may not know your exact weight...but he probably doesn't believe the 207 number. Not trying to be mean but I've found that I, personally, looked bigger than I thought I did when I started losing weight but, looking back on it I looked very much the weight I was.
  • He1loKitty
    He1loKitty Posts: 212 Member
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    I lie about my weight to my husband too. Or well, I just don't tell him exact numbers. To be clear, he has specifically told me he doesn't need to know what I weigh. Why is it so important that he knows what you weigh? Why not keep it vague and then when you lose the amount you want, you can tell him for real? On the other hand, it sounds like you feel the need to come clean but are worried he'll judge you. Honestly he may surprise you and won't be fazed by it and you'll feel better for having gotten it off your chest.
  • dawnmcneil10
    dawnmcneil10 Posts: 638 Member
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    First of all congratulations on how far you've already come!

    Your weight is your own, you don't have to tell anyone what it is but you do need to own it for yourself. I have a feeling that your BF doesn't care what the scale says, he loves you for your total package. I do think you should have a discussion with him if you're unhappy though, I don't mean with the relationship I mean with yourself because that will ultimately start effecting the relationship.

    You've got a 6 month old, you have a chance to show someone right from the beginning what "healthy" is. Keep on plugging along because each day you get stronger, healthier and that child is seeing positives, a happy mommy means the world to a child.
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
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    something tells me he already knows.

    5-10 pounds is one thing.

    But 100 pounds is something else.

    Think about how bad you feel now- and how much better you feel after you just come clean.

    ^This
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    something tells me he already knows.

    5-10 pounds is one thing.

    But 100 pounds is something else.

    Think about how bad you feel now- and how much better you feel after you just come clean.
    i was thinking the same. just tell him. he wont care, i can almost guarantee it, especially if you're actively trying to change

    Same. He will be madder for the lieing than the weight. Your being dishonest with him.
  • Cryptonomnomicon
    Cryptonomnomicon Posts: 848 Member
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    Sorry dear but you have heard of the idiom "Elephant in the room" yeah I would hazard a guess they may not know your correct weight but could garnish that you are being dishonest at the very least. One of my favorite sayings is "Hustlers of the world beware there is a mark you can not hide and that is the mark on the inside" I would rather be called overweight, fat etc than dishonest any day.

    Come clean and then you will be able to move forward with the extra weight of guilt. Honest communication is paramount in any relationship...unless you are a spy.

    Good luck OP.
  • msf74
    msf74 Posts: 3,498 Member
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    Just tell him.

    He probably cares much less about what you actually weigh and more about you being happy with yourself.
  • jsherrill0613
    jsherrill0613 Posts: 233 Member
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    I have told strangers, my parents, sister, friends how much I weigh. I will not tell my husband. He weighs more then me but he is quite a bit taller then me and the weight difference is about 13 lbs. When I was pregnant the nurse slipped and told my weight out loud, I then quickly looked at my husband to see his reaction but he didn't act any different. I know he loves me no matter if I weighed 400 lbs or 100 lbs, but there is just something about this process that I don't want him knowing how much I weigh for at least another 20 lbs. But he knows that I weigh close to what he does, just not my exact weight. :smile:
  • laurie04427
    laurie04427 Posts: 421 Member
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    Been married 14 years and I just told the hubs how much I weigh recently. And that was only after I had lost some weight so the number wouldn't be so hard to say lol. So yeah I can relate.

    Edit: that being said, he didn't look surprised. I think they can guess our weight and are just kind enough not to let on and/or don't think it is a big deal.
  • blondageh
    blondageh Posts: 923 Member
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    Wait until you get down to 299 and then tell him you weren't honest before because you were embarrassed. Something about breaking into the 200's (even if it is just 1lb under 300) makes it seem not so bad. This is if you lying about your weight is bugging you. I can see how it might be bugging you because eventually you are going to start wanting to shout from the top of the world, HEY LOOK AT ME! I"VE LOST 50, 75, 100LBS! And you won't be able to do that if no one knows you had that much to lose in the first place. Good luck! Sounds like you are well on your way!
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    Actually, shame was what motivated me. I never cared one way or the other about my weight. Then, I went to the doctor and got on the scale. 309 lbs! Nothing was said about it. Not the nurse or the doctor. They just notated it on the chart. But I could not have been more ashamed of myself in my entire life. Shortly thereafter, I found MFP. It's been a long time since then, and even though I am not at goal, I feel so much better about myself than I did 3 years ago. Things will get better if you just keep at it!
  • Icoza87
    Icoza87 Posts: 111 Member
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    My fiance weighs a good 90 lbs less than I do and I tell him my weight on a weekly basis. I also have a chart of my weekly weigh ins on the wall in our bedroom... he, frankly, couldn't care less what that number is. It doesn't change how I look to him just because he knows the number.

    In fact... I'd be willing to bet, if asked, he wouldn't even remember the last weight I told him. The only person that number really matters to is me. And I'm trying to change that too.
  • rach503
    rach503 Posts: 86 Member
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    Congrats on your progress! that's fantastic!

    Just tell him - what are you truly afraid of? That he'll leave you? That he'll realize you lied? That he won't care at all if you do weigh 300 pounds? You'll feel better once you're not carrying the burden of dishonesty with a loved partner. That'll weigh you down every day.

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