It's official...I'm a liar :(

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  • hyg99
    hyg99 Posts: 354 Member
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    I didn't tell my husband my weight till I was back to less than him, although I have never lied about it. He's joined me in this and we have lost weight together, becoming a weekly discussion and he's been very supportive . Personally I would fess up and let him support you and share your successes.
  • blc1971
    blc1971 Posts: 170 Member
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    Well, first off, he may actually NOT know you're lying. Lots of people are saying he can surely see you are over 300 lbs, but maybe he really can't! I was 213 lbs when my husband and I married. He honestly thought I was about 165 lbs (and no, he told me this after I had lost the weight, so he wasn't lying to make me feel better). He had what I call "love goggles" on and just couldn't see how overweight I really was.

    Second, I was in your shoes for a long time, except I never lied about my weight. I just never told him the number. For some reason I figured if he heard that actual number out loud, he'd suddenly come to his senses, see how fat I was, and run screaming out the door. I constantly evaded the subject, even though it didn't come up often. My husband is tall, thin, and very fit. He never commented on my weight, but he did make suggestions for BOTH of us to better our health. I woke up the first part of September, 2012, and decided I wanted to be around to enjoy my life. I was tired of going on bike rides with my husband and having him hold back so I could keep up. I wanted us to do fun, fit stuff together! I joined MFP then and never looked back.

    I wanted to share this new journey with my husband, and told him every time I lost an ounce. He was my biggest cheerleader and supporter, complimenting me as my body changed and making sure I had time to workout. We continued doing fun, active things together and eating healthy. After I had lost over 30 lbs, I finally told him my starting weight. I was so nervous/scared/sick to say that number, but guess what? He shrugged, complimented my thinner, "Hot" body, and went about his business. It was NO BIG DEAL!!! Once I got past that, I felt so free! I now have no problem telling people I was 213 lbs, but now I'm 142 lbs!! You will get there too, but in the interim, be honest with your sweetie. Share this journey with him without reservations. If he's as great as he sounds, he will focus on YOU and your progress, not the starting number.

    Good luck on your journey!! Feel free to add me if you would like support!
  • caracrawford1
    caracrawford1 Posts: 657 Member
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    I think that's the thing Im looking forward to the most about this whole weight loss thing- losing my shame. I HATE that I can not admit to my boyfriend or family how much I truly weight. I'm lucky in that I wear my weight very well ( as if there's such a thing...) so I don't look like I'm over 300 pounds, but... I am. I work out as though I am 207 too, we walk and jog 6 miles a day 4 days a week. But I am... I was 320 when I started this journey 45 or so days ago.. and now that I'm 307 I want to talk about it, but I don't. I lie. I tell him I'm 207. What a terrible person I am!!! I want him to be equally as proud..

    I had a baby 6 months ago, and I made sure to have it put in my file that my weight is NOT to be discussed when he is in the room. Oh lord, living in secrecy is ridiculous. It's stressful, and I want to SHARE my journey with him, not lie to him and create a false journey but- I can't do it. No matter how badly I want to, I. cant. do. it. I think oh gosh, it's definitely too late now that I've lied for a year about my weight. Surely he'll never forgive me... And then the other half of me says I know he'd understand because i'm OVER 300 pounds... he'll definitely understand the shame and embarrassment that goes hand in hand with such a weight. But, ultimately I just let it go...lying every day that I step on the scale. It makes me feel like a p.o.s. though, because he is super amazing.

    Obviously he is the only one I lie to about such things. My dr knows how much I weight, and I weigh myself everyday- so I'm not living in a fantasy world. Im just ashamed. Super amounts of ashamed.

    I guess being able to speak honestly about such things is one of my huge motivations.
    Its hard to admit you're true weight or really anything if you're embarrassed about it. I get that. It really is better to just face facts and lay it on the table. Once you lose all your weight it will be that much more impressive when people realize where you really came from. And to be honest...one hundred pounds? I've fibbed about ten pounds, but 100 is a bit over the top.
    I'm sure your husband knows that the numbers are way off but he won't say and neither should he. Just keep doing what you're doing and when you find the courage be honest. He'll still support you. You're awfully pretty and I wish you good luck.
  • mspianomistress
    mspianomistress Posts: 22
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    Congrats on your weight loss so far. This sounds like such a difficult situation you are in. I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. You will feel much better if you just tell him - tell him everything you said here. Even read this post to him if you can, so that he will understand what you are going through. It also sound like maybe you could use some extra help, such as counseling, to deal with your deep-rooted issues you have.
  • mickiebabs
    mickiebabs Posts: 183 Member
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    Please don't take this too harshly because I don't mean it to be but I just have to say it. I can understand the shame of wanting to hide how much you weigh but I can guarantee you that unless he's a complete idiot, he already knows your lying. Yeah this may seem a small thing to lie about but if your willing to lie about something that can affect your health, he may start questioning other things you've told him. Sit him down and talk. If you don't want to give him an exact number then don't but you need to open up and be honest otherwise it can start to affect your relationship. And in all honesty, he'll probably feel better that you are opening up and telling him the truth.

    Personally, my husband knows exactly how much I weigh. He knows exactly what my goal weight is and he knows all the work I put into myself on a daily basis. Not only is the open communication good for our relationship but the support he offers me helps to keep me going. It's great to have someone in real life cheering me on every time the scale drops lower or to congratulate me for busting my butt in the gym. When I first started trying to lose weight, I wasn't open about it and he would do things that sabotaged my weight loss. We sat down and talked about what I was doing and why, then discussed what he was doing and how it affected me. It helped tremendously.

    You are setting a great example for your child by starting to get physically healthy. Now set an example for your child on how healthy relationships work.

    Again, I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but the smallest lies in a relationship can turn into something huge that can destroy the relationship.
  • laura_happy
    laura_happy Posts: 24 Member
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    You don't have to tell him yet! I never tell my husband a number, but he is very supportive and he could probably very easily guess where I am at. Focus on what you have lost- that is the number to share. You will know when you want to tell him.
  • MelRC117
    MelRC117 Posts: 911 Member
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    I've done the same thing. My husband has no idea what I weigh, but I know I weigh more than him. By a good amount. I don't even say what I weigh, but I do lie about how much I lose to people. Let's say I lost 20 pounds, I'll say its 10. I don't want them to be able to do the math and realize I was over 300 pounds.

    You don't have to really tell him your weight if you don't want to, but if you feel you're lying just say you are more than 207. I get it and you're not alone in the fact you aren't 100% honest with your weight. I want to one day be 100% honest with the DMV too! I don't think it really matters to your husband, but I'm sure he knows 207 is accurate, but what's the point of knowing the exact number? You're working on losing weight, and whether its 15 pounds or 150 pounds, having his support is important.
  • derekj222
    derekj222 Posts: 370 Member
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    your lies will only hold you back....so what happens when you lose 100 lbs, you are now 107? Honey, he knows, he loves you enough, not to talk about it. Stop living in secrecy.
  • brightsideofpink
    brightsideofpink Posts: 1,018 Member
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    It is frightening to say it out loud, but who else would you tell? Do you love him? Does he love you? There's an intimacy in sharing this. Trust me. I've done it. It is incredibly liberating, and at the same time, it will make you feel closer. You can do it.
  • parkscs
    parkscs Posts: 1,639 Member
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    So you tell him you're 207 but you publicly post in your profile "No easy fete at 300 plus pounds." You gotta work on this whole lying thing... or you know, just not lie about silly stuff in the first place.
  • CindyMarcuzAdams
    CindyMarcuzAdams Posts: 4,006 Member
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    Your guilt about a silly number is going to become worse for you. He will begin to sense there is something wrong. Your feeling could begin to sabotage your weight loss as well. Imho you should just fess up. He loves you. You just had a baby. You have that to deal with. Give your self a break. Get if off your chest.
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,150 Member
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    I feel so badly for you. I hate lying, its one thing I strive never to do, still that you felt you had to to someone who obviously loves you must be horrid for you.
    I commend you on coming clean publicly, that's usually the first step in any recovery. You're half way there now, because really as others have already mentioned, he knows.
    Best of luck!
  • winbig1982
    winbig1982 Posts: 43 Member
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    If he doesn't ask you your weight, don't tell him - Just you tell him how much you're losing :) Well done you for talking about it, some of these comments sound a bit harsh - I wouldn't suggest lying but theres no need for you to tell him exactly what you do weigh xxx Keep up the great work :) xxx
  • Sie_Con
    Sie_Con Posts: 101 Member
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    I also lie about weight. DMV has one number, my family and loved ones don't get to know. I have even lied about how much I've lost also because I don't want them to do the math and realize exactly what my number was before. I've never had anyone ask me "How much do you weigh?" directly, so i don't feel the need to tell them. If someone says I look nice, like I've lost weight, I'll say yeah I've lost a few pounds, thanks.

    There's really no need to get into specifics with people other than your doctor, I think.
    Your loved ones know approximately, there's no getting away with a 100 pound lie, but the exact number isn't that important.

    If your husband knowing your exact number every week helps you, then great, but I think the important thing is that they know you're trying to lose weight so they can be supportive in that. I keep it general and don't think it's a big deal.
  • RllyGudTweetr
    RllyGudTweetr Posts: 2,019 Member
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    something tells me he already knows.

    5-10 pounds is one thing.

    But 100 pounds is something else.

    Think about how bad you feel now- and how much better you feel after you just come clean.
    i was thinking the same. just tell him. he wont care, i can almost guarantee it, especially if you're actively trying to change
    I disagree on one thing. He will care. He will care that you're now being honest about your weight, and will care that you're trying to make a positive difference in your health. Other than that, if your weight was either a mystery to him or an actual impediment to your relationship, he'd already be gone. He's not. Being honest with him will help that stay true.
  • adrienne454
    adrienne454 Posts: 18
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    Wow- unsure of what I expected but the amount of replies astounds me. I never intended on telling him anything at all, but he kept wanting to come with me to the dr for appointments and such and he kept asking me questions, so I just blurted something out. Also his exwife was a good 330 and he always says that she has at least 100 pounds on me... so I just sorta took it and ran with it.

    To the guy that mentioned my public profile, I did that on purpose. I also never shut the door when I weight myself. Almost as if i'm hoping he just accidentally finds out, and that takes all the pressure off of me. I dunno, Im a liar AND a wuss. Yay :O/

    I haven't lied to him about anything else. We met while married to other people and our love story is super deep and unique so I went into this completely honest. I just felt cornered and since we've only been together 16 months (4 at the time of my stupidity) I didn't want him to look down on me. I didn't want to mess anything up. I am the antithesis of lazy, I keep an immaculate home and am supportive and loving. I just can't see myself in any sort of worthy light. I am working on it. I am a different person now, than who I was when we first met. I give a ****.

    I realize my mistake, he knows I'm trying to lose weight. He jogs or walks with me everyday, he weighs himself and went 95% red meat free with me. He allows me to spend whatever I want at the farmers market 3 times a week and helps me when Im over chopping veggies. He is BEYOND supportive. It's me, all me, I am messing up my relationship every day and busting my *kitten* to fix my body so that I WANT to own my weight. I WANT to be a great woman. I needed all these comments, harsh or not. Simply just to feel less alone.

    Thank you everyone, for everything. It's been good for me.
  • AliceDark
    AliceDark Posts: 3,886 Member
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    I don't think there's anything wrong, necessarily, with not telling him what you weigh, but it seems like it really bothers you. He sounds like a wonderful, supportive man. I'd be honest with him. You could even print these paragraphs out and give them to him to read -- they seem to explain a lot about your relationship and your feelings for him:
    I haven't lied to him about anything else. We met while married to other people and our love story is super deep and unique so I went into this completely honest. I just felt cornered and since we've only been together 16 months (4 at the time of my stupidity) I didn't want him to look down on me. I didn't want to mess anything up. I am the antithesis of lazy, I keep an immaculate home and am supportive and loving. I just can't see myself in any sort of worthy light. I am working on it. I am a different person now, than who I was when we first met. I give a ****.

    I realize my mistake, he knows I'm trying to lose weight. He jogs or walks with me everyday, he weighs himself and went 95% red meat free with me. He allows me to spend whatever I want at the farmers market 3 times a week and helps me when Im over chopping veggies. He is BEYOND supportive. It's me, all me, I am messing up my relationship every day and busting my *kitten* to fix my body so that I WANT to own my weight. I WANT to be a great woman. I needed all these comments, harsh or not. Simply just to feel less alone.
  • tabicatinthehat
    tabicatinthehat Posts: 329 Member
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    I lie about my weight to my husband too. Or well, I just don't tell him exact numbers. To be clear, he has specifically told me he doesn't need to know what I weigh. Why is it so important that he knows what you weigh? Why not keep it vague and then when you lose the amount you want, you can tell him for real? On the other hand, it sounds like you feel the need to come clean but are worried he'll judge you. Honestly he may surprise you and won't be fazed by it and you'll feel better for having gotten it off your chest.

    I get the whole "why does he NEED to know" thing, but to actively lie and hide it is a problem.
  • skittle316
    skittle316 Posts: 128 Member
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    it's just a number, stop associating it with your self worth. That itself is more unhealthy than starving to loose weight, it's actually mentality of those who suffer from body dis morphia and anorexia. Is it nice for the number to go down? it depends on the person, but what you see in the mirror is more important. Where i come from 150lbs is considered obese, I can't wait to be 150lbs and proudly flaunt that number. I proudly tell people i used to be 240lbs, and that the number is not what made me want to change but what i saw in the mirror. All that 240 did was show me what path i was heading at. If your 300lbs is how far you've gotten be proud.
    Once you get to 200 be proud and so on and so forth :)
  • FitOldMomma
    FitOldMomma Posts: 790 Member
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    Why is it anyone's (other than your doctor) business on how much you weigh?

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