Scared of going to the gym
EmiLouize
Posts: 29
Hi everyone 
I'm an 18 year old girl who has always been overweight. Between the ages of around 5 and 12 I was quite badly overweight even though I was very active and cycled every day, because my parents just fed me crap and let me eat whatever I wanted. My weight didn't really bother me until I started secondary school, where I was badly bullied for my appearance. I began starving myself at age 13 and lost a lot of weight. I actually looked pretty good (when I look back on pictures that were taken of me) but because I was still being bullied, I couldn't see it, and I just began binge eating again. When I was 16 I weighed nearly 150lbs and I'm 5ft3.
Since leaving secondary school I've drastically improved my diet and began exercising 3 - 5 times per week. I now weigh around 130lbs and wear a UK size 10. I feel so much better but I still want to lose another 14lbs or so.
The thing is - I feel like I need a gym membership to do this. I want to have access to the variation of cardio machines and I also want to start weight training. Because I still feel like I'm fat and unattractive, I don't want to go to a gym because I'm scared I'll feel like 11 year old me again. Fat, ugly and bullied for just existing.
Is there any way I can bring the gym to me so I don't have to go and be judged by all the slim, lean, fit people? I don't earn much money at the moment so I can't buy any expensive equipment.
Please help! Years of bullying and feeling **** about myself is hard to just forget about so I can man up and go to a gym.
I'm an 18 year old girl who has always been overweight. Between the ages of around 5 and 12 I was quite badly overweight even though I was very active and cycled every day, because my parents just fed me crap and let me eat whatever I wanted. My weight didn't really bother me until I started secondary school, where I was badly bullied for my appearance. I began starving myself at age 13 and lost a lot of weight. I actually looked pretty good (when I look back on pictures that were taken of me) but because I was still being bullied, I couldn't see it, and I just began binge eating again. When I was 16 I weighed nearly 150lbs and I'm 5ft3.
Since leaving secondary school I've drastically improved my diet and began exercising 3 - 5 times per week. I now weigh around 130lbs and wear a UK size 10. I feel so much better but I still want to lose another 14lbs or so.
The thing is - I feel like I need a gym membership to do this. I want to have access to the variation of cardio machines and I also want to start weight training. Because I still feel like I'm fat and unattractive, I don't want to go to a gym because I'm scared I'll feel like 11 year old me again. Fat, ugly and bullied for just existing.
Is there any way I can bring the gym to me so I don't have to go and be judged by all the slim, lean, fit people? I don't earn much money at the moment so I can't buy any expensive equipment.
Please help! Years of bullying and feeling **** about myself is hard to just forget about so I can man up and go to a gym.
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Replies
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Trust me.
Most everyone at the gym is focused on themselves.
You should do the same.
The idea that the gym will be like school as far as bullying & disapproving looks etc. is irrational :flowerforyou:
Get your playlist ready with some crankin' music & do your thing like no one's watching
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Good for you for making the decision to get healthy and fit! One thing I would recommend in general is that you may want to look into counseling to address the lingering effects of being bullied, as I'd imagine that was a pretty traumatic experience that won't just up and disappear just because you've lost weight. If there are options that are affordable near you, it's something you should really think about.
Now, to the question at hand, fortunately there are lots of bodyweight workouts you can do at home if you aren't quite ready for the gym and can't afford a bunch of equipment. Look into You Are Your Own Gym, Convict Conditioning, or check out the beginner bodyweight workout on NerdFitness: http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2009/12/09/beginner-body-weight-workout-burn-fat-build-muscle/
Good luck!0 -
I agree with hookilau. I am totally intimidated by the gym too, but it's like the first day of school. You just have to give it time and you will find that you will feel more comfortable. You are only 18- you have to start getting comfortable at the gym now because as you get older you need it more and more. Also, ramp up the strength training. If you can increase your lean muscle mass and reduce body fat your body will become more efficient and burn more calories on it's own. I've lost about 22 pounds now although only 11 are on here because I did the first 10 or so before I started fitness pal. I was a cardio fiend and the first thing my trainer said was if you are going to do anything it should be strength. Be brave! You might even find some friends at the gym who will support you. Also, you can shop around. Most gyms let you try it for free for a day. Find one that feels like a good fit! Good luck!0
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Do you have any friends who work out? It might be helpful to join the same gym as them and ease into it with their assistance. I'm incredibly grateful to a couple of friends who really took me under their wing and helped me get started in the gym when I was ready.0
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Seems like you have a plan (cardio machines & weight training). Put that plan together and go in with confidence. Everyone else is there for the exact same reason as you, to get/stay in shape. You're a young adult now, not in grade school, don't let the few(er) idiots out there have any effect on you. If you need a little help to get immersed, find a gym with a good trainer. This will help you get your routine down and acclimate you to the gym atmosphere. Worry about yourself, not the others, and the gym will be yours. Remember that bullys only bully for the reaction. If you give them what they want, they'll keep coming back for more, don't and they'll get bored and move on. Good Luck and get to the gym!!!!0
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Do you have any friends who work out? It might be helpful to join the same gym as them and ease into it with their assistance. I'm incredibly grateful to a couple of friends who really took me under their wing and helped me get started in the gym when I was ready.
This is a good idea too! My husband and I took our kids (18 & 25 yrs old) to the gym & started them on a beginner program of compound lifts. While the 18 yr old (boy) was not as body conscious, my daughter certainly was.
I was hard to get her form good to do squats because she felt like it was awkward & people were looking, etc. I told her to look around at other people, when she did, she realized no one was watching her & we ALL look the same when squatting :laugh:
We took video of them a couple of times to show them how to check for form etc, when she saw she looked like everyone else & that it looked like she knew what she was doing, she actually became a little cocky -__-
That was about 2 months ago, now they go together on their schedule. When she started to get comments on how high her butt got, how shapely her arms are etc. she got over her lack of confidence real quick.
The boy is the same way :laugh: The two of them are no longer shy about showing off biceps, calves, etc.
edited for typos0 -
What I'm most worried about is starting strength training. I think I could just about manage to jump on a treadmill for 45 minutes with my earphones in, but I'll be way more exposed using free weights or whatever. I also have a horrible phobia of mirrors and seeing my reflection, so the thought of having to watch my form etc. in a large gym mirror makes me feel a bit sick.
But at the same time I'm desperate to start lifting weights because I've always been naturally quite strong and I think I'd love it so much more than cardio. My mum used to have loads of weights and barbells that I used occasionally (mainly for fun, I had no idea what I was doing with them) but they're long gone now.
So conflicted!
By the way, I've already been to the doctor to discuss counselling regarding my self-esteem and anxiety issues and I've so far had a telephone consultation with a therapist. I have to wait around a month for my first appointment though. 0 -
What I'm most worried about is starting strength training. I think I could just about manage to jump on a treadmill for 45 minutes with my earphones in, but I'll be way more exposed using free weights or whatever. I also have a horrible phobia of mirrors and seeing my reflection, so the thought of having to watch my form etc. in a large gym mirror makes me feel a bit sick.
Then do just that.
Done.
After you become comfortable with that, you can consider moving forward. By that time, you'll likely be further on the road to speaking to a professional about your fears & be well on your way to developing coping skills.
Working below your threshold of anxiety will be more helpful than overloading yourself before you have coping skills set in place. Also, just because there are mirrors there, doesn't mean you *have* to look.
I wish you all the best :flowerforyou:0 -
The only friend I have who goes to the gym only goes for cardio. My boyfriend's been asking if we could join the gym together (he definitely wants to do some strength training because he's just skin, bone and a layer of muscle) but my fears are holding me back. He's an absolutely lovely guy who's been with me since I was my heaviest and he never talks to me about my weight or fitness goals unless I bring them up first. But even he can't persuade me to go! 0
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Thanks for all your help so far. You're all very encouraging! 0
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I can relate. I know it doesn't make sense, but only after losing 20 pounds do I feel even slightly able to get a membership. I thought I was too over weight. Crazy, I know. I feel so much better about my body since losing, my confidence rate has soared. Just do it, I'm joining today and walking in that weight room. You can too!:flowerforyou:0
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Maybe think about having a few sessions with a personal trainer to get you used to it, then you can be shown how to use the weights and so on.
I've been a gym member for years now (I'm 36) but I was the same as you, overweight at school and bullied at times. I first joined with a flatmate when I was about 23, and I soon realised that no-one cares what you do.
I'm currently losing weight after my third baby (she's 16 weeks now) and believe me, when I went back to the gym at 6 weeks post partum I did not look slim and trim! I do strength training, and while I don't like to see myself in the mirror, it is good to check form.
Just plan your workout, put your headphones in, and off you go 0 -
FEAR has 2 ways to look at it.
Forget everything and run
Face everything and rise.
As others have said, no one in the gym cares why you are there, or for the matter what you are doing. I know when I go, all I care about is getting my hour in and getting out the door.
You can do it. Don't let your past bullies continue to control how you approach the rest of your life, find your strength within and become the person you want to be.
99 percent of people out there are to worried about what they have going on in there own lives to worry about what a stranger in the gym is doing. The other 1 percent, who cares about them. Don't be ruled by the 1 percent, and for damn sure don't let them keep you from accomplishing YOUR goals.0 -
Honestly you will just have to get in there and do it. I am 50 years old and just started going to the gym last month. I can't worry about what other people might think because I am not doing this for them, but for me. Do I get self conscious and intimidated, sure, but I just work through it.
Take yesterday for instance, I have been wanting to start on the squat machine, but I have been putting it off because I wasn't really sure how to do it right. I decided to take the plunge and just walked up to a guy nearest the machine and asked for his advice. He took me over there and helped me with my form and everything. Most people there will be happy to help if you ask.
A gym is not like school. People are there to work on themselves, not to bully. When I see really heavy (which YOU are not) or older people at the gym, it makes me smile. They are trying to improve their lives and that my dear is a wonderful thing.
The sooner you get in the gym and start working hard, you will notice a change in your thought process as well as your body. You will become more confident and feel better about yourself. The negativity and low self esteem you seem to suffer from will start to go away. It's amazing what great therapy exercise is. After a few days at the gym, you will be kicking yourself for not having gone sooner.
Please let me know how you are doing.
Misty0 -
this is what my friend has in her profile. i think it's very fitting.I believe in fighting. I've gotten past enough to not be afraid of anything anymore. Fear of failure is the worst kind of weakness. It keeps a person from even trying, and what is more valiantly human than trying the unknown? Starting to run isn't building a flying machine. The gym isn't that scary. Entering the weight room isn't landing on Mars. They're not all staring. So I did something stupid. I won't do it next time. Somebody was rude. Hey, welcome to the world.0
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WTG on your decision to join, go early at first. I go at 5:00 a.m. and there are only a handful of people there. After a few weeks, when your confidence is built up, you will realize no one is even paying attention and you will have gotten over the initial fear.
Best of luck!0 -
If you look around the gym you'll see that no one is paying attention to you. They're all in their own little lifting world with their headphones plugged into their ears. Seriously, no one is watching you or judging you. We're all there for the same reason.
My gym had a complimentary session with the personal trainer and he showed me a lot of exercises I can do along with the proper form. If you're that nervous, see if you can work with a personal trainer. All you need is one or two sessions and the first ones are usually free with the membership.0 -
Frankly, you're just going to have to do it. Trust me when I say that no one there is watching you or judging you. For the most part, everyone there is so focused on themselves and getting their work out done that they don't have time to look around and think about anyone else.
This is one of those moments where you need to get out of your own head and just do it.0 -
Don't be scared, the people at the gym are there for the same reason you are and nobody there will judge you, frown upon you or bully you. It's not grade school, it's real adults just like you.0
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this is what my friend has in her profile. i think it's very fitting.I believe in fighting. I've gotten past enough to not be afraid of anything anymore. Fear of failure is the worst kind of weakness. It keeps a person from even trying, and what is more valiantly human than trying the unknown? Starting to run isn't building a flying machine. The gym isn't that scary. Entering the weight room isn't landing on Mars. They're not all staring. So I did something stupid. I won't do it next time. Somebody was rude. Hey, welcome to the world.
I love this
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It may help you to visualize that the other "slim, fit, trim" folks in the gym were likely not that way at one time. If you start asking around in a gym and getting to know people you will realize that even many of the trainers were once very overweight and out of shape. Some (likely a lot) are recovering from very bad injuries as well. This knowledge helps to put things in perspective. The gym is a new chapter in the story of your life. Make it a good one!0
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Trust me.
Most everyone at the gym is focused on themselves.
You should do the same.
The idea that the gym will be like school as far as bullying & disapproving looks etc. is irrational :flowerforyou:
Get your playlist ready with some crankin' music & do your thing like no one's watching
This. Get your music straight, put on the headphones and do your thing.
If you really don't even know where to begin talk to them at the front desk and tell them your a novice and want some ideas on where to start. Someone will help you out and they might even schedule a free training session for you. A lot of gyms include that in a new membership.
This is your first step in telling the bullies to go screw themselves. Don't let those idiots limit what you do in life.0 -
i'm going to tell you something .. I was exactly the same .. terrified of everyone watching me because of my size .. but i went yesterday ( for the very first time ) and tbh nobody paid any attention to me exercising and if in fact the others in the gym all smiled and said hello when i came in to the gym area .. my pt has told me to focus on treadmill and bike for now until i feel more comfortable and because of my disabilities i need to be careful and not overdo it.
don't be scared .. it's just holding you back from your goals .. forget everyone else and focus on you .. after all you are what is most important. 0 -
Most everyone there will be doing there own thing, I promise you. Bring your music, focus on what you need to get done, and git r' done, 99.9% of us there are just trying to better ourselves 0
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Thanks for all the advice. I just wish it could be as easy as 'just go and do it' for me. I'm certainly not lazy or making excuses; I do cardio and bodyweight strength training at home regularly.
When you've had remarks made about your body from such a young age, you honestly believe they're true. One of the most disgusting ones I still remember to this day was: "if I was as fat as her, I'd never go outside". So I start to believe maybe I am too fat to go outside. I may have lost a lot of weight (20lbs may not seem that much but it makes a huge difference on my small frame) but I still feel like that fat girl who doesn't deserve to do anything she enjoys. That fat girl who should just lock herself away so people don't have to see her.0 -
I wrote this on my FB wall the other day- I was headed into the city to take my first dance class at an adult studio outside of my safe studio space.
I was unquestionably nervous- I don't like driving in the city, having to find parking- and then step into a completely new class not knowing any one or anything.
Anyway this is what I was thinking...
The unknown is uncomfortable.
But being scared is a good reason to go do it anyway. Don't let fear scare you away from learning more and expanding your horizons.
The only way to get NOT scared... is to go do the thing. no one is there to pay attention or judge you.
And even if they do- lets' take worst case scenario- even if they ARE judging you?
how does that impact you? What does that mean for you? Not much- you can keep going and it's not really going to stop you from doing what you came to do.
And once you realize- it doesn't matter- you're fine- you can move forward and do the things you want to do!!!
Go forth.
Lift
cardio
Be fit
Be fabulous.0 -
When you've had remarks made about your body from such a young age, you honestly believe they're true. One of the most disgusting ones I still remember to this day was: "if I was as fat as her, I'd never go outside".
You know, I've had worse remarks made about me and to me as well, even as an adult. But the thing is, one of the great things about getting older is that you just stop caring and think "*kitten* you."
Why should someone else have any say so over your life or what you do? Do they pay your bills? No. So to hell with them. And stop giving them power and letting them hold you hostage inside your own head.0 -
Let go of those who have hurt you, and make room for those who actually deserve you and want to treat you well. 0
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You can always go and take a tour of the gym before signing up to see if it's a fit for you. If you are able to, go look at several gyms before choosing one. It might help for you to see that there are people of all shapes, sizes, and ages there and could ease your fears about it.0
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Thanks everyone.0
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