Diet Judgement

Once you reach the "vanity pounds" stage, how do you all deal with haters?

I acknowledge that I am at a "healthy" weight by contemporary american standards - I range between 22 and 25% bodyfat at my lowest/highest. I hope to break into the 20% range someday, for a toned/athletic look. My husband is really supportive of the fat-loss thing. To the point of saying "are you sure?" before I eat something, or giving me the corresponding look. It's ok, he thinks he is being helpful.

EVERYONE else in my life consistently reacts the opposite way. If I say no thank you to a cupcakes/donuts/candy, they tell me I am thin enough and to EAT EAT EAT. This is hard because I actually really want said dessert - I have a ridiculous sweet tooth- so having it shoved in my face multiple times typically results in me eating it. Then being angry, then having an existential crisis and eating more.

What I am looking for is some tips for how to convince people to leave me alone and eat vegetables if I want- or the cake if it looks exceptionally good.
Tips on sweet-tooth mitigation would also be appreciated! It would be a lot easier to be strong when faced with cupcakes if I didn't love sugar so much.
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Replies

  • tquill
    tquill Posts: 300 Member
    Just keeping saying no, they'll get the hint eventually.

    As for saying no to yourself... just imagine how you'll feel the instant you're done eating that cupcake. It was good, but it was over quick... so what was the point?

    Or just fit it into your diet. I eat multiple ice cream sandwiches every day and they fit in my macros just fine.
  • astroophys
    astroophys Posts: 175 Member
    It's not really about convincing other people of anything. It's more about convincing yourself that there opinions don't matter as much as your own when it comes to your body and your health.

    I have a sweet tooth, too. My mom baked a cake and brought it over last night. I haven't thought about, didn't eat any last night (because I already met my calorie goal) and haven't touched it today because I started my day with a workout and, honestly, just felt better eating some protein and veggies afterwards. If you slowly eat less sugar, you will be less addicted to it, I promise. A couple days ago, I tried this Trader Joe salad. The dressing tasted disgustingly sweet to me. But, a couple of months ago, when I was making marshmallow fluff sandwiches, I doubt it would have tasted sweet at all.

    Also, you can eat a cupcake. You just don't really need to eat 4 or 5 (I've been there, believe me!)
  • astroophys
    astroophys Posts: 175 Member
    Also, I want to add: don't give in. For instance, a few weeks ago, I was eating breakfast at a hotel. I ordered a biscuit because I wasn't that hungry. The waitress started to act very motherly with me and told my family that I "need to eat." I felt uncomfortable about it, so I ordered more food and overate. Not worth it to overeat in order to please others and make them more comfortable with their lifestyle choices.
  • Meerataila
    Meerataila Posts: 1,885 Member
    Say no. Get louder if you are made to repeat yourself. Get louder still if some fool tries again. By the time the neighbors can hear you, people will take the hint.

    It's childish, but so is pushing food on someone who doesn't want or need it.
  • jstandre23
    jstandre23 Posts: 1 Member
    If I were in your situation, I would be really rude to people. But that's not advice. I'm sure you'll handle everything just fine.
  • Meerataila
    Meerataila Posts: 1,885 Member
    Double post for inspiration:

    Or you could guarantee your family will NEVER push food on you again by looking at your husband, smiling, and then saying I can't, we want to try this new position with our bedroom swing, and I need to be a little thinner to bend a certain way.
  • Kalikel
    Kalikel Posts: 9,603 Member
    I hate that. People love to tell others to eat. Every time the food is broken out, they start trying to negotiate you into eating. I don't get it. I always wonder if they're people who have an emotional connection to food and think you'll be unhappy if you don't eat cake, if they're uncomfortable with their choice to partake and will feel better if everyone else does or if they're trying to sabotage the diet or what. What?! Why do they do it? I don't know.

    Just say "No, thanks" a couple times and then say, "I have made my decision." That usually shuts them up.

    If that doesn't work, "You eat it for me." Now shift the negation back on them. Why don't they have it. They can have one little extra piece.

    If you say "diet", they'll start going on about how you can have one little piece of cake or how you look great and can eat and stuff. Plus, it brings up the subject of dieting and then there are all those questions. How are you doing it? Are you eating low carb? Suddenly, it's all about you and not whatever else is going on. And you're getting advice out the wazoo. No. Ugh.

    It's a little sexist. I never see men being given the third degree, having to defend their choice to skip cake 5 times and then being lectured about why they should eat it.

    Those Food Negotiators. So annoying.

    "I have made my decision" in a slightly pleasant, but "This is non-negotiable" tone. Usually works!

    (This is really a major Pet Peeve of mine.) :)
  • kducky22
    kducky22 Posts: 276 Member
    Double post for inspiration:

    Or you could guarantee your family will NEVER push food on you again by looking at your husband, smiling, and then saying I can't, we want to try this new position with our bedroom swing, and I need to be a little thinner to bend a certain way.


    Oh my!
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :blushing: :blushing: :blushing:
  • Joannah700
    Joannah700 Posts: 2,665 Member
    Your sugar cravings fade the less you eat it.

    For me, I have through exposure been exposed to some fabulous desserts and weirdly enough - this has helped tremendously. When I see store bought pie, I scoff inwardly and think - they used shortening and water - it's not going to taste half as good as mine made with cream! And then I don't want to eat it because I feel like I would be cheating myself out of a potentially better dessert.

    Same with cakes and whatnot. If I still am thinking about it later, I make myself a pie or a dessert with way more awesome ingredients that is typically richer and results in a smaller portion. But typically, I decide to be lazy and decide against it, which also helps with the weight loss.

    It's only when I'm craving something 'artificial' tasting like twinkies or chewy chips ahoy that I find myself caving.
  • Branstin
    Branstin Posts: 2,320 Member
    Unless someone has the same goals and struggles as you, they won't understand. In some cases, won't care to understand. This isn't your problem. You just have to stick to your guns. If you want some, budget for it. Otherwise, don't eat it. No one can force you to eat if you truly don't want to do it.
  • SrMaggalicious
    SrMaggalicious Posts: 495 Member
    Double post for inspiration:

    Or you could guarantee your family will NEVER push food on you again by looking at your husband, smiling, and then saying I can't, we want to try this new position with our bedroom swing, and I need to be a little thinner to bend a certain way.

    ^^^^THIS!! and this is one of the reasons you're one of my friends :tongue:
  • caminoslo
    caminoslo Posts: 239 Member
    Once you reach the "vanity pounds" stage, how do you all deal with haters?

    I acknowledge that I am at a "healthy" weight by contemporary american standards - I range between 22 and 25% bodyfat at my lowest/highest. I hope to break into the 20% range someday, for a toned/athletic look. My husband is really supportive of the fat-loss thing. To the point of saying "are you sure?" before I eat something, or giving me the corresponding look. It's ok, he thinks he is being helpful.

    EVERYONE else in my life consistently reacts the opposite way. If I say no thank you to a cupcakes/donuts/candy, they tell me I am thin enough and to EAT EAT EAT. This is hard because I actually really want said dessert - I have a ridiculous sweet tooth- so having it shoved in my face multiple times typically results in me eating it. Then being angry, then having an existential crisis and eating more.

    What I am looking for is some tips for how to convince people to leave me alone and eat vegetables if I want- or the cake if it looks exceptionally good.
    Tips on sweet-tooth mitigation would also be appreciated! It would be a lot easier to be strong when faced with cupcakes if I didn't love sugar so much.
    Ive got a lot advice........One perhaps they think they are Complimenting you, or maybe there jealous. Ill normally only eat sweets if i KNOW every ingredient in it like for example something i made
  • fivethreeone
    fivethreeone Posts: 8,196 Member
    People who want you to eat something are not "haters."

    That's the root of this problem. Why concern yourself with them? You don't need to be rude, give reasons, or convince them of anything. Just say, "no thanks."

    If they persist, ignore them. Or just say you are showing solidarity for (insert third world country) children. Then if they persist, it makes them the bad guy.
  • misschoppo
    misschoppo Posts: 463 Member
    Or you could guarantee your family will NEVER push food on you again by looking at your husband, smiling, and then saying I can't, we want to try this new position with our bedroom swing, and I need to be a little thinner to bend a certain way.

    :laugh:
  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
    Or you could guarantee your family will NEVER push food on you again by looking at your husband, smiling, and then saying I can't, we want to try this new position with our bedroom swing, and I need to be a little thinner to bend a certain way.

    You win the thread. :drinker:
  • DamePiglet
    DamePiglet Posts: 3,730 Member
    People who want you to eat something are not "haters."

    That's the root of this problem. Why concern yourself with them? You don't need to be rude, give reasons, or convince them of anything. Just say, "no thanks."

    If they persist, ignore them. Or just say you are showing solidarity for (insert third world country) children. Then if they persist, it makes them the bad guy.

    Exactly this.
    So much drama momma in this thread!

    Hangry people.
  • bwogilvie
    bwogilvie Posts: 2,130 Member
    There could be a number of reasons for this behavior. Sometimes it's fear or jealousy. But Dr. Yoni Freedhoff speculates in his recent book _The Diet Fix_ that people might be subconsciously worried by weight loss because it's associated with illness, which often causes wasting. I am meeting someone at the airport next month who hasn't seen me since 2012, and I mentioned that she should look for someone thinner than she remembers because I have lost over 50 pounds. In her reply, she asked whether it was voluntary or due to illness.

    I suggest saying "Not today, thanks," instead of "No thanks." The former suggests that another day, you might feel like it; it's a bit more conciliatory.
  • I_Will_End_You
    I_Will_End_You Posts: 4,397 Member
    Just say "no thanks, I want to be ripped". Well, that's what I say.
  • libertino85
    libertino85 Posts: 10 Member
    I'm kind of in the same boat. EVERYONE seems to be concerned with my weight loss, when, in fact, I am currently at a very healthy weight. It's almost like they're not happy unless you're fat...:ohwell:
  • lemurcat12
    lemurcat12 Posts: 30,886 Member
    There could be a number of reasons for this behavior. Sometimes it's fear or jealousy. But Dr. Yoni Freedhoff speculates in his recent book _The Diet Fix_ that people might be subconsciously worried by weight loss because it's associated with illness, which often causes wasting.

    That's interesting. (I want to read that book.)

    I seem to be in a social environment where people are much more reluctant to comment on each other's eating choices than many. Absolutely no one would suggest that someone is getting too thin or must eat, and hardly anyone not very close to me has said anything to me about my (obvious) weight loss (and one of the exceptions was our office's Polish cleaner, who comes from a different cultural background). Back when I lost lots of weight once before (and kept it off for some time), I got only positive comments (you are SO skinny, sometimes, but said in a way that was clearly meant positively and made me happy, whatever that means). The flip side of this is that it seems almost everyone has some dietary thing or another which they are happy to talk about and overweightness and certainly obesity seems much rarer than the stats for the US as a whole.

    Anyway, although people mostly haven't said anything to me, a couple of those who did (both men, both good friends) were careful to ask if it was voluntary (I laughed and laughed), and I have also heard that another co-worker was asking about my weight loss, because (she allegedly said) she wanted to make sure it was voluntary and I wasn't sick. I get being uncomfortable asking about it or saying anything (I would be too) but I just found it odd that was even a thought given how fat I was and how much healthier I look now (no question), but maybe there's more to it, psychologically.

    Now, I do get encouraged to eat more on occasion, but only when a friend wants to order something to share that she's not comfortable ordering on her own. It was a little socially awkward at first, but I've found it's really no big deal to say I'm just not interested/hungry/in the mood for whatever, although a couple of times I've gone along with it and just had a couple of bites.
  • Skrib69
    Skrib69 Posts: 687 Member
    I too hate this, but managed to crack it.....

    At first I just politely said no thanks. Then I explained that I was watching what I was eating - no thanks. The third time I made a joke of it by hissing at them and making the sign of the cross with my index fingers, with a big cheesy grin on my face. They didn't ask again.

    However, I do wish I had thought of the bedroom sing option..... That would be cool!
  • holliebevineau
    holliebevineau Posts: 441 Member
    I try to stay calm but it pisses me off so much. Finally I just lean in close and whisper, no means no. This works like a charm.
  • CindyB97
    CindyB97 Posts: 146 Member
    I never understood when people say things like "Eat this cupcake, you're thin, you don't need to watch what you eat!" It reminds me of my mother when she calls to say she's coming over and I say "Give me a few minutes, I need to clean up a little" and she'll say "You don't have to clean, your house always looks nice!" Ummmmm, yeah, because I CLEAN it.
  • bjshields
    bjshields Posts: 677 Member
    As to the sweet tooth, which I also have, I'm working on substituting fruit for sweets. It's nature's candy bar, right? Good luck! Let us know how the swing turns out :drinker:
  • GatorDeb1
    GatorDeb1 Posts: 245 Member
    I had people at work stage an intervention (when I was at 140 lbs or so at 5'4", I'm at 119 lbs now and I started at 230 lbs). Someone in a walker told me I looked like crap. People at work make fun of me because of what I eat and make fun of me when I don't eat what they bring in for prizes for good work and such (i..e fried chicken).

    I got used to it after a while.

    What I HAVE noticed is that if someone says something about what I eat, they are 99% heavier than me. I can't recall the last time someone skinny commented on what I was eating (other than asking me what it was and where I got it lol).

    They (jokingly, I hope!) threaten me all the time to force-feed me fat.
  • softblondechick
    softblondechick Posts: 1,275 Member
    Offense, is good defense. If offered food, politely decline. If pressed, state you are going completely sugar free, as a personal challenge. Discuss the health merits of going sugar free/vegetarian/vegan/raw, whatever fits the food offered. This usually shuts down any more discussion.

    My Grandmother was a "guilt tripper", she would look down at the plate of cookies, sigh, state she made them special for me, and if I don't appreciate her any longer...blah blah blah....and I always would eat whatever it was, hence, my issues with food now.

    At least, I learned, to never force food on others, especially my children, who are all a healthy weight.
  • I never understood when people say things like "Eat this cupcake, you're thin, you don't need to watch what you eat!" It reminds me of my mother when she calls to say she's coming over and I say "Give me a few minutes, I need to clean up a little" and she'll say "You don't have to clean, your house always looks nice!" Ummmmm, yeah, because I CLEAN it.

    That is a great comparison!
    Before I actually started losing weight my default reply to weight/exercise comments used to be something about how my shape was definitely not from good genetics. People were usually satisfied by that. Somewhere in this process I forgot it.
    Probably implying that maintaining is difficult is easier to for people to deal with than saying you are trying to change yourself.

    I may switch back to something like that. Anyone who doesn't accept that excuse may get the swing one!
  • iceey
    iceey Posts: 354 Member
    Do you think it's often overweight people who seem to be the most upset when you say "no" because they are trying to make themselves feel less guilty for eating the dessert?
  • JoyeII
    JoyeII Posts: 240 Member
    Here's a tip.

    1. Say no.
    2. If they ask again, or make a comment about how you don't need to lose any more weight, or how one little cupcake won't hurt you, or blah blah blah, tell them to **** off.
  • BombshellPhoenix
    BombshellPhoenix Posts: 1,693 Member
    Do you think it's often overweight people who seem to be the most upset when you say "no" because they are trying to make themselves feel less guilty for eating the dessert?

    Jeebus. If that isn't the most egocentric thing to think.

    Maybe they like cupcakes and want to offer you a cupcake? It doesn't have to be justifying anything.

    Obviously, if they're making remarks on how someone looks as a way to coerce someone into eating it, that's pretty stupid.

    But I'm fairly fit and I would EAT THE DAMN CAKE.