Significant Other's and Dieting

My husband is a little bit the same way. He's not obese, but he's gained a little weight in the last few years. We work together and he wants to go to lunch (with me) every day! So, I careful chose what I'll eat at each place, or if I have something at the office with me I will politely turn him down. He'll always say, "So, I'm on my own for lunch today?" to make me feel a little guilty, but I don't like to eat out every day. It can lead to bad habits, it wastes a lot of my time, and I hate trying to decide every day "where to?". But it's up to me to either say no to my hubby or just eat less when we do go out.

Eating out is very expensive. Perhaps you can try to make it a finance issue rather than a weight-loss issue with him? At one point in the past, I realized my husband and I were spending hundreds of dollars each month on lunches and dinners out. He wanted to go to Disney World for vacation that year and the compromise was that we'd eat in and brown bag lunches to save the money to go.

To the people saying it's not sabotage. It is. Absolutely.

If my husband was trying to kick a drinking problem, I would be sabotaging him if I bought his favorite beer and put it in the fridge.
If my husband was trying to kick a drug habit, I would be sabotaging him if I bought heroin and gave it to him.

Now, food is different, because it's always around. So it is NOT sabotage if the husband buys himself candy and happens to leave some of it around. But if he buys it FOR her, it is no different than handing crack to a junkie. Consciously or not, he wants her to fail, and he's going to pick away at her resolve until it crumbles.

At the very least, it's not supportive. When my husband went low-carb (and I didn't), I cooked him separate low-carb meals. When my son went pesca-vegetarian (and the rest of the family didn't), I offered him a vegetarian alternative at every meal, taught him how to cook his own, and made sure to stock tofu, fish, and other non-meat protein sources in the house. We ALL do different sports and physical activities, and each of us makes sure the others can get to their times/dates. My husband will rearrange his weekend if I want to go to the gym; I changed my work hours to take care of the kids so he can get to the gym in the mornings.

That's what being supportive of someone's fitness program looks like. Not buying them crappy food that will make it harder to meet their goals.

People lose weight while still eating what you consider "junk food". It's a gift to the OP and its her choice whether she makes truffles fit into her daily calories. If she asks him not to buy it and he does, she doesn't HAVE to eat them still. Still not HIM sabotaging. We don't even know at this point if OP even told him not to buy her anymore chocolates. Losing weight doesn't mean necessarily never eating sweets ever again....it can also mean eating less sweets in a day than before.

So please, stop with the heroin comparisons. You can still eat what you consider "crappy" foods and be healthy/lose weight.

My boyfriend has lost almost ten pounds in the last few months.

He's so inspirational too me.

I'm so proud of him and I follow his lead.

Lead by example.

I have been asking myself the same question on how to get my boyfriend to lose weight with me and the responses I get are just plain RUDE. This, however, could not be more true. After failing to lose the weight time and time again and blaming it on him, he came home one day and suddenly really wanted to go to the gym. Why?? Because his mom lost 14 pounds and it inspired him to do the same.

Because your boyfriend should want to lose weight for himself, not because you want to force him because you are.

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At the risk of sounding like MFP sacrilege...

Maybe find a diet plan that appeals to his own personal aesthetic?

Some guys may not be ready, interested, or into using a food scale, but one thing all the diets out there have in common is that they create a calorie restriction.

Maybe the idea of being like a "cave man" (paleo) or eating steak with butter (low-carb) will make his interest wheels spin more than simple calorie restriction.

Getting him to have interest in and stick to something, anything, and see at least some results would at the very least get the ball rolling in the right direction.

My BF is hardcore paleo, but at the end of the day, he lost his 10 lb because he's been eating 2 eggs with butter & coffee for breakfast, a chicken breast, a carrot and an orange for lunch, and a pork chop and salad for dinner. That's it.

Never counted a single calorie, never even considered a food scale, feels like a bad-*kitten* caveman, (**insert monkey grunting here :-)**) is losing weight because his diet severely restricts caloric intake.

Just a thought. Hard-core IIFYM's friends feel free to jump down my throat now.

I know my boyfriend. When he has his heart attack, he's going to change. He will be hopping on the healthy train. But that's what it's going to take. He loves me, but not enough to give up the yummy food.

So I wait for the heart attack and hope he lives through it.

Scary thought isn't it? I used to try to tell my husband he needed to change his habits before it was too late. Then I tried to tell him that it would be easier to change gradually by choice then to have to make a sudden change because of a health crisis. Now I just let him make his own choices. He's an adult and I can't continue to tell him what to do.
It's scary and hurtful to see them sabotage their health but we can only control what we do.

It's a little scary.

It's a little hurtful. Doesn't care about me, his kids, anyone. But I really think he thinks he can eat whatever he wants and the blood will just keep flowing through those arteries. "It won't happen to me" kind of thing.

When it does, he'll change.

I don't believe it's because they don't care about us or our kids, i believe it's because they don't care enough about themselves.

My problem is somewhat similar. I have lost some weight and have really got into good shape for an "old broad." I'm very limited as far as calorie targets because I'm short and older so there is not much room for treats. My husband is heavy and already has some weight-related health problems. I can control what we eat at home, but if he's in the office or goes out with friends, he is eating what he wants. I also make him healthy lunches (Sandwiches on whole wheat bread, fruit) most days he goes to work, although in the fall, when my teaching schedule ramps up, I won't have time for that. We do go out once a week and that's my "cheat day." So, I'm eating some off plan things on that day, but not every day.

So, here I am, thinner and fitter and I feel as if I respect my body because of how I take care of it. But I also feel that as my life partner, he has a responsibility to do that, too. We are in our 50s, and his dad was gone by 66. His job is sedentary (he's a software programmer and project manager); he is probably sitting 7-9 hours a day (he also works late). I try to get him to go to the gym where he works (I bought him a gym bag for Father's Day), and he goes maybe once a week if I nag him enough. He plays on an over-40 baseball league, so he does get exercise from that, but more of the "weekend warrior" type. After September, he will get no physical activity unless he goes to a gym. He often gains between 18-20 lbs. every winter. Sometimes I feel as if I worked really hard to take care of my body both for myself and so that he will have a healthy, attractive partner, but he's not willing to do that for me (and I guess not for himself, either). And in his case, it's not just about being fit, but actually living longer and avoiding serious health problems.

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I mentioned to him that 'I have no control with these chocolates!, You should probably stop, I love them but...' He had been buying me bon bons about 2-3 times per month, big packages of them (I'm talking 12-24)!!!

I care about him and feel that he wants to lose but doesn't understand the connection between his burgers, waffles, fries, fried chicken, pizzas, etc and his weight. Plus, he doesn't seem to understand that I only need 1200 calories, he needs 2000, and so he'll ask to eat more if he sees me eating small meals.

I think you are worried about something more than calories. Maybe, if you stop eating together, you'll stop doing things together?

Your relationship is made up of more than food and treats. Talk to him about your concerns, explain to him that you need his support. You won't make him change, but he has to respect your wishes. If he isn't willing to work with you on that, there are bigger issues to be concerned about than candy.

I know my boyfriend. When he has his heart attack, he's going to change. He will be hopping on the healthy train. But that's what it's going to take. He loves me, but not enough to give up the yummy food.

So I wait for the heart attack and hope he lives through it.

Scary thought isn't it? I used to try to tell my husband he needed to change his habits before it was too late. Then I tried to tell him that it would be easier to change gradually by choice then to have to make a sudden change because of a health crisis. Now I just let him make his own choices. He's an adult and I can't continue to tell him what to do.
It's scary and hurtful to see them sabotage their health but we can only control what we do.

It's a little scary.

It's a little hurtful. Doesn't care about me, his kids, anyone. But I really think he thinks he can eat whatever he wants and the blood will just keep flowing through those arteries. "It won't happen to me" kind of thing.

When it does, he'll change.

I don't believe it's because they don't care about us or our kids, i believe it's because they don't care enough about themselves.

I work with a guy like this. He's about 50, obese, has already HAD the heart attack and knows he needs to change his lifestyle but doesn't. His brother died of a heart attack several months ago and that wasn't enough to motivate him, either. He makes jokes about dying young.... It's really rather depressing to watch someone live like that.

I know my boyfriend. When he has his heart attack, he's going to change. He will be hopping on the healthy train. But that's what it's going to take. He loves me, but not enough to give up the yummy food.

So I wait for the heart attack and hope he lives through it.

Scary thought isn't it? I used to try to tell my husband he needed to change his habits before it was too late. Then I tried to tell him that it would be easier to change gradually by choice then to have to make a sudden change because of a health crisis. Now I just let him make his own choices. He's an adult and I can't continue to tell him what to do.
It's scary and hurtful to see them sabotage their health but we can only control what we do.

It's a little scary.

It's a little hurtful. Doesn't care about me, his kids, anyone. But I really think he thinks he can eat whatever he wants and the blood will just keep flowing through those arteries. "It won't happen to me" kind of thing.

When it does, he'll change.

I don't believe it's because they don't care about us or our kids, i believe it's because they don't care enough about themselves.

He knows I worry.

But he will shape up after the first heart attack. I'm as sure of that as I was sure my dad wouldn't, I know my peeps.

Not everyone lives through that first heart attack

Yes, I know, already mentioned that.

Thanks.

You and your fiancé have some talking to do.
Figure out what you want and tell him. This is not rocket science here. You each have different views on the way you want to eat and live your lives. He is not responsible for the way you eat, you are not responsible for the way he eats. Come up with a plan together.
That is what a relationship is........

I know my boyfriend. When he has his heart attack, he's going to change. He will be hopping on the healthy train. But that's what it's going to take. He loves me, but not enough to give up the yummy food.

So I wait for the heart attack and hope he lives through it.

Scary thought isn't it? I used to try to tell my husband he needed to change his habits before it was too late. Then I tried to tell him that it would be easier to change gradually by choice then to have to make a sudden change because of a health crisis. Now I just let him make his own choices. He's an adult and I can't continue to tell him what to do.
It's scary and hurtful to see them sabotage their health but we can only control what we do.

At my husband's last doctor's visit, he said the doctor asked him, "So you're waiting for that first heart attack to change?"