Partner struggles to gain weight
misskatibear
Posts: 158 Member
Hey!
So I've tried researching a bit, but thought I'd ask here as well.
My partner is:
- 27 years old
- 8 st 7 lbs (roughly, maybe little less) (121 lbs)
- 5 ft 7 in (173 cm)
He's been to see the doctor a few times, and they referred him to a nutritionist - who wasn't all that helpful - they only tip that he came away with was to 'eat more pulses'. Which is kind of difficult to keep up with, especially when they give me a bad stomach so its difficult to eat separate meals. We were hoping he'd come away from the nutritionist with some kind of meal plan but to no avail.
He occasionally buys 9bars (bars that have around 1000kcal) - which are really handy because it's easier and convenient for him to eat, but they are quite costly.
We're considering buying some nuts in bulk when we can afford it so he can snack on them throughout the day.
We have decided he will switch to full fat milk and butter, but we aren't really sure where else to go from here.
The problem we face is that I'm a bit overweight and he is underweight - so when meal times comes...it's pretty difficult to attend to our problems.
He struggles to eat breakfast, he usually feels a bit ill or not hungry in the mornings. He has tried some breakfast shakes, but again, they are costly.
We're both really worried about him because his head looks quite a lot bigger in comparison to the rest of his body, and it's making him self-concious about it.
I guess what I'm wondering is if anyone has any tips, as yes, he can be lazy with food so anything that requires preparation or 'effort' he will just not stick to, so needs to be things that are easily incorporated into his lifestyle as well as not too costly.
I am also a little lost with protein powders/shakes, seems they require exercise too? Or could he just drink them without having to weight train as he doesn't really want to do that.
Thanks in advance
So I've tried researching a bit, but thought I'd ask here as well.
My partner is:
- 27 years old
- 8 st 7 lbs (roughly, maybe little less) (121 lbs)
- 5 ft 7 in (173 cm)
He's been to see the doctor a few times, and they referred him to a nutritionist - who wasn't all that helpful - they only tip that he came away with was to 'eat more pulses'. Which is kind of difficult to keep up with, especially when they give me a bad stomach so its difficult to eat separate meals. We were hoping he'd come away from the nutritionist with some kind of meal plan but to no avail.
He occasionally buys 9bars (bars that have around 1000kcal) - which are really handy because it's easier and convenient for him to eat, but they are quite costly.
We're considering buying some nuts in bulk when we can afford it so he can snack on them throughout the day.
We have decided he will switch to full fat milk and butter, but we aren't really sure where else to go from here.
The problem we face is that I'm a bit overweight and he is underweight - so when meal times comes...it's pretty difficult to attend to our problems.
He struggles to eat breakfast, he usually feels a bit ill or not hungry in the mornings. He has tried some breakfast shakes, but again, they are costly.
We're both really worried about him because his head looks quite a lot bigger in comparison to the rest of his body, and it's making him self-concious about it.
I guess what I'm wondering is if anyone has any tips, as yes, he can be lazy with food so anything that requires preparation or 'effort' he will just not stick to, so needs to be things that are easily incorporated into his lifestyle as well as not too costly.
I am also a little lost with protein powders/shakes, seems they require exercise too? Or could he just drink them without having to weight train as he doesn't really want to do that.
Thanks in advance
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Replies
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I am going to fallow this as I have a son that has the same problem0
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Your partner has to commit to gaining weight. It won't happen until he is serious about it. This is no different than pursuing weight loss. If he is ready there are some simple high calorie snacks that he can have mid-morning and evenings.
1 large slice of toast, 2 tbsp. of regular peanut butter = 300 cal
mix full fat vanilla ice cream into any fruit smoothie or cold coffee drink for an extra 250 cal per serving
add avocado to salad greens or mix it into dressing for sandwiches for an extra 100 to 200 cal
add whole eggs to sandwiches for an extra 75 or so cal
dip fries/chips in spice peanut sauce instead of ketchup0 -
unless you're ready to shove a tube down his throat and pour liquid food in there- there isn't anything you can do.
The answer is EAT MORE.
And if he doesn't want to eat more- then you can't do anything about it.
Plain and simple. There are easy ways to add calories- olive oil and butter- peanut butter- oreos- ice cream- milk etc etc... but he has to want to eat the things. And that's all there is to it.
So if he doesn't want to- don't bother.0 -
You split your meals 50/50?
Just dish up 1/4 for you and 3/4 for him.
Peanut butter, oil and cream based sauces, stuff like that if he has a difficult time with large volumes of food.
He has to want to eat it though.
Making a mass gaining shake can be an easy way to get calories: protein powder, peanut butter, banana, whole milk - blend it, drink it.
Also drink whole milk through the day. Easy calories.0 -
Oh yeah, he does want to gain weight. It's not me forcing him I promise! lol.
Oh and we both go through peanut butter like crazy people. So he does eat a lot of that.
jimmmer, do you think it would be safe for him to have a weight gaining protein powder without actually doing weights then? That is something we're concerned about.
And he wants to eat more, just struggles that's all.
Just told him he could try eating icecream frequently, he was pretty please about that
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Yeah, it'll be totally safe. It's just whey protein with a bunch of carbs and fats added.
As I detailed, you can make your own cheaply using whey powder, whole milk, peanut butter, bananas. Hell, you can blend a tablespoon or two of olive oil into it too for an extra 250 cals per shake.
If he drinks whole milk all day instead of water - it has about 650 cals per litre (in the UK, at least). So he can drink a litre or two a day, he'll get another 650-1300 cals/day.
For breakfast, the Full English: bacon, sausages, toast, fried eggs, beans, etc. can weigh in at 1000-1250 ish (depends what you have and how much) is a heavyweight way to start the day. It'll be tough to start with, but he'll come to love it (as generations of Englishmen have). It's also a certified hangover cure.
Add that lot together and you've got something like 2000-3000 cals/day without lunch and dinner and without breaking the budget.0 -
Your partner has to commit to gaining weight. It won't happen until he is serious about it. This is no different than pursuing weight loss. If he is ready there are some simple high calorie snacks that he can have mid-morning and evenings.
1 large slice of toast, 2 tbsp. of regular peanut butter = 300 cal
mix full fat vanilla ice cream into any fruit smoothie or cold coffee drink for an extra 250 cal per serving
add avocado to salad greens or mix it into dressing for sandwiches for an extra 100 to 200 cal
add whole eggs to sandwiches for an extra 75 or so cal
dip fries/chips in spice peanut sauce instead of ketchup
i totally agree with this. i have always been underweight too and it would affect my self esteem from time to time. sometimes i would really feel down and sorry for myself. the key word is "serious". he has to want it. i have went on a lot of get thick quick schemes in an effort to gain weight but the lbs never stayed on. it was because i didnt want it bad enough. for these past 2 months i decided to get serious and put some weight on. i started at 89lbs in the beginning of july. now i am 103 at 5'4". at first i admit that it was hard to get more food down because my stomach would get full quickly but i know i had to get the extra calories in if i wanted to gain weight. i fought through it and i got results in return. when you partner steps on the scale and see that his efforts are paying off, that will be all the motivation he needs to keep going. i promise you 0 -
I know how he can gain weight easily.0
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I know how he can gain weight easily.
http://www.findmall.com/addon.php?32,module=embed_images,file_id=2853300 -
Thanks jimmmer, he seems up for trying to drink whole milk as he does like drinking milk (eew) so that's a good start!
And we'll give the do-it-yourself shake a go as well, seems simple and cheap enough! Do you recommend any particular whey powder?
missycj87 - Your post was inspiring, thank you!
Haha _Waffle_ , he doesn't really drink as he is on pills that don't really allow it
boohoo :P 0 -
Well, I'm in the UK and tend to buy (if it's not against site rules to say) from myprotein, since it's much cheaper and just as good as the more brand-y stuff you find in shops here.
Not sure where you are located, but I'm sure someone from your locale could recommend something cheap-but-not-nasty.
More calories can be a chore. But it doesn't have to be, you just have to be smart about it. The hardest thing probably is the calorie density of shared mealtimes. (My missus often takes what I serve up, halves it and takes the rest for lunch at work the next day. So we both get what we want/need.)0 -
I'm in Wales, so we did have a chuckle at the Englishman comment haha. So yeah I'll have a look at myprotein now!
And good idea, suppose I should make some effort now too
I do sometimes take the rest to work but perhaps I should start being more strict about it!
Cheers for the advice!0 -
I'm in Wales, so we did have a chuckle at the Englishman comment haha. So yeah I'll have a look at myprotein now!
And good idea, suppose I should make some effort now too I do sometimes take the rest to work but perhaps I should start being more strict about it!
Cheers for the advice!
Lol!
Generations of welshmen have also profited from the healing power of the fry-up too...
And you're welcome!0 -
9 bars don't have 1000 calories each... I used to have them daily and they are around 230-250 calories each, assuming you mean those seed bars.
Just get him eating plenty of calorie dense foods, as others have suggested.
Ice cream is a good one, seems to be a favourite of some of those here on bulks.
Large bowls of cereal or oatmeal is another one.
Get some rich desserts for after dinner, like cheesecake. You can get those relatively cheap in places like Asda, Iceland, Sainsburys, Lidl etc. Add cream on top. Bread is a good gainer too, though better to get the bakery loaves which are fresher.
If he wants it badly enough, he will get there. Plenty of cheap ways to get in those calories. Cheese is another good one. Check out offers and reductions too. Even Marks & Spencer reduce their foods around a certain time each day, including their bakery breads.
I always found the foods that make me gain weight are bready things and cereals.0 -
Oh yeah, he does want to gain weight. It's not me forcing him I promise! lol.
Oh and we both go through peanut butter like crazy people. So he does eat a lot of that.
jimmmer, do you think it would be safe for him to have a weight gaining protein powder without actually doing weights then? That is something we're concerned about.
And he wants to eat more, just struggles that's all.
Just told him he could try eating icecream frequently, he was pretty please about that
I think there's a disconnect here. If he's 5'7" and less than 121 lbs and not gaining weight, then your 'a lot' is probably not the same as the other posters' 'a lot'.
Have him try doubling your 'a lot' and see how that goes.0 -
Pasta is and always be a top favorite high calorie item. You can easily eat 3-4 servings without even realizing it. Spread some meat sauce and you have a high calorie meal (not too many nutrients, but you've at least got some tomato and hopefully protein in the sauce).
It sounds like a great problem to have...sigh...I wish I had those issues.:ohwell:0 -
Carbs, the man needs carbs Protein and fat-rich foods will tend to be counterproductive I suspect, as both tend to be so filling, it shall make eating more, quite difficult. Carbs are quite easy to eat more of, before that full feeling kicks in, and thus should be easier to fill up on them a little more.
I would google 'clean bulks', as bodybuilders tend to either be bulking up their weight or cutting it back at any given time, and they do this regularly, so there tends to be a lot of information from bodybuilders on what best to eat to gain weight. One example is a shake made from oats, banana, whole milk and a dollop or two of peanut butter, which would give you 6/ 7/ 800 calories. There is no reason you need to be buying specialist weight gain foods, and depending on how cleanly he wishes to eat, I would be looking at junk foods/ desserts, starchy carbs, and grains with which to bulk up his calorie intake every day.
All of the above aside, I agree with the previous poster who said most all your partner needs to commit to gaining weight, as otherwise it won't happen by chance. I know this all too well at the moment, as I have a parent that needs to gain at least 20lbs+ back, after losing it from not being able to eat properly with a medical condition they're having attended to.0 -
Fats.... fats are the most calorie dense (9 cal / gram vs 4 cal / gram for protein or carbs).
I would go with the English Breakfast suggestion, but if he can't stomach it to start, you could start him on the idea of breakfast with full-fat hot chocolate with some cream mixed in. Add a croissant or breakfast pastry.
Dark chocolate with nuts.
Olive oil (or any other oil). You could make plain salad for you and drench his in olive-oil heavy dressing.
Cheese
Chicken with the skin (chicken wings are pretty calorie rich and quick to cook)
Add in any carbs (whole grains are generally healthier because they have more fibre, but are just as calorie dense as refined grains. Toast, with lots of butter and jam. More toast. Bread with cheese. Pasta with meat sauce (fatty meat) and cheese. Stuffed pasta (e.g. torteloni with ricotta) and tomato sauce and cream or tomato (or meat) sauce with feta mixed in or tomato (or meat) sauce with mozzarella mixed in. Parmesan on top. You take the sauce before mixing the cream / cheese / feta in and skip the parmesan.
Pasta with pesto (you give up and eat something else, ha ha!)
Oatmeal with whole yoghurt, banana and treacle.
Whole greek yoghurt.
Proteins are good, but they are satiating, so if he doesn't have enough appetite, you could try going carb heavy as well as fat heavy.
Roast a whole chicken on top of potatoes and veg. Feed him the veg roasted in the chicken fat (and the chicken with skin) while you have a side of salad instead.
Shortbread cookies. Shortbread cookies with ice cream. Shortbread cookies with ice cream and dark chocolate with nuts. Chocolate chip cookies.
Nuts.
Pizza with cheese and meat. That's a 7 minute 1000ish cal meal if you get a thicker crust pizza a the shop.
Does he like garlic? Take a cheese like cheddar, plus some cream cheese, lots of garlic. Blend it up with e.g. a hand blender (grate the hard cheese first). Use that as a spread on thick slices of bread.
Tacos. Ground beef, tacos mix, cheddar cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, coriander. Guacamole (avocado, garlic, tomato guac mix). Sour cream.
all that with tortillas. You can go light on the cheese and tortillas, guac and sour cream
Avocados or cheese or nuts added to every salad.
Tomatoe mozarella salad with olive oil and basil.
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my son eats like a pig but cant gain an once . so not always that they are not eating enough .0
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double post0
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my son eats like a pig but cant gain an once . so not always that they are not eating enough .
He's probably young and active. That means his metabolism is probably going a hundred miles an hour. It just means that his TDEE is higher and consequently he needs to eat an inordinate amount of food to gain weight.
Again, it's not magic. You body requires so much energy to run based on a whole host of factors including, genetics, gender, age, current activity level, muscle mass, etc. Eat more than this amount you gain weight. Eat less: you lose. Eat the same: you stay the same.0 -
Hey!
So I've tried researching a bit, but thought I'd ask here as well.
My partner is:
- 27 years old
- 8 st 7 lbs (roughly, maybe little less) (121 lbs)
- 5 ft 7 in (173 cm)
He's been to see the doctor a few times, and they referred him to a nutritionist - who wasn't all that helpful - they only tip that he came away with was to 'eat more pulses'. Which is kind of difficult to keep up with, especially when they give me a bad stomach so its difficult to eat separate meals. We were hoping he'd come away from the nutritionist with some kind of meal plan but to no avail.
He occasionally buys 9bars (bars that have around 1000kcal) - which are really handy because it's easier and convenient for him to eat, but they are quite costly.
We're considering buying some nuts in bulk when we can afford it so he can snack on them throughout the day.
We have decided he will switch to full fat milk and butter, but we aren't really sure where else to go from here.
The problem we face is that I'm a bit overweight and he is underweight - so when meal times comes...it's pretty difficult to attend to our problems.
This sounds very familiar! I'm slightly overweight and trying to lose weight, my partner is just under 10 stone but he's 6 foot 2!
He doesn't struggle to eat a basic, normal amount of food (eg: cereal for breakfast, sandwiches for lunch, some kind of snack in the afternoon, a normal dinner in the evening) but if I give him larger portions he ends up leaving some (despite the fact that for me, those would be normal portions if I wasn't trying to lose weight!). He just always opts for small portion sizes - I bought chocolate milk as that's fattening, but he has a tiny glass of about 150ml when I'd happily drink twice as much.
He's also quite active because he likes to go for walks and sometimes cycles to work too. And he doesn't like some fatty foods like cheese or avocados.
I shall continue reading this thread with interest for more ideas!0 -
Hey, my husband and I had/have a similar situation of opposite problems- I want to lose weight and gain it easily- he wants to put on weight but finds it quite hard. He did eat a lot- half a big pizza as a snack before dinner, huge portions etc but his family is just very slim and finds it hard to gain weight.
It took me a long time to accept we had to eat separate meals, annoying but it works. Sometimes we eat the same thing but with alterations e.g. I won't have sauce and we will add extra food to his meal.
Also does your boyfriend go to the gym? One thing that helped my OH was lifting weights and drinking protein shakes afterwards. It took time but he is slowly gaining weight and is so much healthier.
Sorry I can't give advice on which foods are good as this is something we need to learn more about!0 -
Honestly, I think you should let him deal with it on his own.
If he truly wants to gain weight, he will by increasing intake. What he eats is less important than how much (in terms of gaining weight).
Absent any medical need/eating disorder I don't think "helping him" will be good for your relationship. He needs to do it on is own. Yes he is very thin, but at a BMI of 18.9 his weight is still technically in the healthy range:
http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/educational/lose_wt/BMI/bmicalc.htm
Many guys that thin already get teased about their weight. Having his girlfriend trying to help him gain weight is probably not going to make him feel better.
If you really think he wants advice, tell him about MFP and let him open an account.0 -
lol, the same as me
this is a typical ectomorph scenario
you gotta do 2 things:
eat more- protein in the morning is important( i read he doesn't eat in the morning, really bad) i usually make an oatmeal shake with whey protein and milk as soon as i wake up. also focus more on carbs and less on fat, so more bread, rice pasta, cake, throughout the day
perfect ratio should be 4Carbs:1.3 protein:0.7fat its healthy
excercise- there will be no point in eating all the protein and not excercising, i don't mean running and cardio. Crunches and pushups and start with smaller weights
if you are worried he will get buff, well he won't. thats the good the good thing about ectomorphs, always stay lean and slim
important to stay consistent and you will see slow changes0 -
Hey!
So I've tried researching a bit, but thought I'd ask here as well.
My partner is:
- 27 years old
- 8 st 7 lbs (roughly, maybe little less) (121 lbs)
- 5 ft 7 in (173 cm)
He's been to see the doctor a few times, and they referred him to a nutritionist - who wasn't all that helpful - they only tip that he came away with was to 'eat more pulses'. Which is kind of difficult to keep up with, especially when they give me a bad stomach so its difficult to eat separate meals. We were hoping he'd come away from the nutritionist with some kind of meal plan but to no avail.
He occasionally buys 9bars (bars that have around 1000kcal) - which are really handy because it's easier and convenient for him to eat, but they are quite costly.
We're considering buying some nuts in bulk when we can afford it so he can snack on them throughout the day.
We have decided he will switch to full fat milk and butter, but we aren't really sure where else to go from here.
The problem we face is that I'm a bit overweight and he is underweight - so when meal times comes...it's pretty difficult to attend to our problems.
He struggles to eat breakfast, he usually feels a bit ill or not hungry in the mornings. He has tried some breakfast shakes, but again, they are costly.
We're both really worried about him because his head looks quite a lot bigger in comparison to the rest of his body, and it's making him self-concious about it.
I guess what I'm wondering is if anyone has any tips, as yes, he can be lazy with food so anything that requires preparation or 'effort' he will just not stick to, so needs to be things that are easily incorporated into his lifestyle as well as not too costly.
I am also a little lost with protein powders/shakes, seems they require exercise too? Or could he just drink them without having to weight train as he doesn't really want to do that.
Thanks in advance
Sorry to ask this. Did the doctors check to see if he has Diabetes 1?
Did they check for anything else beyond basic stuff?
The guy does not have to eat breakfast to gain weight. If someone made me eat breakfast I would have to kill them -- that is how much I hate breakfast.
By any chance can he eat ice cream and can you manage to stay away from it if it is in your house?
Feed him a gallon of ice cream a day. There you go. Ice cream has lots of carbs and fats.
Other foods to keep around that he can eat on his own by keeping available: cooked rice, pasta, potatoes, and honey, jam, bread, mayo, cheese, butter.
One package of Ramen noodles has 388 calories and you can make big pots with several packages.0 -
You split your meals 50/50?
Just dish up 1/4 for you and 3/4 for him.
Peanut butter, oil and cream based sauces, stuff like that if he has a difficult time with large volumes of food.
He has to want to eat it though.
Making a mass gaining shake can be an easy way to get calories: protein powder, peanut butter, banana, whole milk - blend it, drink it.
Also drink whole milk through the day. Easy calories.
All of this.
My husband is the same - apart from he loves food, but his metabolism is crazy fast and he has to eat around 3500 cals a day to maintain.
So I cook in bulk and I'll have one portion and he can go back for 3rd or 4th helpings. Usually things that we can serve with rice, noodles or potatoes and bulk out with tomatoes and mushrooms. So for me, a portion is around 400calories, but if he eats 3 portions its right up to 1200. Usually curries, stews, pastas, cottage pie etc.
Just eat more of everything! Pies, pastys, whole milk, stuffed pasta.... sounds like you're in the UK, so I heartily recommend Asda for buying things on the cheap.0 -
My husband has struggled his whole life to put on weight and has had to put up with so many people telling him he is too skinny and has to eat more. (Small rant: If it's considered rude to tell a heavy person they are fat and need to eat less why is it ok to do the same thing to underweight people?!) He has a very physical job, trains taekwondo 2 nights a week and is gluten intolerant so if he isn't careful it's very easy for him to fall into a diet that is too low carb or not enough calories.
Recently, he has managed to go up from 60kgs to 65kgs, though it has been a torturous process. One of the things that he found really helped is a high calorie breakfast of 200mls full fat greek yogurt with 50mls whipping cream, 1 scoop gainer powder, 1tbsp shredded, dried coconut, 1tbsp pumpkin seeds, 1 tbsp raisins and a little drizzle of honey. He has this every day without fail.
His typical packed lunch is a sauce of bacon, mushrooms, onions, chicken stock, herbs and spices and finished with whipping cream, which he has over rice noodles.
For dinner he eats whatever the rest of us is eating, just a much larger portion. In the evenings he will have a little bowl of plain tortilla chips with tzatziki or a shake of gainer powder and full milk.
One thing we have learned is that it is a long, slow process for him, and often it requires far more effort than he wants to put in, but taekwondo is important to him and he knows if he wants to carry on he has to make sure he is eating enough to survive each session!0
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