Open Relationships
TheRoadDog
Posts: 11,788 Member
in Chit-Chat
Is it just “honest cheating”?
When your partner suggests an open relationship, is that a sign that you are not fulfilling their intimacy / sexual needs?
When your partner suggests an open relationship, is that a sign that you are not fulfilling their intimacy / sexual needs?
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Replies
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I know quite a few couples in open relationships, and several poly groups.
I don't necessarily think it means that anyone is lacking anything, I just think there is room for another person in your heart and life. Sometimes its a niche that is emotional and sometimes its about the sex. I don't subscribe to the thought that there is just one person and only one person that can fill all the needs of another. If that were the case, we wouldn't develop friendships with other people.
Cheating implies something illicit, secretive and harmful. With the right mindset (and I don't mean to say ALL poly or open relationships have the right mindset -I've seen several of these fail as well), open relationships and poly relationships CAN work. And it's a beautiful thing...not any different, really, than a monogamous couple...successful relationships are inspirational.0 -
Agree with Teresa but would add that I've also seen it break couples who weren't ready for it apart. If it's something you're considering, make sure you do some homework.0
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No and hell no.0
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No because you are both coming together and agreeing that this is what you want to do. While I don't personally know anyone who is in an open marriage situation I do know people who are in the swinging lifestyle and entering that sort of alternative life has saved marriages (and know that swinging and an open marriage are two different animals). In either situation there has to be an immense amount of trust between you and your partner and you absolutely have to be on the same page with everything other wise it won't work.
But I agree that cheating implies something illicit and secretive. There is nothing illicit or secretive in an open marriage or a swinging lifestyle.0 -
Agree with Bad Leroy....there are rules. And the rules are whatever you and your partner(s) decide upon. most typically say that play happens together, but it's entirely up to each person how they want their relationship to work.
LOTS of trust and open, honest communication...when in doubt, talk it out!0 -
I have a hard time understanding this situation in general. If you want to be with other people why be in a committed relationship to begin with? I see it as wanting your cake & eat it to.
We've had friends that deployed and told their wives they could have "girlfriends" and do whatever they wanted together while they were gone but if they were with a man it was considered cheating. Once they came home the girlfriend had to go.0 -
YES...0
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Agree with Bad Leroy....there are rules. And the rules are whatever you and your partner(s) decide upon. most typically say that play happens together, but it's entirely up to each person how they want their relationship to work.
LOTS of trust and open, honest communication...when in doubt, talk it out!
Yes on the rules and most definitely on the communication.
The thing with the swinging lifestyle is that there are set rules that you go by between partners and in general. And the woman is the one who runs the show.0 -
to the second question...0
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I know quite a few couples in open relationships, and several poly groups.
I don't necessarily think it means that anyone is lacking anything, I just think there is room for another person in your heart and life. Sometimes its a niche that is emotional and sometimes its about the sex. I don't subscribe to the thought that there is just one person and only one person that can fill all the needs of another. If that were the case, we wouldn't develop friendships with other people.
Cheating implies something illicit, secretive and harmful. With the right mindset (and I don't mean to say ALL poly or open relationships have the right mindset -I've seen several of these fail as well), open relationships and poly relationships CAN work. And it's a beautiful thing...not any different, really, than a monogamous couple...successful relationships are inspirational.
Nicely Said!0 -
I have a hard time understanding this situation in general. If you want to be with other people why be in a committed relationship to begin with? I see it as wanting your cake & eat it to.
We've had friends that deployed and told their wives they could have "girlfriends" and do whatever they wanted together while they were gone but if they were with a man it was considered cheating. Once they came home the girlfriend had to go.
I really don't think any one person can be everything that another person needs/wants.0 -
Is it just “honest cheating”?
When your partner suggests an open relationship, is that a sign that you are not fulfilling their intimacy / sexual needs?
No. It's a sign that they already have someone lined up.0 -
Is it just “honest cheating”?
When your partner suggests an open relationship, is that a sign that you are not fulfilling their intimacy / sexual needs?
No. It's a sign that they already have someone lined up.
Didn't work out for Ross did it?0 -
Just don't get jealous when someone else does it better than your parnter. "Honest cheating" Maybe that why I do have a to do list before marriage for this reason.0
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Is it just “honest cheating”?
When your partner suggests an open relationship, is that a sign that you are not fulfilling their intimacy / sexual needs?
No. It's a sign that they already have someone lined up.
I disagree.
There are many types of lifestyles and marriages out there. Just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it doesn't work for someone else.0 -
(Opens door) (looks around) Sorry folks I must have taken the wrong floor off of the elevator!0
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Agree with Bad Leroy....there are rules. And the rules are whatever you and your partner(s) decide upon. most typically say that play happens together, but it's entirely up to each person how they want their relationship to work.
LOTS of trust and open, honest communication...when in doubt, talk it out!
Yes on the rules and most definitely on the communication.
The thing with the swinging lifestyle is that there are set rules that you go by between partners and in general. And the woman is the one who runs the show.
Happy wife happy life right?0 -
I would take it as they're bored and are itching for something new. I would NOT be okay with this.0
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I have a hard time understanding this situation in general. If you want to be with other people why be in a committed relationship to begin with? I see it as wanting your cake & eat it to.
Who the hell wants cake they can't eat??0 -
I really don't think any one person can be everything that another person needs/wants.
I feel bad for you.
We shouldn't expect our partner to fulfill all our wants / needs anyways... that's just naive. But, if and when you DO find someone that can do that, THAT is the one you marry.0 -
I think that depends on what kind of relationship you've had up until the point they suggest an open relationship. If this is "out of the blue" and you haven't always had a relationship where communication has been open and excellent, then I would say that,"Yes, It could be a sign that you are not fulfilling their intimacy/sexual needs." To remedy this I would suggest a serious conversation about why the other person thinks an open relationship would be a good idea.
If you've always had great open and honest communication and your partner brings this up because they are secure in being completely honest with you, then I would say, "No, it isn't a sign that you are not fulfilling their intimacy/sexual needs. They are just looking to expand their sexual experiences."
Regardless, both had better be on the same page and have the authority to put an end to this open relationship for any reason. I've seen more than one couple's relationship crumble because they thought they were okay with it, when they really weren't.
It isn't something that should be entered in to lightly.0 -
I have a hard time understanding this situation in general. If you want to be with other people why be in a committed relationship to begin with? I see it as wanting your cake & eat it to.
Who the hell wants cake they can't eat??
Especially with whipped cream ome top...0 -
I wouldn't call it "honest cheating" because the word "cheating" would mean that some sort of deception was going on in the relationship.
Also, people who are in open relationships have already made it clear that they do not fell satisfied or fulfilled by having only one sexual partner. That doesn't make it wrong, just different than what many people would consider the norm. I'm sure that many people in open relationships have a much better line of communication than some couples that have been "monogamous" for years. I would much rather have someone tell me that they want an open relationship than to have someone cheat on me.0 -
As someone who has been in a polyamorous (I stress POLYAMOROUS and not OPEN RELATIONSHIP), I would have to say that the term "honest cheating" doesn't make much sense. If you're cheating, it's not honest.
My husband and I have been together for about five years. I have a long term boyfriend right now of about a year and a half. Both of these mean a lot to me, and I love them equally. The relationships are very different from one another, and I receive different treatment and can expose a different side of myself to each person. I have been polyamorous since I was 17 years old, so 10 years. It's all about open and honest communication. Cheating can still be done if someone does something outside of the realms of pre-established rules which differ from couple to couple.0 -
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I personally see it as a form of "acceptable" cheating. In my opinion, what's the point of being in a relationship/marriage if you're open to seeking gratification (sexual or not) from someone other than your significant other? To me, that defeats the purpose of committing yourself to someone. That's not to look down on folks who do this and it works, I just personally couldn't do it.0
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Well said!I think that depends on what kind of relationship you've had up until the point they suggest an open relationship. If this is "out of the blue" and you haven't always had a relationship where communication has been open and excellent, then I would say that,"Yes, It could be a sign that you are not fulfilling their intimacy/sexual needs." To remedy this I would suggest a serious conversation about why the other person thinks an open relationship would be a good idea.
If you've always had great open and honest communication and your partner brings this up because they are secure in being completely honest with you, then I would say, "No, it isn't a sign that you are not fulfilling their intimacy/sexual needs. They are just looking to expand their sexual experiences."
Regardless, both had better be on the same page and have the authority to put an end to this open relationship for any reason. I've seen more than one couple's relationship crumble because they thought they were okay with it, when they really weren't.
It isn't something that should be entered in to lightly.
It takes strength and communication to make any relationship work, but even more so when you chose to open your hearts to others. The more people involved the more comfortable you need to be communicating feelings without accusations. It is not the way for everyone, but neither is monogamous or same sex relationships.0 -
No. Yes.0
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I have a hard time understanding this situation in general. If you want to be with other people why be in a committed relationship to begin with? I see it as wanting your cake & eat it to.
Who the hell wants cake they can't eat??
Especially with whipped cream ome top...
I just want the icing. I'll eat the icing, you can have the cake.0 -
I don't think it's for me, but then again I have grown up with years of conditioning that it's wrong, you should be everything to your partner and open relationships lead to heartache.
I wish there weren't as much stigma attached to open relatinships because there are a lot of people out there who just don't seem to be suited to monogamy. They're just screwing up their lives and their partners' lives trying to fit in this box that society tells them is the only one available. I don't see the harm in two people being in an open or poly relationship if that's what they both want.0
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