Open Relationships
Replies
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Hm, I didn't realize I was on sparkteens.com0
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The commitment thing though - the ones I have encountered stated they only wanted to be in a committed relationship with one, but they were polyamorous. Of course these were all coming from people on dating sites. One was a married couple who had kids and they both dated other people. I guess that's a completely foreign concept to me, especially when kids are in the picture. i guess personally, I feel being in a committed relationship with 1 person can be hard enough. Add a 2nd, 3rd, etc...If you get mad at one do you leave to go see 2 or 3? Do you make a schedule for who is with who and when? What happens if someone gets jealous. I guess I feel that 2 people trying to make things work can be a lot harder because you don't have an 'out'.
There are as many different poly relationships as there as monogamous, so everyone does things their own way. Some people are in committed relationships with two different people and yes, they have somewhat of a schedule going on. People fix things in their own way, so when couples are mad at each other some need space and some don't, so I suppose how they handled it would depend on their own personal parameters. It's not for the faint of heart, and yes emotionally it can be difficult.
I personally feel that even as a monogamous couple, you have an out.
If I get mad, I can just leave. I'm a grown up, I don't need another person to run to, I can just get in my car and drive away.
Personally, I am much better at monogamy than polyamory. I was in a sexually open relationship for years and honestly, it got very boring. I rather enjoy having one person to get nude in front of and to drive crazy.0 -
Look... all relationships have boundaries. Open relationships have different boundaries than monogamous ones.
That's all. That's all there is to it. If someone wants an open relationship, then they are looking for an unconventional relationship in which they establish their own boundaries instead of allowing society to do it for them.0 -
About this whole thing about what happens when you are mad at your partner. Just personally I have known my husband for 18 years, and been in relationship for 16. And we don't get "mad" at each other over anything other than small things such as not doing the cleaning or working late (because I miss him and want to be with him, so that's a different kind of "mad"). Whatever we get mad about, I always see my part in it, and never think he is the one that caused the issue. I know that I have my own issues. Most of the time even when I feel mad, I also am sort of internally laughing at myself, and usually we end up making jokes and laughing about it. I never turn to any other person to talk about my feelings about my husband (except for good things that I want to talk about). We work things out together. Also, we are not in an open relationship, though we have been together a long time, since we were young, so we did have some experiences when we were younger, and the option to talk about whatever may interest us is always open.0
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I think my Battery Operated Boyfriend is having a fling with the TV remote. I don't care. Does that make our relationship an open one?0
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Makes sense from an evolutionary perspective.0
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What goes on between two consulting adults is of nobody else's business as far as I'm concerned. I doesn't affect my life in any form way or function. So if it makes them happy...cheers.:drinker:
This obsession our society places on knowing the intimate details of other people's sex lives is bizarre. Mind your own and don't worry about your neighbor.
Srsly - THIS!
Such truth! :drinker:0 -
I'v done it in the past, towards the end of a 5 year relationship. It's not as fun as it sounds, i mean i was out on a trampage meeting girls etc... but then she had sex with another dude and he made the mistake of running into my fist, alot of pain, anger, broken faces. Not worth the trouble, lesson learned.0
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My wife asked me to go to the store and buy some pills
the kind that would help me get an erection
Now I'm homeless.
How was I supposed to know she didn't mean diet pills for her?0 -
I think my Battery Operated Boyfriend is having a fling with the TV remote. I don't care. Does that make our relationship an open one?
it depends....does Bob watch porn late at night with the remote?0 -
The research on this subject reflects that, as long as both partners are fully on-board with being in an open relationship, they actually tend to report being happier than folks who are in monogamous relationships. But that's a big condition - BOTH partners have to be FULLY on-board. If one requests opening the relationship and the other agrees just to please their partner or for fear that the partner will cheat otherwise, then resentments, anger, disappointment, self-doubt, low self-esteem, etc can result. As with many foundational beliefs, it's important for both people in a romantic relationship to be on the same page about monogamy.
Sidenote, on the phrase "have your cake and eat it too" - it actually means that once you've eaten the cake, you don't have that cake anymore. You can't both have a particular cake and eat that particular cake at the same time. Trust me, that one confused me for a long time
I agree with this. Pretty much all of it.
But I have to say, I don't know many happy people in open relationships. Hell, I don't know many happy monogamous couples, either. People who run around proclaiming how super happy they are rarely are. They just look like they're trying to convince themselves that they're happy.
Just an observation and why I rarely discuss the makings of my own relationship. It's nobody's business, and it's hard enough to make work without trying to convince everyone that it's perfect. It doesn't matter what kind of relationship someone is in. Relationships require work.0 -
Just an observation and why I rarely discuss the makings of my own relationship. It's nobody's business, and it's hard enough to make work without trying to convince everyone that it's perfect. It doesn't matter what kind of relationship someone is in. Relationships require work.
Completely agree with this. My guy is here on MFP, and while we may completely have fun we never discuss our relationship (whether it's glowingly positive, or we have issues) with others. Here or in real life... That's just asking for trouble. If you're talking to others instead of your SO, what do you expect to be solved or helped? Or are you just bragging about his penis size?
Ya know... just sayin. Makes no sense to me. Keep your private life private.0 -
I don't think humans are biologically meant to be monogamous. It's a culturally enforced practice in my opinion. To each their own, just a thought!0
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Relationships do take work, and people aren't perfect, and people make mistakes. It's not my business what choices others make in their relationships.
I just tend to see my own mistakes more than my husband's. Because I think I make more mistakes.0 -
I was in an open relationship that ended in disaster.... with that said, I know some of the sweetest, most honest and loving couples that are as open as the day is long. It really depends on your definition of intimacy and fulfillment. Imagine this: some people are completely fulfilled by the idea of their partners being with other people, it excites them and actually promotes more open communication within the relationship.
If it's not for you, or if you're plagued with jealousies and insecurities or if your religion and/or lifestyle doesn't support that choice the idea of adding an open relationship to a marriage or a relationship would be truly a sign of change, a disturbance in the force, if you will.
It very much depends on the person/persons within the relationship created between them.....
Why do you ask?0 -
I don't think humans are biologically meant to be monogamous. It's a culturally enforced practice in my opinion. To each their own, just a thought!
Does that mean we can be lovers, SheGlows???
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Possibly...It can't be good no matter what.0
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Can't really comment as I've not even been in a relationship the last few years never mind an open one. However, after a colleague nicely decided to update my relationship status on FB to "in an open relationship" I did get several congrats on it. Including 3 from relatives :huh:
I say each to their own though and if it works for folks then more power to em.0 -
I have a hard time understanding this situation in general. If you want to be with other people why be in a committed relationship to begin with? I see it as wanting your cake & eat it to.
We've had friends that deployed and told their wives they could have "girlfriends" and do whatever they wanted together while they were gone but if they were with a man it was considered cheating. Once they came home the girlfriend had to go.
I really don't think any one person can be everything that another person needs/wants.
I disagree with this. Just like polyamorous or open relationships, it really depends on the person/persons involved. My husband and I have been together for 24 years and we fulfill everything each other NEEDS (not always what we want, but we can't always have what we want all the time). We are best friends and lovers and enjoy spending time with each other more than spending time with anyone else. I can't understand the concept of loving more than one person in a romantic manner at a time, but that doesn't mean it's wrong for other people, it's just wrong for me. My husband and I don't share and we don't cheat. That's what works for both of us, but it doesn't have to work for everyone.0 -
I have a hard time understanding this situation in general. If you want to be with other people why be in a committed relationship to begin with? I see it as wanting your cake & eat it to.
Who the hell wants cake they can't eat??
Especially with whipped cream ome top...
I just want the icing. I'll eat the icing, you can have the cake.
Do you like it straight from the container or applied?
Hmmmm.....it depends.
What flavor is it?
Not sure ..rumor is it is a little salty
Is there a separate forum for disgusting and desperate online sex chats perchance?
Desperate, maybe, but I don't see what's disgusting about it. We're all adults here.
Some adults don't want to hear about your bukkake
I'm sorry you were offended by two adult friends trying to have a good time and lighten the mood. We aren't all prudes and don't take ourselves way too seriously.0 -
i met my husband. I can't fathom having another man touch me, or another woman touch him.
As far as friends and family, I would much rather stay home and do" nothing" with my husband than go out and do anything else with anyone else. There is a different bond with him then there is with anyone else, he is by far (along with our children) the most important thing in my life. And it's not just a sexual bond, If I'm happy about something, it's not the same if I can't share it with him, If I'm upset about something, he does what he can to fix that, and yes, he is the only one that can do that so completely. He can fix an unfixable situation. He's deceased and I feel like part of me is missing... because it is.
I'm not judging, and I get it, to each their own and I'm happy for anyone that finds happiness, doesn't matter where you find it as long as it's not in a pipe or a bottle. But I did want to defend those of us that do think that one person can satisfy us completely for the rest of our lives.
I've edited your post to make it my own, but I strongly agree with so much here.
I was the same way about my husband. Being with him was all I wanted. We spent every minute not working, together. We enjoyed each other's company. I didn't go out with the girls, he didn't go out with the boys. We were everything to each other.
This made me so sad because it's how I feel about my husband and I'm so scared of him dying - he's a bigger guy...like morbidly obese and whenever he's late getting home for work, or he's in the bathroom too long, or he's in bed later than usual on a Saturday.... my mind goes *there*, just for a second. I try not to dwell on it, but....it worries me.
So, so, so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. :brokenheart:
:flowerforyou: 0 -
As someone who's in an atypical (D/s) relationship I have a different opinion than a lot of people. Most folks are bound by their beliefs (religious based), to each its own. First, sex does not = love, love does not = sex. They're two entirely separate things that are independently good and can be amazing when combined.
Those that are poly actually have multiple relationships, I personally can't do that nor would I want to. With open relationships it's usually just a sexual thing, the emotional aspect between the partners is there but they can have sex with other people. Then you've got semi-open relationships, like my own. I can bring women home, I have a FWB type of relationship with a female. My arrangement with my husband is mutually beneficial even though he does not and will not sleep with other women; he gets to watch and engage with me. As long as it works for the couple, why does it matter?0 -
What goes on between two consulting adults is of nobody else's business as far as I'm concerned. I doesn't affect my life in any form way or function. So if it makes them happy...cheers.:drinker:
This obsession our society places on knowing the intimate details of other people's sex lives is bizarre. Mind your own and don't worry about your neighbor.
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repost.0
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But if I dont speak out against their sinful ways, it will destroy the institution of marriage0
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As someone who's in an atypical (D/s) relationship I have a different opinion than a lot of people. Most folks are bound by their beliefs (religious based), to each its own. First, sex does not = love, love does not = sex. They're two entirely separate things that are independently good and can be amazing when combined.
Those that are poly actually have multiple relationships, I personally can't do that nor would I want to. With open relationships it's usually just a sexual thing, the emotional aspect between the partners is there but they can have sex with other people. Then you've got semi-open relationships, like my own. I can bring women home, I have a FWB type of relationship with a female. My arrangement with my husband is mutually beneficial even though he does not and will not sleep with other women; he gets to watch and engage with me. As long as it works for the couple, why does it matter?
I like this. Thank you for sharing.0 -
As someone who's in an atypical (D/s) relationship I have a different opinion than a lot of people. Most folks are bound by their beliefs (religious based), to each its own. First, sex does not = love, love does not = sex. They're two entirely separate things that are independently good and can be amazing when combined.
Those that are poly actually have multiple relationships, I personally can't do that nor would I want to. With open relationships it's usually just a sexual thing, the emotional aspect between the partners is there but they can have sex with other people. Then you've got semi-open relationships, like my own. I can bring women home, I have a FWB type of relationship with a female. My arrangement with my husband is mutually beneficial even though he does not and will not sleep with other women; he gets to watch and engage with me. As long as it works for the couple, why does it matter?
So you're obviously the Dom, right?
I mean, you bring women home and he can't touch. Not at all saying that's a bad thing, but it seems like this situation leans more to the control/power conversion than it does to polyamory.0 -
She didn't say he COULD'NT touch, that he does not and will not sleep with other women. He may very well be the Dom, providing his sub with what she needs/wants.
And if she is the Domme, then that is how their relationship works...0 -
All of my MFP relationships know about each other.0
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She didn't say he COULD'NT touch, that he does not and will not sleep with other women. He may very well be the Dom, providing his sub with what she needs/wants.
And if she is the Domme, then that is how their relationship works...
I'm not saying anything about how her relationship works. I'm just trying to understand the dynamic.
No need to white-knight, here.0
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