How to keep a positive mind set?

Hi Shannon- I used to be a perfectionist, I was hard on myself and just as hard on others who didn't live up to my standards. It's exhausting mentally and isn't very good for building relationships, professionally or personally. And if I didn't meet my expectations I would be very angry, unhappy, and depressed. Two years ago I decided to stop beating myself up all the time and not to expect so much from myself and others, especially others. Buddha said, if you have no expectations you will not be disappointed.

Not every girl who wants to dance has the tiny body of a ballerina. And your mental image of what a competitive swimmer should look like may not match your body type, especially now that you're blossoming into full womanhood, which is a beautiful thing. You can't look like a teenage girl forever, and why would you want to. Our stupid culture has brainwashed almost everyone into thinking only one or two specific body types is beautiful, and everything else is substandard. It's not true. You don't need that body to be happy, and healthy, and loved.

Love yourself first, with all of your perceived imperfections. Forgive yourself for losing your first restaurant, or swim meet or anything else you've done in the past. When negative thoughts pop into your mind start thinking about some things you're grateful for, or a happy experience. Remove negative thoughts from your life like they are a big jelly donut, neither one will help you accomplish anything, unless you own a bakery, and then most people want the Boston crème.

Life is to short to waste time and energy being unhappy about anything. You've got everything going for you, and judging by your profile picture you may be suffering from a distorted body image, because what I see is incredible.

That's great advice, Steve.

I'll just add that it's okay to feel how you're feeling sometimes. We're our own worst critics afterall. This may sound corny, but talk to yourself in a positive way. See your beauty (inside and out) and reaffirm it everyday. And, keep things in perspective. Whenever I get down about something, I think of a few ways that my situation could be worse. Then I think of a few steps I can take to improve it and I start taking those steps. It sounds like you're already on the right path. Cut yourself some slack... nobody is perfect.

Great post, Steve.

It can be hard to "be positive" when you are in the place where it feels impossible to be appreciative of anything about your physical appearance. I don't mean to exaggerate, but I can have those moments. Anyhoo, when you are feeling in a rut, thinking positive may be too big of leap, so at least aim to stop beating the drum of negativity. When you are in the pit, just try distracting yourself, think about something else, *anything* else except how unhappy you are with your body. When you are neutral or in a good mood, that's when you can try to be positive. you can write positive thoughts down to read later. hmmm, I might need to remember to do that too! good luck!!

Life is to short to waste time and energy being unhappy about anything.

Steve - i like everything you said - but especially that!!

thank you

Great post, Steve.

It can be hard to "be positive" when you are in the place where it feels impossible to be appreciative of anything about your physical appearance. I don't mean to exaggerate, but I can have those moments. Anyhoo, when you are feeling in a rut, thinking positive may be too big of leap, so at least aim to stop beating the drum of negativity. When you are in the pit, just try distracting yourself, think about something else, *anything* else except how unhappy you are with your body. When you are neutral or in a good mood, that's when you can try to be positive. you can write positive thoughts down to read later. hmmm, I might need to remember to do that too! good luck!!

I second this! When I feel negative, I distract myself by composing, crafting, or anything else I can find. Then, when I feel positive, I workout and I add to my fitness binder, so that I have positivity to look through when I am feeling low again. It's helped a lot lately.