Life after divorce is it scary?

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KingaS32
KingaS32 Posts: 73
in Chit-Chat
It feels like someone smashed the world of my children, not mine because They are world to me. Now the question remains? What's next? If I can do it? Everything should now be easier and calmer but if will be?
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Replies

  • scrapalooza
    scrapalooza Posts: 335 Member
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    I am newly single this year with a 12 yr old daughter & I have to say we are both having so much fun!
  • cklbrown
    cklbrown Posts: 4,696 Member
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    When my husband left a friend told me two happy homes is better than one miserable one. She was right. After the adjustment we would all agree life is better this way.
  • MityMax96
    MityMax96 Posts: 5,778 Member
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    It feels like someone smashed the world of my children, not mine because They are world to me. Now the question remains? What's next? If I can do it? Everything should now be easier and calmer but if will be?

    Gonig through this myself right now....

    Was my decision to leave....
    FELT LIKE $#!% when we sat down and told them I was moving out....and just watch them break apart.
    My daughter had known for a bit.....and she was struggling with it already.
    But my boys didn't.....
    Broke my heart.....still can see it now.....makes me cry.

    My oldest son has said a couple times "dad, it's not the same around here without you".....
    MAN IT F**KING SUCKS!!!!
  • Veil5577
    Veil5577 Posts: 868 Member
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    I will have been divorced two years this October.

    Financially it's been a struggle but other than that I have been very much happier on my own and in charge of my own life without having to deal with someone else's crap. We didn't have any kids together, though, that made it a lot easier.

    I will never marry again.
  • ew_david
    ew_david Posts: 3,473 Member
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    I'm going to say that it depends on your situation. If you're not the one who wanted the divorce, it will be more difficult. If you were financially dependent on your spouse, it will be difficult. If you now have to go get a job and juggle childcare, it will be difficult. If you have to move, it will be difficult.

    I'm recently divorced, but it was my decision. I can support myself and my kids on my own. I kept the house. I have my own car. Does that mean it doesn't suck? Absolutely not. But being miserable sucked worse and I didn't want that life anymore.
  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,220 Member
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    I've been divorced for 4 years. Life after divorce is what you make of it.

    They say it takes the first person in the marriage 12 months to get over the relationship (this often happens during the relationship). Once the other person is informed or the relationship ends it takes the second person 18 months to feel closure.

    Give it time and focus on taking care of yourself and your kids. Don't let the other person's new life separate from you impact how you feel about yourself. Their life has nothing to do with you anymore.
  • _BearNecessities_
    _BearNecessities_ Posts: 432 Member
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    My divorce was final last year and I am the one who made the decision. My children are still VERY young but they are adjusting well. I have my good days and my bad days still, but ultimately, as others have said, it's better to have two happy homes than one in which you are always walking on eggshells. My parents stayed together MUCH too long and I didn't want my kids growing up in the same kind of house that I did.

    Focus on you OP. The happier you are, the happier your kids will be. Hopefully, your divorce is amicable and you have a good co-parenting plan with your ex. That has made all the difference for me, my ex-wife and my kids.
  • carolineat111
    carolineat111 Posts: 97 Member
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    I got divorced almost two years ago after 6.5 years and four kids. You'll be okay. Have a positive/strong attitude, it's what you make it.
  • LifeOfBrian78
    LifeOfBrian78 Posts: 397 Member
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    I was married for four years, and the divorce was final August 2013. It was my decision to leave and I feel I have grown as a person a huge amount in the last year. All of the things I wanted to do but couldn't do because I was being held back I have started to accomplish.

    It is/was not scary at all, but of course as _dracarys_ said, it really depends on the circumstances.
  • askeates
    askeates Posts: 1,490 Member
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    November 1st it will be 4 years since my divorce was final... I was the one to say enough was enough... I was terrified!! But I knew in the long run we would all be much better off.

    Yes, there are struggles (financially and mentally), but once the dust settled we are all much happier.... even my ex who was totally against it.

    My words of advice, don't be afraid to ask for help, and you are not alone! If you and the children are having difficulties seek councelling (if you do not have the money for a psychiatrist, try a local pastor).

    Best of luck to you and the children. You will find that happy place, just take it a day at a time!
  • Joanne_happygramma
    Joanne_happygramma Posts: 207 Member
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    When my husband left a friend told me two happy homes is better than one miserable one. She was right. After the adjustment we would all agree life is better this way.

    Most change is tough but better for everyone in the long run once you adjust to the "new normal"
    I haven't been there myself (had to adjust to widowhood - same but very different). All I know is my husband came from a broken
    home and as he heard once "better to come from a broken home than live in one"
    Be strong and good to yourself and your children.
  • Shalaurise
    Shalaurise Posts: 707 Member
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    After having been with my husband for 10 years (3 dating, 7 married) I finally got the guts up to leave and it was challenging. I hate hated him for years but was always too scared to leave. I had been a SAHM and now I had to make ends meet and play mom at the same time. I was worried about how I was going to do it, but it wasn't nearly as scary as I had thought it would be. It was mostly just a lot of work. :P

    Scary for me was being left by my fiance... pregnant.

    In the end, life just keeps pushing forward and things will work out one way or another. Do I have the white picket fence home I always thought I wanted with a yard and a dog and a husband and 2.5 children? Nope. But I find happiness in what I do have and never let go of it and trust that I am a strong woman and will manage to make it through each day no matter what happens because I am awesome.

    You can do this. :)
  • FrozenSongBird
    FrozenSongBird Posts: 3,892 Member
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    I left my husband in January, what a blessing. I am happier than I have been in a long time. It is scary wondering if you're doing the right thing or how it affects the children (I have a 4 yr old) but at the end of the day I decided I needed to be happy to for my own sanity. You can do this. You deserve to do whats best for you too. Best wishes and Keep your head up!
  • LoneWolfRunner
    LoneWolfRunner Posts: 1,160 Member
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    I've been a divorce lawyer for 31 years.... nearly everyone finds a way to get through and make their lives better. While children are not immune from the negative impact of divorce, they are also resilient and can find security and happiness if at least one parent works on it...better yet if both parents find ways to support and encourage their kids. One of the key things is to stop the fighting... that tears kids up more than anything, which is why I am not a huge fan of "staying together for the kids". It can work sometimes, but not usually.

    Just finished one custody trial today and starting another one on Wednesday.... too much fun for just one week...

    Looks like there are a lot of emotionally healthy people here on MFP.... maybe goes hand in hand with getting physically healthy...too....
  • kborton1122
    kborton1122 Posts: 914 Member
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    Give it time. Everyone needs time to heal following a divorce.

    I am newly divorced after 20 years of marraige, with an 18 year old daughter. I was with my ex since we were 17. It's a completely different world to me now. And I am happy!

    Best of luck to you!
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
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    I'm going to say that it depends on your situation. If you're not the one who wanted the divorce, it will be more difficult. If you were financially dependent on your spouse, it will be difficult. If you now have to go get a job and juggle childcare, it will be difficult. If you have to move, it will be difficult.

    I'm recently divorced, but it was my decision. I can support myself and my kids on my own. I kept the house. I have my own car. Does that mean it doesn't suck? Absolutely not. But being miserable sucked worse and I didn't want that life anymore.

    I like this post. Lots of truth there.

    I wasn't going to respond after reading the original post because I don't have kids and for me, that meant divorce was relatively easy in all ways. But even then (divorcing with no kids) it's not that way for everyone. I think this is just a highly individual thing. For some people it's extremely hard to transition into a new life post-divorce.
  • mlanders22
    mlanders22 Posts: 140 Member
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    My divorce was final last year and I am the one who made the decision. My children are still VERY young but they are adjusting well. I have my good days and my bad days still, but ultimately, as others have said, it's better to have two happy homes than one in which you are always walking on eggshells. My parents stayed together MUCH too long and I didn't want my kids growing up in the same kind of house that I did.

    Focus on you OP. The happier you are, the happier your kids will be. Hopefully, your divorce is amicable and you have a good co-parenting plan with your ex. That has made all the difference for me, my ex-wife and my kids.

    This is almost exactly my story as well, except I have a 3 year old daughter.
    It hasn't been easy, that is for sure, but ultimately all of our lives are better because we live in happier environments.
  • mrsdmiller74
    mrsdmiller74 Posts: 34 Member
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    I hate it, even though I know its not my doing but the pain some days is so unbearable. Sometimes I sit and wonder why I and my children have to go through this. I'm pretty sure tomorrow is coming but sometimes I wonder will I be happy again
  • Joannah700
    Joannah700 Posts: 2,665 Member
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    I think some parts will be scary and some are just...a bit awesome?

    I'm separated now and will be divorcing soon.

    For me, it's not the finances, the housing, or the emotional changes that threw me for a loop - I expected those - it's the changes in my interactions with those around me and the relief I feel for finally not having to TRY so hard to make it work each day. I can be me with no apologies or compromises and it's these realizations that I had compromised so much.... that make me realize it was the right decision.

    I'm not at the divorce stage yet - but I hope that it means you can live the life you want, each day and you can make it a wonderful one. To me, it meant that I finally could control the direction of my life - because I didn't have to work it out with him first.

    Not sure if this helps - but I hope you find some joy in this new stage. I know it's possible.
  • MityMax96
    MityMax96 Posts: 5,778 Member
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    I will say for me, the positive aspects:
    - No longer on egg shells
    - I feel at home at my place, I felt like I didn't belong in my own house when I lived with her
    - She has no control over me
    - Don't have to bust my @$$ for crap sandwiches
    - I can leave the toilet seat up
    - I can get up when I do, and not be fussed at
    - I can eat how I want, and not be fussed at.
    - I can come and go as I please
    - I can be on time, and not be fussed at for "rushing" her

    And many other things

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