Life after divorce is it scary?
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hope your counseling works
Agreed. My ex husband refused to go to counseling, which told me he didn't really want to save our marriage. That's when I knew it was really over.
Yup. Happened to me too. My wife flat out refused to go and told me I could go alone. That's the day she lost the grip she had on my heart.0 -
After 20 yrs.....now 5 yrs later I can say I'm doing better.
Kids have been in counseling (it helps).
Mom is not in the picture.
I have both kids with me.
I love my independence and freedom.
Our motto is "it's us against the world".0 -
Be VERY sure before you step out. Weigh every scenario. If you have any doubts, then you are not ready.
I agree with this completely.
It sux to see the last 14 yrs of my life gone (except for my kids), all I worked for and put blood, sweat and tears into......gone.
Given to her.0 -
I see a lot positive replays here. Begins are rough I know that I just need go foreword for kids even I don't want to.
Thank for nice wishes. I feel better to read all that0 -
I'm truly believe counseling doesn't work! Other person with own problems will telling me how to live ? I don't think so0
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I'm truly believe counseling doesn't work! Other person with own problems will telling me how to live ? I don't think so
It can if both people are willing to make it work....that is the tough part.0 -
I'm truly believe counseling doesn't work! Other person with own problems will telling me how to live ? I don't think so
It can if both people are willing to make it work....that is the tough part.
That is key "both".
It has helped for my daughter.0 -
I know my mom was miserable. She didn't have the strength to break up the family until after my sister and I were in college and away from home. I wish she did it sooner so she could be happier. I think we would've been a lot happier if we didn't have to worry about keeping my angry dad happy.
I don't know your situation but best of luck and good wishes on whatever you decide.0 -
I'm truly believe counseling doesn't work! Other person with own problems will telling me how to live ? I don't think so
It can if both people are willing to make it work....that is the tough
I think If something fell apart (usually is cheating) I don't see a point to repair it. It will always come back to the problem that destroyed everything.0 -
I'm truly believe counseling doesn't work! Other person with own problems will telling me how to live ? I don't think so
It can if both people are willing to make it work....that is the tough part.
That is key "both".
It has helped for my daughter.
With kids is different.0 -
Divorce is like any other grief process you just cannot put a time line on it as everyone is different. For me it took a long time even though I initiated the divorce. It was soul destroying when married just over a year (together 7 in total) I found she had cheated with an ex boyfriend. We also tried counseling but all it did for me was prove she didn't love me so I ended it. There were lots of hard days but they did get better and eventually went away.
The best advice I can give anyone is accept that some days will be tough, sometimes you will cry and sometimes you will be angry but counter it all by doing something positive...don't let your bad day spiral into a weekend, week or month. Go for a walk, a run, do some DIY anything that breaks the downward spiral and gets you moving forward again.0 -
Life after divorce is as scary as you make it. Having children makes things more complicated since you and your former partner have a shared responsibility. For their sake and to model appropriate behaviour for your children, it is necessary to put the interests of the children first for both parents. Some folks struggle with that through the grieving process, especially if the divorce was acrimonious.
Being scared is natural since there are plenty of unknowns and some of the "knowns" have now changed. Know that there are others who have walked this path before you and we're available to offer advice.
One of the best pieces of advice I got was to take my time before considering even looking for another relationship. I think that would be even more important for someone with small children. The same person who offered that advice also suggested counselling but I was already seeing a pshrink stemming out of failed couples counselling.0 -
I'm on that precipice so close to leaving. The thought is scary for some reason even thought I intellectually know I can take care of us all by myself.0
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I divorced my first husband just over 4 years ago. It felt like the world was ending at the time but I'm so much happier now than I ever was in that marriage, even before it all went awry. It was scary for awhile, just like any change is scary (especially a big one like that).0
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The best advice I can give anyone is accept that some days will be tough, sometimes you will cry and sometimes you will be angry but counter it all by doing something positive...don't let your bad day spiral into a weekend, week or month. Go for a walk, a run, do some DIY anything that breaks the downward spiral and gets you moving forward again.
^^^This. Seriously. Walking keeps me from going batty on bad days.0 -
It is scary...but awesome.. then again I am pretty young and going through a divorce and only have to worry about my fur babies...Never been single before in my 20s and it is pretty dang awesome. The freedom is pretty eye opening actually.0
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I find my life got a lot more peaceful after the divorce. Much less stress.0
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I don't have kids but divorce was still scary. My poor exhusband became extremely mentally disturbed and paranoid and had a total breakdown and refused treatment. He wound up fleeing the country, convinced that I was out to get him. We had a wonderful relationship and never even had a serious argument. it took me two years and traveling half way around the world to seek help for him before I finally determined that the best thing for both of us would be divorce. It was the most heart wrenching thing I've ever had to do. I felt like I was abandoning him at the time when he was completely helpless but any time I tried to reach out to him, it seemed to make him worse.. so I decided to leave it in his family's hands. The guilt was immense.0
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I suspect many folks don't realize that counselling serves a purpose other than saving relationships.I'm truly believe counseling doesn't work! Other person with own problems will telling me how to live ? I don't think so
The purpose most counselling serves to fully open the can of worms and then dump the contents on the floor.
If you want to work together to clean it up, then your marriage survives. If it turns into the blame game or worse, then the marriage doesn't survive. Either way, the counselling helps you to decide. What you do after that is up to you.
In my case, my ex stormed out of the first counsellor's offices because she wanted to blame everything on me and the psychologist was calling her on it. Since we were at teetering on the edge, I offered my ex an opportunity to choose another counsellor and try again. She did... and we did... and the second counsellor terminated our counselling within a couple of visits because, again, my ex wasn't accepting responsibility for her actions.0 -
Scariest yet best decision I ever made. Even when facing some challenges currently, I feel like I'm myself again.0
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Scariest yet best decision I ever made. Even when facing some challenges currently, I feel like I'm myself again.
I'm pretty sure that's my best decision ever. Huge stone fell off from my chest0 -
hope your counseling works
Same here! Counseling for us was the nail in the coffin. Some people see success, for us it was the opposite.
^^This for me too. Once in counseling all the dirty laundry was aired and we both realized it was done.
In my experience the best thing you can do for you, is to not act like a big victim. Your friends and family will quickly get tired of hearing about what a jerk he was and that everything was his fault. Very few relationship failures are one sided. The sooner you can stop pointing blame and live your life free of the mess, the better off you'll be.
I started dating about 6 months after my divorce and had the time of my life meeting lots of new people!!0 -
Bump0
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Divorced since June 2013 after 26.5 years of marriage, my decision. I love it! My only regret is that I waited so long.0
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This topic turn in other direction. It's to late for counseling! I ask about life AFTER divorce!0
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I will never marry again.
Good call.0 -
Divorced since June 2013 after 26.5 years of marriage, my decision. I love it! My only regret is that I waited so long.
Thanks you0 -
We didn't have children, but the period during/after my first marriage ending was the most amazing. Sure, it was terrifying, that's why it took me over a year to actually do it. But afterwards, I've never felt so right, so in control, and so free.0
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It can be at times, but it isn't always. I've been a single mom for 3 years. My ex is around so I do get some help, though not much. The things is, you are going to have hundreds of emotions as you go through this and it takes time to process them all. I have one piece of advice. Make sure you identify your emotions as just that. Emotions. They aren't logical and I have seen a ton of people, myself included, hurt more in the aftermath by reacting poorly to their own emotions than by anything else about the divorce.
I will never say I'm glad I got divorced. I didn't want it. I don't like divorce. I wish my ex and I could have worked things out. But we couldn't. So I work with what I have. One thing I can say as a single mom, is be prepared to do it all 100% just you. If your ex carries his weight great! But if he doesn't you still are prepared to care for yourself and your child. A good friends and family support system can go a long way too!0 -
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