This seriously breaks my heart on a daily basis

melissay28
melissay28 Posts: 100 Member
in Chit-Chat
Public school has been in session since the beginning of August here. My son goes to a private school and started a couple weeks after the public school kids.

Almost every morning on the way to drop him off I see this one girl always walking by herself. She goes to the middle school across the street from our house (I only know this because the kids here wear their school t-shirt everyday as part of a uniform). Everyday that I see her she is wearing the same clothes, her hair is always a mess and she is always walking alone, even when there is a group of kids close by. She wears capri jeans that are very obviously too big for her, shin height leather boots. We live in Hawaii...its HOT on our side of the island. It breaks my heart that for the past month this girl has worn the same outfit everyday to school. If I, as a passerby in traffic, notice this I know the kids that she goes to school with do too, and probably pick on her. I wish that I could stop her and give her a bunch of clothes! But I'm sure that would put me on the news for being a nut job that is harassing kids lol! I understand not every family can provide a lot of clothes for their children, but as a parent and the kid who got picked on for not always having the most up to date clothes why would you only provide your kid with one outfit?

I don't know what I can do, if anything. I wish there was something I could do though. Kids are mean and who knows what else may be going on in this little girls life already.

What would you do in this situation?
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Replies

  • cranshinibon
    cranshinibon Posts: 129 Member
    Ask the school if you could give an anonymous donation to their house. I wouldn't give monetary gift, but perhaps some clothes / school supplies could help her out. They won't give you her address, but if you tell them what you saw, they could perhaps do that for you instead, which would also seem much less embarassing to the family if they receive it without knowing you were the one that gave it.
  • RaeLB
    RaeLB Posts: 1,216 Member
    I agree, anonymous donation through the school to the parents.
  • Miss_1999
    Miss_1999 Posts: 747 Member
    That broke my heart reading it. I agree with the above poster. I'd go to the school, maybe describe the child, and let them know, you're a parent, not some creeper, you don't want the child's name, or any information, the only thing you'd like is to know clothing/shoe sizes. You'd like to bring them to the teacher to give to the child. I have a feeling the school already knows this is a most likely a situation where the parents don't have a lot, OR the parents are neglecting and their hands are tied. Either way, I'm sure they would be glad to have someone helping. Community outreach *at least around here* is something that is much appreciated. Giving back where you can is a great thing. Please, keep us posted on this!
  • chelseafxx
    chelseafxx Posts: 251 Member
    Ask the school if you could give an anonymous donation to their house. I wouldn't give monetary gift, but perhaps some clothes / school supplies could help her out. They won't give you her address, but if you tell them what you saw, they could perhaps do that for you instead, which would also seem much less embarassing to the family if they receive it without knowing you were the one that gave it.

    Yes, this. I would try and talk to the school first if you really want to. For all you know there may be a lot of other moms like you that drive by and want to do the same thing. Maybe someone already has and the donations have been denied. Unfortunately you never really know until you just do something and find out.
  • AllOutof_Bubblegum
    AllOutof_Bubblegum Posts: 3,646 Member
    ^agreed^
  • Tammy_1971
    Tammy_1971 Posts: 93 Member
    Ask the school if you could give an anonymous donation to their house. I wouldn't give monetary gift, but perhaps some clothes / school supplies could help her out. They won't give you her address, but if you tell them what you saw, they could perhaps do that for you instead, which would also seem much less embarassing to the family if they receive it without knowing you were the one that gave it.

    THIS... definately!!
  • melissay28
    melissay28 Posts: 100 Member
    That's a good idea. Maybe I can send an email to a guidance counselor or principal. I of course don't know her name or grade but I can describe what she wears and about what time she gets to school each day, I'm sure she would be pretty easy to spot.

    I told my husband if I wouldn't get arrested for kidnapping I'd take her to Ross after school & buy her a few pairs of pants and tell her you don't have to tell your mom and dad who bought them for you just a gift.
  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,219 Member
    Maybe that's all she wants to wear? In middle school I had exactly two outfits that I wore. They were not fashionable, but I hated everything else.
  • kgeyser
    kgeyser Posts: 22,505 Member
    I think this is tricky, because you don't know the child or the family's situation. They might be in need financially, or the pants and boots could have belonged to a parent who recently passed away and the kid doesn't want to take them off.

    If you want to help, contact the school, say you've noticed this student in your neighborhood, you don't know the family's situation but you would like to offer to provide them with some clothes and school supplies for her if needed. The school will have a better idea how to approach the family or if/how assistance is needed.
  • tabicatinthehat
    tabicatinthehat Posts: 329 Member
    You don't know her situation. You're basing everything on assumptions. Maybe she's wearing that because she wants to. When I was in middle school I always wore jackets. I live in Louisiana, so it's almost never necessary, but sure enough I did. My family hated it, but it was "just kids."
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    Yeah, I would have assumed "weird teenager" before assuming that her parents can't afford more than one pair of pants and shoes.

    Also, it's possibly she's on the autism spectrum. My autistic 13 year old niece is very particular about her clothing.
  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
    I know Hawaii, and especially Oahu (if you're there). My question would be, are you sure she even has a home? I would doubt it with as many campers as there are over there.

    I don't think taking this girl shopping is the answer. I would ask the school about it first and then go from there. I am always hesitant to get involved in things like this. Parents don't often want interference from others.
  • melissay28
    melissay28 Posts: 100 Member
    I agree with the points of a favorite outfit. I did it in school, hell I still have favorites! I grew up in North Carolina & wore jackets almost everyday in middle and high school, because it was like a freezer in both schools year round.

    I don't know the girl or her situation, but I would also like to be able to help if I can.
  • melissay28
    melissay28 Posts: 100 Member
    I am on Oahu, but not Waikiki, where the majority of the camping happens. There are some camps close to us, but on the beach.

    I really wouldn't just grab her up and say lets go shopping because if someone did it to my son I would freak out! I guess I just have a huge heart, especially when it comes to kids.
  • free1220
    free1220 Posts: 416 Member
    I know that churches would also take interest in such matters.
  • _Terrapin_
    _Terrapin_ Posts: 4,301 Member
    An option is the school counselor. Our district has food/clothes banks which receive the names of the families (from the counselors in our district) who are either 1. Homeless 2. Financially destitute 3. Single parent(various situations) This is done discreetly and the families are provided food and clothing as needed. Hope this helps.
  • longtimeterp
    longtimeterp Posts: 614 Member
    Every kid in my neighborhood walks by my house every day wearing the same clothes...called the school uniform? am i missing something? If they wore something different they would most likely end up in detention or sent home i think? isn't that why schools have uniforms so the kids all wear the same thing?

    Not to mention, when i was in middle school, i had like two pairs of shorts i wore all year, even in the winter, cause i liked the shorts...kids can be weird at that age, i was!
  • WeepingAngel81
    WeepingAngel81 Posts: 2,232 Member
    Every kid in my neighborhood walks by my house every day wearing the same clothes...called the school uniform? am i missing something? If they wore something different they would most likely end up in detention or sent home i think? isn't that why schools have uniforms so the kids all wear the same thing?

    Not to mention, when i was in middle school, i had like two pairs of shorts i wore all year, even in the winter, cause i liked the shorts...kids can be weird at that age, i was!

    I was confused by that as well. Are they only required to wear the school shirt and then can wear whatever they want for pants and shoes? If that's the case, maybe those capris are her favorites. My kids only have one pair of shoes, because they seem to favor one pair over the others. I don't bother buying more until they need them because they won't wear them. At that age, I had a handful of things I liked to wear, mostly because I couldn't care less about fashion. I only wanted comfort. If it itched, it was out. If it was baggy, it was in. Call the school if you still feel like her family may need some help. I'm sure they would appreciate it if they do, but don't get too broken up until you know what's going on.
  • melissay28
    melissay28 Posts: 100 Member
    Here the public elementary and middle kids only have to wear their school's t-shirt as their uniform, whatever goes on for bottoms is up to the kids, with the exception of short shorts on girls are not allowed.
  • longtimeterp
    longtimeterp Posts: 614 Member
    all the kids are in khakis...albeit some in cargos, some in slacks, some in shorts, and some in long skirts, but ALLLL khaki (so glad i'm not a kid today!)
  • melissay28
    melissay28 Posts: 100 Member
    My son is so used to uniforms that the appeal of "regular" clothes for school isn't there for him. Being in private school his uniform is more strict and of course more expensive :-/ $10.00 for 3 pairs of socks bc they have the schools initials on them, a specific type of shorts from a specific company only in navy. My husband is in the military so all I wash are uniforms! I'm the only non-uniform wearer!

    When I was in school I definitely wouldn't have wanted to wear a uniform but now that so many schools are going towards uniforms it isn't a bad idea. It helps cut down on the "who has what's" that I remember in school.
  • mereditheve
    mereditheve Posts: 142 Member
    I want to offer another perspective. Going through this girl's school is the most intrusive way of simply giving her a gift. How would you feel if I went to your boss after seeing your work outfits weren't very stylish, and asked that your boss give you some new suits that I would pay for? It would be humiliating! Not only did some unknown stranger notice you, but instead of having the courage to stop you and simply show a kind gesture, they are now intruding in your work life.

    Give the girl a gift card for a nearby clothing store so she can pick out some new clothes if she wants. Show some kindness directly -- that's what kindness is.
  • 970Mikaela1
    970Mikaela1 Posts: 2,013 Member
    Maybe that's all she wants to wear? In middle school I had exactly two outfits that I wore. They were not fashionable, but I hated everything else.

    my daughter wears the same yoga pants about everyday. she has a several of the same colors. she also wears flip flops in the snow. she is very much a pain in my *kitten*.
  • CJisinShape
    CJisinShape Posts: 1,404 Member
    Thank you for caring.
  • CJisinShape
    CJisinShape Posts: 1,404 Member
    I want to offer another perspective. Going through this girl's school is the most intrusive way of simply giving her a gift. How would you feel if I went to your boss after seeing your work outfits weren't very stylish, and asked that your boss give you some new suits that I would pay for? It would be humiliating! Not only did some unknown stranger notice you, but instead of having the courage to stop you and simply show a kind gesture, they are now intruding in your work life.

    Give the girl a gift card for a nearby clothing store so she can pick out some new clothes if she wants. Show some kindness directly -- that's what kindness is.

    I'm going to second this. Good idea!
  • rachelesmfp
    rachelesmfp Posts: 24
    I really wonder if approaching the school will cause unnecessary grief for the parents. Being poor is not the end of the world. Having been there a roof and food is more important than whether or not you can afford brand new clothes. I for one buy clothes a little big for my boys because I want more than a months wear out of them before I have to buy new ones (they grow up so quickly). My kids have had to do with things from goodwill in the past, it didnt kill them.
    Maybe she insists she does her hair in the morning and doesnt want her mum to do it.
    There are a lot of explanations...
  • RavenLibra
    RavenLibra Posts: 1,737 Member
    My kid is 15... and she chooses to wear the same freaking clothes until the clothes run and hide from her... WHAT REALLY IRKS ME ABOUT my KID ( A GIRL btw) IS THAT... we used to spend close to $2k every August for clothes... THEN turn around and donate almost the entire wad of clothes to charity at the end of the school year... so this year... 10 minutes and $50 bucks at WalMart and we were DONE!!! and the kid was actually happy... SO.. don't assume... if you really want to know the score and help.. follow her home... then ring the doorbell and have a chat with her parents...
  • dMonster01
    dMonster01 Posts: 214 Member
    When I was that age I wore the exact same outfit every day on purpose. Maybe she just likes it a lot? And what does messy hair have to do with her being poor?
  • rachelesmfp
    rachelesmfp Posts: 24
    When I was that age I wore the exact same outfit every day on purpose. Maybe she just likes it a lot? And what does messy hair have to do with her being poor?

    I thought messy hair was the done thing at the moment. I see countless teens with a giant fizzy mop sticking out all over and in their face and out from under hats.
  • hopingtoloseweightthistime
    hopingtoloseweightthistime Posts: 24 Member
    I think that it is great that you want to help her.

    If you see her alone everyday then maybe you can approach her and tell her that you received a gift of clothes that cannot be returned and they don't fit your child but look like they would fit her. You can say that you don't want it to go to waste and it looks just her size. I think that that is less embarressing for a child than to have her teacher who she sees everyday approach her. If she is interested then you can tell her that the next day you will bring them to the bus stop or wherever you met so that she isn't concerned about meeting with a stranger. That's what I would do to ensure that she doesn't feel bad that she's getting charity.

    I just saw mereditheve's advice to give a gift voucher and I like that idea more! I think that it is perfect as it will enable her to buy what she wants with minimal embarressment.

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