This seriously breaks my heart on a daily basis

Options
124

Replies

  • HeatherBrookmyer
    HeatherBrookmyer Posts: 41 Member
    Options
    That broke my heart reading it. I agree with the above poster. I'd go to the school, maybe describe the child, and let them know, you're a parent, not some creeper, you don't want the child's name, or any information, the only thing you'd like is to know clothing/shoe sizes. You'd like to bring them to the teacher to give to the child. I have a feeling the school already knows this is a most likely a situation where the parents don't have a lot, OR the parents are neglecting and their hands are tied. Either way, I'm sure they would be glad to have someone helping. Community outreach *at least around here* is something that is much appreciated. Giving back where you can is a great thing. Please, keep us posted on this!

    This and... We have a foundation set-up by our school district/PTO perhaps you could see if your district has something similar? If not, start one:) Our Foundation services many different areas, clothing/furniture/school supplies. Donationas are always accepted and appreciated! The families in need are "referred" by the school guidance counselors". It's a great program.
  • _Zardoz_
    _Zardoz_ Posts: 3,987 Member
    Options
    I used to wear a battered blue jumper with holes no matter the temperature even when it hit 30 degree (Celsius). One day someone stole the washing off our line (including my beloved Jumper). My stepfather was out one day and saw someone wearing it and arrested them (he was a Prison officer who has the the same powers of arrest as the police). When it went to court the magistrate asked how he new 100% it was my Jumper. His response 'When you see a scruffy unclean teenager who wears the same clothes 24/7 no matter the weather and no matter how clean you cant mistake the stains and holes on said jumper it;s as good as a finger print!'

    Someones clothes or friends are not a guide to how well they are looked after or the money they have.
  • bugaboo_sue
    bugaboo_sue Posts: 552 Member
    Options
    Perhaps she is wearing the same out fit every day because she likes it.

    Or she has several pairs of pants and shirts that look alike. She also could have some really unruly hair that no matter what she does with it nothing tames it. Sometimes I put on the same clothes at home because it's what's out and my hair is a mess. Does that make me homeless?

    You honestly don't know what the girls situation is or what her home situation is and if I were a parent and the school came to me with an anonymous donation of clothes because a "well meaning" individual thinks I don't have enough money to clothe my kids (which again you don't know what the situation is but lets just assume that this family does have the money) I'd be a bit put off by it.

    The point is that while your intentions are good you don't know what the situation is. Until you are 100% sure that perhaps the family can't afford clothes or what have you I'd leave it alone and like someone said do a general donation of clothes to the school or some other charity and not single out this one girl. Like you said it is possible that she gets picked on in school and you know darn well that it will get around that someone donated clothes for her specifically. How bad do you think she'll get picked on for something like that?
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    Options
    Obviously I don't know the exact situation, but I can tell you that my wonderful daughter (who owns more clothes than my husband and I combined) insists on wearing the same jean shorts to school every single day. I have begged and pleaded with her to change her clothes. I am constantly washing them. .

    I am constantly washing them. ARE YOU KIDDING ME, those shorts would disappear. You are the parent, you are in charge, you make the rules.

    Well the kid runs the household and pays no bills.
  • GBrady43068
    GBrady43068 Posts: 1,256 Member
    Options
    I would ask the school about it first and then go from there. I am always hesitant to get involved in things like this. Parents don't often want interference from others.
    ^This

    BUT...

    If the school is able to advise the situation is as you believe, then the anonymous clothes route.
  • GiveMeCoffee
    GiveMeCoffee Posts: 3,556 Member
    Options
    Obviously I don't know the exact situation, but I can tell you that my wonderful daughter (who owns more clothes than my husband and I combined) insists on wearing the same jean shorts to school every single day. I have begged and pleaded with her to change her clothes. I am constantly washing them. .

    I am constantly washing them. ARE YOU KIDDING ME, those shorts would disappear. You are the parent, you are in charge, you make the rules.

    Having survived 3 teenagers, there's a thing called picking your battles. And as long as the clothes they are wearing are covering them and not inappropriate that isn't a battle worth fighting.
  • mommyrunning
    mommyrunning Posts: 495 Member
    Options
    Obviously I don't know the exact situation, but I can tell you that my wonderful daughter (who owns more clothes than my husband and I combined) insists on wearing the same jean shorts to school every single day. I have begged and pleaded with her to change her clothes. I am constantly washing them. .

    I am constantly washing them. ARE YOU KIDDING ME, those shorts would disappear. You are the parent, you are in charge, you make the rules.

    Well the kid runs the household and pays no bills.

    We are talking about wearing a pair of shorts not disrespecting your parents or not doing chores. I let my 6 year old pick out her clothes. I may not always love her choice but as long as they are clean, appropriate, and fit I have no problem letting her choose what to wear. I kind of like the idea of a kid who cares more about their own opinion of their clothes than that of other kids/people. I see it as a form of self esteem and an asset. Wanting to wear your favorite shorts to school everyday is not a big deal.
  • ink_b1tch
    ink_b1tch Posts: 101
    Options
    Looks that way....those shorts would be gone, and that is a battle worth picking. I got 3 teenage or preteen girls, I am not doing wash daily, Friday only
  • mommyrunning
    mommyrunning Posts: 495 Member
    Options
    Looks that way....those shorts would be gone, and that is a battle worth picking. I got 3 teenage or preteen girls, I am not doing wash daily, Friday only

    I do agree that if they want to wear the same thing everyday then it would be appropriate to require them to wash them themselves. But if they are willing to do the work then I see no harm in letting them wear the same ones. Though if it's their favorite maybe buying a few pairs would be good.
  • Therealobi1
    Therealobi1 Posts: 3,261 Member
    Options
    Years ago I had some young colleagues who came from quite privileged backgrounds but looking at their clothes you wouldnt be able to tell. One of the guys topped it off by not bathing on a regular basis. If you saw these guys on the road you would think no money, but when you spoke to them and saw their houses then you knew them properly. You have to do your research before deciding what to do. If you go to the school I am sure they wont tell you much due to privacy, so you might have to see if you can get to know the parents.

    I personally hate the idea of giving the child some clothes or gift tokens directly. Some of us were taught do not talk to strangers and do not take anything for strangers. My daughter comes home with a gift from a friend I am telling her off for taking it let alone if she was to come back with a gift from a stranger on the road.

    What really breaks my heart is hearing children stealing food from other kids packed lunches, or in the news recently how children miss out on meals during summer holidays.
  • Galatea_Stone
    Galatea_Stone Posts: 2,037 Member
    Options
    Obviously I don't know the exact situation, but I can tell you that my wonderful daughter (who owns more clothes than my husband and I combined) insists on wearing the same jean shorts to school every single day. I have begged and pleaded with her to change her clothes. I am constantly washing them. .

    I am constantly washing them. ARE YOU KIDDING ME, those shorts would disappear. You are the parent, you are in charge, you make the rules.

    Until you 8 year old daughter is in the garage in the trash can with tears streaming down her face in a panic over them, that is. When she digs them out and is crying real tears, you realize that children are people entitled to their on personal sense of style. My daughter wore a pair of jean shorts to school today that she tries to put on every morning. Today it wasn't worth the argument, and she left happy. I also got to sit and enjoy helping her with her reading instead of screaming about a pair of hideous jean shorts.

    My daughter is very much like me. She has a closet full of pretty clothes, and she sometimes leaves the house looking like a bag lady. Stripes with plaids with mismatched socks and all. Her dad's a lawyer. If someone showed up at our big house with clothes for her, I'd laugh, but I'd tell them to eff off.
  • ink_b1tch
    ink_b1tch Posts: 101
    Options
    Obviously I don't know the exact situation, but I can tell you that my wonderful daughter (who owns more clothes than my husband and I combined) insists on wearing the same jean shorts to school every single day. I have begged and pleaded with her to change her clothes. I am constantly washing them. .

    I am constantly washing them. ARE YOU KIDDING ME, those shorts would disappear. You are the parent, you are in charge, you make the rules.

    Until you 8 year old daughter is in the garage in the trash can with tears streaming down her face in a panic over them, that is. When she digs them out and is crying real tears, you realize that children are people entitled to their on personal sense of style. My daughter wore a pair of jean shorts to school today that she tries to put on every morning. Today it wasn't worth the argument, and she left happy. I also got to sit and enjoy helping her with her reading instead of screaming about a pair of hideous jean shorts.

    My daughter is very much like me. She has a closet full of pretty clothes, and she sometimes leaves the house looking like a bag lady. Stripes with plaids with mismatched socks and all. Her dad's a lawyer. If someone showed up at our big house with clothes for her, I'd laugh, but I'd tell them to eff off.

    I never allowed the habit to form so that ^^this did not happen with my 3 girls btw 19, 13, 11. Been through some tears but letting them become spoiled with bad habits,NO, just No! Have fun with that as she turns 13!
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    Options
    Obviously I don't know the exact situation, but I can tell you that my wonderful daughter (who owns more clothes than my husband and I combined) insists on wearing the same jean shorts to school every single day. I have begged and pleaded with her to change her clothes. I am constantly washing them. .

    I am constantly washing them. ARE YOU KIDDING ME, those shorts would disappear. You are the parent, you are in charge, you make the rules.

    Until you 8 year old daughter is in the garage in the trash can with tears streaming down her face in a panic over them, that is. When she digs them out and is crying real tears, you realize that children are people entitled to their on personal sense of style. My daughter wore a pair of jean shorts to school today that she tries to put on every morning. Today it wasn't worth the argument, and she left happy. I also got to sit and enjoy helping her with her reading instead of screaming about a pair of hideous jean shorts.

    My daughter is very much like me. She has a closet full of pretty clothes, and she sometimes leaves the house looking like a bag lady. Stripes with plaids with mismatched socks and all. Her dad's a lawyer. If someone showed up at our big house with clothes for her, I'd laugh, but I'd tell them to eff off.

    I never allowed the habit to form so that ^^this did not happen with my 3 girls btw 19, 13, 11. Been through some tears but letting them become spoiled with bad habits,NO, just No! Have fun with that as she turns 13!

    How about teach your 8 year old to hand wash her favorite jeans? Boom kill two birds with one stone.
  • GiveMeCoffee
    GiveMeCoffee Posts: 3,556 Member
    Options
    Looks that way....those shorts would be gone, and that is a battle worth picking. I got 3 teenage or preteen girls, I am not doing wash daily, Friday only

    My kids learned to do laundry early on, that was a battle worth fighting for me. But choosing what they wanted to wear.. nope like I said unless it was inappropriate definitely not worth fighting.
  • The_Raspberry
    The_Raspberry Posts: 84 Member
    Options
    I am a social worker and I work doing family assessments and helping children and families in need. And the things you describe are very common signs of neglect and/or poverty. They doesn't have to be, but they can be. I also didn't get how old the kid is, so it depends on that.

    I work in sweden, so I understand that the help offered to families in need in the states are different. Here, the school would be obliged to contact social services and then we would be the ones deciding if there is a need to take it further. (at least if the school has any worries). Being poor is not a valid reason here for your child to not have clothing, we have social welfare and it is your duty as a parent to make sure that your child have clothes for summer/winter and enough to be clean. Oubviously still a lot less than not poor children. If the parents can't do this, part of my job in doing this would be to see if they need any help. Do they know how to apply for social welfare, do they know how to make a budget, are there abuse or other problems getting in the way? Then we try to help them with this.

    So here in Sweden, contacting social services, would be the right thing to do. That probably doesn't help you at all because the US is different, and social services there don't work the same way (I wouldn't know). But I thought I offer the information anyways.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    Options
    I am a social worker and I work doing family assessments and helping children and families in need. And the things you describe are very common signs of neglect and/or poverty. They doesn't have to be, but they can be. I also didn't get how old the kid is, so it depends on that.

    I work in sweden, so I understand that the help offered to families in need in the states are different. Here, the school would be obliged to contact social services and then we would be the ones deciding if there is a need to take it further. (at least if the school has any worries). Being poor is not a valid reason here for your child to not have clothing, we have social welfare and it is your duty as a parent to make sure that your child have clothes for summer/winter and enough to be clean. Oubviously still a lot less than not poor children. If the parents can't do this, part of my job in doing this would be to see if they need any help. Do they know how to apply for social welfare, do they know how to make a budget, are there abuse or other problems getting in the way? Then we try to help them with this.

    So here in Sweden, contacting social services, would be the right thing to do. That probably doesn't help you at all because the US is different, and social services there don't work the same way (I wouldn't know). But I thought I offer the information anyways.

    This is a terrible idea... :noway: :huh:
  • FoodFitnessTravel
    FoodFitnessTravel Posts: 294 Member
    Options
    this made me cry. i want to adopt her
  • The_Raspberry
    The_Raspberry Posts: 84 Member
    Options
    I am a social worker and I work doing family assessments and helping children and families in need. And the things you describe are very common signs of neglect and/or poverty. They doesn't have to be, but they can be. I also didn't get how old the kid is, so it depends on that.

    I work in sweden, so I understand that the help offered to families in need in the states are different. Here, the school would be obliged to contact social services and then we would be the ones deciding if there is a need to take it further. (at least if the school has any worries). Being poor is not a valid reason here for your child to not have clothing, we have social welfare and it is your duty as a parent to make sure that your child have clothes for summer/winter and enough to be clean. Oubviously still a lot less than not poor children. If the parents can't do this, part of my job in doing this would be to see if they need any help. Do they know how to apply for social welfare, do they know how to make a budget, are there abuse or other problems getting in the way? Then we try to help them with this.

    So here in Sweden, contacting social services, would be the right thing to do. That probably doesn't help you at all because the US is different, and social services there don't work the same way (I wouldn't know). But I thought I offer the information anyways.

    This is a terrible idea... :noway: :huh:

    Haha, yes, it probably is over there. Becuase it doesn't work the same over there as it does here. Which is why I wrote that it probably won't help at all. Just thought it could be a good idea to share how it would be handled in another system. sorry if confusing.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    Options
    this made me cry. i want to adopt her

    Would skinny bf like that?
  • Galatea_Stone
    Galatea_Stone Posts: 2,037 Member
    Options
    Two words, OP.

    Skate punk.

Categories