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Being Fat and a Gay Male

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  • Jemellc
    Jemellc Posts: 308 Member
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    I totally understand where your coming from and feel the same way you do.... and yes like the guy said above ^ confidence.
    I do believe that gay men are attracted to other fit, gay men. It has to be a guy thing though not just gays... like guys, more than girls are known to be masc and always in the GYM. Cant really explain but yeah.
    If you were to look on craigslist... where I live for instance I don't know about anywhere else... a lot of the posts say MUST be fit or beyond HWP.
  • JojoW8183
    JojoW8183 Posts: 540 Member
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    For a community that talks about "acceptance" like a mantra, I experienced the harshest rejection in the gay (male) community based on my appearance. I'm not as fat as I used to be but I'm still bitter about how I was treated. I feel like I was seen as nothing more than fat and ugly.

    This may not be any consolation, but it's like that everywhere. If you take a look at the "community" of large, bbw, or overweight women screaming about equality and acceptance, you'll find that most of them judge and criticize anyone smaller than them. I've received so many stupid comments about not being "curvy" enough to be considered curvy, or that I'm to small to be a plus model. These same groups will tell men that having bellies is gross and men shouldn't wear tights. They will also trash any conventionally thin woman and assume she's thin because she has an eating disorder. They'll rant about how they're not really sexy, and how real men don't like their kind.

    I'm a firm believer in "there's a flavor for every taste" so there will always be someone out there that is into your "look", so the important thing should be not what others think about you, but what YOU think about yourself. Are you happy with yourself? Do you think you need to improve certain things about yourself? If you do, then do it for yourself. Don't do it for anyone else. As cliche as it may sound, you need to make yourself happy first, and love yourself. If you love yourself, you won't give a rat's *kitten* about the opinions of others. Oh and one more thing...confidence can go a very long way. Everyone's got their own insecurities, and most people have enough with those, they don't want to deal with someone else's as well. Besides, if you're not confident, it's reflected in everything you do.
  • Jemellc
    Jemellc Posts: 308 Member
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    I almost think it's a bit harder in the gay community being a big guy. The gay community, sadly, is very unaccepting. If I had a nickel for every social media profile I saw that said 'no fats, no fems' I'd have a lot of money. A lot are even racist. It often feels like if you're not ripped with a six pack that you're ugly, and if you're overweight well you're the ugliest! I know that feeling all too well. I even studied the phenomenon back when I was in school. It's why I don't like the gay community (despite the fact I'm "a part of it." Bleh).

    All in all though, haters are gonna hate. There are people in the gay community who like bigger guys. It feels like they're rare, but they're there. What you can do though is keep working on your goal! But don't do it just to appease the gym bunny gays. Do it for you! I agree with the other people in this thread. Be proud of what you've accomplished and keep accomplishing!

    And to be honest, most of those super fit gays are soooo shallow you don't want to be friends with them anyways. They're terrible people to be around. More often than not, even if you have a perfect body, they'll find something else to nitpick at just because they're so shallow. I'm sure some of them are very nice, but from personal experience I've learned a lot aren't (at least in regards to other gays, especially the 'non-conventional' kinds).

    True ^
    Like others have said you are going to be judged no matter what. Use it as fuel lol.
    I personally don't give a f what someone else says or think (Sorry not sorry I am just a little too confident) why because again people judge for petty ish.
    Just be yourself, be fit, and be happy because YOU want to.
  • dMonster01
    dMonster01 Posts: 214 Member
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    Stop feeling sorry for yourself for starters. Focus on being healthy and happy - the rest will follow.
  • Miss_1999
    Miss_1999 Posts: 747 Member
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    I absolutely hate saying using the phrase "I have friends who are gay", because it sounds like I'm trying to section off and label my friends, but the truth of the matter is, over half of my friends are gay males. My heart breaks for you, because I've seen what you're going through time, and time again. I've watched some of my friends get their hearts broken, and be overlooked, or discriminated against in their own *community* for their size. BUT, with that said, I've also seen some amazing, loving accepting people, who cared about the person, NOT the size of the body, but the size of the heart. I've seen users, who didn't care what size a person was, they were out for whatever they could get, then I've seen people of all sizes, and ages find love and happiness. Some others on here have given you excellent advice. Before you can find a boyfriend, and expect it to work, you've got to work on YOU.

    You need to love yourself, first. You're a good person! You've got good qualities! Sit down, today/tonight, and make a list of things that are good. Maybe things such as, talents you have, are you a helpful to your family/friends? Are you a good listener? And set some goals. They can be weight related or not. Maybe career related, or a trip you might want to take, or even something as simple as organizing a get together with friends. Realize that you're a person with worth, just because not everyone can see it, doesn't mean your worth decreases. Best wishes to you!
  • Going4Lean
    Going4Lean Posts: 1,078 Member
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    I am gay and i used to be over weight.
    I used to feel the same way, but i lost the weight and nothing has changed in my life.

    I came to the conclusion that it's how you perceive and represent yourself .
    You have to change your mind set and stop hating yourself, because people can usually pick up on that.
    I met different types of guys and no matter what you look like there will always be negative people out there.
  • Going4Lean
    Going4Lean Posts: 1,078 Member
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    Deleted
  • Jemellc
    Jemellc Posts: 308 Member
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    I am gay and i used to be over weight.
    I used to feel the same way, but i lost the weight and nothing has changed in my life.

    I came to the conclusion that it's how you perceive and represent yourself .
    You have to change your mind set and stop hating yourself, because people can usually pick up on that.
    I met different types of guys and no matter what you look like there will always be negative people out there.

    ^^ ????
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    Not everyone is going to like you. Just don't allow them to control your self image.

    this this this!!!!

    +2
  • WhatAnAss
    WhatAnAss Posts: 1,598 Member
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    Not everyone is going to like you. Just don't allow them to control your self image.

    this this this!!!!

    Yes!!! So much this!! Be who you are and focus on yourself and your health right now. If someone dont like you then so what...move on...it will be ok and tomorrow is a new day.
  • MizTerry
    MizTerry Posts: 3,763 Member
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    Why should you being gay matter in this thread? People will treat you ugly whether you're male and fat, female and fat, gay and fat, straight and fat, pygmie and fat, etc.

    It's how you view YOU that matters. Work toward a better YOU.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
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    Fat and Gay? Fat and Straight?

    Rejection is rejection.
  • Gnarles2
    Gnarles2 Posts: 48 Member
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    I am gay and i used to be over weight.
    I used to feel the same way, but i lost the weight and nothing has changed in my life.

    I came to the conclusion that it's how you perceive and represent yourself .
    You have to change your mind set and stop hating yourself, because people can usually pick up on that.
    I met different types of guys and no matter what you look like there will always be negative people out there.


    I agree with this 100%. When I go out with my friends I am there to have a good time. I do not care what people think about me because I am too busy laughing and having fun with my friends. Don't be so serious, just go and have fun! Dance and laugh and don't worry about other people. Eventually, your milkshake will bring all the boys to the yard. But in the meantime, you had tons of fun!