Anyone over 30 with no kids and not married

Tanie98
Tanie98 Posts: 675 Member
edited November 7 in Chit-Chat
Is anyone who is over 30 and not married and have no kids yet? I am 29 and I don't have either of those but when people ask thry always say "what are you waiting for"? I just feel like when its meant to happen it will happen and I don't really care about it.


So is it socially akward to be a certain age and not have children?
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Replies

  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    I'm 32 next week and don't want kids... I don't find it socially awkward...
  • aethre
    aethre Posts: 150 Member
    Just turned 30, don't want kids, not married. Except that's down to an awkward situation where I was engaged and then became not-engaged last year but we're still together. Or together again. Something like that. It's complicated.

    Anyway, for me it's pretty damn awkward. But I have friends who are not half as awkward as me about it :wink:

    Honestly, it's less awkward if you don't want kids, though. That clock, she ticks.
  • Anahita_Swims
    Anahita_Swims Posts: 4,127 Member
    28 and the above is true, also my friend is 37 and she's all the above too she's happy :)
  • PurringMyrrh
    PurringMyrrh Posts: 5,276 Member
    36, no marriage, no kids, and stoked about it...especially the no kids part.
  • ILoveGingerNut
    ILoveGingerNut Posts: 367 Member
    38, not married, no kids. happy but yes, a bit awkward when ALL of your friends have kids and you don't have much to do together...
  • LaserOctopus
    LaserOctopus Posts: 121 Member
    I'm 42, no kids, no dogs, no husband (or wife, for that matter). And quite happy that it worked out that way. I intentionally did what I could to make it work out that way...

    I'm certainly not the only one in my circle of friends. Nor among my coworkers.

    I don't find it socially awkward at all.

    Every once in a while I meet someone who completely loses their... shoes... about it, but that's their problem, not mine (and they all tend to be of the same type). I knew by about the age of 10 or so I wasn't interested in all of that. There are occasional boyfriends or arrangements with friends of the opposite sex, and that's plenty for me.
  • k8eekins
    k8eekins Posts: 2,264 Member
    Tanie98: Is anyone who is over 30 and not married and have no kids yet? I am 29 and I don't have either of those but when people ask thry always say "what are you waiting for"? I just feel like when its meant to happen it will happen and I don't really care about it. So is it socially akward to be a certain age and not have children?

    Reactively for me, an affirmative "Yes," now that I'm well over 30 the trespasses are rather grave, where some naturally assume that I'm no longer having my cycle or that I can't conceive and that I'm in dire need for matchups with good men they know who are single fathers, with the branding, "You'll make a great step mum." No woman wishes to be selected as an ideal parent primarily, for we are sensual sexual beings - first. Depending during some other parenting-dominated conversations, I'll simply grin in reaction to not-so-subtle oneliners in light banter amongst some friends (usually the older ones) to avoid more awkwardness. Children however, are a norm around me, since I'm defined by "the anomalies - no husband, no child(ren)" ~ I'm clearly not as busy and am always available in case of emergency, amongst friends who are parenting their children alone pretty much.

    In your early 30s, you really do have the time to secure a permanent relationship if one prospect leads you in that direction, as many do, only that for some of us, not one or some of those puts you back on-course; Some needed termination.

    ETA: To allow a man socially and romantically into one's life does not mean you wish to share a family with him, through the permanence of a child; Maintenance full-course protocols are necessary. When he is right, you'll know. In the meantime .... Truly grasp your absolute deal-breakers vs what works and what you'll possibly be open to for compromise.
  • SpicesOfLife
    SpicesOfLife Posts: 290 Member
    im 31, no kids, no husband. i do want those things, it just hasnt happened. i find the question "what are you waiting for?" a bit silly because you cant force it. im not gonna go marry the next guy i meet and have babies immediately just because im 31. i want it, but if its not meant to happen then i guess it wont.
  • zamphatta
    zamphatta Posts: 3 Member
    I'm 40, no kids, no marriage(s). I'm happy. I have a few friends around my age who are like this too.
  • jkal1979
    jkal1979 Posts: 1,896 Member
    I'm 35, widowed and no kids. I did want kids when I was in my early 20's and just married, but it didn't work out that way. After that ended and I started thinking about moving on I decided I didn't want kids. My parents are the only ones that have put pressure on me to have kids. I have been called selfish quite a bit though.
  • olehcat
    olehcat Posts: 92 Member
    43, no longer married, no kids, perfectly glad about it!
  • RachelInSpace
    RachelInSpace Posts: 23 Member
    I'm 32, engaged with no kids and happy this way. Neither of us want children. We dote on our dog, though. He's like our little baby. Having kids has never been important to me. My mom says I'll change my mind but she never pressures me or anything. Honestly, I don't think I'd be a very good mother... I love my nieces and nephews (I have about twelve, total) but I also love giving them back at the end of the day!
  • lynn1982
    lynn1982 Posts: 1,439 Member
    32 not married and no kids. I do want kids though. I actually find it more awkward around my friends who don't want kids since they assume that because I have none and am not in a relationship currently, that I too do not want kids. I get the "what are you waiting for" more from them than I do from friends and family who have kids/assume that I want them. Weird, I guess.

    I must add though that I have a cat whom I often refer to as my "fur baby" and post pictures of her all over instagram. Maybe that's why some people assume that I don't want kids?
  • silencioesoro
    silencioesoro Posts: 318 Member
    I get the "what are you waiting for?" from maybe 5 people in my life, the rest tell me: "good! You can wait! Life is still only just beginning."
  • singingflutelady
    singingflutelady Posts: 8,736 Member
    38 not married and no kids
  • SheBeButLittleSheisFierce
    SheBeButLittleSheisFierce Posts: 690 Member
    33 not married, no kids, no bf, and really, I'm ok.
  • athleteguy777
    athleteguy777 Posts: 217
    Is this a pseudo marriage proposal?
  • SheBeButLittleSheisFierce
    SheBeButLittleSheisFierce Posts: 690 Member
    Lol I think you missed the point.
  • angelakern10
    angelakern10 Posts: 2
    I am 40 don't have kids, never been married, and don't ever want kids, I've know I haven't wanted them since I was in my 20's.

    I have no interest in getting married, I don't believe in divorce, so unless I know I can find the person who is for me, then nope
  • brentbarrie
    brentbarrie Posts: 532 Member
    You're just being smart. Both kids and a wife are expensive. You lose your freedom. You lose your friends.
  • angelakern10
    angelakern10 Posts: 2
    I'm 32, engaged with no kids and happy this way. Neither of us want children. We dote on our dog, though. He's like our little baby. Having kids has never been important to me. My mom says I'll change my mind but she never pressures me or anything. Honestly, I don't think I'd be a very good mother... I love my nieces and nephews (I have about twelve, total) but I also love giving them back at the end of the day!

    that's me, the spoil 'em and send 'em back type. I love kids, just don't have the patience for them 24/7. I hear screaming kids and I swear my ovaries shrink and just die lol
  • SteampunkSongbird
    SteampunkSongbird Posts: 826 Member
    I'm almost 29, engaged, looking forward to getting married when money allows but it's not something my partner and I desperately need to be happy, just something we both want. I'd like to be a wife rather than a girlfriend someday, after a nice quiet little ceremony during which we get to share our love with our nearest and dearest.

    As for kids, no, nope, no way. Not interested now, never have been and I'm confident never will be. I don't believe I'm capable of the biggest responsibility in the world, which I view having a child is. I always get hate for it but I just don't like kids, I don't 'get' them either, I don't get along well with them or know how to talk to them, their illogical little kiddie minds that spout the random strangeness most people call 'cute' just confounds me.
    I like the freedom to curl up together to watch a movie without worrying the baby monitor will interrupt. I like knowing if we decide to go stay at my mum's overnight, we can without having to plan around a child's needs, and we don't have to spend the school holidays going broke trying to entertain a child who is bored. I like being able to spend a little extra money on something for us, like upgrading our PCs, which we love as much as we love each other, lol. I'm also an insomniac so getting sleep whenever I can is really important to me! I could rant on all day about the benefits of being childless, haha. I have my pet rats, and they're my babies who love me (and don't talk back.)

    I have absolutely no distaste for people who do want/have kids, I know lots of people who are parents, and I respect their decision, I know I was a kid once and they are a necessity. Reproduction is just absolutely not for me.
  • FluffyFontaine
    FluffyFontaine Posts: 27 Member
    I'm 41, have never been married and have never wanted kids. I'm looking at getting my tubes tied so that I don't have to worry about hormonal birth control anymore. No regrets here at all. Don't let anyone talk you into something you're unsure of or not ready for. You've got heaps of time and lots to experience before you start a family. Be your own person and stay true to you.
  • kelly_e_montana
    kelly_e_montana Posts: 1,999 Member
    I am 41, never married, no kids. Now I don't know if I could ever want to get married. I'm ambivalent about the not having kids thing. It wasn't really a full-on choice, but I was never actively seeking to have them either. Now that I am older, I feel a bit of loss about it. I read a quote once that was like this, although not exact and I'm not sure of the author. "There are many doors in the room called 'childlessness', not just the ones marked 'didn't want' or 'couldn't have.'"

    I've found it tremendously socially awkward not to have kids. I live in a rural area with few single professionals. It's very family-oriented and if you don't have a family, you seem a bit suspect. Not to mention, I didn't have one single friend who wasn't married or didn't have kids. Now I have *two* out of all of them, a casual one, and they are much younger than me. I felt like I had zero peers. I was in a year-long leadership training group of young professionals in my 30s and I was the only woman who was not married.
  • shaka625
    shaka625 Posts: 3
    No it is not socially awkward to not have kids. I am 53 and have no children. I have been active in lives of friend's children. I have gone through my 30s without kids. It is perfectly okay!!!
  • Makhai_
    Makhai_ Posts: 146 Member
    Well over 30, no kids, and not married. It was just not in the cards for us.
  • philodox
    philodox Posts: 3 Member
    About to turn 41, never married, no kids. Sometimes I second guess myself -- so many of my friends are married (or divorced but back in a serious relationship) with children. I've been single for -- holy ****, 8 years, and I really have trouble imagining my life any other way. I know that probably sounds weird, or like sour grapes (fat girl with low self-esteem can't get a date) but I promise you, insofar as I have any insight into myself, that's not the case. I really like the little niche I've carved out for myself and I'd go NUTS having someone all up in my grill all the time. I like my space, I like to do my own thing, I have a LOT of good friends whom I adore and the world's sweetest dog whom I spoil and dote upon.

    The question, "But... don't you want a family?" really makes me twitch. Somehow, not having children and a husband means I have no family? I have a mother, a father, grandmother, aunts, uncles, countless cousins, sisters, nieces and nephews out the ying-yang -- I love them all and am loved in return. I never lack for an opportunity to go somewhere or do something with someone I love. I'm overwhelmingly blessed.

    When I think about the men I could have married -- save one, there's always that one, right? -- I count it as having dodged a bullet. It wouldn't have lasted, and the poor children that might have been born into those unhappy relationships. The one that "got away" didn't want to have kids, ever, and ironically that's what broke the relationship (since I thought at the time I did, and could not envision a future in which I did not.) So there you are.

    It has its ups and downs, for sure, but I love my little life. I can fit what I own in a nutshell, and it's a lovely, cozy little nutshell, and I can venture outside it, into a wide and wonderful world, at will.
  • ljmorgi
    ljmorgi Posts: 264 Member
    37, in a long-term relationship (coming up on 18 years), three cats but no kids, and definitely no regrets.
  • shankasaurus
    shankasaurus Posts: 116 Member
    Yea. It all depends on your perspective. I'm 31, single, no kids. But I want a partner and I want kids. Unfortunately you can't force those things, they either find you or they don't. There's no use feeling awkward or sad or regretful. We have much less control over our lives than we tend to think. I focus on being happy, and let the chips fall where they may.
  • MelsAuntie
    MelsAuntie Posts: 2,833 Member
    I'm 65, no kids. (Happily married for 43 years, though). The first few years people kept asking me when Bear and I were going to "start a family", and I'd say, "We are a family. Don't need no stinking rugrats". Close friends already knew he'd had a vasectomy the week after we were married; if he hadn't, I would have had a tubal ligation. My mom was the most disappointed, as I was an only child and I was "cheating her out of being a grandmother and cheating him out of being a father", like he had no say in the matter. Eventually people quit commenting.
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