On Taking Offense

"I ate all da' foodz bc yolo."

Such phrasal grotesquery. I speak of no one in particular; my concern is with the general debasement of language.

It is a mystery why educated people write in such fashion. Surely these phrases are overused, and a cliche cannot be a good means of conveying personality--unless, of course, a good proportion of the population has the same personality, and are as walking cliches. A scary thought.

Right now I imagine some of you are probably having an emotional reaction and will begin typing something hasty in reply. Please read further, so your thoughts may not be ill-conceived, and to appreciate the flow of my ideas.

I can anticipate some replies. Such as, "It's America. I can write what I want!" Or "Cocteau can choke on tripe." You are correct on the former; the latter sentiment is only correct in a hypothetical way as tripe requires careful cooking and I have been known on occasion to indulge--yet only at fine restaurants. But ask yourself this, in the name of free expression: Have U.S. soldiers endured so many wars in the 20th and 21st centuries so you can reduce your coherency to that of Honey Boo Boo? Nobody enlists under such convictions.

Right now it is late and I am drinking wine. In defense of habit, I cite Baudelaire: "So as not to be the martyred slaves of time, be drunk, be continually drunk! On wine, on poetry or on virtue as you wish."

Ahh, virtue. I have heard that morphing an 's' into a 'z' and a 'th' into a 'd' is considered a fun thing to do. Some are too easily amused. They should go see a puppet show, and not write.

Yet truly my concerns extend further than orthographic atrocities. I am talking of philosophy. Let us consider "yolo" for instance. It covers everything, doesn't it? Let us bang, pass, ignore, marry, and observe naked the universe--because "yolo, y'know"?

Here's a thought: If you only live once, why not learn a proper language? Such as English.

Oh, but you say, it is offensive to point out hackneyed prose? Everything is offensive in the USA these days. Not a day passes without some new Internet outrage; or some small slight at Starbucks or the office becoming cause celebre for vengeance.

But what is really offensive? Are thought and language the only things left that we can assail without fear of correction? Rather, I would suggest, in the words of the great American poet Dylan Thomas, to "rage, rage, against the dying of the light." The light of your mind, friends.

There now, I am finished. I stand now ready for faux outrage, snark, copy-and-paste memes, and the usual effluvia to be directed at this essay, intended as a piece de resistance. Google that if you must.

This weekend there will be apple festivals and such. I shall read in the shade of vineyards and groves, for the autumn equinox approaches, and we must dispel the hobgoblins of the mind.

I bid you good night, -G.E Cocteau
"Should you rush to quell my diction, I shall riposte with lucid conviction."

"I ate all da' foodz bc yolo."

Such phrasal grotesquery. I speak of no one in particular; my concern is with the general debasement of language.

It is a mystery why educated people write in such fashion. Surely these phrases are overused, and a cliche cannot be a good means of conveying personality--unless, of course, a good proportion of the population has the same personality, and are as walking cliches. A scary thought.

Right now I imagine some of you are probably having an emotional reaction and will begin typing something hasty in reply. Please read further, so your thoughts may not be ill-conceived, and to appreciate the flow of my ideas.

I can anticipate some replies. Such as, "It's America. I can write what I want!" Or "Cocteau can choke on tripe." You are correct on the former; the latter sentiment is only correct in a hypothetical way as tripe requires careful cooking and I have been known on occasion to indulge--yet only at fine restaurants. But ask yourself this, in the name of free expression: Have U.S. soldiers endured so many wars in the 20th and 21st centuries so you can reduce your coherency to that of Honey Boo Boo? Nobody enlists under such convictions.

Right now it is late and I am drinking wine. In defense of habit, I cite Baudelaire: "So as not to be the martyred slaves of time, be drunk, be continually drunk! On wine, on poetry or on virtue as you wish."

Ahh, virtue. I have heard that morphing an 's' into a 'z' and a 'th' into a 'd' is considered a fun thing to do. Some are too easily amused. They should go see a puppet show, and not write.

Yet truly my concerns extend further than orthographic atrocities. I am talking of philosophy. Let us consider "yolo" for instance. It covers everything, doesn't it? Let us bang, pass, ignore, marry, and observe naked the universe--because "yolo, y'know"?

Here's a thought: If you only live once, why not learn a proper language? Such as English.

Oh, but you say, it is offensive to point out hackneyed prose? Everything is offensive in the USA these days. Not a day passes without some new Internet outrage; or some small slight at Starbucks or the office becoming cause celebre for vengeance.

But what is really offensive? Are thought and language the only things left that we can assail without fear of correction? Rather, I would suggest, in the words of the great American poet Dylan Thomas, to "rage, rage, against the dying of the light." The light of your mind, friends.

There now, I am finished. I stand now ready for faux outrage, snark, copy-and-paste memes, and the usual effluvia to be directed at this essay, intended as a piece de resistance. Google that if you must.

This weekend there will be apple festivals and such. I shall read in the shade of vineyards and groves, for the autumn equinox approaches, and we must dispel the hobgoblins of the mind.

I bid you good night, -G.E Cocteau
"Should you rush to quell my diction, I shall riposte with lucid conviction."

"I ate all da' foodz bc yolo."

Such phrasal grotesquery. I speak of no one in particular; my concern is with the general debasement of language.

It is a mystery why educated people write in such fashion. Surely these phrases are overused, and a cliche cannot be a good means of conveying personality--unless, of course, a good proportion of the population has the same personality, and are as walking cliches. A scary thought.

Right now I imagine some of you are probably having an emotional reaction and will begin typing something hasty in reply. Please read further, so your thoughts may not be ill-conceived, and to appreciate the flow of my ideas.

I can anticipate some replies. Such as, "It's America. I can write what I want!" Or "Cocteau can choke on tripe." You are correct on the former; the latter sentiment is only correct in a hypothetical way as tripe requires careful cooking and I have been known on occasion to indulge--yet only at fine restaurants. But ask yourself this, in the name of free expression: Have U.S. soldiers endured so many wars in the 20th and 21st centuries so you can reduce your coherency to that of Honey Boo Boo? Nobody enlists under such convictions.

Right now it is late and I am drinking wine. In defense of habit, I cite Baudelaire: "So as not to be the martyred slaves of time, be drunk, be continually drunk! On wine, on poetry or on virtue as you wish."

Ahh, virtue. I have heard that morphing an 's' into a 'z' and a 'th' into a 'd' is considered a fun thing to do. Some are too easily amused. They should go see a puppet show, and not write.

Yet truly my concerns extend further than orthographic atrocities. I am talking of philosophy. Let us consider "yolo" for instance. It covers everything, doesn't it? Let us bang, pass, ignore, marry, and observe naked the universe--because "yolo, y'know"?

Here's a thought: If you only live once, why not learn a proper language? Such as English.

Oh, but you say, it is offensive to point out hackneyed prose? Everything is offensive in the USA these days. Not a day passes without some new Internet outrage; or some small slight at Starbucks or the office becoming cause celebre for vengeance.

But what is really offensive? Are thought and language the only things left that we can assail without fear of correction? Rather, I would suggest, in the words of the great American poet Dylan Thomas, to "rage, rage, against the dying of the light." The light of your mind, friends.

There now, I am finished. I stand now ready for faux outrage, snark, copy-and-paste memes, and the usual effluvia to be directed at this essay, intended as a piece de resistance. Google that if you must.

This weekend there will be apple festivals and such. I shall read in the shade of vineyards and groves, for the autumn equinox approaches, and we must dispel the hobgoblins of the mind.

I bid you good night, -G.E Cocteau
"Should you rush to quell my diction, I shall riposte with lucid conviction."

Unless you are speaking in a mathematical sense, you most likely mean portion.

He was speaking in a statistical sense. He used it correctly.

Hez 2 smart to make errorz.