i don't judge obese people
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The human brain is hardwired to judge - simple primate behavior... you can't NOT judge, despite what many on this thread (and the original) state.
That said, I can understand how people take exception to the wording: 'I judge obese people' - that smacks of prejudice (pre-judging based on weight) and prejudice is wrong, mkay?
So judge away, primates (you couldn't stop if you tried), but know that that's merely a cognitive short-cut that just happened, not reality - so try to backstop yourself with some critical thinking.
:drinker:0 -
I don't know about others, but I make judgements about people every time I see them. Some judgements are positive, some negative. What I try and do is not change the way I interact with people when my judgement towards them is negative.
Yes, everybody makes judgments all the time, about every person and every thing. Some are more aware of this, most are less aware, maybe not even realizing the huge variety of judgments we make in seconds on meeting every single person. Some are more able to filter the judgments that come up, most are less able to do this. "I don't judge obese people" is not a true statement, your judgments are just less harsh maybe, possibly because you have thought about and sympathized with this group of people, and are possibly able to change your thought process from a base reaction, but that doesn't mean you don't judge them.
Being aware of judgments that come up in your mind and then what you do with them, evaluate and express them is the more important part. Not many could stand the truth of every single judgement and statement that comes up in another's mind on meeting someone: its up to the person to look at what's important and filter, and then filter more on what is expressed. Every difference within a certain small range is automatically noted by the brain, which is part of why children will instantly note and bother people about every little physical difference, your brain just notes it, and they have no filter. Obesity is also taught as not healthy and negative which is close to "repulsive", so most people have some type of thought process that results in a negative bit of judgment automatically to it. Some have this response to a variety of other physical differences, its not just fat.
It seems the other post was about how some girl realized the judgments that popped up in her head on meeting obese people. That's really a good start, not a bad thing at all.0 -
So, I realized I asked the wrong question. What part of being fat is bad FOR ME knowing that all of my health markers are good?
I don't know as I don't know what you consider "bad for you". If you are in optimum health like you claim there are a few possibilities that maybe you consider "bad for you" carrying an extra 40+ lbs of fat around. They might include:
1. looking fat
2. not having the stamina or endurance that you would like
3. Not having the muscle definition that you would like
4. Other people thinking you are fat and finding you unattractive
5. You finding yourself unattractive
6. Lowered self-esteem/ self confidence due to your fatness
and possibly others, but I don't know. I am not you.0 -
LOL! Always amusing when Godwin's Law makes it's way into a thread.
Oh MFP...never change.0 -
LOL! Always amusing when Godwin's Law makes it's way into a thread.
Oh MFP...never change.
Seriously. Why. WHY does it always have to be Hitler? Why couldn't it be Caligula? Or Henry VIII? It's always Hitler. If once, someone even mixed it up and mentioned Himmler or Goebbels, instead, I wouldn't know what to do with myself.0 -
If someone is obese, they need to lose weight; it's that simple
If someone is full of pot-stirring rhetoric, they need to shut up; it's that simple.0 -
LOL! Always amusing when Godwin's Law makes it's way into a thread.
Oh MFP...never change.
Seriously. Why. WHY does it always have to be Hitler? Why couldn't it be Caligula? Or Henry VIII? It's always Hitler. If once, someone even mixed it up and mentioned Himmler or Goebbels, instead, I wouldn't know what to do with myself.
Reminds me of a summer camp song:
Hitler had only one big ball
Goring had two but they were small
Himmler had something similar
But Goebbels had no balls at all0 -
I don't know about others, but I make judgements about people every time I see them. Some judgements are positive, some negative. What I try and do is not change the way I interact with people when my judgement towards them is negative.
Yes, everybody makes judgments all the time, about every person and every thing. Some are more aware of this, most are less aware, maybe not even realizing the huge variety of judgments we make in seconds on meeting every single person. Some are more able to filter the judgments that come up, most are less able to do this. "I don't judge obese people" is not a true statement, your judgments are just less harsh maybe, possibly because you have thought about and sympathized with this group of people, and are possibly able to change your thought process from a base reaction, but that doesn't mean you don't judge them.
Being aware of judgments that come up in your mind and then what you do with them, evaluate and express them is the more important part. Not many could stand the truth of every single judgement and statement that comes up in another's mind on meeting someone: its up to the person to look at what's important and filter, and then filter more on what is expressed. Every difference within a certain small range is automatically noted by the brain, which is part of why children will instantly note and bother people about every little physical difference, your brain just notes it, and they have no filter. Obesity is also taught as not healthy and negative which is close to "repulsive", so most people have some type of thought process that results in a negative bit of judgment automatically to it. Some have this response to a variety of other physical differences, its not just fat.
It seems the other post was about how some girl realized the judgments that popped up in her head on meeting obese people. That's really a good start, not a bad thing at all.
This is the best written post on judgement I have read. I started that other thread. I wasn't so eloquent with my wording or explanation. Instead it was perceived as I go around bashing and hating others for being obese. I got called names on here like asshat, hateful,loser,*****, would love to see you get fat again,people like you fail at keeping weight off, eww you look 60( as if it is bad to be or look 60),you need a makeover, all that ugliness spewed towards me because of my confession. I am not responsible for other's insecurities or issues. Only mine. Yes, my first instinct thought when I see someone obese may not always be positive. I do have the self control not to say something to offend them. I know I have been judged too for many reasons. It is human nature. I try not to let it affect my life for the worse.0 -
LOL! Always amusing when Godwin's Law makes it's way into a thread.
Oh MFP...never change.
Seriously. Why. WHY does it always have to be Hitler? Why couldn't it be Caligula? Or Henry VIII? It's always Hitler. If once, someone even mixed it up and mentioned Himmler or Goebbels, instead, I wouldn't know what to do with myself.
Reminds me of a summer camp song:
Hitler had only one big ball
Goring had two but they were small
Himmler had something similar
But Goebbels had no balls at all
I am dying! This is great! :laugh: :drinker:0 -
Fat people are gross... grossly underepresented in mainstream media. Where are the cooking shows, the exercise programs, the news stories, the docudramas, comedramas, dramadies and horrorcomedocudramas about fat people?
It's TIME FOR CHANGE!0 -
LOL! Always amusing when Godwin's Law makes it's way into a thread.
Oh MFP...never change.
Seriously. Why. WHY does it always have to be Hitler? Why couldn't it be Caligula? Or Henry VIII? It's always Hitler. If once, someone even mixed it up and mentioned Himmler or Goebbels, instead, I wouldn't know what to do with myself.
Because:
1) If you mention anyone other than Hitler, you get the blank 'who's that dude?' stare. (Thanks public education system!)
2) Scale: other than Joe Stalin, Pol Pot, and maybe Chairman Mao I don't know of anyone in Hitler's ballpark (whozat?, see #1 above)
3) Hyperbole: you're in an argument - you always have to go with the top guy - if you reference Henry VIII, you leave your opponent the openings along the lines of: 'yeah, but what about Hitler?' (checkmate, you lose)0 -
AMEN!0
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What a beautiful and much needed thread!:flowerforyou: Thank you for taking time to write it out and share it.:smooched: Reading your post felt like a much needed warm hug!this is the tread we need here, on this forum where most all of us have the common goals of making positive changes for our bodies and out lives.
i saw the thread "i judge obese people" -- and i read it. and i felt awful. that sickly UGH shudder deep inside that i feel when i see violence or other prejudices. i know it's just one person's experience and projections, misplaced and possibly partially misinterpreted on an internet forum. but i felt the pain and frustrations of those who read that forum post, and received yet another kick in the confidence.. one more reminder of the painful judgments they've experienced.
we don't need that negativity -- there's enough of that in the world already. MFP can be a wonderful community because we have the opportunity to connect with other people who are experiencing similar struggles, setbacks, and hopefully successes. there are a ton of different opinions here, which is great. a ton of people with difference experiences, in different stages of their fitness journeys. but MFP should be a safe place of support and encouragement. maybe some tough love too, if it's asked for. but always understanding. and always compassion.
i was obese at one point. i was young and didn't know better. that's my reason. that's my excuse. some people's reasons for straying from the "normal" weight category (both obese and underweight) are deeper and more complex and painful than anything i could ever imagine. the reasons are plenty and varied, and everyone has a story.
we can list some potential reasons. it might be helpful to have concrete causal scenarios in the backs of our heads next time we encounter someone who is different from us. depression and medication are common. stress and unimaginable trauma. addiction and habit and hopelessness. etc. cycles build upon themselves, and breaking free from destructive cycles is harder for some than for others.
but no matter the reason, people are people. they are struggling with their issues, big and small, just like the rest of us. they are complex beings, who are more than a number on a scale and way more than whatever you see in the small moment you interact with them.
if understanding and compassion are too difficult for you, try. then try harder. they're two of the best qualities we are capable of having and sharing with other people (and animals, &etc). and if you truly can't see beyond your own experiences far enough to appreciate our differences, maybe just fake it 'til you make it. something, anything, other than projecting your negative judgments onto others who are here looking for support.
for those of you who were hurt by the other forum post, i'm sorry. i'm sorry for the OP and i'm sorry for the rest of society that has judged to the point where one more forum post is just the tip of the iceberg. i'm sorry for myself and all the times i haven't been the understanding person i want to be. i hope you can brush the negativity and judgments off and carry on being the strong person you are.
i'm happy you're here, on MFP, and i believe in you. you have the power to take control of your body, and it's going to feel sooo darn good to read your success story when you succeed.
hopefully i haven't said anything that could be misinterpreted and cause an argument in this post. i truly mean only support and encouragement, and please forgive any mis-wordings that might be interpreted otherwise..
/end rant
:flowerforyou: 0 -
Believe in yourself and follow your heart / people are going to criticize you anyway. When I was at my heaviest 259 lbs people were very discriminating towards me. I have now lost 70 lbs and went from a size 20 to a 13/14 and the people who I thought were my friends generally blew me off when I would call or invite them to do things. Now that I am a smaller version of the same me those same friends are calling me now and inviting me to outings , dinner , BBQ's and events. It is hurtful and disheartening to know and understand that even your closest friends can abandon you for being overweight. Even though they know the true nature of your character and personality. They know you are a good person , but they just don't want to be seen with someone who is obese. The bottom line is even in your darkest hour some of your closest friends/even family members will abandon /discriminate and judge you. I want to tell you be true to yourself and follow your heart, because others are going to criticize you anyway and you need to Love yourself first because you are truly the only person that matters you are precious and valuable and you are LOVED !!!0
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Yes, everybody makes judgments all the time, about every person and every thing. Some are more aware of this, most are less aware, maybe not even realizing the huge variety of judgments we make in seconds on meeting every single person. Some are more able to filter the judgments that come up, most are less able to do this. "I don't judge obese people" is not a true statement, your judgments are just less harsh maybe, possibly because you have thought about and sympathized with this group of people, and are possibly able to change your thought process from a base reaction, but that doesn't mean you don't judge them.
Being aware of judgments that come up in your mind and then what you do with them, evaluate and express them is the more important part. Not many could stand the truth of every single judgement and statement that comes up in another's mind on meeting someone: its up to the person to look at what's important and filter, and then filter more on what is expressed. Every difference within a certain small range is automatically noted by the brain, which is part of why children will instantly note and bother people about every little physical difference, your brain just notes it, and they have no filter. Obesity is also taught as not healthy and negative which is close to "repulsive", so most people have some type of thought process that results in a negative bit of judgment automatically to it. Some have this response to a variety of other physical differences, its not just fat.
It seems the other post was about how some girl realized the judgments that popped up in her head on meeting obese people. That's really a good start, not a bad thing at all.
That middle paragraph right there is the best. Growing up (in a Western society at least) you are inevitably taught to judge fat people. It's conditioned into us from birth by a society that values thinness at the expense of everything else (including health and mental well being). It is a message that gets pushed through every media outlet, every interaction with other people. Every single part of Western culture is drenched in anti-fat judgement. However, that doesn't mean we're destined to be that way forever. And it doesn't mean that judgement is okay. It's not okay. And it has to change.
The good news is you *can* fight that socialised judgement. You can teach yourself to override the conditioned response. You can retrain yourself not to judge fat people (or any other group of people that gets routinely marginalised and discriminated against). I think we all need to be really proactive doing that. Don't beat yourself up if your instant snap-judgement is negative. Ask yourself why do I think like that (the answer is socialised prejudice) and ask yourself what evidence do I have to support this judgement (the answer is none). And then remind yourself that all human beings deserve compassion, respect, love and kindness. And then remind yourself that one simple glance at someone doesn't tell you anything about that person except what they look like. Rinse and repeat.0 -
but no matter the reason, people are people. they are struggling with their issues, big and small, just like the rest of us. they are complex beings, who are more than a number on a scale and way more than whatever you see in the small moment you interact with them.
Just quoting this because I think more people would benefit from reading and re-reading this.0 -
I don't look at obese people as OMG your fat you need to lose weight. I look at them and think OMG please don't wait as long as I did to start getting healthy. So I guess in a way I am judging. I just know that I feel so much better for where I am right now, I still need to lose 60 lbs.
Just today at the local park we had a lady stop and was talking to a few of the other ladies ( I was still walking the last of my 4 miles) and one lady yelled out and asked me if I cared if she told her how much I had lost. I said no go ahead, so I finished up my walk and went straight to my car to get my Before pic out of it. I went over to them and said I keep this in my car so that I will always have them to remind me of where I never want to be again. The lady said her doc told her she had two years tops if she didn't lose some weight. She said she weighed over 400 lbs. She was saying she has issues when she tries to walk and can take no more the 5 to 10 steps before she has to sit down. I tried to tell her that right now she needed to start getting the weight off before she worried about exercise and once the weight starts going down the exercise will be easier. Plus there are things you can do just sitting down in your chair, but right now she needed to get started on eating healthy. I sure hope she does what she needs to do. Her daughter does walk the park with us so maybe her daughter will be able to inspire her to get healthy.0 -
Yes, everybody makes judgments all the time, about every person and every thing. Some are more aware of this, most are less aware, maybe not even realizing the huge variety of judgments we make in seconds on meeting every single person. Some are more able to filter the judgments that come up, most are less able to do this. "I don't judge obese people" is not a true statement, your judgments are just less harsh maybe, possibly because you have thought about and sympathized with this group of people, and are possibly able to change your thought process from a base reaction, but that doesn't mean you don't judge them.
Being aware of judgments that come up in your mind and then what you do with them, evaluate and express them is the more important part. Not many could stand the truth of every single judgement and statement that comes up in another's mind on meeting someone: its up to the person to look at what's important and filter, and then filter more on what is expressed. Every difference within a certain small range is automatically noted by the brain, which is part of why children will instantly note and bother people about every little physical difference, your brain just notes it, and they have no filter. Obesity is also taught as not healthy and negative which is close to "repulsive", so most people have some type of thought process that results in a negative bit of judgment automatically to it. Some have this response to a variety of other physical differences, its not just fat.
It seems the other post was about how some girl realized the judgments that popped up in her head on meeting obese people. That's really a good start, not a bad thing at all.
That middle paragraph right there is the best. Growing up (in a Western society at least) you are inevitably taught to judge fat people. It's conditioned into us from birth by a society that values thinness at the expense of everything else (including health and mental well being). It is a message that gets pushed through every media outlet, every interaction with other people. Every single part of Western culture is drenched in anti-fat judgement. However, that doesn't mean we're destined to be that way forever. And it doesn't mean that judgement is okay. It's not okay. And it has to change.
The good news is you *can* fight that socialised judgement. You can teach yourself to override the conditioned response. You can retrain yourself not to judge fat people (or any other group of people that gets routinely marginalised and discriminated against). I think we all need to be really proactive doing that. Don't beat yourself up if your instant snap-judgement is negative. Ask yourself why do I think like that (the answer is socialised prejudice) and ask yourself what evidence do I have to support this judgement (the answer is none). And then remind yourself that all human beings deserve compassion, respect, love and kindness. And then remind yourself that one simple glance at someone doesn't tell you anything about that person except what they look like. Rinse and repeat.
Thank you. This poor horse, he's been beaten to death. He's dead, and unfortunately, I was not able to properly convey what you just did. Thank you for this.0 -
I don't look at obese people as OMG your fat you need to lose weight. I look at them and think OMG please don't wait as long as I did to start getting healthy. So I guess in a way I am judging. I just know that I feel so much better for where I am right now, I still need to lose 60 lbs.
The mistake you're making is equating weight with health. Those things aren't the same.0 -
I don't look at obese people as OMG your fat you need to lose weight. I look at them and think OMG please don't wait as long as I did to start getting healthy. So I guess in a way I am judging. I just know that I feel so much better for where I am right now, I still need to lose 60 lbs.
The mistake you're making is equating weight with health. Those things aren't the same.
In some instances maybe but you can not be morbidly obese and be healthy and if your morbidly obese then you weigh more than you should and your not healthy. You can however be overweight( NOT morbidly obese) and be healthy.0
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