feeders

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  • Unknown
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  • marinabreeze
    marinabreeze Posts: 141 Member
    I have to agree with the previous posters...you can't be forced to do anything you don't want to do, "bullying" or no. You have to decide if you want to make this lifestyle change, and then you have to communicate your choice clearly to your partner, and stick with it. Be honest, tell him how your weight makes you feel. Let him know that you appreciate and love the fact that he cares about you and finds you attractive regardless of your weight, but you fear that his insistence that he loves you at any weight is coming across as an insistence that you remain heavy, and hence unhappy. Let him know that you realize he probably hadn't considered it from that perspective, but now that he knows how your weight, and his behavior, is impacting you, you know you can count on his support.

    And if that doesn't work out, then you might need to rethink your relationship and make some further decisions.

    Most likely going to be your last sentence. Based on what little I've seen on feederism, it's pretty much a form of fat fetishism. The "feeder" gets enjoyment out of feeding the "feedee", and watching them gain weight. If this is the only foundation the relationship has, the OP should definitely rethink the relationship, and prioritize their wants and needs first. Feederism is okay if both parties are consenting, on the same page, and willing participants. Adults can make their own decisions as to what food they want to put into their body, whether they want to gain or lose weight, ect, and can be supported by their partner no matter that their decision is. That is not happening here.
    This.

    OP - It's one thing if you and him were on the same page. However, you have the goal to lose weight, and he is clearly not on board with that. You deserve someone who is willing to support you in your goal, especially when that comes with living a healthier life. That is a huge problem. Yes, you choose what you eat, but if you're in a relationship with someone who is actively and brazenly sabatoging your goals, that makes it infinitely more difficult. His behavior is controlling, and that is not healthy. You are worth more - rethink this relationship.
  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
    How is Dani doing? She would have had some succinct but solid advice for this thread.
  • mazzzery
    mazzzery Posts: 13 Member
    thanks everyone for the good advice, it happened again today tho, pizza @ dominoes, which since i hadn't eaten anything else i had two pieces to not make him feel bad, but i had to put my foot down when he was about to go get me a battered fish about half an hour ago. oh not forgetting the bakery bun he got me, full of toffee and cream, i gave it to my mum when we called round, and she had a word with him about me needing to lose weight.

    i understand i was eating what he gave me, but now on this diet, definitely have to be stronger to say NO!... maybe a few more times.

    cheers :)

    stuck it out today anyway, proud of myself for saying no to that bun, goodness it was tempting... aswell as the packet burgers he bought when i was asleep this morning, and pot noddles ect, sitting there in the kitchen, have to not go near these, before him, i was a vegan for the most part, and never ate rubbish.

    feeling stronger now, i'm writing everything i eat down here, and trying to get better exercise, luckily my wee graze box came today :) ( they are great) so I've just been snacking at that, after the guilt from the pizza

    thanks everyone, best wishes
  • jc_0324
    jc_0324 Posts: 54
    I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be mean but why why why must you eat what he buys you? Tell him, you buy it, you eat it or I am throwing it out! Maybe after the first time of throwing it away, he'll stop.

    I know it's hard having delicious food around but there are ways around this and you're going to have to be the one with the solution. It all comes down to you.

    Good luck :-)
  • brightsideofpink
    brightsideofpink Posts: 1,018 Member
    If you love this man, and want to spend the rest of your life with him, you need to sit down and have a very honest and open conversation with him. Don't respond just to each pizza. Have a focused sit down. Ask him to understand your needs, and tell him that you are relying on him for his support. Ask him if there is a reason he keeps trying to insist you eat more. Ask him to look good and hard at that. It may not even be about you. Maybe he feels guilty about his own binges and wants somebody to participate with him. Who knows? Only he does. Talk with him. Lay out what you need from his as a partner. If he can't or doesn't want to give you what you need, its time to evaluate the possible future of a lifetime with a person who doesn't want to support you.
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,575 Member
    Like others have said, what you eat really is your choice. If you can't bring yourself to throw out the pizza, then freeze it. Next time he wants to order pizza, say "We already have pizza", and thaw it out for him.

    Eat what you want in the amounts you want. Don't let anyone bully you. Don't argue, just say No! Say it repeatedly. Say it and end the discussion. Just say no.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    so youre in a relationship where your partner likes large women. looking past the bullying part what do you think will happen if you succeed and lose the weight?
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
    thanks everyone for the good advice, it happened again today tho, pizza @ dominoes, which since i hadn't eaten anything else i had two pieces to not make him feel bad, but i had to put my foot down when he was about to go get me a battered fish about half an hour ago. oh not forgetting the bakery bun he got me, full of toffee and cream, i gave it to my mum when we called round, and she had a word with him about me needing to lose weight.

    i understand i was eating what he gave me, but now on this diet, definitely have to be stronger to say NO!... maybe a few more times.

    cheers :)

    stuck it out today anyway, proud of myself for saying no to that bun, goodness it was tempting... aswell as the packet burgers he bought when i was asleep this morning, and pot noddles ect, sitting there in the kitchen, have to not go near these, before him, i was a vegan for the most part, and never ate rubbish.

    feeling stronger now, i'm writing everything i eat down here, and trying to get better exercise, luckily my wee graze box came today :) ( they are great) so I've just been snacking at that, after the guilt from the pizza

    thanks everyone, best wishes

    Sorry but...you had your MOM give him a talking to? :huh: :noway:
  • tapirfrog
    tapirfrog Posts: 616 Member

    Sorry but...you had your MOM give him a talking to? :huh: :noway:

    ^^^^^^^^^^YES

    I was doing okay till I got to this. Then my head blew up.
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
    A bakery bun full of toffee and cream sounds delightful!
  • mazzzery
    mazzzery Posts: 13 Member
    yea, well i didn't ask her too lol, she knows how hard it is when he keeps buying food and i'm not usually a big eater, to be so different now, put on so much weight, yeah, we were all at the park with my nephew, and she had a word with him. yeah sounds funny doesn't it, but we're open with each other about my situation, i really have put on the weight, shes worried just. as am i, this is getting to my health now, can hardly run after my 2 year old nephew.

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