Mom is bringing me down

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  • ValGogo
    ValGogo Posts: 2,168 Member
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    Your mom is horrible.

    There is no rule, NO RULE that says you have to put up with any abuse from your parents. Remember that.
  • A_Dabauer
    A_Dabauer Posts: 212 Member
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    Relationships with our parents are always difficult :( especially when weight is a factor. I feel like my mother loves me less when I'm fat, and that when I'm skinny she's irrationally proud of the fact. But she never does any of the **** your mom is pulling :(

    I'm very sorry to hear you are having to deal with this, my advice, is similar to some of the other posters. Shut down all talk about weight. Tell her you can buy your own clothes. IF YOU WANT to CONTINUE having a relationship with your mother, which it sounds like you do, you need to stop giving her the power to hurt you. Some of that is avoiding situations where she can hurt you with her negative behavior and some of it is realizing that regardless of her behavior, and attitude you are beautiful, fantastic person at your current size (not your goal size) just how you are now! Love yourself!

    Moms will always have a certain amount power over us with their words and actions but I hope you find your way through this difficult situation.

    Best of luck!
  • michelegreen99
    michelegreen99 Posts: 28 Member
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    I'm sorry your mom is so cruel and unsupportive. Clearly, she has her own issues that she is projecting on you, but that doesn't make it any easier to accept. Your mom should be your biggest champion and that fact that she isn't, is very sad.

    That being said, someone once told me, "you teach people how to treat you". At first I didn't quite get it but as I've gotten older, I think I've figured it out. If you let someone treat you like crap, they will continue because they know they can get away with it, it makes them feel better about themselves, this is how they were taught when they were younger, etc. Whatever, the reason is immaterial. What is important is how you react.

    Let go of those things that do not support the person you want to be. Sadly, that may include your own mom. But you have to ask yourself, what do you get out of the relationship if all she does is bring you down and make you feel less than?? Find a friend who can play the role your mom is clearly not capable of...your biggest supporter, you wise friend, your trusted ally that has your back no matter what.

    I speak from experience because I had to let go of my mom years ago. I have two women in my life going on 30 years who have been my biggest champions and have my back, no matter what. They mean the world all the more to me because I'm not their daughter by birth but they treat me like a mother should treat their kid. I am blessed!

    Good luck and choose the good you deserve. You are worth it!

    M-
  • Bella0531
    Bella0531 Posts: 309 Member
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    Ask her to start sending the receipts with the clothing so that you can take it back and actually get a size that fits.
  • jasonmh630
    jasonmh630 Posts: 2,850 Member
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    Dude I'm sorry this is all happening. I'm 23 and had a terrible relationship with my mother growing up. She was pretty verbally abusive.

    My advice is don't listen and get out of the house and into college as fast as you can. Sleep over at friends houses as much as possible.

    Sometimes trying to change people doesn't work. Try as hard as you can to be happy and brush it off because she obviously cray.

    :flowerforyou: :drinker:
  • ValGogo
    ValGogo Posts: 2,168 Member
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    22.
    I've tried and she sorta just.... blows it off or says I'm over reacting....
    I know it's an unhealthy relationship... but it's hard to cut it off b/c it's my mom.
    We have a very rocky past and she's always trying to "fix that" .... so part of me is trying to see it as her actually trying....
    but maybe I'm just fooling myself ya know?

    I don't have kids and that makes me sad, but I would never, ever call my kid fat or ugly or anything.

    Look, I get it. My mom is a pill. I had spent wayyy to many years trying to change something that won't change. I'm 46 now and I wish I had stopped 20 years ago.

    She is NOT going to change, ever, unless you change first. And when I say change I mean you need to make changes that will keep you from being her punching bag. And even then, she may not come around. I honestly don't know why some people have kids.

    She may stop when you show that you are not going to put up with anything. Send the stuff back. Trust me, she's not goign to die. And she may try to cut you off, not talk to you, cry to manipulate your feelings or get other people involved. I've seen it all.
  • sljohnson1207
    sljohnson1207 Posts: 818 Member
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    (1) I'm sorry that this is happening. You are a worthwhile person, and deserve better. Believe it now.

    (2) Just because it's your mother, doesn't mean she isn't behaving like a toxic person, and needing to be removed from your life.

    (3) Work out what you are going to say to her, and actually say it....ONCE. Then follow through with action the next time she belittles you, and any other time after that.

    (4) Don't allow that to go on too long before you completely rid yourself of your mother's toxic behavior, and unfortunately, your relationship with your mother.

    (5) Love yourself. What she says has EVERYTHING to do with HER (read as her issue), and NOTHING to do with YOU (read as not your issue).

    (6) Do not allow other people in your life to treat you this way, even if on a different subject, and not just verbal abuse, but don't accept physical abuse either.

    <<<cyberhugs>>>
  • dopeysmelly
    dopeysmelly Posts: 1,390 Member
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    22.
    I've tried and she sorta just.... blows it off or says I'm over reacting....
    I know it's an unhealthy relationship... but it's hard to cut it off b/c it's my mom.
    We have a very rocky past and she's always trying to "fix that" .... so part of me is trying to see it as her actually trying....
    but maybe I'm just fooling myself ya know?

    People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you. And they only change if they want to.

    This is a case of telling your mother straight up: Knock your crap off. If you don't, I'm walking out. And then actually do it.

    You can still have something of a relationship with her, just call her on her behavior and hold her to it. Anytime she starts her crap, walk out. Consistency. Eventually she'll get the message or she won't. But if you're putting up with it, that's on you.

    Absolutely this. My relationship with my Mom is much, much better since I called her out on talking about my weight about 6 years ago. I said it straight, that if she mentioned my weight once I was out of the door and would not talk to her. I paid for her and my Dad to have a long weekend with me while I was on a business trip to Europe, and I warned her that I was perfectly willing to pay to send her straight back home early. We get along just fine now and she doesn't share her comments with me. It's possible she has little venomous discussions with my sister, but I couldn't care less.
  • lawkat
    lawkat Posts: 538 Member
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    I know you want to try and understand where she is coming from, but have you asked her why she does and say the things she does? Is there something in her past that makes her behave that? I know why my mother will say and do things, but I have learned how not get upset and set my boundaries with her.

    You shouldn't expect your relationship to be something that you want it be. It won't happen. All you can do, is tell her how you feel, maybe ask her why she forces the clothing on you and just say no to the clothes. If you continue to say no, she will eventually stop (hopefully).
  • VelveteenArabian
    VelveteenArabian Posts: 758 Member
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    Mail her a dog collar and leash and tell her you thought she might like some new b**** clothes.

    Send the clothes back whenever she sends them. If she starts it up in person, LEAVE. Just being your mother doesn't give her the right to disrespect you and doesn't obligate you to take it. She will continue as long as you continue to allow it.
  • dbanks80
    dbanks80 Posts: 3,685 Member
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    That's how eating disorders start.

    You are nicer than me I would have cursed my mom out from A to Z I dont care if she is my mother. She is being mean and hurtful and projecting her self hate onto you! That is BS.
  • Jenny_Aguayo
    Jenny_Aguayo Posts: 30 Member
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    its ok my mom calls me fat too. i think im just right but my mom calls me a fat a** :cry:
    If It helps I think your skinny!:smile:
  • funchords
    funchords Posts: 413 Member
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    You can pick your friends but your stuck with your relatives. It's not worth the family drama, so just immediately donate the clothes and send her the receipt for the tax deduction. This will send several messages, all positive, and hopefully stop the behavior.
  • geojeepgirl
    geojeepgirl Posts: 243 Member
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    Ask her to start sending the receipts with the clothing so that you can take it back and actually get a size that fits.

    I agree with this.... she sounds like a person whom you could talk and talk and talk to and it just goes in one ear and out the other because they really dont care. My grandmother says hurtful things and thinks nothing about it because she doesnt feel its insensitive to her and she feels like she can say whatever she wants without regarding others feelings... she literally told me that once. I rarely see her now and have to make an effort to go see her and its sad.. shes my last living grandparent... but....
    I agree with the above poster... see if she will send you the receipts or tell her that if she wont send Medium's you will donate them to goodwill where they will do SOMEONE good and if she wants to spend her money doing that its up to her. If your a medium and shes sending XL and XXL and youve told her your a medium she is definitely doing it on purpose.. I say its fair game to give it away.
  • Jenny_Aguayo
    Jenny_Aguayo Posts: 30 Member
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    its ok my mom calls me fat too. i think im just right but my mom calls me a fat a** :cry:
    If It helps I think your skinny!:smile:
    aww your so sweet .. add me as a friend lets chat , since my mom dont talk to me cause im fat
    What the hell? NO!! Creep!:indifferent: :noway: :grumble: :angry: :huh: :huh: :huh:
  • brendaciesielski
    brendaciesielski Posts: 2 Member
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    I think you need to put up boundries so that she can't hurt you and undermine your fantastic progress. Get "Call Warning" on your phone. Block her. Don't visit, find people who will support you and leave those behind who want to hamstring you for their own purposes. God wants you to be al that you can be and a good mother wants that for her child.
  • jasonmh630
    jasonmh630 Posts: 2,850 Member
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    its ok my mom calls me fat too. i think im just right but my mom calls me a fat a** :cry:
    If It helps I think your skinny!:smile:
    aww your so sweet .. add me as a friend lets chat , since my mom dont talk to me cause im fat
    What the hell? NO!! Creep!:indifferent: :noway: :grumble: :angry: :huh: :huh: :huh:

    Troll status = amateur
  • gelendestrasse
    gelendestrasse Posts: 204
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    Ditch the clothes to a charity and use the tax deduction. Set limits with your mother that if she brings up food or weight or "not being able to find a man" then the conversation or visit will be over and she will be asked to leave or said "goodbye" to and hung up on. Start on a routine that will allow you to get to YOUR goals. When you get discouraged look to us for help. It's going to be a long haul but you'll make it.

    That's my $0.02 worth.

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