How to approach someone at the gym?
jessicagrieshaber
Posts: 167 Member
So I just moved to the northern suburbs of Chicago about 5 months ago for a new job. The first thing that I did was join a gym, which I've been attending religiously (5-6 days a week).
Anyways, as you can imagine, it's been hard to meet people out here all by myself. There are SO many people that I would like to talk to at the gym, but I don't want to bother anyone if they're in the zone.
Is there a good way to approach someone and start conversation at the gym? Or should I just forgo it entirely?
Thanks in advance.
Anyways, as you can imagine, it's been hard to meet people out here all by myself. There are SO many people that I would like to talk to at the gym, but I don't want to bother anyone if they're in the zone.
Is there a good way to approach someone and start conversation at the gym? Or should I just forgo it entirely?
Thanks in advance.
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Replies
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Well, depends on the motivation. Are you trying to talk to other women and make friends? Talk to guys and make friends? Talk to guys to try and find someone you might be interested in? I think the answer may very well be different depending on what you are looking for.0
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I was mostly geared just towards meeting people (male or female) and making friends, and the gym seemed like a good starting point since clearly we would have something in common.Well, depends on the motivation. Are you trying to talk to other women and make friends? Talk to guys and make friends? Talk to guys to try and find someone you might be interested in? I think the answer may very well be different depending on what you are looking for.0 -
I don't normally talk to people at the gym unless they are giving me advice or helping with correcting form. I think the only time I do start a convo with someone is if I'm in the locker room and think one of the other girls' shoes are cute. I'm that person that if I think you have on something cute I'm going to tell you. I don't know if this helps you any.0
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Give it a while. People, men and women, have started approaching me lately, once they've seen me there for several weeks. I usually enjoy the interaction except for this morning. This chick, whom I've actually admired because she works out like a beast, introduced herself and told me she'd noticed how hard I work and asked how much weight I'd lost. Then she started trying to sell me some shake/vitamin/personal training package. I'm almost halfway to my goal on my own so I'd be pretty stupid to go spending a bunch of money I don't need to spend, but she just wouldn't give up. I HATE annoying sales people!!!0
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BETWEEN SETS0
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I was thinking about this -- I see a lot of the same people every week but we never talk. I hate to be discouraging, but when I'm working out, the last thing I want to do is be social. When I'm done, I'm on a bee-line out. But if you do this, then
1) Don't interrupt someone who appears to be circuit training. Short breaks may be timed breaks. They're trying to keep their heart rate in a zone.
2) Hit someone up after their last set but before the locker room or perhaps after they've dressed back into street clothes.
3) Look for other people being social already, its a safe bet that you're not interrupting.
4) Use your being new as the ice breaker. "Hey, I see you here all the time. I moved here 5 months ago, can you recommend a dry cleaner, doctor, dentist, dog groomer, etd.?"
5) Before or after a fitness class is also an approachable time.0 -
"Hey, can you spot me?" works pretty well for me. Except on squats.
Honestly, I've had conversations with many people in the gym from those 5 words. Several of them chat with me briefly when I'm there pretty regularly. However, it never goes more than a couple minutes. Most people are there to work out and get out.
Have you considered a meet-up for something athletic, like a hiking group or rock climbing, or anything that you may be interested in? You may have more luck with that. If you run, there are running clubs everywhere.0 -
It's tricky. I don't use a gym much anymore, but when I did, I would be ticked if I was lifting and someone wanted to have a conversation about something. I used timed rest periods between sets, so I wasn't too keen on being chatty.
That said, if I'm on a treadmill or stationary bike, chatting is a welcome respite from the boredom. Just my 2cents0 -
I have the same problem. I am very shy. Will smile and say hi to someone walking by. I finally made a few friends by joining a class. The same ladies in there every week. We chat before, after or on a water break.
It's not right to interrupt someone in the middle of their workout. I will usually try talking to them in the locker room or the shake bar.
If they are wearing headphones, I assume it means they want to be left alone.
I did notice that once your there a while. (for me it was two years, did I mention I am very shy) people will actually start talking to you. I go to the gym with my husband every day. He doesn't like it when I interrupt his sets. I have learned to wander off and do my thing.
Good luck.0 -
I think you can talk to and meet people anywhere. Be sensitive to the person. If they look like they are in the zone, then do not talk to them. If it looks like they are leaving the locker room rapidly to make it to work, don't talk to them. But otherwise you can just say Hi!. Don't try to push more on them. You are there everyday, they are there everyday and friendships take a while to develop. By just saying "Hi" you open the door. If they are interested they will talk to you. And don't worry if it doesn't take off right away. Once you have started saying Hi to certain individuals you will see that they will start saying Hi first. Then you can have a bit more interaction with them. The main thing is to ALWAYS give them the option to just nod or grunt and leave without feeling bad about it.
It is very difficult to make new friends when you move to a new place. But it is not your fault, it is just how people are. So don't get nervous or desperate. Just be your lovely self and let them know you are interested in interacting.
GOOD LUCK!0 -
Go to the free weights section and ask for a spot.0
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I would have to agree with some others on here and say ask someone to spot you. That is the best way to start a conversation. If it is a female then I would say compliments. What female doesn't like those? lol0
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It depends on how the person seems like... I met a couple friendly people at the gym (no one to say hi first though) and one that clearly did not want to talk to me.0
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BETWEEN SETS
Yeah, talk to me when I'm lifting and I'm liable to spit mad lyrics at you.
Unless it's a cute girl, then I'll have to quickly hide liftin' wood.0 -
Some people are probably different, but I don't go to the gym to talk to people. My gym is close to work and I always hope co-workers don't decide it's time to start chatting it up. I'm there to get my work done, get sweaty and awful looking, then go home. I wouldn't be rude if someone DID talk to me, but I would go home hoping it never happens again.
Maybe if I was on my way out or something I would feel differently.0 -
Just catch the guys eye and smile. Then glance over at him once in a while. If you catch his eye even one more time and don't look away right away, that's enough.
Nice guys don't want to come off as jerks and probably won't bug you at the gym unless they think you might be interested in talking to them. If he's anywhere near you when you're done, go get something to drink and see if he approaches you.
Most men are not interested in befriending strange women. If they approach you, they're thinking it may, eventually, lead to sex. Even the nice ones. But nice guys will hide that.
To meet women, take a class.
Good luck!0 -
I would be thrilled if a girl like you came up to me to chat at the gym. I have worked out for about 12 years in a gym and I can probably count on one hand how many girls (outside of people I already knew) have started just a casual conversation.
I would say go for it! You would make someone's day I bet, it sure would make mine.0 -
I hate talking to people at the gym tbh, changes my focus and it's not why I'm there. But I have my headphones in and try not to make eye contact so in general I don't get bothered ... agree that perhaps a group class is more the opportunity or perhaps the changing room if people look friendly
Just follow signals...no eye contact, or no facial expression generally means I'm focusing or spacing out don't bother me0 -
Some people take the gym so seriously. I take the gym serious too but no one has time to have a simple conversation? Some people need to unwind a bit and and take your foot off the gas and enjoy these things in life.
" I'm here to work out and work out only , I don't talk to any one, head phones on not one word spoken blah blah". People are ridiculous.0 -
Ohe floor outside it is not really conducive to meet people. I would pick a group class, those are great for socializing. I've done both and on the floor I've gotten to know people by face but rarely make friends. Some of them we've exchanged names but don't really chat. Helps that I'm a woman and men are more than happy to a woman saying hi to them lol0
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Some people take the gym so seriously. I take the gym serious too but no one has time to have a simple conversation? Some people need to unwind a bit and and take your foot off the gas and enjoy these things in life.
" I'm here to work out and work out only , I don't talk to any one, head phones on not one word spoken blah blah". People are ridiculous.
Really?
I personally don't go to the gym to make friends, I go to have my own space and time and to work out.
Why do you think that your need to talk / make contact outweighs my need to find my own peace and equilibrium?
If I'm honest, I think it's rather ridiculous being that unaware of other people's social cues and having that little respect for their desires.0 -
The way I'd feel about folks approaching me for a chat whilst I'm at the gym is highly influenced by how many people are hogging the weights. If I can't work out the way I want, then I'm just grumpy.
Having said that, and something that no-one seems to have mentioned, is to have a chat to the gym staff and personal trainers. Get to know them a tad better. They're normally very happy to chat, especially if you have any questions about working out!
In my personal experience, they know all of the friendly approcable people. I've been introduced to several folks because of the staff.0 -
I spent quite a few years living on a boat. I was travelling from place to place every couple of weeks. So I know what it's like to be somewhere where you don't know anyone.
Talk to people whenever you can, but I wouldn't consider a gym an ideal place to do that. I know with work spare time becomes precious, but you have to get out there. Bars and pubs are flawed because the people you'll see regularly are drunks or looking to get laid.
First, Have you joined meetup.com? It's good because it isn't a dating site. You join groups of people and go to do interesting things. I've never been to a meetup group and not had someone make an effort to talk to me.
Second, learn a musical instrument or join a choir. Honestly. Musicians are interesting, cool people. You don't have to be any good, just go along and soak up the atmosphere.
It seems hard from where you are right now, but try either of the two things I've suggested. You will have all sorts of adventures! 0 -
If you go on a regular schedule then you'll start to see the same faces over and over - just say hi to start off. I find most of the conversations I've had have been either in the changing rooms or in the jaccuzzi - but this may be because if I'm mid work out I'm not looking to start chatting away.
I have the opposite problem. I go to the gym on my own - I want to work out alone. But I have friends keep suggesting the join my gym so we can go together. How do it tell them to bog off and leave me alone!! I'd much rather have their company at another time. Actually I think I just answered my own question - I'll tell them I'd rather have their company another time and suggest something else to do!0 -
Thanks for all of the insight, guys! I think the best idea would to be just read peoples cues. I completely understand that the gym is not the ideal place to strike up a conversation - but it's where I spend the majority of my time outside of work.
I'll consider joining a class or a meetup group (per suggestions by a few people) to see if that helps too.0 -
You can approach just about anyone by introducing a conversation topic.
"Hey, I love those socks - where did you get them?"
"I noticed on your shirt that you ran in the XXX 5K. Is that local and an annual thing?"
"You have amazing calves. What is your secret?"
Its just like meeting someone in a bar. Just start talking. "Hi - I'm Steve." Best opening line ever. But yes - read the cues. If someone is in the zone, let them have their space.0 -
Doing weights - I might if I'd observed them for a while and can gauge their rest time between sets. Maybe make a quick comment about something they're wearing, hair style, asking what app they're using to track or quick advice on form.
Doing cardio - I'll strike up a conversation if the mood hits as long as they're not wearing headphones. That to me is a cue that they want to be left alone. It's not always true but I'd rather not bother them just in case.0 -
I've made a lot of friends because of the gym -- but I do group classes. After going for so long and seeing the same people conversations would strike up. Maybe try those and see what happens.0
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i dont like much when people talk to me on the floor... cause i am in the zone, yep.
but classes are a great place to meet people. people tend to be a lot more open to conversation is a setting that is group oriented.0 -
I have social anxiety and I have a hard time talking to strangers. But I REALLY wanted to tell this girl how much I loved her pants. Sooooo I tried to tell her and she told me (in spanish) she doesn't speak english. I spent 3 minutes trying to figure it out in Spanish and when I finally did she was so excited! so it might brighten their day too don't be scared 0
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