Wife confusing me on my getting into shape again

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Replies

  • yellowlemoned
    yellowlemoned Posts: 335 Member
    ok- coming from a woman....

    I think your wife wants you to be healthy, but she might resent the time you spend away from your family. It's a difficult position to be in- I've been there with my husband.

    My advice is to keep working out, but also try to make some extra effort to spend time with your wife and kids. For example- how about signing up for a family exercise class (my local Y has a Family Zumba & Family Yoga classes), or even swimming or going for a bike ride together for the whole family?

    Also- you're getting time to yourself- to work on yourself...but... what time does she get for herself (which might be causing the resentment). Take the kids off her hands for a couple of hours on the weekend- take them to the park, ride bikes- they can play- and you can use the time for jumping jacks, running, push ups, etc. Even when you work out at home- can your kids get involved (good fitness is important regardless of their age. And BONUS- if they see you exercising- it will make them want to be healthier too.

    And my last peice of advice...go on a date with your wife. yes- a date! Let her see that you're putting as much effort into your relationship as you are into getting well. extra points if you can go on an "active" date- hiking- bowling....anything that doesn't require you sitting down!

    Good luck!

    This! A thousand times this!
  • silentKayak
    silentKayak Posts: 658 Member
    Is your wife at home alone all day with young kids (that is, less than school age?)

    If you have a 2-hour commute, her shift is 12 hours long already, even if you don't go to the gym. If your kids are young, that's brutal. She needs you home so you can take the next shift.

    Can you go to the gym in the morning (yes, at 4 AM)? That's your time. From 7 to 9, you're supposed to be helping your exhausted wife get the kids to bed. You could also come home and do the daddy shift, and then go to the gym after the kids are asleep.

    Can't do all that and also get enough sleep? Then you need to a) live with it, or b) put off your gym plans for now, and lose weight by diet and exercising at home or with the kids on weekends, or c) get your wife more help, or d) move closer to work, or e) get a different job.

    If you have never stayed home all day alone with young kids, you have NO IDEA how hard it is. It is exhausting, demanding, and psychologically draining. You don't get a break. You don't get to eat properly. You don't get to shower. You may not get a chance to use the bathroom. And worst - you don't have a choice. You have to keep doing it, even when you're past your breaking point. She needs relief. If she's pregnant, it's even worse, because she's craving sleep which she's not getting.
  • fabnine
    fabnine Posts: 379 Member
    Is your wife at home alone all day with young kids (that is, less than school age?)

    If you have a 2-hour commute, her shift is 12 hours long already, even if you don't go to the gym. If your kids are young, that's brutal. She needs you home so you can take the next shift.

    Can you go to the gym in the morning (yes, at 4 AM)? That's your time. From 7 to 9, you're supposed to be helping your exhausted wife get the kids to bed. You could also come home and do the daddy shift, and then go to the gym after the kids are asleep.

    Can't do all that and also get enough sleep? Then you need to a) live with it, or b) put off your gym plans for now, and lose weight by diet and exercising at home or with the kids on weekends, or c) get your wife more help, or d) move closer to work, or e) get a different job.

    If you have never stayed home all day alone with young kids, you have NO IDEA how hard it is. It is exhausting, demanding, and psychologically draining. You don't get a break. You don't get to eat properly. You don't get to shower. You may not get a chance to use the bathroom. And worst - you don't have a choice. You have to keep doing it, even when you're past your breaking point. She needs relief. If she's pregnant, it's even worse, because she's craving sleep which she's not getting.
    Yes this.
    You cant reason with a pregnant woman,.....period.

    Good luck dude., I feel for ya. Being a woman with crazy hormones is as hard on us is it is on you, I promise you that.

    After the baby comes and if she is still being irrational, sit down with her and tell her to make a plan for you to lose the weight and see what she comes up with.

    And it has been my experience, that when I am feeling really bad about myself, I would try to demean my husband to make him feel like crap too. It took a lot of work on me, but I finally realized what I was doing and stopped. I would be willing to bet she loves you no matter what.
    coupled with this.
    solve it with this:
    ok- coming from a woman....

    I think your wife wants you to be healthy, but she might resent the time you spend away from your family. It's a difficult position to be in- I've been there with my husband.

    My advice is to keep working out, but also try to make some extra effort to spend time with your wife and kids. For example- how about signing up for a family exercise class (my local Y has a Family Zumba & Family Yoga classes), or even swimming or going for a bike ride together for the whole family?

    Also- you're getting time to yourself- to work on yourself...but... what time does she get for herself (which might be causing the resentment). Take the kids off her hands for a couple of hours on the weekend- take them to the park, ride bikes- they can play- and you can use the time for jumping jacks, running, push ups, etc. Even when you work out at home- can your kids get involved (good fitness is important regardless of their age. And BONUS- if they see you exercising- it will make them want to be healthier too.

    And my last peice of advice...go on a date with your wihttp://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/with_user/73667875fe. yes- a date! Let her see that you're putting as much effort into your relationship as you are into getting well. extra points if you can go on an "active" date- hiking- bowling....anything that doesn't require you sitting down!

    Good luck!
    If you really love each other, you'll both find a way to work through this. A great marriage is worth the extra effort.
  • tabicatinthehat
    tabicatinthehat Posts: 329 Member


    If you have a 2-hour commute, her shift is 12 hours long already, even if you don't go to the gym. If your kids are young, that's brutal. She needs you home so you can take the next shift.


    This makes no sense. He has to come home from HIS 12-hour shift at work to give HER a break? To do what? Things for herself? How is that different than him going to the gym every now and then?

    No chance to use the bathroom? Dramatic much?
  • ag103
    ag103 Posts: 4
    I know I sometimes get jealous/frustrated with my husband because he simply has more freedom to work out and run. He does crossfit and running. I run with my son in a jogging stroller and do work out videos. If I want to go on a run by myself I have to schedule it. While he is free to run on his lunch break and when working out of town. Also I couldn't do crossfit with him because a baby sitter 3x a week isn't feasible and if we rotated going we would never see each other. I realized I just had to suck it up and support him and figure out and take responsibility for my own fitness. I only work one day a week (nurse) so in reality I have more time to work out, maybe my husband envy's me too? Maybe she's just jealous of the freedom you have to work out more than she feels she can. Maybe get her a gym membership with childcare. That is something we have talked about getting when I gets colder. I would just ask her honestly and offer possible solutions. Good luck and great job losing weight and getting healthier so far.
  • Deipneus
    Deipneus Posts: 1,861 Member
    I'd just end up spending even more time at the gym. Who wants to come home to that?
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
    OP needs a better woman. What a shallow, needy wench. Get out while you can.
  • RodaRose
    RodaRose Posts: 9,562 Member
    You're in too deep at this point so you need to find a way to make it work.
    It major stinks to be home all day a few days a week (for twelve hours plus gym time) with one kid and pregnant with a second.

    Talk to her about moving closer to the job. Talk to her about hiring someone to help her with the house work twice a week. Talk to her about the Both of you deciding to be nicer when you speak to each other.

    Investing in and building a home gym is a good idea and the FIRST step toward working together.
  • Annie_01
    Annie_01 Posts: 3,096 Member
    It's not like you are spending hours at the gym everyday. It's 2 days a week. Tell her to get over it.

    He has a 4 hour commute...8 to 9 hours at work and then 2 hours working out...then there is sleep for hopefully at least 6. That leaves very little time to spend with his wife and child.

    I don't know...maybe she is lonely. A small child with another on the way...maybe she sees her future not looking so bright.

    OP...get healthy...exercise...and maybe try to figure out a way to spend more time with your family.
  • jessilee119
    jessilee119 Posts: 444 Member
    See. if I'm thirsty. I don't want a glass of water, I want you to sympathize. I want you to say, "Gloria, I too know what it feels like to be thirsty. I too have had a dry mouth." I want you to connect with me through sharing and understanding the concept of dry mouthedness.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    White Men Can't Jump!

    I was teetering between that and the "when you win you actually lose...and when you lose you actually win...and when you win or lose you actually tie...and when you tie you actually win or lose..."

    You are funny.

    I don't think you ever win w/ a woman....

    Exactly! Just like the "does this dress make me look fat" question. It's a trap. If you say yes, you're in the dog house. If you say no, you're lying. Best off trying to change the subject.
  • joanthemom8
    joanthemom8 Posts: 375 Member
    Usuallly I see posts with the roles reveresed - it's the husband that thinks the wife needs to lose weight, but then doesn't support her when she starts working at it.
    I think in your case - it might be that things are a little overwhelming for your wife right now. You have a small child and another on the way? Maybe your wife might feel that your time spent working out, dieting will take away from what's going on with the family? Just a thought. Maybe you can incorporate some of your fitness/diet into your family life so that it seems (to her, at least) that it's not taking anything away from her?
    I'm a wife and mother of 2 and work. The only time I can actually get to the gym without conflicting with anyone else's activities is in the early a.m., while they are still asleep. So I go then....I get there between 4:30 or 5:00 a.m. I am home by about six a.m., when everyone else starts to wake up.
    Good luck to you! Don't give up .. by being healthier you ARE helping your family!:smile:
  • _whatsherface
    _whatsherface Posts: 1,235 Member
    Tell her this. "I'm taking the time away from you now to work on making myself healthier, so I have more time with you in the future." I'm sure that will quiet her! :laugh:
  • AmberMagdalena
    AmberMagdalena Posts: 461 Member
    Build a home gym and workout together once the kids are in bed?

    Is that what they are calling sex these days?

    Nailed it.
  • cfgreear
    cfgreear Posts: 189 Member
    So big update on life guys, you are all awesome. Been through a lot of hard times and depression over the past few years. Basically got depressed, gained some weight, got disappointed in myself, went on a major fitness journey and said screw the world and ignored everyones opinions for a good while, lost 47 lbs and talked wife into working out too. Shes chilled a lot since she saw how bad I got with depression a year ago. Now im almost at my fitness goal and working hard to be healthy and im not getting called fat anymore and have been working hard everyday to improve myself for myself. Next year im making a home gym so we can workout together more often. Just gotta save up a bit for it.
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