I dont know were this is headed anymore
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It sounds as if things have already run their course, and it's time to move on. The newness of relationships is always so much fun, but after a time, when the newness wears off and reality sets in, things can become more "clear."
If you stay and he goes back to his ex (which I think is highly likely), then you'll hate yourself for not having done something sooner.
It sounds like you already know the answer.0 -
I'm seeing a lot of problems.
1. This is not a good relationship just because it is better than your crummy past relationships.
2. Just because someone broke up a year ago does not mean they are ready to date new people. He was not and is not emotionally ready to date you. The fact that he is still thinking about his ex at all means he needs time to get over her. The fact that he also has feelings for her... I don't even know why you'd be with him?
3. You moved in WAY too fast. You didn't let your relationship grow at all. Instead, you rushed into playing house too soon. You fight over grocery money? You are not ready to do this.
4. You're living through him. You're forfeiting your exploration of your surroundings in order to try to be a part of his world. You're not in his world. You have a sex visa right now into his world. He is still emotionally connected to his ex. He's not yours as long as that is true.0 -
I have the same insecurities with my husband we've been together for 10 years.
Maybe you're just like me and its just you, your insecurities. Either way do what's
right for you but don't play him along if you plan to split. Be honest with him. Hope
that helps, good luck!0 -
If this is on your mind so much and you have a gut feeling, your body and mind are both screaming at you to let it go. I don't know if this is a "I don't know if I'll find someone else thing' but everyone deserves to feel loved and safe in their relationship.0
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Here is what I'm getting out of all of this....
You're saying that you miss your alone time, yet you've been staying at his house every day, and you're saying that it's taking a toll on you financially to drive to work from there every day and that you can't afford to buy groceries for his house.
I think that you need to take a step back and distance yourself a bit. When I first met me husband, I will admit that we stayed over each other's houses a lot but we still had plenty of time to ourselves up until we bought our home together almost 3 years later. Obviously every relationship is different, as we've known people who have started off at completely opposite ends of the spectrum (living together right off the bat, or dating for many years while living separately) and they've been perfectly happy, but don't force yourself into something you're not really ready for. If you force it, then it's not going to help anything - the tension will get worse.
You also shouldn't be dropping all of the things that are fun to you. A relationship is not about changing your way of life to conform to someone else's, it should be adding to your quality of life. Don't give up the things that you love for him.
If you try doing this and it doesn't help, then it's clearly not meant to be. Honestly, having this many doubts this early in the relationship isn't a great sign of things to come.0 -
Honestly? The hard truth?
You're way too clingy. Even if someone falls head over heels for you in the first month, if you don't go away occasionally in the second month, he's going to be sick of you by the third month. That's human nature. Go hang out in your own apartment a few nights a week. Nobody stays in love with someone who clings too tightly and questions the other person's motives every five seconds. And your words seem to hint that you're using him for money or that he might feel that you're using him for money.
How many times a day do you ask this guy "Do you love me?" If it's more than zero, there's a problem.
How many times a day do you tell him "I love you" and then stand there tapping your foot if he doesn't respond? Do you expect him to say it back every single time? That gets really old really fast.
How many times a day do you say "I cleaned your....." when you really mean "I snooped through every drawer in your house under the guise of cleaning it."
If you answered any of these in the affirmative, you're killing your brand new relationship.0 -
Most relationships start the same way...even though most will deny it fervently....".I want someone in my life...I am lonely...I deserve to be happy...I...I...I...and I....." . unfortunately...that's a bad start and almost always ends up in a terrible relationship held together " for the kids sake" ..or divorce.....Been there, done that..got a shirt...burned it. OP, my "advice" should you choose to accept this mission, is to take a week off with your boyfriend...take time to reevaluate the REAL reason you started this relationship. You may very well find it was because " YOU felt it was right..YOU thought he could make you happy...YOU...YOU...YOU..."...if indeed that's the case..it's time for YOU to end the relationship until YOU can begin thinking about how YOU can be a blessing to HIM...and how YOU can be sure HE will be a blessing to YOU. Love is a gift, not an expectation. If you doubt his desire for you..then the problem is not going to be fixed by words..only actions. and if the action is not there, the words wont matter. Secondly, do some soul searching and find out what it is you are missing in your life that you are trying to find in others. Once you know what it is, you wont need to fill that spot with a person..and then you can TRULY love someone for who they are and not what they can do for you or make you feel. Praying for you and wish you the best in the decision you must make.0
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Dude, it's been three months and you already have problems that other couples have after a few years.
Just move on. And the next time you meet a dude you like, don't become his housekeeper.0 -
Dude, it's been three months and you already have problems that other couples have after a few years.
Just move on. And the next time you meet a dude you like, don't become his housekeeper.
Ladies love being the maid though. LOL0 -
Why are you over at his house every day? Has he even been inviting you over? Give him and yourself some space and let things settle down a bit. Be a responsible adult and do what's best for you, and that means being financially responsible for your own groceries.
Don't break up unless you want to. I really think you just need to take a step back, give him and yourself space, and make decisions with a clear head. With the way you two are being so attached, it's difficult to have sound judgement when it comes to your relationship.0 -
Dude, it's been three months and you already have problems that other couples have after a few years.
Just move on. And the next time you meet a dude you like, don't become his housekeeper.
Ladies love being the maid though. LOL
Strong assumption0 -
Have you spoken to him about how you feel?
Yea we speak about it . He just tells me hes fine and that he loves me etc... its just this look and this gut feeling I have... 1st relationship were I just cant read him
That's not him. That's your own insecurities in your head. You're putting it on him because you have difficulty believing things could be good for you, so you look for reasons there would be trouble.
From your last thread, you said he once said he still thinks about his ex. That could mean a thousand different things. It doesn't automatically mean he's still hung up on her. Especially if he's choosing to be with you.
A lot of people are gonna tell you to trust your gut. I don't think that's the best advice.
But you'll do what you want, good luck to you.
^Listen to Brett, he gives good advice.
We all get insecure from time to time. Hell, I had a mess of a weekend myself. But if you recognize it, you can put things into perspective a little easier. If he's telling you everything is ok, then it probably is. That said, if it's not making you happy then you have to make the right decision for you.
Temporary insecurity is normal. Perpetual insecurity is derailing. At the end of the day, you need to be confident in yourself. The best way to build self-confidence is to build a life for yourself that you love. Find friends to spend time with, find a workout you enjoy, get involved in the community...whatever your passionate about. If you make your life all about him, you will suffer for it in the end.0 -
I have been dating a guy for almost 3 months. I know it has not been that long but when we first met I couldnt stop smiling. So perfect in every sense. Own house, job, sweet, caring and emotionally there for me. I didint technically move in with him but since the first day we met I have been with him everynight. At first sex, laughing and conversation in general was amazing. But now.. We still have great sex, laugh and conversation but theres just something I cant kick. A)Feelings that are still there for his ex
Financially I am not in a good boat to everyday be in another city having to go back and worth each day . I cook for him, clean his house. I have met all of his family and friends. Lately he just seems more distant. Everytime we do groceries I try to pay but he ends up having to pay because I just dont make enough. He seems angry half the time.
I like him alot, but I also miss being on my own. But for the first time in ever I have met a man that has his **** in line and has all the atributes I want in a man. But before him I was for the first time single after years of dreaful relationships.
I was living in America and moved to Europe 1 year ago. Since I moved here I got my own apartment and am completley doing my own thing. Now that I met this guy Its like I have dropped everything I thought was fun to me. Going into the cities on my own, sitting have a cup of coffee just being on my own.......
I dont know I am just lost. He says he is in love with me and wants to be with me but his eyes tell me something different.
And with all the insecurities and stress coming from my side I dont know if I am best for him now. I dont want to hurt him with game playing. I want marriage and kids I want it all... I just dont know if he is real about his feelings and effort when it comes to me.
Advice?
You need to learn how to be single. It's easier to hide yourself in a relationship, but learning to be on your own and value who you are as an individual is priceless.
Also, this (man my friends are awesome). This is so important. If you love yourself and you love your life than he becomes a complement to it, not the end all be all of your own happiness. It's a really powerful thing to realize that if it doesn't work out, it's ok because you have other amazing things to do.0 -
I cook for him, clean his house.
why?
you're his girlfriend not his mum.0 -
.....
Advice?
You need to learn how to be single. It's easier to hide yourself in a relationship, but learning to be on your own and value who you are as an individual is priceless.
This. For the win. /thread
Why did you move to another country? Do you remember? Likely to find yourself, etc. etc. Do that. Leave him and do YOU.0 -
Dude, it's been three months and you already have problems that other couples have after a few years.
Just move on. And the next time you meet a dude you like, don't become his housekeeper.
Ladies love being the maid though. LOL
WUT?0 -
Everyone needs some space. You're saying you need it, so why aren't you giving him some? You're coming off as very clingy.0
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anyone can be anybody for up to 6 months... in a relationship... there's a honeymoon phase... perhaps you are just concerned that your settling in for the long haul... talk it out.. maybe it's time to step away for a bit to reflect... I am not say for weeks.. or months.. but a few days... deciding if the "next level" is in the cards for you two... instead of sharing your angst with a bunch of strangers... share with him.. if he is the man you hope he is... he will understand...
best of luck!!!0 -
Not gonna bother reading the other responses or dissecting your post.
Go back to doing your own thing. You've said that you're having trouble pulling your weight, commuting back and forth, miss being on your own, and that you've given up "fun" things. Go back to doing life how you were before and if he's the right guy for you, you guys will work it out.
If not...
Just break up.0 -
Dude, it's been three months and you already have problems that other couples have after a few years.
Just move on. And the next time you meet a dude you like, don't become his housekeeper.
Ladies love being the maid though. LOL
WUT?
I change my statement to clingy ladies who need reason to be around like to clean. I don't know why. I do not like to becomes someone's world.0
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