Am I spending too much time at the gym?
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Has little to do with "too much time" at the gym- and all about what the SO is expecting/wanting.
And are those expectations reasonable?Forgot: imdon't think my exoectation is unreasonable. I don't really do anything else for myself or for fun except going to the gym.
I was actually referring to her expectations. If you don't think your expectations are unreasonable... and she doesn't agree with you, that suggests to me that you would feel that her expectations are not reasonable. If you follow my logic.0 -
I can see both sides. I'm home with a toddler doing everything with little me time. Luckily my gym offers the 2 hours of daycare. My husband had T.I.A.'s ( min-strokes in 2012) so I tend to do everything so he won't get stressed out. He's on blood pressure meds, anti-anxiety meds, and nerve pills. When he's home he tends to spend all his time doing his hobbies out in his building.
Weekends are always harder for me to get any gym time since my gym closes earlier on weekends.
Can you take your disabled daughter for walks with you? I know I often stroll my toddler around the neighborhood on days I can't make the gym. I use the mapmyfitness app on those days. Have you tried going to the gym on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday instead of Saturday/Sunday? I've even seen a few people pushing others in a wheel chair around the indoor track at my gym.
Otherwise I'd just try to talk to your wife about her expectations. Everyone needs time to recharge. Maybe she feels "Like her cup is empty? right now"0 -
That is not too much time at the gym. What kind of trouble did you get into?0
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Yes, i do follow your logic.0
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Used to,love walking around the neighborhood. Mynorthopedist doesnot wantme to walk for exercose because it could pose damaging stress to my knee(I have mild osteoarthritis, fraying me iscus in my right knee). He suggested bike riding. My gym is a basic gym. They have cardio equipment, weights and machines. No classes andnothing else.0
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Have you asked your wife this? That would be where I would start. I personally don't think you are, but I go 7 days a week for around 45 minutes a day, and I am not your wife. So maybe ask her if she minds you being in the gym for the time you are there.
Good luck!0 -
It sounds to me like your wife needs some quality time herself, but for whatever reason doesn't take it. Because she chooses not to take it she seems to resent you taking it.
As your daughter is in professional care for 6 hours, 6 days a week, I don't think it's at all inappropriate for you to take 2 hours a day three times a week to go to the gym to keep healthy. Is there anything your wife could do in that same block? Had money not been tight I'd have suggested booking her in for a massage or something to kick start her taking some time for herself. Does she have any hobbies, interests, friends she could visit?
Taking a small amount of personal time as a break makes you a better parent (speaking as a mother myself) and not a selfish one. Especially when your 'me time' is centered around being as strong and healthy as possible to support your family.0 -
+1. You have to make sure that your wife doesn't feel like you are abandoning her. It's a balance. At minimum, you should get 150 mins a week. If she can't let you have that then you guys need to really talk because then she doesn't care enough about your health. Over 300 then you may need to ask yourself some questions if she doesn't like it.the issue doesn't seem to be "how long you're at the gym." it seems more "significant other's expectations" related0 -
Have you sat down and talked this out with your SO? That's what needs to be done.
Agreed. My boyfriend used to feel really deprived and unimportant when I'd spend a couple hours working out (even at home) 3-6 times a week. But when we talked about it, I realized he didn't understand much about weight loss, how many calories are burned in a certain amount of time, or how long it takes to do a good weights routine. He also didn't understand why working out so much was important for me: (when I'm working out I'm not binge eating and it's making me stronger, and it gives my weight loss an extra boost, etc.). Once we talked about it, we were able to be more on the same page. I understood why he felt neglected, and he understood why it was so important to me and time consuming. Also, so he didn't feel so neglected, we agreed to a board game afternoon on the weekends...maybe you could work something out with your wife and setting a schedule might help, so you both know when you'll be around or not.0 -
My wife was just upset. I don't think she realized that my workout would take two hours. I didn't realize that that much time had gone by.0
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At minimum, you should get 150 mins a week. Over 300 then you may need to ask yourself some questions if she doesn't like it.
Where do you get these numbers from? You are saying that if he wants over 6 hrs a week to himself, they might have a problem?
3.5% of his totally weekly time to himself doesn't seem very selfish to me.0 -
Will definitely talk to my wofe about her taking some time for herself. There are times during the week when the nurse is watching our you ger daughter and our older daughter (22) is busy. My wofe could do something then. Shechoses to,stay home and watch tv or do housework/errands. Neither of us have many friends. It was difficukt to cultivate friendships when our daughter was born and needed so much attention. When my wife needed to work less than part-time in order to be home whe. Our daughter girs to school amd comes off the bus, it created financial issues which resulted in fewer expendituresmthat were entertainment related. As a result, we spend most of our time at work and at home )with just the four of us). My wife amd I rarely get to go,outon "dates" probably 1-2 times oer year if we are lucky. We haven't been away from our kidsovernight in 16 years since we haven't had anyone to watch our younger daughter. It all may be sad ir pathetic, but it's a fact if kur lives.0
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2 hours is not too long at the gym. I try to get in as early as I can so that I don't feel rushed and sometimes 2 hours is not quite enough.
However, communication is key. When do you go? Did your workout spill over into say family dinner time? Maybe you could plan your workouts ahead of time and block the time off in the family calendar so that she has some heads up.
So for an alternate view point, my friend invited me over to play board games. My boyfriend and I arrive there at the designated time. My friend is no where to be seen. His roommate lets us in and says that my friend will be back soon. Three hours pass and our friend finally shows up. We were upset, mostly because of the lack of communication. We had only blocked out about 4 hours that afternoon to be there because we had another commitment that evening and had really wanted to spend time with this person that we rarely see.
So it isn't about you spending too much time at the gym, from what I can tell, but a lack of communication. Good luck, and congratulations on the weight loss!0 -
Will definitely talk to my wofe about her taking some time for herself. There are times during the week when the nurse is watching our you ger daughter and our older daughter (22) is busy. My wofe could do something then. Shechoses to,stay home and watch tv or do housework/errands. Neither of us have many friends. It was difficukt to cultivate friendships when our daughter was born and needed so much attention. When my wife needed to work less than part-time in order to be home whe. Our daughter girs to school amd comes off the bus, it created financial issues which resulted in fewer expendituresmthat were entertainment related. As a result, we spend most of our time at work and at home )with just the four of us). My wife amd I rarely get to go,outon "dates" probably 1-2 times oer year if we are lucky. We haven't been away from our kidsovernight in 16 years since we haven't had anyone to watch our younger daughter. It all may be sad ir pathetic, but it's a fact if kur lives.
I don't wanna be too much of an internet Bob Newhart, but.... it sounds like it's mostly your wife's issue. She is having a hard time adjusting to your new interests.
Your life isn't sad or pathetic.... you are doing the best you can given your circumstances. It sounds like you have always done everything you can to take care of your family. And it definitely doesn't sound like your family suffers due to your time in the gym. As you say, they will probably benefit from it.
In the long term... being healthier, and living longer, therefore being able to support them, is going to be in their best interests.0 -
Its like this, if you want to be the best you must become obsessed with it. 2 hrs a day in the gym 3 times a week isn't enough to cause a problem at home. You have to lay out some ground rules, develop a schedule and stick to it. Women are consistent creatures and will get bent out of shape when the regular schedule is interrupted. Lay it down to her, say listen, this is for me and my health. Set a standard weekly schedule with her, stick to it and you'll both be happy. I'm a bachelor that works out 5 days a week and everyone knows between 4pm and 7pm my phone is in the locker at the gym. Sat, its 1pm - 3pm. I spend this much time in the gym and I balance out work, gym, nutrition and dating. Good luck!!!0
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Thanks! Imhaven't mentioned that prior to,the gym Imwas feeling very burnt out. I am also dealing with aging parents whollive out of state and a younger brother with psychiatric/medical issues. My parent have serious health issues but are very provate andnot receptove to assistamce. My brother's life is like a soap opera and he is extremely dependent on my parents. Mynlife used to cinsist if work and home (cleaning, care of daughter, etc ) and little else. I ised to feel loke Imwas under home arrest and watching the world go by. I am sure mynwofe felt the same. I feel less burnt out since I have been going to,the gym. It has been mynonly consistent time/way if dealing with the stress.0
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Does your wife know about all these advantages you've been experiencing since going to the gym?
Does she know that besides losing weight (which is a big deal, too!) it's helping you get stronger so you can look after your family better, making you more healthy so hopefully you will not be in the same position as your brother, and on top of all that, helping you clear your head, all of which is in aid of looking after your daughter and being a better you?
It sounds like she doesn't really understand why you're doing this, and why it would take you 'this long'. And as a compromise, you could set some kind of alarm or make sure you don't go on for hours.
Keep up the great work though, it sounds like you have a tough job as a parent. Wishing you and your family a happy and healthy life together.0 -
Thanks! Imhaven't mentioned that prior to,the gym Imwas feeling very burnt out. I am also dealing with aging parents whollive out of state and a younger brother with psychiatric/medical issues. My parent have serious health issues but are very provate andnot receptove to assistamce. My brother's life is like a soap opera and he is extremely dependent on my parents. Mynlife used to cinsist if work and home (cleaning, care of daughter, etc ) and little else. I ised to feel loke Imwas under home arrest and watching the world go by. I am sure mynwofe felt the same. I feel less burnt out since I have been going to,the gym. It has been mynonly consistent time/way if dealing with the stress.
Ya, well.... some of what redman says is sorta true.....Its like this, if you want to be the best you must become obsessed with it. 2 hrs a day in the gym 3 times a week isn't enough to cause a problem at home. You have to lay out some ground rules, develop a schedule and stick to it. Women are consistent creatures and will get bent out of shape when the regular schedule is interrupted. Lay it down to her, say listen, this is for me and my health. Set a standard weekly schedule with her, stick to it and you'll both be happy. I'm a bachelor that works out 5 days a week and everyone knows between 4pm and 7pm my phone is in the locker at the gym. Sat, its 1pm - 3pm. I spend this much time in the gym and I balance out work, gym, nutrition and dating. Good luck!!!
You do have to stand up for yourself to some extent, and do what you know is best. Redman, however, is single, and his advice comes from a bachelor's point of view. He sounds a bit like Charlie Harper. Only you know best how to deal with your wife.
But obviously, you are getting big benefits from going to the gym. And those benefits are going to translate to the family.
What's up with your typing?
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At minimum, you should get 150 mins a week. Over 300 then you may need to ask yourself some questions if she doesn't like it.
Where do you get these numbers from? You are saying that if he wants over 6 hrs a week to himself, they might have a problem?
3.5% of his totally weekly time to himself doesn't seem very selfish to me.
Numbers are fitness recommendations for weekly exercise from various organizations. Not talking about time for self.0 -
At minimum, you should get 150 mins a week. Over 300 then you may need to ask yourself some questions if she doesn't like it.
Where do you get these numbers from? You are saying that if he wants over 6 hrs a week to himself, they might have a problem?
3.5% of his totally weekly time to himself doesn't seem very selfish to me.
Numbers are fitness recommendations for weekly exercise from various organizations. Not talking about time for self.
Ah, OK.... I jumped to a conclusion.
With a quick Google, I found a recommendation of 150 mins minimum for 'moderate aerobic exercise.' I can't find any max number. And no recommendations for time allotments for weight training. Can you cite a source for me?0
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