How do you start believing in yourself?

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Replies

  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    I lost my 1st 20 lbs, while totally convinced that I could. not. do. this. Eventually I realized I totally could, and am. But really, it doesn't matter how you feel. Motivation will fail you. Excitement will fail you. It's a matter of deciding to do what you need to do, no matter how you feel.

    One thing that helps is to not look at the big picture. Look at your goals for this week. Or this day. Or this hour/ minute, if necessary. Just don't even think about that big, scary goal. Did you meet your calorie goal for today? Awesome. Did you overeat, but get right back on the wagon? Super! Celebrate everything that you can.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,744 Member
    I feel the exact same way you do at this very moment. I have been trying mfp on and off for the longest time and as you can see the most ive lost is 5lbs. I hate my fat face, stomach and how my thighs rub together. people who have already reached their goal will tell you to JUST DO IT! well damnit its not that easy. its hard very hard because all I want to do is eat but from what im learning you have to take it slow. trying to do too much at once will overwhelm you and you will want to give up. feel free to add me. I would love to learn some things from you as I hope you can from me as well
    Well from what I can tell from your profile picture your screen name is quite accurate! You are beautiful. The self-criticism is not necessary and I hope you can see your own beauty, both inside and out.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,744 Member
    Wow. Thanks so much for the encouragement. Its true. I have that Shallow Hal problem you know when I look in the mirror I would just look at my face and kinda ignore the rest of me thinking I am ok until I would see a picture of myself and I almost threw up!!!!!! Yea I need to be honest. That box of wheat thins or box of little Debbie honey buns didn't get eaten by themselves. I did this to me! That late night snacking because I felt alone did this to me. That laugh someone laughed at me because I was riding a bike did this to me so I just stopped. I stopped living. The lonely even though I am surrounded by people did this to me, the heartache of a husband that cheated on me over and over, the heartache of knowing I will never have that certain someone, the death of a family member, the financial burden, the kids, LIFE did this to me and I have to figure out how I am going to deal with it. NOT WITH FOOD! Although sitting typing this right now I am tempted by the drawer full of "healthy" snacks in my drawer that are calling my name. Its ok to eat one pack but I know the real me... I will just keep eating till they are gone so at this moment I am just choosing NOT to eat anything in fear that I will binge. Maybe I do need professional help, maybe I am going through a mid life crisis heck I don't know but at any rate I am NOT turning 40 and fat! So I will take baby steps one breath at a time. Thanks to all you that give me encouragement. I needed it. I just want the ole me back. The happy me. You know.
    " I just want the ole me back. The happy me. You know." - No you don't, you want to create the NEW you who can overcome all those "life" things that you listed that are trying to take you down. Yes, it's a lot to deal with all at once, but when you find the strength to rise above it, it will snowball and you will feel like you can conquer anything! You want to find the NEW you who can lose the weight and keep it off and can enjoy a healthy lifestyle.

    I'm really amazed at this thread so far - there is a lot of SUPERB and heartfelt advice being given. Thanks to everyone for sharing.
  • Kita328
    Kita328 Posts: 370 Member
    My problem is I can't see the finishing line. Ive been on this ride for over 20 years and never lost it. Once I lost 40 pounds but gained it all back. I think everyone is right. Once I accept me for me things might change.

    What is your why.
    I still struggle with my why. I always wonder if the why is good enough to keep me going. I have not read why you want the change... I read you hate the way you look and why your sad. Is the why you want to lose weight to change how you feel- because that wont happen on its own. You will have to explore your heart and head before you get your butt moving. That may be your speed bump.

    What does it mean to be fat? Does it really mean that?
    Do you want to get thinner for your kids or health or? Vanity wont be enough to sustain the weight loss... maybe finding your why will help you keep with something...

    Good luck with your journey..

    Bold was harder for me than to actually make changes. The changes all started to fall into place.

    The bold was for me as well. My profile on MFP has always talked about that point. I am glad to hear I am not alone
  • fatgottago
    fatgottago Posts: 223 Member
    [/quote]
    Well from what I can tell from your profile picture your screen name is quite accurate! You are beautiful. The self-criticism is not necessary and I hope you can see your own beauty, both inside and out.
    [/quote]

    Wow this is so sweet of you to say. I wish I believed that. I am trying hard to change the way I think. I have been in such a rut the last couple of years, had some pretty bad things happen and I am just trying to put on my big girl panties and get over it! There are so many people that have given me such caring advice and I thank you . I feel better today. I am going to make right choices. Feel free to add me as a friend so maybe we can encourage each other.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    My problem is I can't see the finishing line. Ive been on this ride for over 20 years and never lost it. Once I lost 40 pounds but gained it all back. I think everyone is right. Once I accept me for me things might change.

    What is your why.
    I still struggle with my why. I always wonder if the why is good enough to keep me going. I have not read why you want the change... I read you hate the way you look and why your sad. Is the why you want to lose weight to change how you feel- because that wont happen on its own. You will have to explore your heart and head before you get your butt moving. That may be your speed bump.

    What does it mean to be fat? Does it really mean that?
    Do you want to get thinner for your kids or health or? Vanity wont be enough to sustain the weight loss... maybe finding your why will help you keep with something...

    Good luck with your journey..

    Bold was harder for me than to actually make changes. The changes all started to fall into place.

    The bold was for me as well. My profile on MFP has always talked about that point. I am glad to hear I am not alone

    You have no idea. I basically stopped myself from going into a depression. Once I did it though I have never felt that bad again and I think I never will. I will let it out before it get there
  • x0diak
    x0diak Posts: 2 Member
    Well, for 1 thing, you look pretty in your picture.

    But now on to your question. I just started working out myself, and this is what helps me:

    Code of the Bushido.

    Think of your life having already been lived. You are dead. You are at the last day of your life, or the first day of your death. Now think of this day, and every other day until moment. You have all that time to live life on your terms. You can change anything you want, and accomplish anything you desire. Be strong, live and play hard.
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,783 Member
    This is where I am at. I am 39 years old and have been overweight my entire life. I used to be ok with my looks but the last 10 years I have been miserable! I really want to lose I do but it just doesn't seem attainable. I have been on this change of eating for a week and I all ready feel my self wanting to just give up and eat. Why do I do that to myself? Why can't I just get with the plan and do it? I see others that have had surgery, or stuck to it, what is my problem? You don't understand how bad I hate myself. I hate the way I look, the way my face is fat, I hate my big butt and my big hips, I hate everything! I hate to look in the mirror! So my question is how do you pull yourself out of this rut I am in?

    That hate is your problem! Why would to you do ANYTHING good for something or someone you hate?

    When you decide to love yourself, and because of that love, you decide that you deserve more and are worthy of more, you will want to do good things for yourself, including losing weight and getting healthier. It is a gift you give yourself because you love yourself.
  • x0diak
    x0diak Posts: 2 Member
    I just started working out myself, and this is what helps me:

    Code of the Bushido.

    Think of your life having already been lived. You are dead. You are at the last day of your life, or the first day of your death. Now think of this day, and every other day until moment. You have all that time to live life on your terms. You can change anything you want, and accomplish anything you desire. Be strong, live and play hard.
  • 999tigger
    999tigger Posts: 5,235 Member
    Agree with the chap who talks about a journey. If you have been overweight a long time then do not ubnderestimate the burden that places on the way you think about yourself. Instead of viewing and placing all your eggs in one basket i.e whne you might reach target and things will change you should realise that you need to start addressing the way you look at things from the start.

    The way you conduct your journey is a good way to buil up that self esteem as much or more importnat than the destination.

    Go to some classes on self esteem and they should help build your confidence.
    Make a plan thats sustainable and realistic. Baby steps do you achieve small victories and dont crash and burn.
    Learn about weight loss.
    Basically prepare properly and them execute it properly.

    32lb is just over 2 stone. Maybe 4-8 months of a healthy/ or unhealthy diet and a bit of exercise. Even at baby pace you cna do that within 1 year. Just keep reminding yourself why and all the good things it will give you plus your sense of achievement.

    Beating yourself up is all a bit boring imo you should like and help yourself to achieve your potential, because very other people besides your parents care whether you succeed or fail. Get the midnset right and everything else can follow imo.
  • IsaCaliBel
    IsaCaliBel Posts: 99 Member
    Practice more gratitude and appreciation.
    Stop hating yourself.

    Once I started to be grateful for the body I have and appreciate that I can still move and get around freely, that's when I was able to respect it more. Honestly this is what has helped me stick to my goals. Of course I'm not perfect, negative thoughts and self hate are a struggle to get rid of after years of doing it daily. But it take practice.

    I'm very grateful that I have working legs that got me out to walk, workout, and eventually running! I'm very grateful I can make my own food choices. I stopped with the self pity and excuses and just made it happen, every meal, every day. You will fall not all days are great, but you just get up and move on!

    You can do it... if you really want it :flowerforyou:


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  • RHachicho
    RHachicho Posts: 1,115 Member
    Perhaps try a change of track. Rather than actually trying to force weight loss try and be healthier instead. Try to eat healthier nutrient dense more nourishing food. And try to up your levels of personal fitness. Not only will that help burn calories. But the sense of accomplishment when your personal fitness starts to rise is truly gratifying. And can start a habit that will make weight loss relatively easy. i've been where you are. I don't think I could have succeeded by just eating less. I had to eat moderately and burn rubber XD.
  • ashlando
    ashlando Posts: 125 Member
    I've been there. I've literally said all of those hurtful things to myself when I looked in the mirror for years. And for years, I made half-a**ed attempts at losing weight. And for years, I kept failing, which led to even more self-hate. I realized that I wasn't really living my life. I would avoid social situations because I was embarrassed at how much weight I had gained or because I didn't have anything cute to wear. I wonder how much fun I missed out on because I was too ashamed of myself to actually enjoy my life. How crazy does that sound??

    About 14 months ago, something clicked inside my head. I was in a yoga class and I was looking at the instructor and thinking to myself what an amazing body she had. And then this voice inside my head said to me, "you can have that body, too." Suddenly, it all became possible. That was when I found MFP, started logging my food and realized how much I was actually eating! And I also loved the fact that I could eat back my exercise calories, so I started exercising almost every day. The weight began to come off slowly and then I became more and more motivated. I wore my first bikini this past summer (and I am 31 years old!)

    Try not to let the negativity rule your life. Get out there and LIVE. Find something you enjoy that also makes you active. I discovered CrossFit last September and I've been hooked ever since. I'm now that person that I used to hate. I love working out and hardly every miss a day (even on vacation). There are so many options now - yoga, pilates, spinning, zumba, orange theory, running, biking. If you can find a club or community of people do it with, even better!

    The most important thing is to take it one day at a time. Don't give yourself a deadline.
  • fatgottago
    fatgottago Posts: 223 Member
    Well, for 1 thing, you look pretty in your picture.

    But now on to your question. I just started working out myself, and this is what helps me:

    Code of the Bushido.

    Think of your life having already been lived. You are dead. You are at the last day of your life, or the first day of your death. Now think of this day, and every other day until moment. You have all that time to live life on your terms. You can change anything you want, and accomplish anything you desire. Be strong, live and play hard.

    I LOVED THIS! THANK YOU! This is brilliant and so fun to live life this way!!
  • findingmarina
    findingmarina Posts: 89
    My advise is to give your body TIME to get to where you want to go. I use to focus on the bigger picture and didn't pay attention to the smaller "goals" and accomplishments.

    I was on my journey for three months, I lost 30 lbs but I still did not see the changes, so I gave up and gained everything and more. I just started a month ago - this time is different for me. I have finally realized that the desired "change" is not going to happen in a month...two months...or heck even a year.

    But one thing is for sure, something is changing!! Slowly I am teaching myself and my body to let go of the bad habits I was use to for 29 yrs and I am slowly taking in new healthy habits.

    Set small goals (this week I will drink more water, this week I will incorporate more fruits, no chocolate this month...etc)

    Remember that anything you do towards your goal counts, and what's important is to never stop. YOU WILL have BAD days, but you NEED them to better APPRECIATE your good days!!!

    PERFECTION TAKES TIME, AND YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL DON'T FORGET THAT EVER!!! NO SCALE CAN MEASURE YOUR WORTH!!
  • fatgottago
    fatgottago Posts: 223 Member
    I wish they had a like button! :))))))))))))))))))))))))
  • rjmudlax13
    rjmudlax13 Posts: 900 Member
    First of all you have to be doing it for YOU! If you are doing it to get back at someone or impress someone or whatever, you are basically setting yourself up for failure or if you reach your goal, you won't really be happy with it. You have to be doing it because you truly want to be doing it for you.

    Also, it is really about taking it one day at a time. You will mess up. You will have great days and you will have days where you feel like you are getting know where. You will get frustrated. People will try to sabotage you. Realizing that this is what the path to success is will help you be persistent. A lot of us think that successful people just got lucky or were just always "naturally" successful. I guarantee you that even the most successful people felt the same way you do. They probably felt like giving up. They probably said to themselves "what's the point?" The difference is that they found something in themselves to just keep going because they had hope that eventually they where going to have a breakthrough no matter how long it took.

    Affirmations and positive self talk are great, but if you aren't ready for the hard times that inevitably come, all the affirmations in the world won't help you. You need to develop resiliency. You do this by moving forward even during the darkest times and by not making excuses even when it seems like you have the right to.
  • fatgottago
    fatgottago Posts: 223 Member
    You are right about doing it for others. But ..... I have to take motivation where I can get it! LOL. I do understand what you are talking about though. I can't let others determine how I feel.

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