How to deal with the "one-upper"?

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  • qtwells82
    qtwells82 Posts: 352
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    Yes i know exactly how you feel!
    I have been friends with her for 14 years and everything I did...she was better at.
    She better boobs, man, daughter, job,and better life than me...she has made that point clear to me many times. I have stopped talking to her a couple of times because of this.

    This is why I dont tell her I am trying to lose weight. Mainly because we have taken that path before and she would brag about how much water she drank, how much exercise she did blah blah blah. But one thing is, she never stuck with it. So I dont tell her about this website because I dont need the drama of her right now. Its time for me to be 'one up' on her!
  • ctrlaltdelboy
    ctrlaltdelboy Posts: 30
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    Life is too short to have people in your life that drain you

    I totally agree with this - if this is the case with your own one-upper then if you are not able to smile at them for being so under-developed as an adult to need to do this (a form of pity if anything) then best find a way to not be around them.
    "That's nothing, I had two root canals yesterday without Novocain!"

    funnily enough I myself actually did have two root canals without Novocain, but this was years ago when I was a buddhist monk - I was attempting to transcend dental medication

    :P
  • WonderNoodle
    WonderNoodle Posts: 549
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    this has turned into a pretty funny thread! i hope you see the humor in their behaivor now! try not to bust out laughing the next time "not nice fake boob girl" one-ups you! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • megamom
    megamom Posts: 920 Member
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    I had a patient that had really big gall stones taken out. As I was showing them to her she said, it doesn't matter, no matter how big they were my aunt will say her's were bigger.

    I went out to the lot and picked up some really big rocks and put them in a specimen container which I labeled with the patients name and we put them at her bedside. The aunt never said a thing, just keep glancing at them, we had a great laugh later.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
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    The most ridiculous example I've seen of this was my ex's aunt. When she found out his father (her brother) had prostate cancer, she said, "Oh, I have that, too." :noway:

    I've got them in my life, too. I just mentally sing, "Anything you can do, I can do better..." in my head while they talk. And I'm thankful that I'm not like that. The only person I'm competing with is myself.
  • irishgal44
    irishgal44 Posts: 1,181 Member
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    The strategy that works best for me in these situations is to simply laugh at them. Once I realize they are a one-upper, it takes all the validation out of anything they say. I once had a one-upper in my life that got so crazy, the things she would say to 'one-up' the conversation could not, under any circumstances have been real. After that, she became comical.

    Turn the game around, so when she one-ups someone, you get a point. If she one-ups you, you get two points. Soon, she will be a source of amusement.

    I could totally hang out with you. You're like my twin!! LOL. This is exactly what I would do and the game is hysterical. I bet people who hang out with you laugh a lot with you. :)
    We have a one-upper friend (my husband's friend) and we have slowly but surely tried to weed him out. It gets annoying when you want to share something exciting and then they pop your bubble with a "so, I did XXX one time"
  • barberella
    barberella Posts: 199
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    I think I know how you all feel. I don't know if I would call this person a "one upper", but she definitely warrants the same type of behavior as one. Comments such as this:
    HER: How's the "diet" going? Are all your vitamins and psycho workouts and not eating **** working for ya?
    ME: Well, 3 weeks into this, I have so much energy and I've lost 6 pounds.
    HER: I've lost 3 pounds just cutting out soda and white bread. How much do you wanna lose anyway?
    ME: I'd like to lose 40, 45.
    HER: WHY? You wouldn't even look right. That's crazy. Why would you put yourself through all that ****?
    ME: Cuz I"m not happy with the way I am.
    HER: I only need to lose like 20 pounds.
    Mind you..She's way heavier than me, and needs to lose like a ton more than me. But any opportunity she gets to discuss what she eats, she has to share with me. For instance, if she goes to the buffet or out to eat on a daily basis, she only mentions she eats like 3 bites. Now, why? Does this person feel insecure because I"m actually doing something about my self, and makes her feel like **** cuz she's not?
  • kknudson
    kknudson Posts: 60 Member
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    Just smile and move on. The one-upper tends to be someone who's self-worth is low, and has to constantly validate their lives to others, and mostly to themselves. If it makes you feel any better, if the one-upper is validating themselves to you, it follows that they think you have worth. If they didn't they wouldn't bother trying to "establish themselves in your ranks," if you will.
  • misssuperstitious
    misssuperstitious Posts: 178
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    :flowerforyou: You all are awesome, this thread has helped a lot!
    Oh, and keep the stories coming if you don't mind! They're making me see that I'm not the only one that gets "one-upped" and that I should stop taking it personally! Now when I have to wear a little black dress (that's a little too snug in the tummy, a tummy that looks even larger because I don't have huge boobs to cast a camouflage shadow over it) in front of her this weekend, I will think of you all and keep her from making me feel worthless...and if that doesn't work, I'll have a few drinks and message you guys for story ideas to tell her :drinker:
  • anovasjo
    anovasjo Posts: 382 Member
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    Start coming up with more and more outrageous things for her to one up.

    You "Oh, I had really bad toothache. I was in so much pain."

    Miss Not Nice Fake Boobs "That's nothing, I had two root canals yesterday without Novocain!"

    You "I climbed the local mountain recently. I was pleased that I could do it.

    MNNFB "I climbed Mr Everest and gave the Sherpa advice on how to carry my bags better. They complimented me on my flawless Nepalese."

    You "I think I saw a UFO yesterday"

    MNNFB "That's nothing, I was probed three times last week by the green aliens, blue rock aliens, and the humanoid aliens. They asked me to be their queen but I told them that Earth needed me too much."

    ================

    Seriously, start coming up with slightly outrageous things and right down on a piece of paper 2 to 4 things that she might say to outdo you. Keep score. Make it a game that only you can win.


    "make it a game that only you can win"

    Excellent advice, my friend. Not to mention hilarious. And it's a nice way to divert aggression. :glasses:

    p.s., I literally L-O-L'ed @ "flawless Nepalese"
  • TrailRunner
    TrailRunner Posts: 140 Member
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    I went out to the lot and picked up some really big rocks and put them in a specimen container which I labeled with the patients name and we put them at her bedside. The aunt never said a thing, just keep glancing at them, we had a great laugh later.

    Did you really? lolol thats hilarious!!!!!! awesome!
  • Dom82
    Dom82 Posts: 235
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    ah yes the one upper. I have 2 friends like this..married to each-other :laugh: So we get in a double dose. :huh:

    Funny thing is in the process of trying to one up everyone.. they have just shot themselves in the foot.. So in the end the "one-upper" will be too busy trying to be better then everyone else that it will get to a point were they end up in major trouble.

    We've been slowly weeding them out of our friend circle because everyone is sick of them acting like they are better then us and one upping. So when it all hits the fan they won't have a whole lot of support which is kind of sad in a way but you live and you learn.

    enjoy your party this weekend! And don't let her ruin your evening! :drinker:
  • ctrlaltdelboy
    ctrlaltdelboy Posts: 30
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    Did no-one get my root canal joke then? :(
  • sngltnc
    sngltnc Posts: 4 Member
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    I used to work with a guy called Brian, he was exactly as you describe, If I had been to the moon, he'd have a house on it! We called him Bigger Better Brian! I think everyone knows somebody who has this problem... and if you dont know somebody.... maybe its you! :wink:
  • mtwd65
    mtwd65 Posts: 51
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    This thread is hilarious. Sorry I can't one-up any of these stories.
  • robynrae_1
    robynrae_1 Posts: 712 Member
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    Just remember that her one-upping is about her wanting to to feel better by making everyone else less than. Its not you its her. Go have fun at your your party and let her make a fool or herself.
  • misssuperstitious
    misssuperstitious Posts: 178
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    UPDATE: She one-upped a flower girl this weekend. No, I'm not kidding!
  • runningneo122
    runningneo122 Posts: 6,962 Member
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    UPDATE: She one-upped a flower girl this weekend. No, I'm not kidding!

    :noway: :laugh: :noway: :laugh:
  • irishgal44
    irishgal44 Posts: 1,181 Member
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    :noway: WOW....how???? LMAO :noway:
  • kiuney
    kiuney Posts: 68
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    There is a Saturday Night Live recurring character that does this.... so funny.

    I love the "game" responses and of course, remembering where this all comes from. When people one-up, it's about THEM and not you. I generally refuse to put much energy into such people so I generally say "How wonderful/sad/horrible/disgusting/green for you" and slowly back away. :)

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