Goodbye Pepperidge Farm

desweds
desweds Posts: 126 Member
in Success Stories
Goodbye Pepperidge Farm Double Nantucket Dark Chocolate Crispy cookies. Oh baby, you know you're tasty - and we've sure had fun over the years - but I've moved past you. Don't get me wrong - this morning was fun, especially with that sexy Creamy Jif making our threesome - but after it was done you just laid there, just all heavy and oily and overly sugary, and you left me feeling stuffed but unfulfilled.

Look. I was weak. I was driven by memory, not where I am now. I just hadn't seen you for a while and I thought we could maybe get back together in a moderate, adult way. I thought we could sit on the sofa and just have a little pecking. But no. Like always we went all the way. I was wrong - you and I were always a toxic mix. I guess I needed our quick toss in the kitchen this morning for me to truly - pardon the pun - digest that.

Sorry. That was cruel. Please don't get upset. You know there are zillions of folks out there who crave you. You'll find another, but just not me. So yeah, you really need to go - I'm going for a run and I don't want you here when I get back. Do you mind sharing a cab with Jif? Thanks. All the best.
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Replies

  • noor_v
    noor_v Posts: 133 Member
    :laugh: :drinker: :drinker: :drinker:
  • ythannah
    ythannah Posts: 4,371 Member
    LMAO! That was hilarious... well done!
  • MysteriousMerlin
    MysteriousMerlin Posts: 2,270 Member
    You've earned 27 awesome points.
  • danelutza19
    danelutza19 Posts: 2,025 Member
    Lovely sense of humor!
    But what I great idea to invent something so funny and part ways with junk food. Maybe we should all write letters :)
  • AShannon54
    AShannon54 Posts: 111 Member
    Haha! Love your post. Great laugh and honestly I have had to ‘break it off’ with several food items. Just tell Pepperidge Farm Cookie ‘It’s not you, it’s me’. lol :flowerforyou:
  • cuckoo_jenibeth
    cuckoo_jenibeth Posts: 1,434 Member
    You just provided me with a much needed smile! Thank you!
  • Lena1967
    Lena1967 Posts: 94 Member
    This was great. I hope you find a special someone who is more appropriate very soon!
  • trinatrina1984
    trinatrina1984 Posts: 1,018 Member
    :laugh:
  • Warren_Abrey
    Warren_Abrey Posts: 27 Member
    Well done :)
  • dafraz3
    dafraz3 Posts: 1 Member
    That was magnificent. I am inspired.

    ...I think I'd better go have a talk with Ben and Jerry.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,948 Member
    Whew!!!! I thought the company was closing down.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage
    SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage Posts: 2,668 Member
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    Nice!! LOL

    Honestly, I usually hate posts like that, all clever puns and trickery...but you, sir, did it WELL!
  • SelfHelpJunky
    SelfHelpJunky Posts: 205 Member
    Whew!!!! I thought the company was closing down.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    Yeah, me too, I was fearing the end of Milano cookies and Goldfish crackers as we know it!

    OP, I hope you at least paid for the cab! :-)
  • AHealthyMe1lbAtATime
    AHealthyMe1lbAtATime Posts: 188 Member
    LOVE this!!! :laugh:
  • Mexicanbigfoot
    Mexicanbigfoot Posts: 520 Member
    :laugh:

    thanks for the laugh today.
  • berto23
    berto23 Posts: 160 Member
    Goodbye Pepperidge Farm Double Nantucket Dark Chocolate Crispy cookies. Oh baby, you know you're tasty - and we've sure had fun over the years - but I've moved past you. Don't get me wrong - this morning was fun, especially with that sexy Creamy Jif making our threesome - but after it was done you just laid there, just all heavy and oily and overly sugary, and you left me feeling stuffed but unfulfilled.

    Look. I was weak. I was driven by memory, not where I am now. I just hadn't seen you for a while and I thought we could maybe get back together in a moderate, adult way. I thought we could sit on the sofa and just have a little pecking. But no. Like always we went all the way. I was wrong - you and I were always a toxic mix. I guess I needed our quick toss in the kitchen this morning for me to truly - pardon the pun - digest that.

    Sorry. That was cruel. Please don't get upset. You know there are zillions of folks out there who crave you. You'll find another, but just not me. So yeah, you really need to go - I'm going for a run and I don't want you here when I get back. Do you mind sharing a cab with Jif? Thanks. All the best.

    you owe me a new key board I just spit water all over it!!! LOL well done....
  • sbrookes9
    sbrookes9 Posts: 445 Member
    I love your post!:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • MizTerry
    MizTerry Posts: 3,763 Member
    th?id=HN.608028272611757028&pid=15.1&P=0
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    I really hate when I go to indulge in what used to be one of my favorite things, only to find out I don't like nearly as much anymore.
  • Hornsby
    Hornsby Posts: 10,322 Member
    If those cookies need a rebound....send em my way!
  • Strongandscrappy
    Strongandscrappy Posts: 1,735 Member
    Love it!
  • Zombie296
    Zombie296 Posts: 16
    So awesome. :D
  • SpencersHeart
    SpencersHeart Posts: 170 Member
    Great post. :laugh:
  • fit4eva86
    fit4eva86 Posts: 71 Member
    HA HA LOVE IT!!!
  • DanielJNoah
    DanielJNoah Posts: 3 Member
    Okay now this just brought an actual grin to my face. Excellent post and an extremely well written "Dear John" letter!

    Keep up the excellent work! It is things like this that bring some humor and make the journey towards weight loss fun!
  • chadya07
    chadya07 Posts: 627 Member
    goldfish crackers make these flavored graham goldfish now, and a serving is like a million cookies and they come in chocolate. they are great because you get to take a million bites at like 140 calories or something...

    i never buy regular cookies anymore because one serving is only like three bites and then it is like a teaser...

    (fyi, a million is hyperbole... i forget the number but its a pile)
  • LynndaMaree
    LynndaMaree Posts: 88 Member
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :wink: :drinker:
  • Joanjett88
    Joanjett88 Posts: 87 Member
    Awesome, lol.
  • sloth3toes
    sloth3toes Posts: 2,212 Member
    At 140 calories each, couldn't you have just seen less of her / them / whatever?

    I'm just surprised that on page 2, no one has suggested 'moderation,' yet.

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