For the married couples..who can give advice..just a rant

It sounds like you guys need to take some "couple time." Find a babysitter and give yourself a date night. Do stuff together that you used to do when you first started dating. Make an effort to do little romantic things for each other (It may feel awkward at first, but it becomes less in time)

Sometimes I feel like I have to focus on doing stuff like that, because if I don't then we just get in this flow of not being close and distancing from each other.

I've been married for 25 years now. The passion does go at about the time you are stating. Build the friendship, enjoy interests of your own and share these alone moments and activities when together by talking. Marriage isn't all that exciting, except in the beginning However, it is well worth the effort as the friendship will simmer slowly for a perfect match. I wouldn't trade the friend I have, even when he is absolutely driving me nuts, for the single life. The grass isn't any greener on that side of the fence. )

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I should also state that my hubby is a mechanic, a redneck, and a good old boy. I am well educated, hold several degrees, work as an artist and author, and love opera, ballet and symphonies.

He goes to his truck pulls, I go to my social events. We have friends that are separate and friends that are shared. And, we always have a lot to talk about. My hubby listens when I talk and I return the favor. Even though we have little in common interest, we have a wealth of respect, love, and admiration for each other.

We also go out twice a month for date night, where we share evenings listening to bands (we take turns picking) and enjoy what we do both like together.

Since my cancer and hysterectomy, there is no longer a drive for sex, but we don't need that to find the heart of our marriage--our friendship

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Watch "Date Night." It'll give you some perspective.

Kat

I went through the same thing at a little older than you and with two more kids. Bored to tears. We really grew apart. Actually I grew up and changed a lot and he stayed the same, not that that was bad. We divorced. It has been about 13years now. On a personal level I never regretted that choice for one minute EXCEPT it was VERY hard on our children. Did they get over it? Sure kinda, but if there were a way not to put a child through that, it'd be a better choice.

I don't have any great advice, but Please don't give up on your marriage. Life does get in the way of a relationship. We need to understand that and be determined to work at it anyway. I too feel that there are times when all that is discussed is bills, chores, or the like. I was 17 when we got married and we have been married for almost 18 years. There are times when we don't get along and don't seem to talk much but he and I have been through so much together that someone else wouldn't understand me as he will. You have been together for awhile so there is history and good memories. Take some time to think on those things. All couples need date time. We don't have time or money too ever go out. We invented 'date night' and even if the kids don't get to bed so he and I can visit or watch a movie together, we still know every Monday night is the night we are supposed to spend some time together as a couple. Find the time to reconnect, your together because there is something there.

My husband and I started hiking together recently. It's made a huge difference for us - we get to spend time together without cell phones, computers, or other distractions. It's just the two of us out in nature. It helps us reconnect. It's important to find time for each other - it doesn't have to be hiking - it could be going out to dinner or whatever. Just like I need to take time to focus on taking care of my body and health, I need to take time to focus on taking care of my marriage.

Marriage is what you make it. If you are bored then spice it up. Be proactive in your relationship. The grass isn't greener alone or with someone else. He sounds like a good man. He is responsible, loving and willing to give you the world. What more would any woman want? Excitement? Make some. Plan nights out. Week-end get aways even if its just to a hotel in the same city. Take some time out to enjoy yourselves. I met my husband when he was 23. I was 25. We went through our moment like this in our early 30's. We went to counseling. My counselor was the best. He really put life into prospective while allowing us to really learn each other again. I love my husband. He is my rock. He is my best friend and he is my play thang :bigsmile:

Being military you can get counseling for yourself to work out your issues and you can also do couples counseling. Contact your family support center. Everything is confidential.

I am sooooo with her on this one...it is defenitly what you make of it, we are in our 2nd yr of marriage also, I am 24 and he is 27 and we have a ton of fun together, we both are very goofy and have ALOT of the same intrests and luckily we both are very curious, adventurous and outdoorsy, but what really makes it work, is that we just enjoy being together no matter what were doing, it doesn't always have to be us going on some trip or adventure or to a bar or dinner, we can sit in front of the tele and have a great time. We also have 5 kids (2his 2mine 1 ours) so that makes it hard to have date nights and what not but where there's a will there's a way and we usually can get out at the very least twice a month with no kiddos. You have to do that, you have to make time for your marriage. We make sure to get our alone time too, we both need it, he likes to work on his truck or go golf and have some drinks with the guys, I like to go out occasionally for drinks and dinner with my girls, shopping or to the day spa for a tan or nails. We make sure to get our "me" time at least once a month too, he'll take care of the kids while I go and I do the same for him, gladly! We also make sure to sit down and hang out after our kids go to bed during the week, just to talk or watch a movie one of our shows or the news together.

If your "bored" you spice it up, we are always trying something new and exciting, go hiking, go see a stand up comedy (those are the best) a concert or just a band play, if you can't get out watch a scary movie after you lay your daughter down for bed, after date night go to a local "lingerie" store, find some fun outfits, toys, massage oils, games or just look, and trust me you are bound to get at least one ab aching laugh in one of those stores...that's always exciting and fun!

Either way I hope you find that spark again, marriage is a constant job keeping that flame lit, but if you truly want it you keep working for it, for the rest of your life, being a mom is tough work, being a wife is also tough work, being a Military wife... tougher work but the work is all so worth it!! It sounds like you've got a good man on your hands, just keep at it girl! Don't give up yet....the grass really isn't greener on the single side, listen to Taylor Swifts song December, tat's what this sorta reminds me of there's a verse in there that says "turns out freedom at nothin but missin you wishin I'd realized what I had when you were mine"....don't make that mistake! Good luck!!

I've been married 17-years, together since our sophomore year of college. My husband took me out on a date one night and pretended it was a first date. I had no clue. He called me from work, told me to dress up and when he arrived home he knocked on the door and the role play started. It took me a bit to figure it out, but once it started it was 4 hours of pure excitement. We took it seriously and when he asked questions about my life I was honest about what I wanted and where I wanted to be. This is not typical for us and we've not done it sense, but it was such an eye opener.
Two years later life has changed a lot and become more exciting. Our sex life has had its ups and downs... work, family, bills, you name it. But when I feel 'bored' I take the initiative to change it. And trust me, in your 30's it gets easier. I just thought I had a sex drive in my 20s. HA! It's laughable now. Talked with a 40-year old friend who said that she's at the stage where gang rape sounds interesting. OH MY! HA!
Boredom comes with any relationship... family, friends you name it. But boredom is self-induced. You change the situation. Take him out, surprise him with something neither of you have done before and don't think about the grass being greener. Until you can figure out why you are bored, chances are you'll just get bored in the next relationship. Hang in there. The longer you two are together the more things you'll have to talk about while rocking on your front porch playing with the grand-kids.

If you didn't have a child, I would have a simple answer for you. But, since you do, I suggest giving counselling a try before making any decisions. If you are both open to counselling, willing to speak and recognize the truth, maybe you can turn it around. But do it now, silently going along with hopes of change is just denial.

I am sorry.

bump

I once read an article that stated that if you are considering divorce that you should commit yourself to ONE solid year of commitment to repairing your marriage. If at the end of the year you still want out then you can at least leave knowing that you gave it your all, didn't leave prematurely, and made the right decision.
And honestly, you made a lifetime commitment, so what's another year?

Also, your life will never be the "single successful" life that you are envisioning. You can leave your marriage, but studying abroad, nights out, and even dating will still take second to your daughter...who you will have to split time with.

Lastly, have you tried talking to your husband about your feelings? Maybe he feels the same way and you can work through it together?

If you've felt really happy and fulfilled by him in the past, why would it be impossible to feel that way again? I think you should just talk to him and tell him the truth. It doesn't have to be an overly emotional conversation or the "we have to talk" thing. Just say I have some things I'd really like to talk to you about, not bad things, and I'd like to sit down and get your feedback on them. Tell him you feel like you're drifting apart and you don't like it. That you still love him but you feel like you're two different people sharing the same bedroom. That you want to feel closer to him but you don't know how to do it alone. I doubt he would take offense to that - if it were me I'd be pretty interested in what you have to say. I think if you open the communication line then you will be much happier.

If it were my wife feeling that way then I would really hope she would tell me rather than randomly whacking me with divorce papers. I had a serious relationship end like that once and it was the WORST feeling ever. I would have rather been cheated on. Instead she told me that she was so bored and unhappy with our relationship that she used to sit in the driveway everyday when she got home from work and just cry. How sad is that? I would have done whatever it took to fix things but I never even knew what was wrong. That's why I made communication a priority when I started dating again. It's been 6 years since I met my wife and we have been married for 2 years now. If I ever feel like we are starting to drift apart then I bring up the conversation topics that I listed above. It works - you just have to make the time to do it.

My wife and I began dating at 14 and 16 respectively and were married at 18 and 20 right after I got out of Coast Guard boot camp. We've been married 17 years and it's been very tough on occasion. We finished growing up in completely different directions and became absolute opposites. We have two children and have been to the brink of divorce a couple of times. It all comes down to the communication. She holds stuff in, I ignore what I don't want to hear. We've been to counseling a couple of times and have really gained insight on the way the other thinks. I suggest reading "Emotional Intelligence" by Daniel Goleman, a great book about finding the best in your partner. I also suggest having a Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator survey done on you both and then having them compiled into a couples profile. The survey is brief and gives great insight into why you behave the way you do and the couples profile highlights similarities and differences and ways to come together. It's really helped us communicate better. I've been stationed apart from her for 3 years now and it really makes it hard to integrate into the family whenever I visit but we both make it a point to communicate clearly and that helps. Date nights and other togetherness activities help a great deal but be sure to find something you can both enjoy. We had a disastrous one the last time I was home that started great, imploded in the middle but wound up ending great after we were able to work past our communication block. Sorry to write a book here but I just see myself and my marriage in your description and want to help spare you and him some of the heartache I've experienced. As others have said though, it is totally worth it despite our problems, I look forward to that day when we've finally settled into our friendship match as a previous poster mentioned. Slowly but surely...